I’ve been thinking a lot about “us” lately and everything that we were and weren’t and the more I think the more I realize how we fell apart before we even got a chance to fall together. .
and you know, I’ve spent so much time going through every single message, every phone call, every memory, just trying to figure out where it all went wrong, where we lost it all. But I never stopped to think, what if we never had it right? and now that I’m finally thinking that, I’m realizing how we never even had anything to lose in the first place.
because okay, sure, you were here, and trust me I know you were because I put more emphasis on that than it deserved. So, yes. yes. YES, YOU WERE HERE! but that didn’t change the fact that this was one sided from the beginning. Because, although you were here, you didn’t want to be, your heart was never with it.
It was always me, It was me carrying the weight of our conversations on my back, it was me who was turning your one worded replies into poetry and it was me who made this “relationship” enough for the both of us. and I never even noticed because I was so convinced that you loved me, but the thing with one sided relationships is, they always catch up to you and in our case, the only reason it caught up to us is because there was nothing else to distract me from it because you stopped being here. the only god damn thing you contributed was just physically being here and even that, became too much for you to do.
And I have so much love inside me that I COULD love for the both of us, I mean I have BEEN loving for the both of us and I would of continued carrying this relationship on my back because I saw so much in you that it was so hard for me to realize that there was nothing actually there cause I wanted something to be there so badly. But I can’t make you be here, I could turn one worded replies into something but I can’t make something out of nothing, and trust me I wish I could of. I wish I could of saved us, I used to stay up all night wondering how I could turn back time, How I could save our downfall but now I realize. Nothing could of saved us. you can’t make people love you and you can’t give people things without stopping to ask if they even want it, and in our case I gave you my heart without even hesitating to check if you wanted it. and thats where I went wrong.
I still love you, but I’ve accepted the fact that we were never real and that we probably will always be just in my head.
If you still think about him, it’s okay. If he’s still all you can talk about, it’s okay. If you still can’t fall asleep because of the thought of him on your mind, it’s okay. It’s okay, because all of these things will slowly fade. It’s okay, because one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re over him. You won’t forget him, but you will see that being without him will make you a little less sad every day. So don’t give up and believe in yourself, because it will all be okay in the end.
There is no guarantee that you will get exactly what you’re looking for. There is no complete certainty that what you expect to happen will occur. Although, there IS the guarantee that your hard work will pay off. It may not result in exactly the way as planned, but none the less it will result in something beautiful.
There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What’s up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don’t think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who’s been pinching my beer?