wore my batman stuff for him

Bruce: *walks into Batcave and sees Jason with a guitar* 

Jason: Hey B I wrote you a song! *sings to the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel*

It’s 12 o'clock in Gotham City 
The Joker is busy killing everyone
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Makin’ love to his Catwoman cuz he’s nasty 

He says, “Son, you gotta stop shooting bad guys”
And I’m like “Bruce, don’t tell me what to do”
Cuz I died and he cried but I came back and stuff
When I wore green Robin panties

(Batkids join in)
La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song, you’re the Batman
Beat up some thugs tonight
Cuz you’re boring and brooding and it’s getting annoying
And you’re the one and only Dark Knight

Now Roy from the Outlaws is my BFF
I hang out with him and Kori
And he’s quick with a joke or to shoot an arrow in your foot
And together we like pissing off Batman
He says, “Jaybird you’re the most awesome guy ever”
As we kicked an alien’s ass
And I’m like “I know I’m the coolest
“Learned it all from the All Caste”

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Now Dick was Batman while you were dead
He never had time for Barbara cuz he sucks at relationships
And Tim’s dead inside cuz everyone he likes died
And he probably hasn’t slept in five years

Oh Damian is a murderous freaking demon spawn
Who is probably gonna kill someone the second he’s left alone 
Also Steph keeps stealing all the food from my fridge
But I don’t mind cuz I stole it from the manor anyway

Sing us a song you’re the Batman
You have a cool British butler 
Also you don’t know when to stop adopting orphans
And you probably need an intervention by now

By the way Cass stole my jacket yesterday
And you didn’t even care when I told you
So I went to all of your Rogues and gave them your number
So suck it old man, you totally deserved it  
And you’ve had seven sidekicks so far
And at least six of them have died at some point
Now I’m starting to think maybe that’s a bad sign
But oh well it’s too late to deal with that now 

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song you’re the Batman
And you’ve got a pet cow for some reason even though I’ve asked you several times for a dog and you kept telling me we couldn’t have animals in the Batcave but I guess that’s just a big fat lie so fuck you Bruce  
Well we’re all in the mood for some crimefighting
And by the way you’re really old 

Jason: *guitar solo and ends song* What’d ya think old man? 

Bruce: … 

Bruce: *tired sigh* Where is the sweet embrace of death when you need it 

[In lieu of Samhain/Halloween this fic is going to be loosely Halloween themed. Enjoy!]

           I awoke to the feel of fingers gripping my hips and I instinctively rubbed my rear back against him. I heard his familiar growl and I smirked, exhaustion slowly started to ebb away and I rolled to face him. He was fully dressed to my dismay but what he was dressed as caused me to cover my mouth and giggle.
           "What’s so funny?“
           I should have expected it but I didn’t, he lay in an expensive looking Batman costume. It surprised me that Mister J didn’t have any lipstick on; if I didn’t know any better I wouldn’t have doubted he could be Batman even if my Mistah J was smaller in stature, and there was the matter of his teeth.
           "Nothin’, happy Halloween, Puddin’.”
           I climbed on top of him as I pressed my lips to his. I was excited for tonight; we had a whole bunch of fun stuff planned. Hopping off of him I skipped off to have a shower and get into my costume.


           Stepping out of the bathroom Mistah J looked me up and down his eyes sparking with amusement and madness. He gestured for me to give him a twirl and I did so.
           "Are you ready, Batgirl?“
           I dramatically went to his side and clutched onto him, "Of course, Batman!”
           He smirked, calling to Frost who entered promptly. Frost’s hair was electric green, he wore a violet suit I had never seen Frosty look paler. He wore a black mask which covered half of his face and I grinned. I just love Halloween.
           "Are the boys ready?“ Mistah J asked.
           "Yeah boss, we all are.”
           I looked up at Mistah J who grinned down at me, “It’s show time, doll.”


           Mistah J was off completing his part of the plan (wreaking havoc on the city disguised as Batman until he could find Batsy himself). You see, Batman was going to be a little preoccupied this evening running after the four dozen men who were dressed as Mistah J bombing and shooting up the city. The locations for these attacks weren’t at random, no; the boys were hittin’ up people who crossed us, our rivals, government officials who we wanted under our belt. There was always a bigger picture.
           I skipped down the barren road, the sky was painted orange and I thought it was very fitting for my favourite holiday. I heard someone hit the ground behind me, but not in a splat kind of way, it was more of a graceful yet abrupt superhero landing.
           Turning around I grinned looking her over, “One of us has to change honey and it’s not going to be me,”            I stuck my lollipop back into my mouth and Batgirl looked me up and down.
           "Who are you?“
           "Awww, did I mess up with the costume? I thought it was pretty self-explanatory.”
           Recognition sparked in her eyes and she pulled out her gun, “Harley Quinn?”
           I grinned, pressing the button behind my back, “The one and only!”
           Batgirl flew against the wall as the billboard that had been set up swung down and swatted her like a fly. I waltzed over to the billboard and made a face at the little ghost on it before grabbing Batgirl by the wrist, “A little shiatsu, maybe a warm compress, and you’ll do just fine.”
           Tying her up tightly I tossed her over my shoulder, “These costumes are heavy am I right?”
***Batman’s P.O.V***

           I turned to run into the other room only to freeze, standing there, cast in shadow, was me. I moved forward and so did he. Narrowing my eyes I moved to the side and his movements mirrored mine. I raised a hand as he did; he knelt down and rose back up at the same time as me. I pulled out my gun and he didn’t.
           "I beg to differ,” I heard The Joker say.
           There was an explosion and before I could press the button on my utility belt I was falling through the floor.

***Harley’s P.O.V***

           I was panting as I lay on the floor of an old industrial building, it may have been two blocks but it felt like ten miles. Sure the material her costume was made of protected her from bullets but at what cost? I’ll take my chances getting shot.
           I adjusted my position, extending a leg in the air and resting my hand on my hip, "It’s not Halloween without a few Bats!” I laughed before hopping to my feet.
           Mistah J sat Batgirl next to Batman and he wrapped an arm around me. Kidnapping Batgirl and Batman was the only part of the plan that was lost on me. I mean, it’s not like it wasn’t fun, but the night is almost over and all of our work will be done by now.
           "What now, Puddin’? Are we gonna’ torture em’?“
           He grinned, "No baby, I just wanted our nearest and dearest friends here.”
           I looked at him in confusion and he removed his mask, tossing it aside. That was better, it was a crime to cover his face like that and I instantly moved to him.
           "Why did you wanna’ bring Batsy and Batsy Junior here, Puddin’?“ I asked.
           He got down on one knee and I covered my mouth with both hands. I vaguely heard Batgirl and Batman begin to stir but I was too busy trying not to pass out to give a damn.
           "Will you make me the happiest clown in all of Gotham and become my Queen, officially?” He asked, presenting me with a gold ring with a gorgeous large oval emerald.
           "This is truly the scariest Halloween I’ve ever experienced,“ Batgirl grumbled.
           I ignored her, extending a hand to Mistah J who slid the ring on my finger with ease. I pulled him to his feet, wrapping my arms around him and I kissed him with everything I had. Oh I loved him! I loved him, I loved him, I loved him, I loved him.
           "What’s next, you kill us?” Batman said in his usual gruff tone.
           Mister J groaned, turning to look at him but his hand remained firmly on my lower back.
           "Batsy, I’m disappointed, it’s like you don’t know us at all. We would never kill you,“ He laughed and I rested my head on his shoulder.
           "You’re too much fun, Batsy,” I giggled.
           "Then what are your intentions exactly?“ Batgirl asked.
           "Well, this was your trick-”
           Batman broke free of his restraints but we were already soaring through the air by the bat-line on Mistah J’s utility belt and we landed on the balcony on the upper level.
           "For your treat we’re giving you a warning, chaos is coming. Happy Halloween!“
           Mistah J and I ran, taking the stairs two at a time. The ‘spooky’ traps we set were going off on Batman and Batgirl; I could hear it even as we got on the roof.
           "Alright honey, you jump first now,” he purred and I turned to him.
           "Did you mean it, Puddin’?“ I asked.
           He took my hand and brushed his thumb over the ring, "You’re mine.”
           Grinning I turned and dove for the rope that dangled from the chopper. Climbing up to give him room I turned only to see Batman and Mistah J fighting each other. Pulling my gun from its holster I took aim, “Hey Batsy!”
           I fired the gun and the bullet hit him in the leg. Mistah J took that as his cue to kick Batman through the doorway and down the stairs back into the building. He slammed the door shut just as the smoke bombs went off.
           "Puddin’ come-“
           The rope snapped, I vaguely saw a metal object soaring off in the distance as I fell. I heard Mistah J yell a ferocious 'NO’, the last thing I saw before I hit something soft yet solid was the sparkle from my ring.


           I hadn’t been out long, I knew that. Rolling onto my side I coughed, my back and skull aching and I sat up. I had landed on a Halloween float that had been discarded amidst all the craziness. To be more specific I had landed on a giant inflatable Jack-o-lantern which I had ricocheted off of before hitting the ground.
           Mistah J was suddenly there, pulling me to my feet and he was dragging me along to our back up ride. I slid into the passenger side and it wasn’t until we were speeding down the road when he decided to scold me.
           "You’re an idiot! You should have climbed up into the chopper!”
           "I’m fine, it was all Batgirl’s fault,“ I grumbled, my shoulder was dislocated.
           He didn’t say anything again until we pulled into Mistah J’s underground parking lot. He turned to face me and I pouted, waiting to be scolded further.
           Instead he gave me a cold glare and popped my shoulder back into place when I wasn’t expecting it.  
           "That float was in the right place at the right time, huh, Pumpkin?”
           He gave me a look and I glanced down at my hands. He got out of the car and I followed suit, riding the elevator with him in silence. He was quick to discard his suit so he padded around the flat in his silk boxers.
           "Puddin’, can you help me get this off?“
           He reluctantly obliged and undressed me, "Your back is going to bruise,” he said blandly.
           The rest of the getup fell to the floor and I turned to him, standing in only my lace bralette and undies.
           "Are you still mad at me?“ I asked, running my hands up his chest.
           I couldn’t stop looking at the ring on my finger, he noticed, and looked at it to.
           "There I was, proposing to you and what do you do? You almost get yourself killed,” he growled.
           I pouted again and his thumb traced my lower lip, “You’ll pay for it later, but right now,” he gripped my arm tightly and brought my wrist to his lips. His tongue traced a vein and my breathing grew heavy.
           "Right now, it’s time for your treat.“
           God I love Halloween.

anonymous asked:

One time, a girl in my class wore a BatmanT-Shirt, and a sexist asshole told her, "You're not a real fan" and she was like, "Um, yes?" He said: "Prove it. Name all the Robins and the Batgirls." And shestraight up started telling him the names,their parents, their backstorys, what happened to them, everything. And this guy looks at her quietly and says: "Well, i betyou only know stuff about Batman." Next day, she wore a Superman T-Shirt. Same happend. She only wore stuff with heroes for one week.

she is MY HERO