Je suis juste l’une de ces très nombreuses âmes esseulées qui tentent de vivre sur cette terre. J’essaie de m’en tirer sans faire trop d’erreurs fatales. Il m’arrive parfois même d’avoir suffisamment pris le dessus pour essayer d’accomplir quelque chose de bien. C’est tout.
—  Jo Nesbø, L’homme chauve-souris. 
Totem

Noun

[toh-tuh m] 

1. a natural object or an animate being, as an animal or bird, assumed as the emblem of a clan, family, or group.

2. an object or natural phenomenon with which a family or sib considers itself closely related.

3. a representation of such an object serving as the distinctive mark of the clan or group.

Origin:
1750-1760; This Americanism came to English in the mid-1700s from Ojibwa.

“Many’s the savage I’ve run into who sees his totem in dreams or visions.”
- Philip José Farmer, The Dark Design, 1977

It makes me cry, you see. Realising that only in the lonely moments, when I’m solely by myself, I’m truly happy. I feel alive. But I also feel alone. Abandoned. Thrown at the edge of the universe. I try to find comfort in my solitude and enjoy the things I love in quietness. And I face a world that would never accept me, that would never understand me. So I sin, craving this world to be my friend.