It’s 4 am and i’m thinking about all the things i never said to you.
I miss the way the light made your lips look
I miss the way you used to trace my veins with your fingertips
I miss the way sleep was pushed through my lips when I whispered your name,
And even though you were asleep I swore I could see you smile.
It’s 4 am and i can’t stop thinking about you.
The feeling of your hair on my face and your breath on my neck and your heart beating against my arm,
The feeling of your fingers in my hair and your eyes on my face
You know, you always woke up before I did.
But it’s been eight months since I’ve really woken up at all.
I can’t seem to find sleep like I used to.
And now it’s 4 am and I’m in a stranger’s bed and I’m laying on his chest but it feels nothing like yours and his heartbeat isn’t lulling me to sleep like yours used to and I can’t breathe properly.
My breath keeps getting caught in my throat but I have to be quiet because I know if I wake him up that he won’t hold me and make me a cup of tea like you used to.
And I know you’ve moved on without me and you’re happy now but I’m not.
And I don’t mean to be selfish but sleeping without you is the worst I’ve ever slept.
It’s 4 am and I wish I never woke up without you next to me.