worst fortune ever

Mp100 au where reigen actually has powers but they’re fuckin useless.

He can tell what u ate for lunch two days ago. He knows your dog will need it’s nails clipped next month. He knows when ur car will run out of gas, but he doesn’t know if you’ll be driving or what the tank is at now.

He’s just the worst fortune teller ever.

Wynonna Earp Prompts

Mainly spoken by Wynonna Earp herself. Feel free to adjust wording and pronouns.

  • “I don’t do authority.”
  • “These days, I barely do sober.”
  • “You wanna know how batshit I am?”
  • “Nobody shoots my family but me.”
  • “I’m nuts, remember?" 
  • "That’s why they call it a curse.”
  • "Big city, leather loafers: douche.”
  • “I never blow jobs without a ‘please’ first.”
  • “Ugly and dumb. You sure we haven’t dated?”
  • “Normal dudes carry baby pictures in their wallet.”
  • “How about smiling? You ever do that?”
  • “I have my toys; you have yours.”
  • “That is so specifically vague.”
  • “Worst pickup line ever." 
  • "Oh, I love when you say 'shit-ticket’!”
  • “It’s such a shame all the men in this town are insane.”
  • “I want them to tremble in fear before me.”
  • “Sometimes you come so close to cool, and then cool makes a run for it.”
  • “Put a muzzle on it.”
  • “This is not the kind of penetration I’m used to.”
  • “Do you come with a translation app?”
  • “Just another dude telling me what I’ve done wrong.”
  • “This one cut pretty close to the bone.”
  • “You have a million reasons to hate me, but you still love me.”
  • “That’s what I love about you, dude.”
  • “Is it beer o'clock?”
  • “You and your math both suck.”
  • “There is a little rebel in there!”
  • “Two choices: you can help me, or you can not help me and die.”
  • “I’m trying to become the type of woman who keeps her word.”
  • “I can’t fill up on revenge. I need some peace.”
  • “The creep factor on this aggro goes to eleven.”
  • “I was just thinking I needed another man to tell me what to do today, and here you are.”
  • “Make your peace." 
  • "Worst fortune cookie advice ever!”
  • “We should get t-shirts.”
  • “That guy needs to unclench.”
  • “I prefer ‘HOT mess’.”
  • “Don’t make me get rough.”
  • “If my parole officer is asking, then no.”
  • "I either need way more or way less of this stuff, I tell ya.”
  • "You must be desperate.”
  • “I’ve had it up to here with surprises.”
  • “What the sweet hell is this?”
  • “Your scrapbooking habit has taken a terrible turn!”
  • “Let your freak flag fly free.”
  • “Your outfit’s adorable.”
  • “I brought you a shirt, put your coffee back on.”
  • “Please don’t try to be cool, it’s literally the worst.”
  • “Time moves different when you’re being held against your will, doesn’t it?”
  • “I think whiskey Jim might’ve been pulling my boob.”
  • “I don’t follow very well. I’d say I’m more of a fighter.”
  • “I only shoot bad guys. That’s kinda the point of me.”
  • “That sounds like a gamble to me." 
  • "Do you have a flamethrower? Cause a flamethrower is at least fun.”
  • “We survived hotdog stuffed crust pizza, so I think we got this.”
  • “My relationship with law enforcement is a little complicated.”
Watch on kevinsweeney.me

worst wheel of fortune contestant ever (by mrbigfatbrowndonkey)