PROFILING GUN PEOPLE
A Reference Guide to Identify The Various Breeds of Gun People
CHAPTER ONE - HANDGUNS
-1911 People -
>See .45 or Die! People<
“Because they don’t make a .46"
"Back to back world war champs.”
“I’d never carry some cheap plastic gun.”
More likely to be older possibly obese.
Oddly enough, most likely to misuse the term “cocked and locked”
“Feel that trigger pull MMMMMMMM"
"If you can’t do the job with 7 rounds you don’t need a gun.”
1911s can jam but THEIRS has NEVER ONCE failed in any way.
Most likely to use the term “Tack driver"
"I fired a glock once, it literally jammed every shot then fell apart in my hands then raped my daughter.”
-Glock People -
Mac people of the gun world
“They just work.”
“Its not plastic its POLYMER!"
Has a lot of passionate opinions about the arguably minor changes from one generation to another
"They never break."
"Workhorse of the gun world”
“The arc is NOT ridiculously exaggerated just re-train yourself to automatically correct down it’s not that hard!”
“Its beautiful because it works”
“Well it fits MY hand just fine”
“Its not blocky!"
"This is your safety!” >wiggles finger in your face like an asshole.
- Kimber People -
Vegans of the gun world, will strut into any firearms conversation and proudly announce they own a Kimber Pro Raptor II and then wait silently expecting lowly peasants to applaud.
Steers every conversation toward their Kimber
Fails to understand why not everyone can drop 1400 dollars on a handgun
Will get confused and personally offended if you don’t like Kimber
Self convinced that the outrageous price they paid is proof their gun is better.
Most likely to be caught in a circle jerk with other Kimber owners.
- LC9/380/P Owners -
Bought the first gun that the forum they found on google told them to.
Wants to protect themselves but thinks guns are kind of scary, so they picked the most non-exciting gun with no sharp corners and like 12 safeties.
“Its all I need”
“My brother-in-law has one and he really liked his.."
"Its for me and my wife to share”
“Why would I need a holster? Can’t I just put it in my purse?”
“Is the thing supposed to stay back like that?"
"How do I get the clip out?"
"I’d like to purchase this gun please… and a box of those really mean killing bullets for killing people in case I need to kill someone.”
- Hi Point Owners -
Most likely to have neck tattoos.
“Ey yo, where like yo cheapest guns at?"
"So how exactly does this ”background check" work?“
"EY BABEY come fill out this form for me!"
"This bullshit I can’t believe I got denied!”
- Desert Eagle People -
Most likely to reference Call of Duty
“Can I see the Desert Eagle?”
>Are you 21?
“Most stopping power of any gun!”
Did not realize Desert Eagles were this massive in real life.
Can not wait to tell the rest of his middle school friends about the real Desert Eagle he saw.
- Revolver People -
Expresses bizarre distrust for semi-automatic handguns despite overwhelming evidence otherwise.
Most likely elderly
Most likely to pull his own loaded .38 from his pocket for comparison then become offended when you ask to unload it first.
Thinks NAA minis are a reasonable carry gun, does not understand why anyone would disagree.
Assures you he can nail a tin can from 500 yards away with his Single Six despite his obviously severe palsy shake.
Will go into detail about what he paid for every gun 60 years ago.
- M9 / 92FS People -
“Its the gun the military uses!"
Most likely to be incorrectly wearing mismatched army surplus clothing.
"What if you get jumped by 15 people?"
Will tell you its the gun he carried in the service but strangely fail to recall what unit he was with.
Most likely to be open carrying KaBar on his tan MCMAP belt.
- FNH People -
Most likely wearing oakleys and a slightly too tight under armor shirt.
Uses the word "Tactical” at every opportunity.
Everything must be Coyote Tan
Is conviced that Chris Costa video he saw most of makes makes him an operator.
Most likely to spend most of his range time taking cool action shots for facebook.
Has strong opinions about 5.11 pants.
Minimum of one Paracord Bracelet
Will regularly scan right to left, just like that video told him.
Will run imaginary pistol drills with every gun you let him see, to demonstrate to you that he must really know what he’s doing.
- Sig Sauer People -
>See Kimber People<
“The de-cocker is NOT a useless feature!”
Muh Quality Control
Muh Resale Value
Thinks the high price is completely reasonable.
“I really only needed one mag anyway.”
Will justify a P220 but thinks 1911s are too heavy.
“Yes I really NEED the Scorpion finish.
INB4 Butthurt fanboys