Zaibatsu fans, I give you: the majestic WOOLIE MAMMOTH.
Yes, it’s an awful joke, my Photoshop skills suck, and I won’t be at all surprised if it’s been done before, but I don’t care. I’m not sorry at all.
For your information, paleontologists have determined conclusively that the Woolie Mammoth (Mammuthus ubiestmahvelous) subsisted mainly on pies stolen from tribes of Neanderthals, had an inexplicable hatred for smaller animals, lived in utterly filthy nests of its own construction (dubbed “Woolie Holes” by the scientific community), and eventually went extinct due to a tragic, species-wide inability to locate Mahvels.
In Canada a strange hole was recently discovered during construction, but authorities are refusing to say exactly where due to public safety concerns.
A team was sent into the hole as it was at first thought to be an undiscovered cave, but it was soon revealed to be something much more bizarre.
Near the entrance were many pie tins carelessly tossed around, but all had been thoroughly licked clean without even a crumb of pie left in them. Over the past year there had been a mysterious string of pie thefts in the area, so at last the mystery as to where they all wound up had been solved. But… How did they get there in the first place?
Tintin comics, Predator related merchandise, and various other things were found, but it became much more disturbing the further the team went inside. For unknown reasons a shrine containing a broken Hulk doll with the words “Never forget” were scrawled on the wall. Even worse was when the corpses of animals that were partially eaten and covered in chocolate syrup were found.
Eventually the team found a narrow passage so dark that even their flashlights could not penetrate it. There was only enough room for one to enter, so they used a Drummond Cave Radio in order to stay in contact with the brave man who volunteered. Shortly after he entered, tragedy stuck when suddenly his screams were heard on the Radio before suddenly going silent. The last thing heard was an unknown voice shouting “WHEN’S MAHVEL?!”
The remainder of the team immediately left the cave. Sadly, it was decided it was too dangerous to attempt a rescue and there are plans to seal the mysterious hole off.
FINALLY I get to make the Super Best Friends Zaibatsu in all their huge nerd glory. For those who don’t know, youtube Two Best Friends Play. First up is Woolie! Since Woolie is the one that ordered these plushies I figured I’ll make him first. I’m really proud of myself here! I think he turned out super adorable X3 I’ve never done yarn hair before, but it really turned out spectacular. I’m also really proud of his hat. It’s one of those hats that has the hole in the back for his dreads to come out. I always love when I get to crochet hats for plushies! Anywho, Wooile is 1 of 4 plushies for Woolie from Two Best Friends Play!
I'm kinda new to TBFP. Don't know too much about you yet, I just know that you live in... The Woolie Hole? You like pie, ate expired cake before and it was bad, and it seems to be a thing to say that you've killed someone... The person that got me into TBFP hasn't explained anything about that to me at all. I see/hear so many things about you randomly so idk what to believe. It's all interesting though.
Welcome to Woolie lore. Where the lies are truths and the truths are less funny. Don’t try to understand, just think of my lore as a wiki.
Originally I planned on sending these to the Zaibatsu MailBag but since they are no longer doing that I thought I should post them here.
Pat: An old god awoken from his slumber by his undying hatred for David Cage and Face Off, Pat Dominus Pyro Maximus angrily wanders the earth, unleashing his lava bearded wrath upon the innocents.
Matt: When American scientist first sent rockets up into space, not only did they discover that there was a god, but they had accidentally killed him…with the rockets. So they shoved the deity’s corpse to Canada, who shoved God’s skull into a mech and sent it back to America. Now Mattchanical is the God of America, fighting foreign beast with his radical hyper Axe.
Liam: After the Magic Girl wars of 1992, star fragments of immense magical power were scattered across the globe. A young rising super star found a piece and used it to stuff his body pillow. His body absorbed the star energy over time and turned him into STARLIAMUS! Senpai of the monsters!
Woolie: A samurai warrior, Woolie had been a prosperous fighter, but after stealing the Emperor’s prized Reece’s Pieces pie, he was banished. After years of exile Woolie prayed to his personal lightning god, Zubaz, and wanted to atone for his sins. Zubaz transformed Woolie into a hero of incredible power, Sentai Ultra Primus. S.U.P. , using his inter-dimensional Woolie holes, he traveled through time and space to fight all the evils of history, summoning his Katana when things get russeled.
my favorite part of the Woolie vs. Japan videos is the looks on the old women’s faces when they see that the dreaded oni Grandma Swamp has escaped from the Land of Wind and Ghosts to spirit them away to his Woolie Hole.