Someday asap I’m going to spend the entire day getting stuff set up for my Etsy shop. I keep collecting more things for my charms and such and then never getting the time to do them.
At this very moment I should be sleeping or sewing but I’m doing neither this is how it gets put off for weeks.
Madison was sitting in the living room, just about to doze off, when Jefferson came home. He didn’t even stop for a “Hello,” instantly bolting for the bedroom. He had just come home from work: A six hour shift at the cookie store located in the mall. It was close by, it wasn’t too demanding, the schedule was flexible, and the pay was good. It was the perfect job… Except that Jefferson was always in the proximity of nuts. Peanuts, walnuts, pecans, macadamias, almost every nut to exist. And James Madison was allergic to nuts.
Everytime he came home, it was the same routine: A shower, uniform thrown into the wash, and mouth washed thoroughly. Madison appreciated it - after all, it kept him out of the hospital - but he felt that it was too much trouble for Jefferson. He never complained, though he always looked tired, but that might have just been because of work. Still, Madison thought that if he was in the same position, he’d eventually grow annoyed of it.
Jefferson returned in only a pair of sweatpants and a towel around his neck, his hair still damp. He fell into the spot beside Madison, wrapping an arm around him with a long sigh. James curled into him, his body still warm from the hot shower he had taken. “How was work?” he asked, answered with another, more exasperated sigh. He chuckled, moving his head to rest on Jefferson’s chest. “That bad, huh?”
Jefferson shrugged. “There were just a couple of customers who were unbearable. A lot of kids came by today. I usually don’t mind, but the same kids kept coming back for samples. In my opinion, their parents should have kept a closer eye on them.” He rested his head on top of Madison’s, his fro shaping around his head. “Promise me we’ll never have kids.”
“We’ll adopt older kids,” Madison suggested.
Jefferson smiled, shifting so he could look at him. “James Madison, you’re a genius.” He tilted his head forward to kiss him, but stopped and suddenly reared back, slapping a hand over his mouth with wide eyes. “Crap, did I brush my teeth?” he whispered, rubbing at his lip.
Madison lazily motioned for him to come back, withholding a whine. “One kiss isn’t going to kill me. Besides, you know where my epipen is.”
He sighed desperately when Jefferson got up. “Not taking that chance,” he said, rounding the corner into the hallway.
He came back a few minutes later, having discarded the towel and slipping into a fresh t-shirt. Madison had nearly fallen asleep when Thomas flopped beside him, wrapping his slender and long arms around and pulling him close, peppering his face with soft kisses. Madison snorted. “You’re disgusting.”
“Mm hmm,” Jefferson hummed, smiling against his skin. “But you love it.” He pulled away when Madison grunted, furrowing his brows together. “Look at me and tell me you don’t love it.”
Madison rolled his eyes before resting his gaze on Jefferson with a small smirk, but he said nothing. Thomas nodded his head sternly before pressing a firm kiss against his temple. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He moved so he could lay down, Madison on top of him.
Madison sighed, but it wasn’t the content sigh that should have come from him. Instead, it sounded exhausted, as if he was the one who had just been working six hours. Jefferson shifted so he could look at him. “What?” he asked.
James averted his eyes. “I feel like I’m a burden.”
Thomas shuffled to sit up slightly. “Why’s that, Jemmy?”
Madison rolled his eyes at the nickname. He never should have agreed to let Thomas call him that. “You go through so much trouble to take care of me, to make sure I don’t get sick or hurt, and when I do you’re always there to worry about me. I’ve lost count of all the times you’ve skipped class or work just because you had to stay with me.” He buried his face into Jefferson’s chest, his eyes burning. “I’m just too much.”
Jefferson massaged Madison’s head, letting his bony fingers explore his short curls. “No, you’re not James. You’re just enough.” He kissed his forehead. “I don’t mind having to take care of you. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I refused to take care of you? You always take care of me whenever I get sick.”
“Yeah, but you only get sick once in a blue moon,” Madison muttered. “I’m sick whenever we have free time. I’m such an inconvenience.”
“Hey, no you’re not,” he assured, squeezing him in an embrace. “Hey, look at me.” He waited for Madison to lift his head, his eyes red. Jefferson kissed the tip of his nose. “You are perfect the way you are, and I wouldn’t have you any other away. Honestly, it’s nice to have so many days off with a good excuse instead of ‘I was lazy and didn’t feel like coming in today.’” He grinned when Madison let out a brief laugh, cupping his cheek tenderly. “I love you, and I wouldn’t change a thing.” He pressed his lips gently against his.
James kissed back, smacking his lips when they pulled away. “Huh. So that’s what peanuts taste like.”
Jefferson flinched, but James wrapped his arms around him to keep him down. “James, you’re going to die!”
“No I’m not. Calm down, I was joking.” He laughed when Jefferson sighed with relief, kissing him again more roughly. “Thank you for caring about me so much.”
“Don’t thank me for doing my job.” James smiled, sinking into Jefferson’s comfort and warmth. For once in his life, filled with hospital visits and the nasty aftertaste of grape medicine, he felt wanted. He felt like he belonged, right here, in Jefferson’s arms.
Welcome to Willow Grove Gardens! Michael and Ruth have worked tirelessly for years to create such a beautiful farm filled with fruit trees, vegetables, wonderful people and great cooking. They are always in search of help, and of interested people who they can pass their abundant knowledge down to. If you’re interested in working here with me, or in the future; message me for their contact information. We work six hours a day, five days a week, Sunday and Monday being our days off. There is a separate house in the property where all of the WWOOFers live together. We have unlimited access to any food grown on the property, along with anything in their kitchen. On Saturdays we set up at the market and help out with customer service and other general things such as loading and unloading. Wednesday and Thursday mornings we spend half of the work day preparing the CSAs and delivering them. Again, if you’re interested in working in Washington state for a while, shoot me a message! Everyone here is wonderful and its always great to meet new people.
hi hi hi i’m home!!! i’m done exams!!! i drove up to school all by myself and back!!! (~5 hour drive each way - i haven’t done that by myself before haha)
because of the strike i had one final exam get postponed until yesterday morning, so i drove up sunday morning and left right after the exam and now it is officially CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS!!!
i told work i wasn’t available mon-fri of this week too, so i have a nice break that includes the holiday live music yoga class my sister is teaching on friday (: and then i just work a six hour shift saturday and a lil four hour one on sunday and it’s CHRISTMAS
(also pictured: puppies at t’s dad’s place, and my christmas sweater before the last exam)
“Thank you, but I’m not looking to you for defense of my actions. In fact, I feel that M and M has become a forum to place blame, cover up mistakes, or be grateful that there’s not a lawsuit. I would argue that, actually, we should embrace our mistakes and learn from them to improve the system. I erred not because I was untrained or incompetent but because I was exhausted, having been up for 36 hours. If we really want to cut down on our errors why don’t we, for example, allow on-call house officers to leave by 12 noon on the post-call day? Why don’t we establish a night float system? Air traffic controllers work with airplanes four to six hours a day no more than two hours without a break. Now, why? Because human life is at stake. Yet we allow surgical interns to work 36 hours without sleep. Why? Because we’ve all had to do it? Because the surgeons before us have had to do it? Tradition may be wonderfully nostalgic but it is clearly not in the best interests of our patients. If you disagree with me, why don’t you ask yourself next time you fly: Do you really want that man in the control room to be on his 36th hour?” -- Elizabeth Corday
Thomas had left two more hours of rolling before he could go home. He was filming The Scorch Trials, the second movie of The Maze Runner series and they were doing the scene where W.I.C.K.E.D attacks the Right Arm’s camp. Acting those scenes was exhausting, he had to run a lot and fight and he was very tired, he had been working six hours already. He was just hoping to get home and lay on the couch till next day.
Thomas heard and began to run, he hid behind Dylan and a green box, they kept pretending they heard explosions and screams. Then he had to run, take a gun and start “shooting” people. Afterwords they said a few lines of the script and then more war. This kept for a while and they had to repeat it a few times, getting Thomas even more and more tired everytime. And although the weather was cold at night, he was pretty wet with sweat.
When the two long hours ended and Wes told everybody they were done for the day Thomas let out a heavy sigh and imagined the warm and relaxing shower he would take when he got home. He was so tired he didn’t even feel hungry, he just wanted to sleep. A lot. Thomas was looking for his things when Dylan approached him.
—Hey Tommy, will you gather with the cast tonight? We are going to eat some pizzas and have some beers, Wes just told us we had free day tomorrow. —Dylan patted his shoulder and left his hand resting there.
Thomas looked at him and smiled lazily —Sorry man, I’m really really exahusted. I’m just going to take a shower and have a good sleep tonight. —Dylan looked a little disappointed but he still smiled and they greeted each other with a brotherly hug.
The door knob switched along with the keys and Thomas pushed the white door entering to the living room of his quiet apartment. Thomas put the keys on the pedestal table and closed the door. He didn’t remember letting the lamp on. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked around. That’s when he spotted a girl sleeping on his couch. He smiled and silently went to take his precious shower.
Hot water dripped from above his head, creating vapor that filled the air of the room, he inhaled deeply and let out the air along with the stress; his muscles relaxing with the warm of the water. When he was changing into clean and comfortable clothes to sleep he heard noises in his kitchen, like the microwave working and spoons clicking. She was awake. Thomas walked into the kitchen and hugged her from behind, resting his chin on her left shoulder. She smiled. Then she turned her head and looked at his smile and then up to his tired eyes.
—Hi —her voice was sweet and tranquil, relaxing him even more.
—Hello, love. —he kissed her cheek and then separated.
—I hope you don’t mind I used the keys you gave me I just wanted to wai—Love, is good. I don’t mind at all. —Yeah I know but is your apartment and we don’t live together yet so is not ok from me to enter whenever I feel like it and—his laugh stopped her rambling and she looked at him.
—Baby I’m serious, it’s ok really —his smile convinced her. A beep was heard and she inmediatly took two cups from the microwave and handed one to him.
—I know you probably didn’t eat so I made you a soup. —she grinned again and he was very thankfull for both things, the soup and her smiles.
They went to the sofa and sat there for a while, talking of each other’s day. He told her everything about how stressing the scenes of that day were and she told him how the coffe shop was also particularly busy that afternoon. She had noticed the dark circles under his brown eyes and how much energy it took from him to say every sentence. So she put the now empty cups on the little table next to the couch and got herself in a laying position, he followed her movements and hugged her tightly. She wrapped one arm around his shoulders and stroked his hair and neck with the other.
He felt pleased. His back muscles loosened and his arms too. His eyes closed almost instantly and he felt himself feeling better already. Just a few minutes passed and she felt his breathing slowing down. He had fallen asleep peacefully.
Although Thomas hadn’t planned ending his long day like this, he definetly enjoyed it a lot.
Two months since I’ve been living with my brother and his group members.
You can say it’s pretty hectic around here. All of them rushing to get to the bathroom first in the morning. It’s a funny sight to see because when they’re all waiting outside, they play rock, paper, scissors to see who goes next.
I’ve gotten along with everyone. Everyone except Sehun. He wasn’t exactly thrilled to be replaced as maknae in the dorm. But he sucked it up when he found out I was Kyungsoo’s little sister.
We’ve had small arguments from time to time, the last one I remember was about who gets the remote. He was being unfair and using his height as an advantage. In the end, Kyungsoo and Chen had to get us to stop. Chanyeol took the remote.
Today was no different, I got back from work and they were all on the couch since it was their free day.
“You’re back! Are you hungry?” Chanyeol immediately asked. I nodded.
“Noodles or fried rice?” Baekhyun asked before he, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo stood up
“Noodles sounds nice. Thank you!” I said before going to my room to change. When I came back out, they were still finishing my food. So, I patiently waited on the stool, talking to them.
“How was work today?” Kyungsoo asked.
“It was okay. I mean, I got a $15 tip from this really cute guy I served.” I grinned a little.
“A cute guy? You can’t date him until I know who he is.” Kyungsoo immediately started to get defensive. Chanyeol laughed.
“Chill, dude. She said he was cute, she didn’t say she was interested in him.” the giant said, patting my brother on the back.
“Besides, who’d want to date you?” another voice joined out conversation.
“Maknae, I’m warning you.” Kyungsoo threatened.
“I’m just saying, hyung. Anyway doesn’t she work at a restaurant? Can’t you cook for yourself?” Sehun asked again.
“I work as a waiter. I don’t cook. That’s the chef’s job, dummy.“ I could sense another fight rising.
"Then you couldn’t have asked the chef to cook you something?” he retorted
“No, because I’m too busy giving people their orders.” I stood up.
“Yah. Cut it out you two.” Chanyeol’s serious side came out.
“It’s not my fault she’s hungry after working. Couldn’t she get an apartment or something?” he asked his two hyungs.
“That’s exactly why I’m working! To earn enough money to get my own apartment so I don’t keep burden you all.” I answered before storming to my room.
My eyes widened a bit. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo gave me a disapproving look.
“Can you two go talk to her? I’ll be there in a moment, I need a moment with our maknae.” Kyungsoo told Chanyeol. Chanyeol gave me a look before quickly leaving the room.
“H-hyung, I didn’t know.” I stuttered
“Why do you think she was working? Just for the fun of it? If she wanted to live here, she wouldn’t have took a job that required her to work 11 hours six days a week.. She told me the moment she moved in that she’d get a job. I told her she can stay as long as she wanted but she refused because she knew we’d be burdened. But the only one burdened here is you.” he explained. I was speechless and felt like the worst person in the world.
11 hours every single day? Did I really make her feel that bad?
“You best be ready to apologizing after I finish talking to her. Or you’re making your own food for the next three weeks.” and he left the kitchen. I sat down on the stool she was originally in.
The guilt was eating me inside. I don’t want her to leave. Who will argue with me if she does? I never meant to take it this far…The truth is…I like arguing with her. Her frustrated face is cute. But what do I do now? She’s going to move out!
“Hey…don’t listen to him. We all love you living with us!” Baekhyun tried to cheer me up.
“Yeah but I’m always arguing with Sehun, and I know it makes you all annoyed at some point.” I pouted
“Not really. It’s pretty funny to see our Maknae lose to you. Usually, we always give in and he gets his way but since you came, it’s pretty entertaining around here.” Chanyeol assured.
“Really?” the two nodded.
“Don’t you ever think about moving out. We’ll knock some sense into that boy if we have to.” Baekhyun added. The door opened and Kyungsoo came in.
“Are you okay?” he asked, sitting down on the floor with the other two beagles. I nodded.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m getting close to my goal. Let’s go apartment hunting.” I grinned.
“No! Nope. No way. You’re not going anywhere.” Kyungsoo refused, shaking his head, the other two joining as well.
“We already told you you’re not leaving. We’re all going to hide your suitcases.” Chanyeol warned.
“Go and talk to him. I left him in the kitchen.” Kyungsoo directed.
“I don’t want to.” I looked away. The three looked at each other before standing up and taking my arms, preparing to carry me out. I couldn’t do anything because obviously, they were far more stronger than me. They placed me down right in front of Sehun and left. Sehun stood up from the seat.
“Hey, ____…” he rubbed the back of his neck. I crossed my arms, not saying anything.
“I umm…I want to apologize. I was really, really mean to you ever since you got here, and I’m sorry.” he faced the floor.
“I just…like it when you get mad. Like, it’s cute when you’re frustrated, I feel like the only way to communicate with you is arguing.” he rambled on.
“But I just…I’m sorry for the way I acted..and if you want, we could start over and communicate like human beings?” he asked, his eyes showing loads of hope.
“Apology accepted.” I replied, smiling a little.
“Please don’t get an apartment! Please? I really like having you here.” his cheeks tinted pink.
“What am I suppose to do with all the money I saved?“
"We can go shopping and buy ice cream and bubble tea!” he suggested.
“I-I mean if you want to…” he recovered. I giggled little.
I managed to negotiate a deadline extension with my publisher for the textbook. Which is just as well – because I spent pretty much the last two days panicking and stressed and crying all the time because I felt like such a failure
They were surprisingly nice about the whole thing? I had been avoiding all my emails for two days’ straight because I felt so awful about letting them down. Like, awful to the point of being in tears for like 48 hours straight
On the plus side I worked on it for six hours solid today, although on the down side the section I was finalising had so much research and checking involved that six hours of work translated to like only 500 words
I don’t know much about love. I know about how my grandmother wrote my mother out of her will the day she married my father and I remember how much she cried when she signed her name on the divorce paper and I wanted to crawl inside of her ear to sit next to her brain to find out if she thought it was worth it. I know love is about worth. I know about how my brother used to help tie this girl’s shoes when they were both six and how he would explain each time how he didn’t like her, but he just wanted to make sure she didn’t trip when they raced because he thought she was faster than all the other boy’s combined but he couldn’t know for sure unless they ran side-by-side every day. He said it wouldn’t be fair if she ended up in the mud instead of at the finish line. I know love is about fairness. I know how you just came over when I told you not to. I said I wanted to be alone. That I was messy. That my hands were not large enough to hold everything I felt. That you didn’t want to deal with me like this. You said “leave the door unlocked” and I did. I know how you held me in your arms like I was a boat and you were the sea and somehow you had to rock me gently against the storm. I know how every time you said you had to leave I would shake my head and say “five minutes” and you wouldn’t move an inch even though you had to be at work in seven hours. Six hours. Five hours. Four and a half. I know the way you rolled your tongue across my teeth like you were trying to paint them a new colour as I swallowed your sigh down my throat. I know the way you looked down at my knees as you laughed, “I can’t get enough of you. What the fuck.” I know the way I felt so small against the dip in your chest and how large I felt against the pulse in your neck and I know how I felt when you kissed me so hard and you covered my nose with your thumb and forefinger and whispered against my lips, “I could kill you, you know” and the way I couldn’t even say, “I’d let you”. I know that you just left my house and I watched your car become a dot of light on the road, a star on my personal horizon, getting smaller and smaller until you were absolutely nothing at all. I know how I pressed my hands to my stomach, wondering if maybe you were still there. I don’t know much about love but I know I just sent you a text saying, “Hey. Thanks for coming over tonight. I think I’m falling for you. I hope you got home safe. Thanks again. Good night.”
The fact that my dreams are controlled and structured, does not mean I do not have nightmares.
When I was a child I was very fascinated by the concept of pain, torture and human experiments especially those that accompanied the Holocaust.
I had done my own research and saved each memory of strong pain just like I have saved my most joyful memories, so that I will be able to access them and to remind myself of the emotion without actually repeating the procedure.
I have stored them away behind a “door” in my mind that I am unlikely to open by accident.
My current therapist encourages me to seek out those memories as she thinks those are oppressed parts of myself and that it would be “healthier” for me to deal with them. As she seems to believe that I will only learn to dream “normally” by accessing said memories I have decided to do so.
Now I have worked for only six hours and slept for approximately two. My entire body seems to itch and I experience an unusual phantom pain in my abdominal area around a scars that I have stopped minding more than a decade ago.
My sight is surprisingly less blurred and my eyes are not as exhausted, but my head throbs, most likely due to a lack of sleep and eight of my toes and my right hand were cramping as I woke up.
It feels more like an echo, now that I am awake and the most fascinating thing is that I did not plan to wake up.
I would like to think that my mind has been protecting me or that physical exhaustion caused by the possible cramping woke me. Latter is unlikely, as I do not seem to have moved this much and first is to be doubted, as my wishes might influence my deduction.
It might be too early, but I am open to any thesis.