honestly, do you want me or not?
i can’t keep sitting around stressing about who wants me and who doesn’t want me in their life. not once have i ever been sure if someone was serious about me, since day one it’s been all talk. “i want u” “i care about u” “i love u” and then they leave, they leave every fucking time. no, i’ve never been in love, no, i’ve never had something real, it’s always me helping the other person, and then we realize we were just “meant to be friends”… but maybe it’s not that, maybe it’s that they didn’t want it as bad as i did. maybe they didn’t have the passion, the motivation, or the strength that i did. “understanding love is one of the hardest things in the world” …. but one thing i know about it, is that you have to fight for it. you can’t just expect it to come easy, because it’s not. and you can’t keep giving up when it gets hard. i like to believe you have more than one soul mate in this world, maybe you’re meant to be lovers, maybe friends and either is okay. but if you find someone you have a deep connection with and someone who understands you and wants to know more about you, you should fucking go for it. talk about it, work on it, work for it, prove every fucking word you say because i swear to the entire universe actions speak so much louder than words. for example, i don’t believe one thing someone says until they prove it, thats why i always work so hard to go out of my way and prove what i say. all i know is that, love isn’t easy. it’s something you have to work for, everyone needs to learn how to open up because it’s something you have to talk about, show how you feel, prove what you say… trust and communication are the two biggest parts. but all in all… i’m here and i’m willing to work through this, work for this, i want this. i want something real. something worth it. any takers?

Imagine fanboy!Woozi trying to calm himself down after watching the comeback teaser for his favorite artist.

If you’re your flaws,
Then the earth’s only its dirt,
The ocean’s only its weeds,
And the sun’s only its starkness.

You’re more than your flaws, they’re only some undefined darkness // poetry at unexpected places pt. 3

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animuminati  asked:

Akaboku #21 !!!!!!!!!!!

#21) “We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm and you wanna stop and feel the rain?”

Bokuto keeping them late well past practice Akaashi could handle.  Akaashi could also handle Bokuto forgetting his umbrella forcing them to share for whatever minimal good it would do in the pouring rain.  Bokuto flying out from under the umbrella to get drenched in the downpour, silver hair plastered to his face and his white shirt clinging tightly to his skin? That he couldn’t handle.  

Lightning flashed overhead as Akaashi pulled Bokuto back under the umbrella for a kiss and a quiet,

“You taste like rain.”

He held a storm of a man in his arms—his love and ace.

“Your out of office message finally showed up. October 6th? Wow, you’re gone a really long time.”

“That’s actually not even the half of it. I left the office on September 12th and won’t be back until October 10th.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yep. And only one of those days was vacation. Granted, I’m working from home a bit between visits, but yes - going a full month without setting foot in the office is a Thing now.”


“Well, I’m saving a lot on groceries.”

W O N W O O #1: Summer Work

Word count: 2600 words

A/N: man, these stories are getting longer on every member.. I like it though. I’m also planning on writing a part 2 on this story. Tell me if you think it’s good! Enjoy!


It was yet another summer vacation for you. And this could mean two things- to work or not to work. You sighed at the thought because you’ve never actually worked before. NEVER.

With the suggestion given by your mom, which is, to work as a waitress at a local café, didn’t really spark up. This could also mean two things. You’re socially awkward or shy for one, and two, you’re just a lazybutt. Not surprising.

You came home one night after a long jog. You saw your dad reading a newspaper and looked serious as he always was. He was strict and protective mainly because you were an only child. You understood that nevertheless. Other than that, your dad was a total sweetheart.

“Welcome home my little girl. How was the jog?” He glanced at you then went back to reading.

You stretched and sighed. “Exhausting. At least summer’s here. I could spend the season at home.”

Your dad looked at you with a raised eyebrow as you turned around. “Nuh-uh missy. You gotta work instead of pigging out with your friends.” He tapped your right shoulder and patted your head.

“Besides, someone offered you a job.”

And that’s basically how you ended up standing in front of the Jeon’s residence. Sure, you knew the Jeons. Well just the patriarchal figure, because him and your dad were best buds in college. You never knew the family behind the doors.

You took your phone out to call your dad. “Dad? Are you sure this is the right address? It seems a bit off.”

You could hear your dad smiling through the other line. “Read out the address.”

Rolling your eyes with slight annoyance, you looked at the address stated on the column gate. “No. 177 Daejugyo Street, Geodaehan Manor, Seoul.”

Your dad chuckled. “It’s the right address. Go on in, I’ve got to finish my work. Alright?”

You wiped your forehead. “Alright dad, see you at dinner.” You took in a deep breath. It’s alright, the job’s probably a piece of cake.

-Ding dong-

In just a matter of seconds, the gate swung open.

“Oh hello Y/N! You’re just in time! Come in, come in!” A lady in a white dress welcomed you. “My my! You’ve grown up to become a beautiful lady. Your parents raised you well!”

This must be Mrs. Jeon, your mind told you.

The stoned aisle led to the front door with golden handles. Curiosity striked you and you couldn’t help your eyes from wandering around. You still looked anyway.

The house in front of you was similar to yours surprisingly. It’s just that this house was only two times larger than yours- two huge, rectangular marbled columns on the sides supported the upper floors. Their front yard had a swing, a fresh garden- a flower garden, that is- three branded cars, a fish pond, it also had a gym on the lower floor, and what seemed to be like a library on the top floor. Oh yes, VERY similar to yours.

“This is such a nice place. You must have a huge family.” You complemented for a good first impression.

“Thanks to your parents, they designed this house out of willingness. They didn’t really have to but since we do have six boys… and a daughter coming up,” she sighed as she patted her what seemed to be like a 9-month old belly. “They immediately volunteered.”

You squeezed this sides of your forehead with your thumb and forefinger upon realizing. Of course, Y/N, your parents designed their house. How could you forget?

You and Mrs. Jeon entered the royal house- that’s what you called it- when a baseball came flying towards you. You quickly ducked your head and the baseball broke the antique vase.

“Changwon! Seungwon! Daewon! Again with the baseball! This is the third time you broke your grandfather’s vase!” Mrs. Jeon called out.

You raised your eyebrows. Three little boys- who looked not less than seven- came out giggling with gloves and baseball bats. “Sorry, mom.” They said in unison.

Mrs. Jeon sighed. “I apologize for this Y/N. They got a little too excited knowing that a girl visitor’s coming over.”

You smiled awkwardly but you couldn’t help but feel sympathy towards the pregnant woman.

“I’ll help you clean the shattered vase, Mrs. Jeon.” You volunteered.

She flashed her eyes with panic and patted your head. “No, no. I’ll have the twins do it. Twins! Come out and clean the mess!” She paused for second. “I know you heard me!”

A while later, two figures came out.

“Why do we have to clean the mess the trio did?” one of them asked. “Exactly. Our math study session’s ruined now.” the other one in glasses whined.

“They’re too young to be handling sharp objects. You two should know better.” Mrs. Jeon explained.

The twins looked at you. “Who’s this?”

“U-uh I’m Y/N.” You stuttered, a blush of pink rose on your cheeks. You’ve never seen twins who were this good looking before.

“Oh hey. I’m Jinwon and this is Jaewon. Can you do math?” Jinwon smiled. Jaewon nudged him.

“Yeah. I’m pretty good at it.” You nodded.

“He meant statistics and calculus.” Jaewon added.

“Then I don’t. Sorry.” You chuckled.

“Oh well. Talk to you later, noona.” The twins bowed and left to clean the mess.

Mrs. Jeon patted your shoulder and smiled. “Y/N, let’s go to the kitchen and talk about your work we have for you, shall we?”

“Of course, Mrs. Jeon.” You followed, giving her smile.

“Oh no need to be too formal! Just call me Aunt Eunmin.” She said as she waved. “Tea or coffee?”

You told Aunt Eunmin that tea would do. You weren’t a tea fanatic until you tried your grandmother’s special recipe when you were eleven. Since then, you opened yourself to try out various kinds while you do your schoolwork. Speaking of work, your dad spoke nothing regarding the ‘work’ you were going to have.

“Here’s your tea, Y/N. Earl grey milktea is definitely a family favourite. I hope you don’t mind.” Aunt Eunmin handed you the tea as she sat down.

“It’s alright. It’s actually my favourite too.” You told her, taking a delicious sip. “What kind of work do you have for me, Aunt Eunmin?”

“It’s a simple task. ” She cleared her throat. “Although it is a bit challenging. Your dad told me you’re the perfect person for it.”

“I’m here to take on the challenge despite my introverted personality.” You confidently smiled.

“Oh good!” She clasped her hand together.

You took another sip of the milktea, savouring the flavour that danced in your tastebuds. You enjoyed it until she said: “It’s babysitting the boys!”

You choked on your drink and managed to not make it obvious. “Pardon? Babysitting?”

Aunt Eunmin nodded with joy. “Yes!” Her joy was cut short as her phone rang. “Hello? … Of course, it wouldn’t be a bother! … Alright! … Goodbye!”

You cocked your eyebrow wondering who Aunt Eunmin was talking to.

“Y/N. That was your father on the phone earlier. He and your mom have to do a business trip for a month…”

Your heart started to beat uncontrollably. You knew what she was about to say and never have you ever felt so betrayed in your life.

“…You’ll be staying here for the rest of the summer!” Aunt Eunmin hugged you.

You gulped. Knowing it’ll be a ‘fun’ summer this year. Thanks mom and dad, you thought.


Still the very same day, the sunrays formed a smile throughout town. But then at 7pm, the rain poured an ocean. It was summer but you’ve never understood its moodswings.

You were teaching the triplets their summer homework until the door vigourously swung open. You squinted your eyes as you turned, startled. A tall half-soaked in rain figure appeared at the doorsteps. He was wearing a black hoodie and jeans. As he put his hoodie down, the triplets immediately stood up to hug him. “Wonwoo-hyung! You’re home!”

Won..who? Jeon… Wonwoo? Your eyes widened when you realised who it was.

Jeon Wonwoo went to the same university as you did. He was a librarian during his freshman year and it was rumoured that he loved books. He was also a part of the student council of your year. He was extremely popular and quiet. His cold voice and handsome looks never failed to swoon every girl in the school hallways. You agreed to every single bit of it. Especially the 'handsome’ part.

How’d you know all these information? Simple, one of your close friend was head over heels for the deep-voiced Wonwoo. Little did you know you were falling for him too.

“Hey little bros! Have you finished your homework yet?” Wonwoo knelt down hug and place a kiss on their little foreheads.

*cough* Dad material *cough*

“Almost! Y/N-noona is teaching us.” they answered yet again in unison.

“Y/N-noona?” Wonwoo asked, tilting his head. He looked up to check who you were. As he did, his eyes found their way to yours. He gave you an assuring smile that seemed to have said a 'thank you’.

You, on the other hand, was so mesmerized by his gorgeous-looking, but stoic face. The Jeons are indeed a good-looking family.

After teaching the triplets their homework, you went up to check on the twins. They have finished their assignments apparently. Stretching your body from all the 'babysitting’,  you decided to go around the house as the younger five have gone to bed. It was already 9pm.

The Royal House of the Jeons was a masterpiece, and you wondered why your house wasn’t like this extravagant. Obviously it was a fact that you were an only child but it wouldn’t kill to have a house like this huge. You wanted to cry.

Walking through the hallway that flashed orange lighting, you’ve passed through a timeline of family portraits-most of which are Wonwoo’s. The eldest son looked too cute to not be noticed. He definitely grew up to be a very handsome young man.

Your hand reached out to touch the photo when a voice spoke.

“What are you doing out here this late?”

You turned around, it was Wonwoo. “Oh. I-I was just walking around until sleep calls me in.”

He squinted at you as if you said the stupidest thing ever. “I see. Follow me.”

He gestured his hand out for you to follow him. You did. Though unexpectedly, he held your hand. You wanted to shake it off but that only caused him to hold your hand tighter.

Walking beside him, Wonwoo led you to a door at the end of the hallway. It revealed a spiral staircase. You thought it led to the rooftop, but you weren’t prepared on what you were about to see when you got there.

It was a actually rooftop library. A big one. You’ve never seen anything like it. It was a first, and as a literature student, this was paradise.

“This.. Is .. Amazing. T-this could be a bookstore!” You gasped with both of your hands covering your mouth, slowly twirling around.

Your innocent twirl made him giggle a bit. “Right?” He turned to you, smiling. “I knew you’ll like this. The rooftop library.”

Your lips parted when you heard this. “How did you know? We don’t even know each other well.” You awkwardly scratched the nape of your neck.

“I.. Well.. I have my ways.” He stuttered, looking away. “Y-you can go read if you want, Y/N, we have all–” before he could even look at you once more, you were on the run, searching for books to read. “genres..”

Wonwoo enjoyed looking at your little outburst- your hunger for reading. His eyes followed your movement going back and forth from shelf to shelf. Knowing you could take your time, he sat on the dark blue bean bag.

“Wonwoo?” You called out. Hearing you call his name made him all jumpy.

“Yes?” He called back. He went to where you were and saw you reaching out for a book you couldn’t get your hands on.

“I wanted to get that white one. It’s too high though.” You pouted.

“Alright. I’ll help you.” He smiled.

You fiddled with your fingers, waiting for him to reach for the book or to get a stool. Then you felt arms wrapped around your thighs.

“W-what? Wonwoo?? What are you doing??” You panicked as you struggle to turn around.

“I’m helping you duh.” He answered without a hitch in his voice.

So that’s what he meant by 'help’.

You giggled as you took the book. Wonwoo’s form of help he did a minute ago was too cute.

“So, which book is that?” He peeked from behind.

“Eleanor & Park. I’ve been wanting to read this for a long time. I didn’t have the bucks for it back then. Good thing it’s here.” You looked back.

“Ah that book?” He scratched his head. “I’ve read it. That book i-”

“Nope. No spoilers please.” You put a finger to his lips to quiet down. Wonwoo blushed pink. He was cute.

“Then-” he picked the book up from you and sat on the huge bean bag. “I’ll read it for you.”

This time, you blushed pink. Why would he do that? Sure you guys were schoolmates but not this close. Although, it was fun to be around him.

You slowly sat beside him on the soft bean bag. He shifted closer to you, putting the book in a right angle so it was easy for you to see.

“I think we need a little bedtime story.” He said softly. You hummed an 'alright’.

“But I thought you’ve read this already?” You asked before he started reading.

“Nah. I was just messing with you.” He chuckled.

Wonwoo’s voice was soothing when he read the first few words of the book. He sounded better than a narrator would’ve read it. His voice was indeed low and cool, but in each word he said, there was sincerity, which you wished you could keep it as a ringtone.

“I like your voice, Wonwoo.” You mumbled.

You both took breaks and went sidetracks as you two read the book. You didn’t care how late it was because of each others’ company.

Halfway through the third chapter, Wonwoo felt something by his side. He turned around to see that you’ve fallen asleep on his shoulder. Daring to not make any moves, he just stared at your leaning figure. His lips curved into a smile because he had never met someone who was so devoted to reading, a bookworm, for that matter.

Wonwoo found you interesting when he was the librarian last year. Every day after lectures, he would see you by the window reading a series of books for hours. He never knew your name at the time. But every single move-the way you flip through the pages, the little giggles you’d make- and every details of your face had him anticipating of seeing you at the library more often. But of course, it was from a distance.

It was already 11:30pm, and Wonwoo felt sleep catching up to him. He mumbled a 'good night’ to you as he put his head on yours. You were half-asleep when you heard his night greeting, but you were too tired to respond.

All you knew for sure was that this summer was going to be memorable.

Originally posted by junhot

just an update on my life

I’ve finally gotten a date for my hospitalisation in the psych*atric department. its wednesday and I’m so relieved. I really hope they can help me

I’ve had some nasty suic*dal thoughts and also been too close to start self harm*ng. my d*pression has also just been really bad. but I’m tryna keep going. wednesday is tomorrow where I am, so it’s close. I can do this!!

tbh I’m also fucking scared lol… but I hope for the best <3

This Debate Is Hillary Clinton’s Kobayashi Maru — And Her Only Option Is Annihilation
Hillary wins if Trump bullies her, because sexism.

As no-win situations go, Hillary Clinton is facing her Kobayashi Maru in tonight’s debate with Donald Trump. The simulation has been programed for her to lose. Either Trump is going to be a misogynist windbag who dominates the debate, and the post debate coverage. Or he is going to be relaxed and disinterested, and the media will call him “Presidential” simply by dint of not visibly foaming at the mouth.

If Hillary fights, she loses. People will call her “shrill” or “angry” or whatever other word working-class whites use as a placeholder for “bitch” when in polite company. If Clinton is defensive, she loses. They will call her “defensive” regardless, but more so if she actually is. Trump will be called “strong” and “clear,” while Clinton will get dinged for giving detailed, nuanced answers. People are already warning Clinton not to be “too lawyerly”… in a debate… where someone will ask her if she violated the LAW! The die of crap has already been cast, and the odds are not in her favor. …

Hillary Clinton is not the Enterprise, she’s the cargo ship. You can’t understand what she’s up against tonight without also understanding the deep forces of sexism that have crafted tonight into what it is. There is no space in American politics for a woman who valiantly fights to the death. The woman who can shout down the bully makes men uncomfortable. You’ll note that the first time Star Trek fans see the Kobayashi Maru, the captain on the bridge is Lieutenant JG Saavik, an implacable Vulcan woman who is allowed to show no emotion as she dutifully gets her ass kicked. All she can do is complain that the test was “not fair.” …

Hillary isn’t allowed to win, she’s just set up to die well. And if Trump shows “mercy,” and doesn’t call her a bitch, or doesn’t bring up her husband’s infidelity, or doesn’t walk over to punch her right in the mouth, well, that’s just Trump being “presidential.”

But seriously, read the whole thing - excerpts can’t capture the brilliance of the analogy.

Queen Vivi AU

so we have plenty of medieval aus with royal arthur, even royal lewis, but yall know something I haven’t seen? queen vivi.

(disregarding technicalities of her marrying art/lew and becoming one that way)

but queen/princess vivi. with Mystery as her advisor/steward. or heck even the king himself (either as her father or actual husband).

she’s energetic but just, and while yes, she has to marry politically, no one bats an eye when she takes two boys as courtesans/male-mistresses/companions/side-lovers/whatever-word-works-google-isn’t-helping-me-out-here.

there’s the blacksmith’s apprentice with inquisitive eyes and gangly limbs, and the royal chef’s son working as a stablehand, well muscled and soft-faced.

(the people who know about her boys don’t realize she’s not going back and forth between the two though, that they aren’t just there for pleasing Her Majesty when summoned. wink wink.)

so long as they sire no children and she stays ‘pure’ for her future/current husband (haha yeah about that…), she can do as she pleases with them.

(it’s not uncommon for people of her standing, after all, to take lovers of their own choosing while marriage is used solely as a political bargaining chip.)

One panic attack later

Yeah, sorry for stopping updates early today. I received word at work that my company is going through an acquisition. As in, another company is buying mine.

There are a lot of unknowns right now, but I do know that nothing is going to change for the next 6 months. After that, there will be some restructuring. Everyone at work feels good about it, and recognizes the opportunities.

But I had a panic attack when I got home, because all I could see was the possibility of getting laid off.

I’m okay now, but I’m emotionally exhausted.

new genre concept: soft apocalypse

the world as we know it has ended and mother nature starts taking back what’s hers. there are no zombies or cannibals or murderous bandits. the most valued members of the community are those who know how to garden and farm, sew and weave, treat wounds, work wood or build with bricks, cook from scratch. 

people bond together to begin rebuilding instead of killing each other. everyone teaches each other whatever they do know and works together to figure out the stuff none of them know. books become incredibly valued resources because they’re often the only way to learn critical information. if someone is elderly, disabled, or otherwise unable to work at the same level as most of the community, they’re taken care of by the others, not told any sort of “survival of the fittest” bs.

as the generations ware on, communities begin expanding into small cities. some of the settlements even find ways to repurpose solar or wind power on a small scale and have electricity in some of their buildings. storytellers wander the countryside telling tales of the old world in return for some hot stew or a place to rest for the night, and the mythos of the new world start to incorporate elements of the past. the only thing that remains constant is that humans survive, and they do it by working together.

When you wake up, wake up with determination and gratitude that more opportunities are waiting. Each and every day is a gift, and another chance for us to make a positive impact.
I think a lot about killing myself, not like a point on a map,
but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave.
See, when I’m up I don’t kill myself because, holy shit, there’s so much left to do!
When I’m down I don’t kill myself because then the sadness would be over, and the sadness is my old paint under the new, the sadness is the house fire or the broken shoulder. 
I’d still be me without it,
but I’d be so boring!
—  Neil Hilborn, excerpt from The Future x