These animals may look unfamiliar, even alien, but they really do live on Earth. Giant tube worms inhabit such a remote, extreme environment that they weren’t discovered until 1977. These creatures live a mile and a half (2.5 kilometers) below sea level, and similar tube worms live twice as deep. Tube worms live on cracks in the seafloor called hydrothermal vents, where superheated seawater with high concentrations of acids, metals and sulfur spurts into the surrounding water like an underwater geyser.
Red, feathery tips of giant tube worms poke out of long, white tubes. These worms have no mouths and cannot eat. Instead they absorb chemicals from the surrounding water that microbes living inside their bodies convert to nutrients in a process called chemosynthesis.
Summary: The Company thinks you’re a man so when they find out that you’re not, one dwarf isn’t too pleased.
Warnings: Swearing. Multiple short time skips so it might be a jumbled mess, there is a part where some might get offended: please don’t. I didn’t mean it like that.
Pairing: Dwalin x Reader
Word Count: 2,844
A/N: Holy shit this was longer than I expected. I didn’t expect it to be this long, but as I kept writing, I had a hard time finding a way to end it so this happened. This is probably the longest one shot I’ve ever written. @fandomnationwhore I do hope that this is what you wanted. IF it’s not, let me know and I’ll write another one. Its so bad lmfao
Also, I don’t know if you guys realize this but my requests are always open lmfao
Because let’s be real, Varric would make an awesome Dungeon Master…
(Pavellan, approx 2500 words, most under the cut)
Varlen stared at the board, his face slack with shock, his
hair pulled back into a scraggly bun. A few unruly strands had already sprung free over the course of the evening, tumbling down the side of his face.
“So… wait, I’m what?” he demanded, eyes wide. Varric nodded somberly, barely visible from
behind his DM screen as leaned down and hastily scribbled what might have been a sequence
of numbers. Or an epitaph. Varlen hated when he started writing like that. It always made him nervous.
repeated, flashing Varlen a whip-crack of a smile. “Sorry, kid. With a dex check like that, purple worm
bites, purple worm swallows.”
Mouth open, Varlen watched in horror as his bard, Taliden
High-Strung, was removed from his square and placed atop the purple worm’s
tile. Around the table, voices rose in a chorus of protest.
“What, so there’s nothing we can do?” Dorian demanded, leaning
forward, pensive behind his clasped hands. “A reaction, perhaps? A counter of some description?”
“Hey, you tell me,” Varric said with an easy smile,
spreading his hands. “You’ve all got your sheets. Impress me.”
Dorian, Cassandra, Iron Bull, and Josephine peered down at
their character sheets, brows furled in concentration. Paper rustled as Dorian leafed
through his spells, lips pressed into a thin line. Cassandra and Bull were the first
to sit back with resigned looks on their faces. Josephine took a few more beats
before letting out a gusting sigh and casting worried eyes across to Varlen.
“Nothing,” she said sadly, as though she had personally failed him. “Sorry, Varlen.”
Desperate, Varlen just nodded and turned his gaze to Dorian. The man was
glancing back and forth between a pair of spells, but already it was clear
there was little that could be done. Slowly, reluctantly, he eased back in his
seat and cast a dark glare towards Varric. “Unfortunately,” he said through
clenched teeth, “I have nothing prepared to deal with this particular… circumstance.”
“We will camp here for the night,” Thorin calls out and you sigh, relieved to finally be resting.
You wait until Bilbo gets off before you follow your brother. You hear Thorin getting into an argument with Gandalf, but you ignore it, opting to tie your pony to the tree.
“Gandalf? Where are you going?” you hear Bilbo ask and that catches your attention. “To seek the company of the only one around here who’s got any sense!”
That causes your brows to crease.
"MYSELF, Mr. Baggins! I’ve had enough of dwarves for one day!” Gandalf replies and you watch him go.
You follow him to see where he’s going.
“Gandalf?” you ask quietly. He stops and sighs. “I will be back Ms. Baggins. Do not worry about me,” he says and you nod, turning back around to go back to the dwarves.
By the time the sunsets, Gandalf is not back. “Y/n, be a dear and take this to the lads,” Bofur tells you, handing you two bowls. Bilbo takes one from you and you smile at him in thanks.
When Gandalf left, you did not want to talk to anyone, but Bilbo. You both leave to find Kili and Fili. You find them easily, but they’re just staring at the ponies.
“Whats wrong?” Bilbo asks and you sigh.
“You lost the ponies didn’t you?” you ask them and Kili turns to you in surprise. “Please don’t tell Uncle,” he pleads. “Well, someone has to tell him,” you reply as Bilbo takes a look around.
“As our official burglar, we thought you two might want to look it,” Fili says and you narrow your eyes at him. Biblo will undoubtedly fall for it.
“Well, it looks like something big was here,” Bilbo says, looking at the fallen tree. “That’s what we were thinking,” Fili says and you roll your eyes. You look around and you see a light.
You move forward, shoving the bowl into Kili’s chest. You jump over the broken trees and move closer to the light.
"Trolls,” you mutter. You duck as you see another troll carrying Myrtle and Minty.
“They’ve got Myrtle and Minty!” Bilbo says, coming to stand next to you. “We’ve got to do something,” Bilbo says and you sigh. The boys were going to tell him to do something and he did.
Needless to say, you were all captured by smelly trolls and luckily for you, you were put in a sack and not tied on the spit.
“I’m going to murder you both as soon as we get out of here,” you tell Kili, trying to wiggle yourself out.
“It was your brother’s fault for us getting captured!” Kili exclaims. “It was you two dunderheads that didn’t notice a fucking troll stole the ponies. What were you even doing to not to notice it?” You ask annoyed and he shuts his mouth.
“Oi. You two quit your griping. We’re trying to figure out how to cook ya’,” one of the trolls says. “Oh shove off you cotton headed ninny muggin,” you retort, opting to just lie there instead of wasting your energy.
“You wot?” The other asks. “None of your business you swine,” you reply and you’re immediately lifted up by your foot and turned towards the trolls, blood rushing to your head.
“I don’t like you,” he says. “Get in line big fella! Half of my people don’t like me,” you say. “What are you then? An oversized squirrel?” He asks and you roll your eyes at the same question the trolls asked your brother.
“I’m a hobbit you twat,” you say, trying to get the blood flowing properly but you can’t given the fact that he has a tight grip on you.
The troll grabs you by the waist and rights you and you thank valar for that.
“What is a hobbit? The other one was a buglarhobbit. Are you some kind of offspring?” he asks again. “What are you going on about? There’s no such thing as a buglarhobbit you daft bimbo,” you say and that causes him to lift you above his mouth.
That’s it. You were going to die right there. You weren’t even halfway to the mountain yet.
“Wait! You can’t eat her! She’s got worms. In her — tubes,” you hear Bilbo says and suddenly, you are tossed into the other dwarves landing unceremoniously unto Thorin.
“Are you alright?” Thorin asks. “Just Peachy,” you reply, trying to sit up. “Yes. They’re all infected with parasites,” Bilbo says as you see Gandalf running in the background. Ah, so he’s buying for time.
“We don’t have parasites, you’ve got parasites,” Kili shouts and you kick him. He looks at you and you glare at him. He turns back to the trolls. “I’ve got huge parasites! The biggest there is!” he shouts and the company starts agreeing with Bilbo’s words.
“What would have us do then? Let them all go?” the troll spinning the spit asks. “Well,” Bilbo says and you laugh at your brothers silliness.
“I know what you’re trying to do! This little ferret is taking us for fools!” another one says, poking Bilbo in his stomach.
“The dawn will take you all!” another voice interrupts and suddenly the trolls are turned to stone.
It takes you all a while, but you are all packed and ready to go by midmorning.
You glare at Thorin as he blames Bilbo for getting them into trouble in the first place.
“You are forgetting, Mr. Oakenshield that it was your two nephews that lost the ponies in the first place,” you growl out, poking the king in his chest.
He looks at his chest in surprise. A hobbit would dare poke him?
“I suggest you change your attitude towards Bilbo because he was the only smart one that had the nous to play for time, you cheeky little shit. Now, if there are trolls here there must be a cave nearby,” you say, looking around and leaving the dwarf and wizard behind with stunned expressions. You were such a feisty little hobbit.
After I posted my review of Uranium, I felt bad because I don’t think I highlighted the good fakemon enough and spent a lot of time discussing the bad ones. So I wanted to show off some of the coolest ones I ran across in the game. This favorites list is based on the design and concept of the pokemon and not necessarily their stats or abilities.
Apologies for a few of these pics looking a bit janky and weird, I need to still evolve/catch those in my save game before taking proper screencaps.
Pretty sure this is my favorite fakemon of the whole game. It has simple, striking imagery. It’s clearly a ghost-type based on the Substitute doll; the idea behind it is that it is the spirit of a pokemon that died while in its pokeball. It’s a dark idea without going too overboard, and it’s quite creepy and disturbing and just darn clever. Wanted to use in my playthrough but stats are super-bad and only way it can evolve is via trading, which I couldn’t do with my copy of the game at the time.
While I do not care for the look of the Water and Fire starters, nor do I think much of Metalynx’s pre-evolution, I feel Metalynx itself is an excellent design. It’s unqiue and creative, and looks quite badass, and it served me well in my playthrough. I have noted elsewhere I think the floral pattern on his back looks a bit out-of-place and silly (I assume it was an attempt to tie in the whole ‘he’s a grass type, really!’ thing) but that’s my only little nitpick. The Mega form is quite nice too.
The pokemon itself is very overpowered with its ability (Atomizate, like Pixelate but with Nuclear typing) + Hyper Voice, especially with a choice scarf, so it can actually be pretty boring to use. I’m also a bit miffed I didn’t teach my Eevee Shadow Ball before it evolved into Nucleon, because in terms of non-Normal/Nuclear Special moves, Shadow Ball really is the best. But Nucleon can’t learn it, only Eevee can. I had to stick with flippin’ Hidden Power.
Anyway! Point is, the design is very beautiful.
l really love the concept behind this poke. When you visit the town you get one from, there are these statues all over the place and only later do you discover they’re alive. They’re obviously based on gargoyles, (or a ‘grotesque’ if you wanna be pedantic) specifically one that looks like a griffin. It’s actually really surprising Pokemon has never had anything resembling a griffin before. That’s a shame, because they’re really cool mythical beasts. This pokemon has a cool Ability called Rebuild, which restores a little HP if it wasn’t hit by an attack that turn. It complements a walling-pokemon style very nicely, especially one with Protect that carries Leftovers to maximize that recovery.
Unfortunately, this guy’s only good stat is its physical defense. Being a pure Rock type, it’s weak to so many special attacks it’s pretty damn difficult to use it effectively. But I still like the idea behind it as a walling/support poke, even if I could never get it to work. The sprite looks surprisingly really nice, too! One of the best in the game.
This is a Ghost/Fighting type, based on undead/cursed pirates. My first impression (its pre-evos are Swabone and Skelerogue) was that it looked too similar to Cubone/Marowak. And there are indeed strong similarities. But as it evolves it becomes more and more unique from that, and the idea behind it is different and really cool. The game features a rivalry between sea-faring ninjas and pirates, so some of the pokemon reflect that theme, this being the pirate-side of things. And who couldn’t love a pirate-themed pokemon? Besides, the typing combo is admittedly very fun.
This game has three lines of bug types that are closely related and become entwined in a truly awesome subplot. Obviously you can guess this is right up my alley– that subplot was my favorite part of the game. Of the three elemental bug lines, I would say Smore/Firoke ended up with the best design. It’s also quite exciting to have a Fire/Bug type (only one of those in real pokemon), and a red ant is perfect for that. Its sprite is also the least weird-looking of the bugs and actually quite decent.
It be an electric raptor. What more do I need to say? :P I love the color combination and the design. Also feathered dinos make me happy.
This game includes some fan-made evolutions of real pokemon. This ‘lil fellah is actually pretty neat, and prob. my favorite of the evolutions from real pokes. I never much liked Primeape, and Empirilla looks way neater to me, so it’s an improvement in my mind. It also relates back to the original designs well.
This black sheep is perhaps understated in its strength, as the design is nothing extreme or dramatic. Rather, it’s just a very solid design. It fits into the pokemon universe well, and differentiates itself just fine from Mareep’s line.
So, yes, this is absolutely a Smeargle clone. But that’s OK because it’s BETTER than Smeargle’s design, which I never liked, haha. Also its stats are better than Smeargle’s, too. Plus it’s pure Dark type! That’s pretty neat.
Obviously my bug bias is clear here. But, c’mon. Nuclear cockroach. I would have been gravely disappointed if such a thing wasn’t included in the game. I should point out the thing is nigh impossible to actually use in battle; dual Something/Nuclear types always carry a buttload of x2 and x4 weaknesses, due to the nature of Nuclear typing, and if you combine that with a type that already has a lot of weaknesses, it’s only making it worse. Its stats are also poopy. So, yeah, you ain’t using this guy. But DANG DUDE the design is cool.
The stats are underwhelming, but I appreciate that this one’s based off geothermal vents and giant tube worms. An area that was just begging for a pokemon, honestly!
These are pokemon you can receive as eggs, either from an NPC or from the local Pokemon Professor for dex progress.
I’m only placing them as HMs because I didn’t know about them until post-game, but they really are among the coolest designs.
This thing reminds me so much of an Ultra Beast. (I’m pretty sure these were designed well before Sun/Moon was a thing.) After all, Ultra Beasts look … super weird and not like typical pokemon at all. It’s really damn hard to define exactly what an Ultra Beast looks like. But that *point* that thing does. It also has a weird unexpected type combo the way a lot of Ultra Beasts do– this one is Grass/Electric.
Luxelong and the Fairy unicorn line that can lead to the Normal Kiricorn or the Dark Oblivicorn are both damn cool, and it’s kind of a shame I didn’t know about them until it was too late. I guess it’s motivation for the post-game, if I get around to it!
The Buddha was often asked why he did not answer the question of “is there an afterlife” in his teachings. His answer was always “You ask this question only because of your attachment. Lose this attachment and you will no longer ask” Needless to say this was a very unpopular answer and the Buddha lost followers because he would not answer.
Later, lesser men attempted to answer it and conjured up all kinds of Buddhist Heavens and “Perfect Lands”. The Buddha never said anything more about the subject. I, being a lesser man, have this answer to the question the Buddha never answered. It is my view and mine alone. Here it is:
All designed systems have a “purpose”. A watch, a space shuttle or a toaster oven … all have as their central characteristic a function. There is an unbroken connection between every living thing on this planet from tube worms in the Pacific Rift to you and the first self-replicating system. You are directly connected to every living thing on Earth both now and since the beginning.
The American Science Fiction author Kurt Vonnegut once wrote a short story called “Timeline”. In it he describes human beings as fourth-dimensional beings. Worm-like creatures pink and small at one end and gray at the other. We are constrained by our three-dimensional perspective.
Carl Sagan Explains the Fourth Dimension
Life is not the discrete form you see with your senses. It is a vast fourth-dimensional web of being. We accept time as linear and progressive because this is the way we perceive it with our senses and interpret it with our consciousness.
i have a mild fixation on tube worms/imagery involving them and it just occurred to me that,
given the fact they grow around scalding volcanic vents, some amphibious,
tube worm themed dragon monsters that breathe thick, toxic black plumes
instead of fire would be totally rad. i’m still figuring out how to execute it tho
Continuing the slew of Fantasia Music Evolved concept art, here are some of my concepts for “The Shallows” level. The images with the lil’ glowing yellow orb represent some interaction design (It’s the players cursor!)
The Buddha was often asked why he did not answer the question of “is there an afterlife” in his teachings. His answer was always “You ask this question only because of your attachment. Lose this attachment and you will no longer ask”
Needless to say this was a very unpopular answer and the Buddha lost followers because he would not answer. Later, lesser men, attempted to answer it and conjured up all kinds of Buddhist Heavens and “Perfect Lands”. The Buddha never said anything more about the subject.
I, being a lesser man, have this answer to the question the Buddha never answered. It is my view and mine alone. Here it is:
The Examination of Life in the Context of Space-Time
All designed systems have a “purpose”. A watch, a space shuttle or a toaster oven … all have as their central characteristic a function.
There is an unbroken connection between every living thing on this planet from tube worms in the Pacific Rift to you and the first self replicating system. You are directly connected to every living thing on Earth both now and since the beginning.
A Fourth Dimensional Structure called a Hypercube
The American Science Fiction author Kurt Vonnegut once wrote a short story called “Timeline”. In it he describes human beings as fourth dimensional beings. Worm like creatures pink and small at one end and grey at the other. We are constrained by our three dimensional perspective.
Life is not the discrete form you see with your senses. It is a vast fourth dimensional web of being. We accept time as linear and progressive because this is the way we perceive it with our senses and interpret it with our consciousness.
The truth, as physics shows us is that time is not linear. It is as many Eastern philosophies have described it for centuries eternal. All that was and will be is. We only see time as linear in the same way we can only sense certain wavelengths of the electromagnetic spectrum or the way our senses are limited in scale. We cannot perceive the very small or the very large. Likewise we see time as flowing from moment to moment always forward.
Clifford Torus a Fourth Dimensional Structure
Look at life in the fourth dimension. Consider the atoms which make up living things as they move both in space and in time. It becomes a tangled overlapping skein of life, You are connected, not is some vague philosophical way but in a very real and physical way with this tangled fourth dimensional web of life. Viewed in this way, the question of “life after death” becomes meaningless. The Hindu/Taoist/Zen view of death as not an end but a transition makes very real and concrete sense.
There is no death only the death of consciousness within the individual. Viewed from a fourth dimensional perspective YOU have always been alive and will always be alive. It matters little that the atoms of carbon and hydrogen which have agreed, for the time being, to be you will someday go a different way and become something else. Your mind, your consciousness is not so much as a tool for gathering information as it is a reducing valve to reduce information to a form useful for gathering sustenance and allowing you to pass along your immortal coil … your genes … your DNA. Your consciousness will have served its purpose but its essence is contained within the helix.
We are obsessed with endings and beginnings. Whence did life begin? When will it end? Is my death the end of that which is truly me? How was the universe formed? What existed before space and time? These questions only matter from the perspective of one locked in three dimensions.
If there is a God then it is us.
Dr Warhol’s Periodic Table of Microbes, The Small Guide to Small Things
You can’t look
at Neptunomonas and not think about King Neptune, SpongeBob SquarePants, and
the great voicing done by John O’Hurley and Jeffrey Tambor. Well, maybe you
can, but I can’t. From the name, you can tell that Neptunomonas is a marine
organism, and at the moment there are 7 recognized species.
As you know by
now, recurring themes in this Periodic Table are that 1) Microbes are tougher
than you; 2) Microbes can live anywhere. Neptunomonas is no exception, as it
was first discovered in a highly toxic superfund site in Puget Sound happily
munching away amid creosote and coal tar contaminated soil and sediment.
Creosote is a tarry preservative that gives old-fashioned fishing piers their
characteristic scent, in addition to cut bait. More essential trivia is that
the general manager of the creosote company went down on the Titanic, and that
their treated timbers were used in building the Panama Canal.
species (Neptunomonas napthovorans) was first noted to consume naphthalene, the
white crystalline solid better known as the stinky stuff in moth balls. Think
about that, these microbes eat moth balls. Other species have been isolated in
Antarctica (Neptunomonas antarctica), a dead ark clam in South Korea (Neptunomonas
concharum) (OK, ark clams are cool because one species has hemoglobin and red
blood, unlike other clams), and as a symbiotic microbe (Neptunomonas japonicus)
of the tube worm Osedax japonicus that was living on or near the carcass of a
dead sperm whale, all of which were unknown until 2006. The symbiotic microbes
enable the worms to eat whale bones. And if that’s not strange enough, yet
another species (Neptunomonas phycophila) is a triple symbiont, as it is a
symbiont of an algal symbiont (Symbiodinium) of the sea anemone (Aiptasia tagetes).
are Gram negative rods typically measuring around 0.7 to 0.9 microns wide by 2
to 3 microns long.