world's at large

Traumatized people are often afraid of feeling. It is not so much the perpetrators (who, hopefully, are no longer around to hurt them) but their own physical sensations that now are the enemy. Apprehension about being hijacked by uncomfortable sensations keeps the body frozen and the mind shut. Even though the trauma is a thing of the past, the emotional brain keeps generating sensations that make the sufferer feel scared and helpless. It’s not surprising that so many trauma survivors are compulsive eaters and drinkers, fear making love, and avoid many social activities: Their sensory world is largely off limits.
—  Bessel van der Kolk “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and the Body in the Healing of Trauma
Day One Hundred and Five

-A young boy walking by sounded the butt trumpet and promptly announced, “I blew gas!” to the world at large. I admire his pride and, moving forward, I will aspire to follow his shining example.

-I heard the voice of a man float through the store, saying, “When I was alive, Playboy actually played with me!” With no other context, I am forced to assume that Hugh Hefner has passed away and is spending his afterlife hanging around a Virginia Target, regaling the public with his tales.

-A three month-old in sunglasses gave me the double finger guns. He may not have possessed the fine motor skills to do so physically, but for the spiritually rad like he and I, the finger guns is more of an aura than an action, and he was exuding it in spades.

-Cat Lady has not been seen nor heard from since January, shortly after the inauguration of our Patron Saint of Incompetence and Impropriety. Whether this is coincidence or conspiracy, I hope to see her return soon.

-I rang up a joyful elderly woman sporting a Spider-Man hoodie. I feel that it is safe to say that I have just met Aunt May and that she is as supportive as ever.

-A guest walked by, carrying a poodle the size of a soda bottle. It took every ounce of self-restraint I have not to cry at its magnificence and/or give up my job for the sake of dognapping.

-A man, well into his sixties, purchased a large bottle of wine, a large box of condoms, and a large container of lube. It warms my heart to know that romance never dies.

Fourth House: Your Aversion

Your 4th house ruler shows what you received excessive exposure to during childhood. As a result, you might develop an aversion to the traits of the sign on the 4th house cusp. 

The following is organized by your 4th house ruler.

Aries 4th House: emotion/thoughtless impulse; you might to be a hard, cold cap rising who is averse to loud, brash personalities

Taurus 4th House: tradition/materialism/slow movement; you might be be an aqua rising who craves freedom and revolution

Cancer 4th House: sympathy/emotional manipulation; you might be a tough, independent aries rising who refuses to be told what to do

Gemini 4th House: talking/meaningless chatter/excessive communication; you might be a pisces rising who values meaningful communication, solitude, and silence

Leo 4th House: attention/narcissism; you might be a taurus rising who prefers to blend into the background and despises bragging/braggarts [analysis of psychology below]

Virgo 4th House: criticism/judgement/boredom; gemini rising who prefers to be entertained and open-minded

Libra 4th House: compromise/emotional neglect; cancer rising who desperately tries to control environment/other people to avoid compromise

Scorpio 4th House: scrutinity/paranoia/invasion of privacy; you might be a leo rising who self-aggrandizes, prefers to keep thigns light, and hide their flaws

Sagittarius 4th House: irresponsibility; virgo rising, self-explanatory

Capricorn 4th House: expectations/isolation; libra rising, self-explanatory [analysis 2]

Aquarius 4th House: eccentric/erratic behavior; scorpio rising, prefers to adopt a stoic, mysterious persona

Pisces 4th House: delusion/self-sacrifice; sagittarius rising who tries to learn about the world at large, stay grounded in reality, and has selfiish tendencies [analysis 3]

[1] Taurus risings often have parents who smother them with attention, to the point where they feel like they’re controlled and constantly watched. Parents may also have narcistic tendencies and seek approval/fish for compliments from their children while witholding praise. Parents may be act entitled to the child’s time and attention, leaving little room for peace, solitude, and self-care. This causes the adult Taurus rising to shy away from attention-seeking (leo-like) personalities and enjoy solitude, silence, and peace. 

[2] Libra risings can have parents with harsh capricorn qualities; parents who don’t hesitate to demean their own children in the name of “pusing them further,” who withold approval and affection, who may prevent the child from spending time wirh friends, who make the child feel lonely and unworthy. As a result, Libra risings almost pathologically seek approval and acceptance to compensate for what the parents deprived them of.

[3] Sagittarius risings likely have parents who expect the child to be pliant, obedient, and self-sacrificing. The parents may ask the child to give, give, and give, until there’s nothing left. The parents themselves may be weak, selfish, and delusional, pretending to be martyrs while taking advantage of their own children. The parents might act helpless as a manipulation  tactic. As a defense, the Sagittarius detaches themselves from needy people and (”selfishly”) puts themselves first, to compensate for years of being forced to put themselves last. 

The human personality is almost entirely a cluster of defense mechanisms to cope with different types pain and toxic people.  Once you know the traits each rising sign expresses, and the sign on the 4th house cusp, it is easy to trace the behavior to the roots.

you know what quote kills me?

what if i’ve gone bad?”

harry potter, who was left for years to deal with abuse and neglect, who’s constantly questioning how he’s supposed to feel, how he’s supposed to react to these insanely horrible situations, who has the capability to not let his hand fell the man who sold out his parents

who has had to watch friends and guardians and loved ones die for a cause he never asked to be in 

what if i’ve gone bad?”

there’s too much fear and worry in that question. and that after so much resilience and strength, harry questions this about himself - it goes to show how little support for mental health and trauma there is in the wizarding world, of how large an oversight it was for the adults to have left him to deal with the aftermath of all this by himself. at the very core he’s still a kid. capable, yes, extremely so. but emotionally taken care of?

he’s just a kid. just harry. 

Why develop a fictional culture?

When you’re creating a race of people for your new world, you need a culture to give those people and their way of life some context. The culture helps determine how the characters act, dress, eat, solve problems, among so many other things. You can (and sometimes, should) have multiple cultures in your world, depending on how large your focus area is. Cultures affect each other, but also serve in a narrative sense to draw contrast in-world and to draw parallels to the reader’s world. 

So here are some thoughts, big and small, that are meant to help inspire you as you create amazing cultures. (And remember that you’re thinking about the following questions in the context of the general population, not your main character(s).) You can simply answer these questions in short-answer form, or you can write a short story to flesh out one or two or three questions at once. If you do that, submit them to me! I’d love to feature them on the blog. 

  • How old do people believe their race is? How old are they really?
  • How prevalent are religions to the common person?
  • What is/are the origin stories of the main religion(s)?
  • What do most people think should be the highest priority:
    • biological family?
    • chosen family?
    • career?
    • service/charity (of any kind)?
    • religion?
    • entertainment/fun?
    • nation?
    • expansion (of nation/culture/influence/understanding)?
  • How do culturally shared priorities shape interactions?
  • What is the common greeting? Does it vary by age, class, rank, or sect?
  • How is gender viewed by the majority? Why?
  • What are common myths/legends of your people and how heavily do they influence the modern day?
  • How trustful are people of outsiders?
  • How welcoming are people, in general, of strangers into their homes?
  • How well do people of various factions (class, race, religion, etc.) get along in society?
  • How far has technology advanced, and how has it been implemented into their daily lives?
  • If magic exists, what do they believe is its origin? Its source?
  • If there is division between magic/non-magic, how do the two treat each other and why? How long has it been that way?
  • What sort of relationship do they have with their ruler?
  • How content is the average person?
  • How do people make their living and how big a part of their life is their career (if applicable)?
  • Do they have “weekends” and if so, what sets them apart from “weekdays”?
  • How do they treat their close friends?
  • How do they treat their enemies?
  • How do they handle small conflict, between individuals or small groups?
  • How do they handle larger conflicts?
  • How are they prepared for any potential war? Do they have some sort of military or militia in place? 
  • How many wars have they, as a society, fought over the course of their lives/history? How much of an impact does that have on their cultural identity? (i.e. WW2′s impact on patriotism in America, and how it’s yet to go away.)
  • What virtues do they value in individuals? What virtues do they say they value? If those are different, why?
  • How do they dress? Does it vary greatly by gender, or not? Is their focus on clothing very practical, religious, sentimental, or simply driven by the latest arbitrary fashion? How do the above answers reflect on the culture on a deeper level?
  • How do they treat their elderly?
  • How do they treat their children?
  • At what age does a baby become a child, a child a young adult, a young adult an adult, an adult an elder?
  • How much regulation does the day-to-day life of the average citizen entail? Or, how involved is the government in micro affairs?
  • How are these people seen throughout their known world? How do other cultures view this culture?

Check out the rest of the Brainstorming Series!
Magic Systems, Part One
Magic Systems, Part Two
New Species
New Worlds 
Map Making
Politics and Government

Potential By Polarity

In the context of astrology, the term “Masculine” refers to a sign whose energy is naturally projected outwards. “Feminine” means a sign’s energy is naturally tuned to receiving and turned inwards.

“Masculine” (+) signs express their energy positively when projecting it outwards, onto the world and other people. “Feminine” (-) signs express their energy positively when turning their focus inward.

Aries (+) : you are at your best when leading/initiating projects with others instead of just going off and doing things on your own

Taurus (-) : you are at your best when you work on being self-possessed, instead of trying to possess things and people outside of yourself

Gemini (+) : you are at your best when you communicate clearly and directly with others, instead of hoarding/manipulating information for yourself to meet your own ends

Cancer (-) : you are at your best when you nurture your own insecurities and take care of your own emotional needs, instead of expecting others to nurture you or taking care of others’ needs in hopes of creating dependency

Leo (+) : you are at your best when you shine the spotlight on other talented people and make everyone around you feel special, instead of trying to get attention and recognition for yourself (note- if you make someone feel special, you automatically become special/beautiful in their eyes; you get love by being generous with your own love, so this is a good way to go about it, and leos are all about getting love; just be genuine)

Virgo (-) : you are at your best when you are self-critical and strive to improve your own perceived flaws, instead of pointing out others’ shortcomings

Libra (+) : you are at your best when you bring/match other people together, instead of trying to attract them to yourself to meet your need for attention, admiration, and partnership

Scorpio (-) : you are at your best when you practice self-control and deal with conflict quietly, instead of trying to control others and bringing hidden issues out into the open (it’s best to let people figure out and resolve their problems on their own, as hard as that might be to watch)

Sagittarius (+) : you are at your best when you escape and find freedom in the external world, with other people, instead of by withdrawing into yourself or using drugs/alcohol/addiction as a means of escape

Capricorn (-) : you are at your best when you isolate yourself to get work done and depend on yourself, instead of trying to isolate others and getting them to depend on you to assuage your fear of abandonment (each sign carries traits of the preceding sign; sags actually have the mother of all abandonment issues, and it is passed on to capricorns; the difference is in how these two signs deal with it- sags avoid dependence of any kind, while caps try to force it from others)

Aquarius (+) : you are at your best when you use your image/status to help others and improve the world at large, instead of using external things/people to improve your own reputation

Pisces (-) : you are at your best when you keep your internal fantasies separate from external reality, instead of projecting them onto other people/the world at large, creating delusions

7

Happy 86th birthday to William Shatner. You brought our favorite captain to the small and big screen and continue to inspire with your inimitable charm and inability to stand still.

From his book Shatner Rules: Your Guide to Understanding the Shatnerverse and the World at Large:

“Why say “yes”? “Yes” means opportunity. “Yes” makes the dots in your life appear. And if you’re willing and open, you can connect these dots. You don’t know where these dots are going to lead, and if you don’t invest yourself fully, the dots won’t connect. The lives you make with those dots always lead to interesting places. “No” closes doors. “Yes” kicks them wide open…..As long as you’re able to say “yes”, the opportunities keep coming, and with them, the adventures. Say “no” to fear and complacency. Keep saying “yes” and the journey will continue.”

Personal thoughts on the undertale fandom

I’ve been an asshole recently. I’m sorry. Hell, i didn’t want to make my own personal blog here, but people kept begging me to. I am my own person, and i have my own life. 

But that’s not the point.

I really do love the creativity i see in this fandom, and the devotion people have to it. Its amazing one small game i made has had such a huge effect on the world ( well, not that large ). It’s great that more people understand that fighting isn’t always the answer ( Though I didn’t even think the game would revolve around that when i started making the game ). I really do wish this blog could coexist apart from undertale, but if you really want to talk to me about it, sure, why not. You want to make NSFW art, sure. If you want to put unique spins on undertale, that’s also ok.

Stay determined everyone.

Mixing Colors

Each sign can be created by mixing the energies of the two signs that form a sextile, and two that form an inconjunction (150 degree angle) to the original. You mix red and blue to get purple; this is the same concept.

Aries has gemini’s quick wit, aquarius’ rebellious side, virgo’s need to save people, and scorpio’s passion and single-mindedness.

Taurus is artistic and sensual like pisces, warm but manipulative like cancer, intelligent, romantic, and self-righteous like libra, and values freedom and independence like sagittarius.

Gemini is as impulsive and competitive as aries, loves drama and attention like leo, is sarcastic and calculating like capricorn, and is penetrating and secretive like scorpio.

Cancer is reserved and obsessed with security like taurus, worries and nit picks like virgo, acts caring and generous to maintain a good reputation like aquarius, and experiences emotions to excess like sagittarius.

Leo loves to talk as much as gemini, is as vain and romantic as libra, artistic but self-deluded like pisces, and concerned with its reputation and accomplishments like capricorn.

Virgo is as insecure and emotional as cancer, obsessive and private like scorpio, driven and competitive like aries, and wants to improve humanity like aquarius.

Libra craves love and attention like leo, has sagitarrius’ sense of humor and philosophical bent, is artistic and self-sacrificing like pisces, and vain and materialistic like taurus.

Scorpio is insecure and notices small details like virgo, is as suspicious and controlling as capricorn, has aries’ warrior spirit, and can change personality at will like gemini.

Sagittarius craves justice and enjoys intellectual conversation like libra, is stubborn and carries extreme, revolutionary ideas like aquarius, can be as insecure and emotional as cancer, and has taurus’ hedonistic tendencies.

Capricorn can be as loving and deep as scorpio, spiritual or apathetic like pisces, craves praise and attention as much as leo, and has a quick wit and talent for deception like gemini.

Aquarius embodies sagittarius’ flakiness and need for space, aries’ impulsiveness and selfishness, virgo’s need to “fix” people and the world at large, and cancer’s manipulative, indirect strategies. 

Pisces is lazy and sensual like taurus, deeply lonely and wounded like capricorn, secretly craves attention and recognition like leo (a lot of pisces end up as actors) and is as co-dependent and indecisive as libra

If you really relate to a certain sign, but have no placements in it or aspects to the sign’s ruling planet, it might be because you have some combination of the signs sextile/inconjunct to that sign. Example: someone with a lot of aries and scorpio in their chart could act like a gemini. Someone with a lot of libra and taurus in their chart may relate to pisces. Etc. One sextile+one inconjunction=many traits of the “missing” sign

thnksfrthmemrs  asked:

no idea if you've seen fma or not but like. shiro getting his nerves reconnected to his arm. vomiting, screaming, the works

okay, so I kinda went the opposite direction with the arm thing… *shrugs* 

Keith wants to run.

He’s never wanted to run from anything more in his entire life. But he doesn’t. He can’t. 

So he grits his teeth and keeps a firm grip on his friend’s flesh arm. His eyes flicker over to Lance. The other boy is gray and more somber than Keith can ever remember seeing him. He winces, breathing hard through his nose as the body they’re holding down between them bucks violently.

Pidge was helping Hunk at first but the situation has overwhelmed her. The screaming is getting to everyone and she was the first to succumb. She scooted back against a corner a while ago, staring with wet, shell-shocked eyes; she’s barely moved at all, except for the rocking. Tears stream silently down her cheeks and Keith wants so badly to comfort her, to tell her it’s going to be all right. Except that he doesn’t know if it is.

“Guys, you’ve got to hold him steady,” Hunk instructs from his crouched position beside the make-shift stretcher. His voice is calm, despite how much he’s sweating; despite the pressure on his shoulders to fix their friend and make the screaming stop.

Shiro opens his mouth again and Keith braces himself. But the older boy just arches his neck, glassy eyes searching frantically until Keith slides into his line of vision.

He’s trying to say something, but his voice is so broken and raw from the pain, the sounds are incoherent wheezes of clogged air. Shiro hasn’t been with them for a long time.

“Hey,” Keith presses one hand against the curve of Shiro’s jaw. “It’s almost over. It is. Hunk’s fixing you up, okay? Just hold on.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What's your opinion on the theory that Dipper is treated unfairly throughout GF? For example, Dipper sacrifices a lot for Mabel, while she only seems to sacrifice her sock-puppet show for him. There are also many suggestions in the show that some episodes overlap, like that from July 11-15, Sock Opera, Blendin's Game and Into the Bunker overlap. Which means D was under a LOT of pressure that week and he sacrificed a LOT for his sister. But she doesn't thank him for that. What are your thoughts?

See, maybe it’s the big sister in me, because I’ve never understood this particular complaint. The fact is, Dipper loves Mabel so much that her happiness is his own; his actions of sacrifice on her behalf are freely chosen. That’s why Bill’s behavior in “Sock Opera” is so insidious; he builds on Dipper’s momentary frustration with Mabel (why won’t she help me?!?!) by bringing up the various ways he’s helped her in the past, implying that she hasn’t done much to return the favor. He seeks to engender resentment where there was none, where Dipper was previously unwilling to give him so much as a stitch of Mabel’s puppet show; hey, she worked hard on those.

The key assertion I have to address here is that “Dipper sacrifices a lot for Mabel, while she only seems to sacrifice her sock-puppet show for him.” I imagine that viewers come to the conclusion that Dipper has the losing end because, when they compare Dipper’s problems to Mabel’s, they see Dipper’s as more serious. Dipper has a crush he can’t shake (relatable), Mabel is gaga over a pig she just saw at the fair (less relatable); Dipper is pursuing the latest lead in his search for the Author (important), Mabel is rigging up an elaborate puppet show to impress the Boy of the Week (unimportant). Yet the show is always keenly aware that Mabel’s problems, as trivial as they may seem to us, are as important to her as Dipper’s are to him. Bill highlights this when he says, “Who would sacrifice everything they’d worked for just for their dumb sibling?”, causing Mabel to respond, “Dipper would.” Dipper’s “everything” is his investigation of Gravity Falls and Mabel’s “everything” is her puppet show, but each of their projects is everything. Coming from Mabel, the sacrifice of the sock puppet show–and, by extension, of a shot at the “epic summer romance” she’s been seeking as ardently as Dipper has been seeking the answers to his questions–is a very real loss, one she’s willing to accept because Dipper would do and has done as much for her.

Nor is Mabel’s puppet show the only casualty of her greater love for her brother; the loss of her dream world is no mean thing. Mabeland might not be to everyone’s taste (I would personally have thinned out the crowd and lowered the 80s club music a notch), but it’s Mabel’s ideal universe; it’s a world where everything is as she wants it, where she’s never bored or lonely, where every boy loves her, where the high court judge is a kitten. With the threat of change weighing on her and the most important relationship of her life under siege, the prison bubble presents Mabel with an irresistible retreat. Bill, who has banked on human greed in the past to great success, believes that the trap is inescapable, that no one handed all their heart’s desires on a plate will be capable of leaving (just as Mabel is taken in by her desperation to stop time, Dipper wavers when presented with the possibility of growing up on the spot). But without Dipper, all of it is hollow; she prefers in the end to leave her safe place and to follow him into an uncertain world.

For much of the show, Dipper is the more responsible one within the context of their relationship. Regardless of actual birth order, Mabel is the baby; sometimes the baby gets in a habit of relying on charm to carry her through, taking it for granted that her older siblings will always step up to the plate on her behalf, because she’s just that cute (looking at you, youngest sibling in my own family). But if Mabel’s occasional thoughtlessness with regard to Dipper is a character flaw, it’s worth measuring against the depth of her concern for the world at large, a quality that Dipper himself, who tends to value his select group, could stand to learn from. Dipper’s only real issue with the destruction of Northwest Manor and all of its visitors is that Mabel happens to be among them; Mabel is the first to see the potential for redemption in Pacifica, even though Dipper is the one who becomes close to her.

But Mabel loves Dipper more than anyone, and she is grateful to him for everything he does for her and shows it. She apologizes to him at the end of “Sock Opera” for letting a transient enthusiasm skew her priorities: “I spent all week obsessing over a dumb guy. But the dumb guy I should have cared about was you.” After escaping the prison bubble, she makes it clear to him that he can stay with Ford if he wants to–her noblest moment in the series, because Dipper is her entire world, infinitely more to her than crushes and pet pigs and magical trees that grow stuffed animals. He stays with her, not out of guilty obligation, but because he wants to be with her–because she’s his best friend, because growing up without her would be unthinkable. He’s a fair-minded guy, not one to take the fall without good reason–when he operates against her in “The Time-Traveler’s Pig,” he does so on the assumption that her pig is an enthusiasm of the moment and that his love for Wendy is permanent. When he realizes that losing Waddles will truly hurt her, he doesn’t hesitate. “I could never break your heart, Mabel.”

But look at how she thanks him. She knows this wasn’t easy for him and she’s ready to show him how much it means to her. She tackles him in sheer strength of feeling. She lifts him right off his feet.

Treated unfairly? Dipper gets back everything he gives away with interest. Dipper’s happiness is his sister’s happiness and he always gets it because he is her happiness. Dipper is a lucky kid.

Here is my wish for you and every other child, woman, and man on the face of the earth: Spend one week saying only kind, caring things to yourself. Say thank you at least ten times an hour, direct five toward yourself and five to the world at large. Compliment yourself (and others) each time an effort is made. Notice all the wonderful qualities and characteristics about yourself and those around you. One week. You will never go back. And your whole life will be a glorious meditation.
—  Cheri Huber
Okay

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Genre | angst

Word Count | 1.5k

Summary | saying “I’m okay” doesn’t mean it’s true.

-

You had promised to yourself and to him in the beginning of the relationship that you would understand the obstacles the two of you would have to face. The obstacles set out were much different than any average relationships. In an average relationship, no one had to practice all day and night. No one had to hide their relationships. No one had to leave for tour for countless days, weeks, even months.

But as time progressed, your promise started becoming harder and harder to keep.

The first incident was after the ending of his world tour, when he returned back home to you. You thought that with the tour out of the way, you’d have plenty of time to make small cute stay-at-home dates like how you two used to have before all the fame. But you were wrong.

After his long departure abroad for 6 months, there was a comeback awaiting the members of the band, including him as well. It didn’t seem fair though, a comeback right after a large world tour? But it could be your tiny selfish excuse for wanting to spend time with your boyfriend.

After sending countless messages asking if he was free, you received a message saying something along the lines of, “I’m busy practicing.” Not that it was wrong, practicing for a comeback, it was part of their world; a world you didn’t know, but promised to try and follow along with.

After not receiving a message back from you, he sent another one. “We have a comeback planned. You understand right? You’re not angry are you?” Staring at the words sent, you didn’t know how to reply.

Biting down on your bottom lip, a habit out of nervousness, you pressed the ‘send’ button. “I’m okay.

-

The second incident may have been your fault, but who could blame you? How else would you have felt if your boyfriend had a day off and decided to choose to practice like how he did the whole week?

“Hey Jimin,” You remember hesitantly asking. You two were at your shared apartment, you fidgeting and playing with your fingers and him sprawled across the sofa tiredly. Hearing him humming in acknowledgement, you spoke the words that you have been wanting to ask all week. “The boys told me you were free tomorrow. Since you have no schedule, wanna go do something?”

As if almost instantly, Jimin sat up. “Sorry (Y/N),” You felt your heart drop. “But I want to practice a bit more for the comeback. I can’t let down the fans.” He cocked his head to the side, elbowed propped up on his thighs, looking up at you.

You stared down at your fingers in disappointment where you stood. Hearing Jimin call you, you lifted your head up a bit. “(Y/N),” Your name rolled off his tongue easily. “Are you okay with it? Becau-”

Softly sighing, you forced your best smile. “I’m okay with it.”

“Are you sure?”

“No no, you should practice for the comeback. I know how important it is to you and the rest of the boys as well.” You repeated these words in your mind, trying to convince yourself you weren’t feeling the feelings you were feeling, maybe you could trick yourself into thinking that you didn’t miss your boyfriend these past long months,

“You shouldn’t let down your fans, you’re an idol.” You spoke solemnly, the ends of your lips curling up into a small smile. You were lucky enough to be dating an idol, you should remember that. “Don’t tire yourself out too much, alright?”

Staring at him, you hesitantly turned away and went to your room. Back pressed up against the wall, you sat on the cold wooden floor for him to leave. To leave for practice, again.

You couldn’t help but feel lonely and somewhat jealous of the girls that were dating the rest of Bangtan. They always made time for their girlfriends, unlike Jimin. Maybe you were selfish, wanting more in your relationship but you always felt the tingly jealousy thinking about what they could be doing with their girlfriends.

Like today, they took the day off, just like how they’re supposed to, instead of practicing or staying in the studios. Every time you imagine what you could be doing, your heart aches.

You could’ve been cooking together, just like Jin and his girlfriend. Cuddling in bed. Having a dance battle even if you would always lose. Watching movies. Going to the arcade even if it meant being caught in their disguises. Or maybe even just go to the park together.

Hearing the front door click, the whole apartment was silent. The only sound was that of your tears threatening to spill, finally being freed.

-

The third time it happened, was the last time it happened. And that’s because there wasn’t going to be a fourth time, nor a fifth time. There would be no more times.

You were doing your best keeping calm, but as the minutes ticked by, the clock ticking and tocking had somewhat drove you insane. The longer you sat there on the couch, gripping at your own hands, the more done with the entire situation.

The doorknob jiggling, the front door opens, revealing the person you had been waiting on for hours. He had promised you a home date to make up for all the times he missed with you, promising that he’d be home at 7, sharing the night of candlelit dinner with you.

Well that went nowhere, it was already 10.

Your eyes fell on Jimin’s figure, his eyes darting around the apartment, looking anywhere but your eyes. “Jimin,” You tried keeping a calm facade, pretending as if you weren’t more than just upset at the fact not only was he late, but the fact that he broke his promise and blew away the chance he had at making it up to you. “What time is it?”

A wave of nervousness and underlying guilt washed over him. He cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable, mumbling out his answer hesitantly. “10.”

“What were you doing during the time you promised to be home by?” You could tell he was getting more nervous. He looked at you, licking his lips, a nervous habit of his that you’ve learned he had. “I was…practicing.”

You snapped, your seemingly calm facade fading even though Jimin already knew you were steaming. “Again?!” He flinched at your loudness. “Why were you practice when you promised me you’d be home for dinner? The dinner you said you’d make it back in time for?”

“(Y/N), l-let me explain okay? I was just practice and,” His words drifted off as if he didn’t want to tell you. “And?” You huffed, arms around your hips, weight on your right leg. You were impatient. The faster he spits it out the faster it’s over.

“I just lost track of time, o-okay?” He sighed, raking his hand through his locks. “Jimin,” He hesitantly looked up, scared of what you were going to say.

“When was the last time we had a date?” You croaked, tried of his excuses. You knew he didn’t know the answer, that’s because you didn’t either. That’s know long it’s been. Your last date together could’ve been 8 months ago, who knows? “I….I don’t know.”

You bit your lip. You hated what you were going to say but it had to be done. You could handle the loneliness and neglect of your relationship anymore. Rather you, it was your heart that couldn’t handle another crack. “I’m sorry,” Jimin’s head shot up, eyes widened in alarm. “Look, I don’t think this is going to wor-”

“Y-You’re not serious right?” He stuttered, hoping it was some lame prank and that you were doing this just to scare him. “Right?” He repeated, urging, pleading you with his eyes to say it was all a joke, that you weren’t serious, that you weren’t going to give up on your neglected relationship.

“I’m…not.” You looked away, not wanting to see the look on his face. “I think it’s best if we broke things off.” Looking up back at your boyfriend, now technically ex, instantly regretting your decision. His eyes were glossed, bottom lip quivering. “You’re always busy with practice and touring and I’m always waiting here at home for you. I can’t do that anymore, my heart can’t handle anymore pain.”

“(Y/N)”

“It’ll be less stressful if you didn’t have to think about me during practice. You’re an idol Jimin,” You forced out a smile. “You’re always going to be busy, and if not busy then tired. Just forget about me, alright? Focus on your career without me.”

Giving Jimin a small smile, you lowered your head and walked by him, stopping by your room to bring out your already packed suitcase. “I was never okay Jimin.” And with that and the click of the door’s lock, you walked out of his life, fast enough to not show your tears but slow enough to catch a glimpse of his.

7 | You’ll Never Walk Alone

BTS + GOT7 X READER [GANG!AU]

WORD COUNT: 4,064

series warnings: mature themes, strong language, violence, substance abuse, eventual smut. this chapter contains graphic content such as death and substance abuse

Originally posted by mvssmedia

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Emptiness.

Not a single hot blooded man had uttered a word to you since Jin’s death, not even Minho, Jin’s biological brother. You didn’t know how many times you’d cried yourself into hysteria, or how many times his final declaration of love flooded your brain. The manor house was cold and quiet, like the sunshine and laughter had been ripped away from a once beautiful playground. Jimin hadn’t spoken to you since your return that night, Taehyung had to carry you in his arms as he jogged back to the manor house through the trees, you couldn’t move your body a single inch after witnessing your beloved brother die. Jackson, Yugyeom, Bambam and Jaebum had kept their distance from you, you’d only seen Jaebum once when sneaking back inside after a night out with a girl on his arm. And then there was Minho; he couldn’t even look at you, he blamed you for Jin’s death and the thought alone was enough to send sparks of grief and even guilt through your cold body.

Today was the funeral.

Smoothing out the material of your black mid-thigh length dress you exhaled slowly, mentally building up the courage to go downstairs. As the outside world didn’t know the truth behind Jimin’s company, it meant that they were ignorant to the truth behind the car explosion too, in fact, nobody knew that the explosion was linked to Jimin at all. Taehyung had told the media that Jin died of an underlying heart condition nobody was aware of, and specified that his funeral was limited to invitation only. Everybody loved Jin, even those who didn’t really know him.

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