words for thoughts

Some things are better left unsaid.
Some questions are better left unanswered.
Some people are better left in the past.

Do not expect the person who left you to choose you again. They only miss you. They only came back to something familiar. But they will never choose you again. They have never loved you no matter what they told you. Because if they did, they would never have left you in the first place. And then once again for the second time. It was silly of you to wish for that.

It was silly of me.

—  narrowbridges 
And maybe one day he’ll be all the things you need him to be. He’ll be kind and caring and considerate. He’ll open your car door for you and carry your books to class. He’ll give you roses for no reason and take you out for last minute dates. He’ll bring you breakfast in bed and kiss you in the rain. He’ll dance with you in the shower and get drunk with you under the stars. Maybe one day he’ll be all the things you need him to be. But not today. Today he is young and foolish and reckless. Today he is selfish and not ready for love. Today he wants to drink and dance and live like he’s immortal. Today he can’t be all the things you need him to be, all the things you hoped he would be.
—  f.a.w

He took me under his arm as I cried, and in that moment I understood.

I was not alone

Everyone gets hurt by love at some point in their life, everyone gets played by someone they genuinely cared about, everyone gets betrayed at some point or another.

As alone as this pain makes you feel, it is merely evidence that you are a member of an exclusive club,

The league of people nursing a broken heart

—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write
you are a daydream, unrealistically captivating. I find it hard to believe you exist in this world, I blink my eyelids just to make sure the mirage of your face and the mosaic in your eyes isn’t just a vision my lonely heart conjured up.
—  you’re just too good to be true // h.w //
i would’ve given everything just to hear you speak: your practiced ice, your silent love like the calm before the storm. i’ve been listening for years for the sound of your laugh, for the comfort i used to find there. i am empty now – it has been so long.
—  when your words meant all but they never came // abby, day 307 // prompt for @shaktiki

From the dark of the night
to the break of the dawn,
I lay awake - longing, reminiscing.

In my head, all your words
your promises are replaying
on a never ending loop.

I stare at the ceiling,
countlessly thinking about
what we could’ve been.

Clutching my pillow tightly,
I turn my head slightly
and wipe away the salty tears.

In the dim moonlight,
I look at my fingers where you used to
lace yours ever so lightly.

And while my eyes are sore
and puffy from crying,
I slowly try and refrain from hurting.

But the pain remains -
inside, etching a deep scar,
one which time may long heal.

And as the sun slowly greets
the dark and dead streets,
I feel the exhaustion from the night’s toll.

Finally, I turn to the sheets,
to the bed that comforts
this tired and scorned heart.

As my eyes close and my mind drifts
to a calm and serene place -
I smile.

And still, my heart still longs for a love -
though broken and scorned it hopes,
for its true and everlasting love.

—  her midnight battles, M.B.

i’m learning that every person i leave behind will carry a piece of my heart for the rest of their lives. but i have to continue to move forward and allow my heart to grow anew, instead of backtracking and trying to reclaim those parts of me again in them.

“Are you moving on from me with him?” He asked while rubbing his already dirty converse into the ground.

“No,” she responded, almost immediately, “I’d never do that. Moving on from you… that’s my own fight, I would never involve him in that.”

“Then why does it feel like you are? You do all the things we did with him, it’s like you’re replacing me with somebody else.”

—  somebody else. | a.m

some days, when i wake up i have to hotwire my smile and change the battery because i am stuck on overdrive, and i was left on, running in the wee hours of the night. some days stepping out of bed is more so like stepping onto a tight rope above an ocean. the waves are so enticing, so pretty, they’re lapping at my feet convincing me that the fall is okay, that the deep ocean will cushion my fall. but i keep walking anyways. because the ocean is full of secrets and one of them is that no matter how hard you swim, once you’re out far enough, you can’t escape its current, its waves. one little knick and you could trigger a shark attack. it’s deep, it’s dark, and it’s dangerous. so i keep walking. i keep up the journey, no matter how many times i lose balance, stumble, or fall. no matter how many times i have to stop to rest. i still carry on because i know that eventually it has to be okay. some days, i cry out to the sky because it seems to be the only one that really truly listens. because everyone else is so busy with their own vexations that they can’t really pay any mind to mine. so i scream and a thunderstorm breaks out to mask my sounds, the rain cascades from the clouds to dance with my tears. i realize, all of this pain and the gruesome journey of just trying to live isn’t beautiful, but sometimes the only way to survive, is by making everything seem like it is.