words cannot describe my awe

i have a lot of things i want to say about yoongi and this mixtape, the thoughts have been speeding through my head as i listen to it on repeat, my emotions are going haywire and i let tears fall multiple times, but at the forefront of everything, the one pulsing feeling thats sitting behind my eyes and resting on the tip of my tongue is the absolute respect im feeling for this man right now. the respect and pride i have after listening to what hes worked on, put his heart and soul into over the past two years, its enormous, immeasurable, my words are failing me i simply cannot describe my awe at all the hard work, the countless hours of sweat and tears hes no doubt put in.

as a person with mental illness who suffers from anxiety and depression, who is afraid and full of self loathing more often than not, who feels lost and struggles to find direction, i can imagine how terrifying releasing this mixtape must have been. how he must have been on edge laying himself out like that bare and with no front to hide behind waiting for our reaction. it must have taken so much strength, especially in the position that hes in as an idol, to expose himself to millions of people, all waiting to either hold him up like a god or tear him down.
i admire him.

i am filled with admiration. i am inspired.
i listen to his words and i am thankful that he chose to share them with us, more than just because it was amazing more than because it was ‘lit’, he opened his mind to us and what we were shown is something so many of us can relate to.
when someone wears their heart on their sleeve and dangles it over our gaping maws, the chance of snapping fangs catching, ripping, swallowing it up a terrifying possibility, no matter what you think of that person or if you like them or not, it is an action you cant help but feel utter respect for.
it was brave.

i look at agust d, suga, our min yoongi, and think 'if he can pull through it and make it, then so can we’.