Some of the days will be like children running, playing and laughing at the park. Families eating together inside a comfy restaurant. Teenagers walking hand in hand. A lovely lady inside a fancy boutique trying a dress with her smile and lips apart. Some of the days will be sunny as if the whole world decided to spread a happy vibe. But we both know darling, that some of the days will also be like silence in a crowded room. Like a man alone sitting on a bench watching people passed in front of him from morning to noon. Some of the days will make you love yourself more, yet some days will make you realize how people tend to judge one another. Some of the days will make you feel like you wanted to change the world because of everything you feel—because of the worst things you’ve seen. Some of the days will make you want to smile at every single stranger who you’ll meet. As if you wanted them to see how wonderful the day is. Some of the days will tell you who you are, and some days will drag you somewhere else trying to tell you that you’re lost again. Yet also maybe every day might be all the same to you. Because you’ve been doing the same thing again and again. But darling, when you try to look back, years from now, you will always find yourself wondering what time can do to us. That no matter how many times you tell to yourself that nothing is different, if it’s not you, then the world will always make you realize that a lot of things already changed. Including every people around you. Even you.
For a while, you were my every poem. I knew I couldn’t draw, so I tried to write you down instead. I don’t think any of those pieces did you justice. No metaphors or similes I could pen could actually encompass what it was like to experience you. I wonder if you ever came across any of them, if you smiled or laughed or maybe even cried, depending on the content. They weren’t always happy pieces. I never did feel right seeing a sunset without you. Your voice was the only song I would never think of skipping if given the option, so when I was no longer allowed to hear it, I longed for it. I guess that’s how it goes when someone you love leaves. You wish you loved them harder and held onto them tighter when you had the chance, as if somehow the fault is in the strength of your muscles. Some would say that Shakespeare got it wrong, that the fault really is in our stars, that they just weren’t meant to be. I don’t know what to say about us. Maybe fate had something to do with it, but what about free will? You didn’t have to go. You could’ve stayed, we could’ve tried to make things work, but you decided to walk away anyway. How could I blame the stars for that?
1. You don’t want to ruin your friendship, and it’s more important to you than what your feeling towards him.
2. You are afraid of rejections. You’re scared of getting the “you know you are important to me, but… why?” message and be left behind. You are afraid to start all over again without him.
3. You are not ready to be in a serious relationship and have commitments.
4. It’s happier because everything stays the same. You can do things without him; you won’t be worried to check him every time, you can stay by his side without invading his personal private space.
5. You know what will be the result, even before you confess. You are just a friend to him, and it will always be “we are best friends, right?”.
E.J. Cenita, 5 Reasons Why You Don’t Want to Confess Your Feelings
“What it means to be in a relationship?” She repeated, an eyebrow arched as the younger boy nodded.
She took a deep breath, taking an even deeper drag of her cigarette.
“It means to never let your significant other feel like they’re alone. Even if you’re far apart, even if you can’t see each other for a long time, even if one of you goes to a place that they can never come back from.” Tears filled her eyes, and she flicked her cigarette to the ground, crushing it with her heal.
I appear whole.
And I am proper.
But my insides have been scrapped
like a piece of sandpaper.
They been have churning and churning
igniting a silent inferno.
And I have been burning and burning
like a dormant volcano.
you are so much more than seeking acceptance in the flesh of others. you are more than bleeding yourself dry just to feel loved and wanted and needed. you are more than crying yourself to sleep because the yelling never stops, the people never stop, the world never slows down. you are more than yesterday, and the weeks before. you are more than broken dreams and shattered realities and expectations that you can just never quite meet. you are more, because you are who you are today. and you are still living, and you are still trying and breathing and fighting; and there is nothing more beautiful and brave than that.
You keep people at arms length so they can’t see you up close. You say everything’s uglier under a microscope. Yes, you are imperfect, but that’s what makes you real. The moon wouldn’t be ours if it didn’t have craters. And anyways, I like you better without the halo.
Billions of years later the earth might turn back into dust and deafening silence might fill the voids and there will be no more proof that the two of us ever existed as lovers, but there will still be shooting stars and they are going to always whisper to you, again and again, that I love you. Wherever you are in this universe darling, open your heart and listen to the whispers of our stars.