words of deadpool

4

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Transaction through Square.
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A knock sounded on the door. Wade Wilson was on his feet and pirouetted his way to the door in a matter of seconds, flinging it wide open.

“Thank Thor (or Loki)! I was about to starve!

The kid at the door looked on, vaguely unimpressed at Wade’s antics. “Are you the mister Pool comma Dead who ordered a large, uh… pineapple olive, large anchovy mushroom, and large special order of four cheese with… mozzarella sticks as the topping?” he recited the order in a bored drawl, but there was a hint of judgement in his tone. So Wade liked his pizzas with a bit of zest and creativity. Was it a crime? Part of Wade hoped it was, how thrilling would it be to live on the run from the cops for daring to order a pizza outside the conventional system? It would make a great movie! He should write it, he could make millions-

“I’m taking that as a yes,” Pizza kid said, clearing his throat loudly. “If you could maybe pay for these, I gotta get going.” He shifted the pizzas in his grip with a peeved look on his face.

Okay, rude. It’s not like Wade had made him stand there for… Wade checked his watch. Oh. Nearly five minutes. Okay, maybe he’d been dissociating a bit longer than he realized. “My bad,” Wade said, reaching for his wallet, “what do I owe ya for, pretty boy?”

Keep reading

Ginger Cheese

Summary: Hi there! I am very new to your blog but I’ve been reading a lot of your stuff and I think your writing is super good!!! I was just wondering if I could make a Weasel (Deadpool) request? Something like the reader’s ex shows up at Sister Margaret’s one night and Weasel takes him outside to keep the regulars from killing him. Reader goes to make sure no one gets hurt and overhears Weasel saying cute stuff? And fluff maybe? Sorry that’s so long but I hope it makes sense! Please and cheese and thank. 

“Words are said, cheeks are kissed, people are touched, love is created.” -Abby (I feel this is something Wade would say xD)

Characters: Reader, Weasel, Emily, Chuck, Max

Fandom: Marvel- Deadpool

Word Count: 743

Requested: @ging-snapped 

AN: The title makes no sense I know but whatever this is mine so ha! I’m sorry… Enjoy Ginger Cheese :)

Keep reading

lunarshores  asked:

"zero fucks given. next please.” pairing of your choice <3

(aw thank you! imma do spideypool because that’s easiest lol. I also edited it a lil bit and took out the word “please” so I hope you don’t mind. ily

Tony was in a mood today, from what Peter could tell. Well, he had a lot of moods, actually. Most of them were good, like when he gets in a building mood or an all-of-my-enemies-are-going-to-regret-being-born mood. 

This one, however, was not a good mood. This was his I-disapprove-of-your-relationship mood, and Peter was just waiting for him to snap and start complaining about Wade again. He’d already done it seven times since they’d started dating two weeks ago. 

As if on cue, Tony suddenly dropped what he was working on and swiveled to face Peter. “Why Wilson?”

Peter groaned, but didn’t look up. “Can we not do this again? I was enjoying not talking about it.”

“No, because I still don’t like him.”

“That’s because you’re a child and you refuse to see my point of view.” Peter pointed out, crossing his arms.

Tony glared at him, and it felt like being glared at by a five-year-old. “I don’t like him. He’s not good for you.”

“How would you know? You’re not dating him.”

“I’ve worked with him before. On multiple occasions. It’s not hard to learn how his weird mind works.”

“It is, actually, you’ve just never tried.”

Tony rolled his eyes at him, which was stupid. If anyone was going to do some eye-rolling, it was going to be Peter. “There’s still so many reasons to not date him.”

“Like what?” Peter asked, officially abandoning the web-shooter he was trying to fix. “Please, give me a list of reasons to not date my boyfriend.”

“One,” Tony started, and Peter rolled his eyes because of course Tony had a real list, “he murders people for a living. For money.”

“First off, that’s super hypocritical. Second, we have an arrangement for that.”

“I know your morals, kid. It won’t work forever.”

Peter resisted explaining that Wade only did jobs related to protection or stealing-without-killing anymore, deciding it could be used to crush his argument later. “Right. Sure.”

“Two,” Tony continued, “the guy gives zero fucks about killing people, which is not hypocritical for me to say because I actually care.”

Peter wondered how obvious it was that he didn’t care about this entire conversation. Apparently, not obvious enough. “Yep. Zero fucks given. Next?”

Tony glared at him. “Are you even listening?”

“God, no. It’s been the same argument for the last four arguments.”

“Well until you listen, you’re gonna keep getting them.”

Peter looked up to the ceiling–or JARVIS, whichever could provide more guidance–and sighed. “Look, Tony, I get that you care. And I get that you think this is a bad idea,” he added quickly when Tony opened his stupid mouth, “but really, he makes me happy, and he’s not going to hurt me. So please, for the love of god, shut up and let’s have a pleasant afternoon of fixing shit like we normally do. Because Wade’s not going anywhere, and I’m assuming you aren’t either. So get over it.”

Tony just stared at him. After making Peter wait a stupidly long time for a response, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I hate him.”

“I know. But I don’t.”

“You should.”

“But I don’t.”

“If he hurts you, I’m gonna kill him.” Tony said, looking Peter in the eye.

“I know. But I doubt he will.”

Tony sighed again. “Just so you know, I’m never gonna approve of this. I’ll just quietly disapprove.”

Peter smiled. “That works. Oh, and stop sending him vague death threats.”

Tony mocked surprise. “You’ve been getting death threats?”

Peter raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. “Stop it.”

“Fine. But some of those were funny.”

Peter shoved him. “You half-convinced Wade someone was trying to kill me, you ass. He wouldn’t let me do anything alone for like three days.”

Tony frowned. “Well that was the complete opposite of the desired effect.”

“Yeah, yeah. Will you stop meddling now?”

“No.” Tony instantly replied, earning a punch to the arm. “But I will slightly lessen my efforts.”

Peter knew that was as good as it was going to get. “Fine. Now hand me that screwdriver and play some bad old people music.”

Tony grinned at him, and things felt slightly more okay. “JARVIS, play my anti-Peter playlist.”

Mornings

Word count: 402

Summary: deadpool x reader, mornings with Wade are the best mornings

The rustling of the sheets next to you slowly draws you from your sleeping state. The sound of the windows in your apartment opening makes you open your eyes. There stood the love of your life, Wade Wilson. He was walking towards the bathroom, you stayed in bed a bit longer, welcoming the feeling of the cool air against your shoulders. Everything seemed just right in the mornings, especially ones like this.

You began getting out of bed and made your way to the bathroom. Wade was there brushing his teeth, you kissed his shoulder blade as you made your way past him to the toilet, you could feel his rough skin on your lips. He is very self conscious of this, but you make sure to let him know that he’s still hot in your eyes. You liked to watch the way his arms moved when he was doing things, the way the muscles rippled beneath his skin was amazing. You finished your morning business and followed wade into the kitchen, all he’s wearing are boxers with little red hearts on them, he’s so adorable. You jump up and sit on the kitchen counter so you can watch him cook breakfast, you two had figured out this morning routine ages ago. You two work together like you had known each other all of your life.

Wade walked over to you and hugged you, resting his head in the crook of your neck, hes so warm and he smells nice, you wrap your arms and legs around him, enjoying his touch and the bond that you have. “Do we want pancakes this morning?” Wade asked, his voice muffled by your neck. “That sounds lovely.” he tried to back out of your hold to start cooking but you held him a moment longer. You held him out at an arms length and with as much of a serious face as you could muster asked “Can mine be mickey mouse shaped?” he only smiled at you “anything for you.” you could see the love in his eyes and his smile could bring anyone to their knees. With that you released him and swung your feet to the song on the radio while the love of your life jokingly danced around and made pancakes. Yeah, everything is just right.

Guardian Angel - Part 1 - Jimin angst

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

:D

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6
____________

Jimin had made a mistake. He had fucked up, and he had fucked up big.

It had started two years ago, when he had turned eighteen and he was able to see his charge for the first time. He was excited, rolling back and forth on the balls of feet and playing with his fingers as he was called forwards to look into the Pool that only The Ancients were allowed near.

Or an angel on their eighteenth birthday, the most important occasion in their entire lives.

Jimin had been waiting to see his charge his entire life, and now he was going to go down to the human world and look after her. His fingers were trembling with adrenaline and he almost stumbled up the countless amount of stairs to reach the Pool when he was beckoned forth.

He didn’t hear any of the words that were said to him, he only eagerly tripped forwards to look into the seemingly normal font of water.

He stared at the water, waiting, when suddenly it began to ripple and then dissipate, colours and pictures swirling to life in it. He leaned forwards in his excitement, nose almost becoming wet in his rush to catch sight of his charge.

Of his soulmate.

He could finally see her and his eyes widened.

There were two girls, arms looped through each others and laughing together. They were seemingly walking home from school, the heavy binders and notebooks wrapped in their free arms an indicator, and Jimin couldn’t help but smile at their friendship.

The girl on the right was stunningly beautiful and she immediately caught Jimin’s attention; long, silky black hair running down her back, big round doe eyes and plump lips. Her friend was almost painfully average, but Jimin didn’t pay much mind to her. His eyes were glued to the girl on the right, knowing that she was his charge and his soulmate.

So why didn’t his heart feel full? Why did he feel like he was missing something?

Of course, at that age, he was just thrilled that he had seen her, so he ignored the feeling inside. All of that would come later, he assumed.

That was his first mistake.

A year and three months had passed and now he was incredibly close to the two of you. He had found out that his chosen soulmate was named Mina, and your name was Y/N. He enjoyed the company of both of you, indeed, but everything Mina did was with grace and poise and he couldn’t help but go weak whenever she was near.

His relationship with Mina was much different than his relationship with yours. Every Saturday he would head to your house with a plastic bag full of assorted snacks and ice cream, and you would put in a new DVD and you would watch it together whilst munching on whatever he bought. He always enjoyed those nights with you because they were so comfortable and you always picked good movies.

He usually went shopping with Mina, and he would carry her bags for her for hours. He would trail behind her, sometimes giving opinions on outfits she tried on. He liked these times with her because it meant he got to spend time with her, and he was deep enough in love with her that it meant a lot to him.

“Jimin!” you called from your kitchen as you put the popcorn in the microwave. “I really couldn’t decide on the movie this week so I bought three that looked good. Do you wanna pick this time?”

Jimin leant forwards from his position on the sofa to pick up one of the disc cases.

“What do you want to drink?”

“The usual, please.” he called back, eyes still scanning the words on the back of the case.

You padded back into the living room, handing Jimin a can of chilsung cider and plopping onto the seat next to him.

“Personally, I’d go for Deadpool, but I reckon it’s your turn to pick now.”

“Deadpool looks good…” he muttered absentmindedly, tongue peeking out between his teeth as he read the words. “Yeah, let’s go with Deadpool. I haven’t had the chance to see it yet.”

“No, me neither. Alright, I’ll put it in. Can you go get the popcorn please?”

“Sure thing.”

He heaved himself off the sofa as you crouched down in front of the DVD player to put the disc in and he walked into the kitchen to get the popcorn out of the microwave.

Just as he was pouring the bag of popcorn into a bowl for the two of you, his phone buzzed in his pocket and he slid it out quickly, heart faltering slightly at the sight of Mina’s name.

Mina <3: Jimin, wyd?
Jimin: It’s Saturday night. I’m doing what I do every Saturday
Mina <3: Oh yeah, forgot about your boring movie night. Come hang w me?

Jimin frowned slightly at the words, feeling conflicted. He always looked forwards to spending time with you, but his soulmate and charge was calling for him…

He looked towards the living room to see if you were near before replying to her text.

Jimin: Okay, but only for an hour
Mina <3: Sweet :) Door’s unlocked

Jimin sighed, taking the bowl of popcorn and placing it on the coffee table in the living room before straightening up and looking at the back of your head until you turned to face him, smiling bright. The sight of your smile made his heart pang painfully and guilt settle in his stomach.

“Hey, Y/N…” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“You okay?” you asked, smile fading as you took in his expression.

“Uh, yeah, it’s just, something came up and I have to go do something for a while, is that okay? I promise I’ll be back soon, I just need to go and sort this thing out.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Is everything okay?” you asked, concern touching your face.

His heart sank again and he looked away quickly, hating the sight of you worrying over him when he was lying straight to your face.

“Yeah, everything’s cool, it’s all good, I just, uh, have to go now! See you in a bit, Y/N.”

With that, he grabbed his jacket and slid his shoes on, basically running out the door to avoid that look in your eyes.

In his car on the way to Mina’s house, he couldn’t help but feel that he was doing the wrong thing. But he wasn’t. His charge needed him, didn’t she? Yeah, he was fine. Y/N would be fine.

He stood on her doorstep after ringing the doorbell, keeping his head down to shield himself from the light drizzle. He heard footsteps, a shuffling, a scraping and Mina’s face was revealed behind the door.

Jimin’s heart thumped pathetically at the sight of her, scantily clad, smiling up at him. Some unknown feeling erupted within him, but he ignored it. He quashed down all the warning signs. He disregarded all of the things he had been told and all the things he had read in his first eighteen years of life so he could spend this one night with the woman he thought he was in love with.

What a fuck up that turned out to be.

There he was, a few hours later, sheets pulled up to his waist as he stared at the woman sleeping peacefully next to him, their clothes littering the floor. His bare chest heaved as he registered what he was feeling for the first time since he had met her.

He couldn’t even name it. It was complete and utter. It was soul-destroying. It felt like somebody had taken his entire being and pulled it apart, messing with the pieces, before cramming him all back together in the wrong place. It was like somebody had torn the wings straight from his back and then blended them up. It was like… It was like he had just made love to someone that wasn’t his soulmate.

Jimin didn’t understand. He could have sworn that Mina was his soulmate. She made him feel happy and content, she made him feel like he was supposed to be there.

But she wasn’t his. She was some other angel’s, and Jimin can only pray that they weren’t around to find him in bed with their soulmate.

So who was his soulmate? It was somebody near to here, but he didn’t have many friends outside of you and Mina. He spoke to people he worked with sometimes, and the customers, but nobody left a lasting impression on him.

His head started to pound the longer he thought, but he couldn’t come up with anything. He had spent so long getting Mina’s attention and fighting for her love and now that he had it, she was the wrong person.

His phone buzzed and his hand automatically flew towards it as if some puppeteer had tugged on his strings.

Y/N: I hope everything is going okay. I have to cancel movie night because something came over me and I feel really ill, so goodnight Jimin :)

Suddenly everything fell into place.

________________________

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6

It’s a trap!

Peter Parker X Reader

Summary: Reader thinks there is a clown is her room but nothing is what it seems.

Warnings: Deadpool, Clowns, Swear words, Mentions of sex.

Word count: 1890

A/N: Sorry for all the writing errors but English is not my native language. I hope you guys like it.

———————————————————————————————————–

Y/N has created a chatroom.

Y/N has invited Tony, Sam, Wanda, Nat, Vision, Clint, Bucky, Steve, Pietro, Thor, Bruce and Peter

Y/N: GUYS WAKE UP!

Y/N: I THINK I’M GOING TO DIE!

Y/N: HELP ME!

Y/N: PLEASE!

Y/N: PLEASE!

Tony has joined the chat.

Steve has joined the chat.

Nat has joined the chat.

Clint has joined the chat.

Pietro has joined the chat.

Vision has joined the chat.

Steve: Y/N what is going on!

Tony: She is going to die can’t you read.

Steve: shut up Stark.

Tony: But by the way why do you wake us up at 3 am.

Clint: What tony were you sleeping, you said to me that the great Tony Stark never sleeps.

Tony: Whaaaaat I never said that.

Nat: Yes you did I was standing next to you.

Tony: Shut up Nat you need to defend me not him, I will pay you.

Nat: You know Clint is my best friend so I am on his side.

Tony: But I am the great Tony Stark genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist!

Nat: But he is my best friend so I defend him.

Clint: Loveeee you toooo Nat <3.

Tony: Hey wait don’t we need to help Y/N.

Clint: He is changing the subject ;)

Pietro: He was probably taking a beauty nap.

Clint: Ha good one speedster.

Y/N: HEY I AM STIL DYING REMEMBER!!

Nat: What is the problem Y/N?

Y/N: Well this evening I was watching a horror movie about a creepy clown with Peter.

Y/N: And as you guys know I am terrified of clowns.

Vision: But why do you watch a movie about something that you are afraid of?

Y/N: Peter is my boyfriend I do everything for him!

Clint: I ship it!!

Y/N: SHUT UP CLINT I AM GOING TO DIE!

Steve: Calm down Y/N, you still didn’t say why you are going to die.

Y/N: I HEARD SOMETHING!

Pietro: It was probably tony because he makes funny noises when he sleeps and he was taking a beauty nap ;).

Tony: What I don’t!!!

Pietro: Yes you do.

Tony: Shut up!

Y/N: GUYS THIS IS NOT FUNNY I’M LITERALLY CRYING!

Y/N: PLEAS HELP MEEE!

Steve: What did you hear Y/N?

Y/N: A BANG!

Pietro: Come on Y/N it can be anything no need to be afraid.

Y/N: I’M UNDER MY BLANKETS AND I AM TOO AFRAID TO BREATHE!

Tony: Y/N I’m going to be honest this bed is too comfortable to leave.

Y/N: WHAT I AM GOING TO DIE AND YOU DON’T WANT TO LEAVE YOUR BED!

Tony: You are overreacting Y/N and that’s me saying it but I am sure that someone else is going to help you.

Y/N: TONY DON’T LEAVE ME HERE IT IS YOU’R FAULT!

Tony: What why is it my fault Y/N?

Y/N: IF YOU DIDN’T RECRUTE PETER THAN I NEVER WOULD MET HIM AND THEN HE WOULD NEVER BE MY BOYFRIEND AND WE WOULD NEVER WATCH THAT MOVIE!

Steve: Y/N you are overreacting, you love Peter.

Nat: Yes, yesterday you said to Tony that you would always love him because he recruited Peter.

Y/N: I know I know I loveee Peter sooooo much BUT I AM GOING TO DIE and today it is our 6 month anniversary and I even can’t make it :’(

Y/N: Peter, my love if you read this I just want to say that I love you to the moon and back and that you are the best boyfriend ever and I could not live without you but my time has come I need to go THERE IS A CLOWN IN MY ROOM AND HE IS GOING TO KILL ME I know today is our anniversary and I’m sorry I could not make it. Bye my love

Tony: Yep, I am leaving.

Tony has left the chat.

Y/N: Steve pleaseeee come to my room.

Steve: I am sorry Y/N I am on a mission in Europe whit Nat and Clint.

Y/N HAS DIDCONECTED.

Thor Has joined the chat.

Thor: GREETING FELLOW AVENGERS!

Nat: Thor caps lock!!

Thor: Oh sorry lady Natasha.

Thor: But I have a question.

Thor: Why did I hear lady Y/N screaming?

Nat: Y/N thinks she is going to die because there is a clown in here room.

Thor: What is a clown we don’t have those on my earth?

Thor: I will search on the internet.

Clint: Thor I would not do that if I was you…

Thor HAS DIDCONECTED.

Clint: There he goes.

Clint: I wonder what he saw.

Bucky has joined the chat.

Sam has joined the chat.

Steve: Bucky, Sam can’t you guys go to Y/N’s room?

Sam: We can’t sorry.

Bucky: Come on Sam where are you.

Clint: Wait what are you two doing.

Sam: Nothing!

Bucky: Nothing!

Steve: Go to Y/N’s room.

Sam: We are kinda busy right now.

Nat: At this hour?

Bucky: Yes we are.

Clint: Wait you’re not preparing a prank without me

Bucky: No we aren’t.

Sam: Bucky where is Pietro.

Bucky: I don’t know you had to look after him.

Sam: Oh wait.

Bucky: I saw him last at the Ferris wheel.

Wanda Has joined the chat

Wanda: WHY ARE YOU ALL AWAKE AT THIS HOUR?!

Wanda: THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP AND WHO THE HELL WAS SCREAMING!?

Sam: It was Y/N.

Wanda: What Y/N never screams?!

Sam: She thinks there is a clown in her room.

Wanda: Oh I hate clowns.

Wanda: Someone should check on her.

Wanda: Bucky, Sam???

Bucky: We are busy.

Wanda: Busy.

Sam: Yes busy.

Wanda: Where are you guys and where is my brother he is not in the building.

Wanda: Actually no one of you two neither.

Wanda: Where are you?

Vision: They are at the amusement park.

Wanda: At this hour!!!

Vision: I heard them speaking this afternoon and they said that they were going to break in there.

Wanda: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS INSANE IF YOU THREE COME HOME I SWEAR I WIL KILL YOU ALL!!

Sam: Oh man why did you said that Vis.

Wanda: Why would you guys even break in there?

Bucky: We hate waiting lines.

Wanda: IS THAT THE ONLY REASON!!

Wanda: Vis!!!

Bucky: What are you going do?

Vision: Yes Wanda?

Wanda: Go with me to that amuse park.

Sam: What no, come on you can’t get us out of here we are having fun.

Wanda has left the chat

Vision has left the chat

Bucky: Sam did you find Pietro?

Sam: Uh no why?

Bucky: I think Wanda is going to kill us.

Sam: Where are you?

Bucky: At the red roller coaster.

Sam: I am coming to you.

Pietro: Oh you guys are by the roller coaster I’m coming too.

Sam: Oh man where were you?!

Pietro: I was eating.

Bucky: The shops are closed right now.

Bucky: Did you break into the food shop?

Pietro: …

Pietro:  Maybe.

Sam: Without us :’(

Sam: That hurts man.

Bucky: Wait guys did you hear that?

Sam: …

Bucky has been disconnected.

Sam has been disconnected.

Pietro has been disconnected.

Clint: I wonder what happened there.

Steve: I begin to worry about Y/N.

Nat: She is probably fine.

Nat: She can defend herself.

Steve: But she is really afraid of clowns.

Steve: she has Coulrophobia remember.

Clint: Who is not afraid of clowns?!?

Nat: I’m not afraid of them I just kick them.

Clint: that’s why you are my best friend <3.

Steve: I hope she is all right.

Nat: We need to go Fury just send us a new mission.

Steve has left the chat.

Nat has left the chat.

Clint has left the chat.

Deadpool has joined the chat.

Deadpool: Hello avengers.

Deadpool: Everybody left.

Deadpool: Hello darkness, my old friend.

Deadpool: I’ve come to talk with you again.

Deadpool: Oh what are my beautiful eyes reading now?

Deadpool: Parker your chick is in danger, time to wake up.

Deadpool: Princess Peter wake up.

Deadpool: Your little muffin is in danger.

Deadpool: I know you are here you didn’t disconnect.

Deadpool: I am going to count and if you don’t wake up at 10 I WILL FUCK YOUR AUNT.

Deadpool: 1

Deadpool: 2

Deadpool: Wait I want to fuck your aunt hehe.

Deadpool: we are going to speed things up.

Deadpool: 10

Deadpool: Peter fucking Parker wake up.

Deadpool: the love of your live is in DANGEEEER

Peter has joined the chat.

Peter: Wtf Wade!

Deadpool: Princess Peter there you are <3.

Deadpool: Ooh but now I am sad that you are there

Deadpool: I wanted to fuck your aunt.

Peter: Wade wtf is wrong whit you!

Peter: Why did you wake me up?

Deadpool: It’s Y/N.

Peter: what about the love of my Life ;)

Deadpool: She died.

Peter: WHAT????

Deadpool: Okay no perhaps I exaggerate.

Deadpool: she is half dead.

Deadpool: Maybe she is missing an arm or a leg.

Deadpool: I hope it’s a leg because then I can race with her wheelchair.

Deadpool: Oh no wait I do that every day in the hospital.

Deadpool: Have you ever heard that there are 57 wheelchairs stolen from the hospital?

Deadpool: That was me :D

Deadpool: I have a beautiful collection, want to buy a wheelchair for Y/N.

Deadpool: One time there was actually still someone in the wheelchair.

Deadpool: I threw him out of the window.

Deadpool: He was annoying.

Deadpool: wooooops

Peter: STOP WADE!!!!

Peter: IS Y/N AL RIGHT!!!

Deadpool: NO.

Peter: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!

Peter: IF YOU DID SOMTING TO MY BEAUDIFUL Y/N I SWEAR I WIL KIL LYOU WADE!!

Deadpool: There was a clown.

Deadpool: In her room.

Peter: WHAT A CLOWN ARE YOU MAKING THIS UP!?

Deadpool: NO.

Peter: I AM FREAKING OUT IF SOMTHIN HAPPENED TO HER I WIL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF!

Peter: SHE IS AFRAID OF CLOWNS!!!

Deadpool: Spiderling if you don’t believe me read the chat.

Peter: WHAT SHE EVEN SAID GOODBEY TO ME!

Peter: TIS IS AL MY FAULD!

Deadpool: yes it is.

Peter: I SHOULD HAVE STAYED THE NIGHT WHIT HER!

Deadpool: why do you even watch a movie about clowns if you know she’s afraid of it?

Deadpool: I’m even not so stupid

Peter: I DIDN’T KNOW SHE HAD COULROPHOBIA UNTIL THE FILM WAS OVER!!!

Deadpool: What is Coulrophobia?! It sounds like two German words fucked.

Deadpool: that reminds me of your aunt ;)

Peter:  I’M GOING TO THE COMPOUND IF SOMTING HAPPED TO HER I DIE!

Peter: I CAN’T LIVE WHITOUT HER!

Peter has left the chat.

Deadpool: hehe he is so naive.

Deadpool: N/Y???

Deadpool: He’s gone.

Deadpool: My plan worked.

Deadpool: Oh I mean our plan worked.

Y/N has joined the chat.

Y/N: Thanks Wade.

Y/N: He is going to be soooo surprised, I hope he is going to like it.

Deadpool: Of course he is going to like it darling!

Y/N: It’s our 6 month anniversary it must be perfect.

Deadpool: It will be cupcake.

Y/N: thanks Wade <3.

Y/N has left the chat.

Deadpool: Now it’s time for my plan.

Deadpool: I am going to aunt May.

Deadpool: She is alone.

Bruce has joined the chat.

Bruce: This was your plan from the beginning wasn’t it?

Deadpool: You can’t proof anything.

Deadpool has left the chat.

Bruce: I knew it.

Bruce Has left the chat.

XXX The end XXX

I’m just going to rant for a second: I’ve read a lot of articles that argue that Deadpool can’t be pansexual because he hasn’t experienced anything except heterosexual sex, or that he must not “want” to actually have sex with men, and only likes to make gay jokes for fun. (Also, apparently, pansexuality is seen in the general public as “wanting to fuck everything”? I can’t believe people can be so ignorant- they’re obviously thinking of arrogant, entitled straight men.) Because, of course, “no homo,” to preserve your masculinity. They don’t want Deadpool to be anything other than straight, so they pretend that the way he talks to men is “just bros”.

The fact that people deny Deadpool being labelled as anything other than straight simply based upon his sexual experiences shows how deep heteronormativity cuts into our culture. You do NOT have to sleep with someone to know that you identify as non-heterosexual. Sexual orientations (and romantic orientations!) can be fluid and ambiguous, and are deeply personal. Despite what non-LGBT+ people would like to think, you do not get to decide what label fits us. We do.

People don’t like ambiguity, and when a character’s sexuality is not referenced or pinned down, or even refined, people panic. They want a coming-out story, an “origin” story, a reason for why a character is the way they are or an explanation of the parameters of their existence. There have been far too may coming-out stories for LGBT+ characters, and not enough stories about their EXISTENCE. And we wonder why society pretends LGBT+ people don’t exist?

But what if a character’s sexuality just IS, without needing an explanation or an excuse? That’s the kind of movie I want to see.