woody is the best

I am afraid



Two insults I wrote in fic also showed up in the show. TWO.

1) Amy referred to Buddy as Woody from Toy Story. I gave that joke to Dan in Best Laid Plans.
2) Uncle Jeff called Jonah “The Giant from the Jizz Lagoon.” I had Dan call him “The Giant from the Spunk Lagoon" in Lightweight. (Jizz Lagoon is definitely better mind you it - it has assonance, so rolls of the tongue more easily)

To be clear, I am fully aware that it’s a coincidence. Fully. They’d probably already filmed the scenes at the time I wrote them.

But just how disturbed should I be at my ability to write Veep level insults?

look. woody allen’s annie hall infamously won over star wars (1977) for best picture so i have reason to believe that woody allen has cast some demonic cursed energy on star wars winning awards which will only be broken when he dies. anyways this theory is basically is just me saying woody allen should die

Eleanor’s Introduction (Then & Now)

Today marks 5 years since the very official Twitter Welcome Committee made everyone aware of who Eleanor Calder was on Twitter and what her role was going to be going forward. 

So Eleanor had been on Twitter for over a month on 17 March 2012 and had tweeted herself 260 times, but that didn’t stop everyone under the sun affiliated with Louis from “welcoming” her to Twitter. This was, miraculously, the day before she flew into NYC to spend the week with Louis. Even MORE stunning: it was the same week Up All Night was released in America and the summer headlining tour was announced and tickets went on sale.

It should be noted, this all began 30 minutes before the signing in Somerdale, NJ began (read: the exact time when the Twitter and Tumblr fandoms were most active waiting for pictures/fan reports).

  • Eleanor begins to tweet her own update accounts and 1D Fans around 1:30 pm EST ( x
  • Dan tweets Eleanor “The lady that doesn’t tweet is now on Twitter! Hiya lovely how are you? Xx” to which Eleanor replies “I am indeed! Hello! I’m very well thank you :) how are you? Receovered from your lads holiday?! Haha x" 
  • 17: Woody Darling, Jay’s best friend, then tweets Eleanor for the first time 3 minutes later ”@amassive1Dfan no @eleanorJCalder and @DaniellePeazer had their own party #nottobeseenwiththeoldies x" ( x )
  • 17: About 45 minutes later, George, Woody’s son, tweets Eleanor for the first time “glad to see you have joined the revolution ell, hope you are ok :)” to which Eleanor replies “Georgeee! I’m fine thank you babe :) I recognise your picture, is that from new year?! Xx” ( x )
  • 17: George replies to Eleanor “I am glad to hear it :) yes it is - it was such a good night! Hope all is well and you’re behaving yourself! Haha x” to which Eleanor replies “I’m always on my best behaviour! Hope your thumb has fixed itself! See you soon xx” ( x )
  • 17: Eleanor begins to call out fake twitter accounts ( x
  • 17: Louis tweets Eleanor directly for the first time at 7:24PM “Miss you ! X” ( x ) 17: Eleanor responds to Louis’ tweet 10 minutes later “Miss you too, got your biscuits! X” ( x
  • 18: Louis finally follows Eleanor on Twitter ( x )
  • 18: Eleanor wakes up, tweets a fan ( x )
  • 18: Em, Eleanor’s cousin and a 1D fan, tweets her for the first time “You have so many followers already, lordy Lord!xx” to which Eleanor replies “Crazy!! Xx” ( x )
  • 18: To make sure she authenticates who Em is, Eleanor tweets her 6 minutes later “Don’t forget it’s Grandma’s birthday today toooo! Xx” ( x )
  • 18: Danielle (Liam’s then girlfriend) tweets Eleanor like Eleanor just got a twitter account yesterday “Really happy to have @EleanorJCalder join the Twitter World! I can now tweet about our antics and tag her in it! Xx” to which Eleanor replies “Woohoooo! :) #coffeeeverywhere xx” ( x
  • 18: Danielle tweets “@Real_Liam_Payne has said he’s not going to follow @EleanorJCalder unless we can get #therewasacrazymoose trending….let’s gooo! Xx” ( x
  • 18: Eleanor follows @DeleanorArmy ( x
  • 18: Eleanor arrives in NYC around 7PM local time


They coordinated this effort around a fan signing event, the album release in the U.S., and the announcement of the summer tour. 

They used 3 of the 9 perception management strategies:

  1. Credibility – Employ actors and organizations that will lend authenticity to the campaign
  2. Multichannel support – Supporters of the campaign should come from multiple levels – personal, professional, public, private, etc.
  3. Coordination – The flow of information should be centralized at the top of a chain of command

And nearly 5 years later, this is very much like how they reintroduced Eleanor to the current scenario. In both cases she was:

  1. She was waiting in the wings to be introduced to the fans when the timing was right
  2. She was authenticated by accounts known to be “official” by fans
  3. She participated just enough to lend credibility to the authentication
  4. Recap stories were written about her and Louis’ “relationship” to date to remind fans of who she was and why she was important

Their tactics this time around aren’t quite as overt as asking fans to trend something stupid to get Liam to follow her (*cringe*), but they had Louis’ sisters accounts like pictures hours after the official Danielle and Louis breakup confirmation in the Sun. They have public “friends” following Eleanor update accounts (James Arthur) and James Corden following Eleanor on Twitter. 

It’s all the same pieces working in the same way to create a story that, on the surface, seems plausible, but in reality is just smoke and mirror social media activity to give the press enough to write a story. 

I know this isn’t anything knew, but the date reminded me of just how coordinated both of these little campaigns were and how easily they promoted the agendas of 1DHQ both times. 

(And, sadly, I don’t think they went to the same effort again  to pull the rug out from under Elounor after 4-6 weeks. I think this will last several months). 


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Mojave Mormon Tea Sale - $6 per bundle

What is it? It’s a plant that grows wild in the Mojave and is known for it’s energy benefits. It is natural Ephedra and brewing a tea out of it and drinking it gives you energy. It has also been used to help with minor aches and pains for centuries. 

I go out into the desert and find the best looking bushes that are green and healthy. I harvest the green woody stems from them and make sure I don’t have anything but the best looking parts then I bundle them in cotton thread and sell them. 

Right now flower buds are just starting to appear on the tea stems and they give it slightly more flavor. 

What does it taste like? My taste buds aren’t that great but several people have told me it tastes like herbal tea with a hint of juniper or pine and some chamomile mixed in. It’s a pretty pleasant flavor and I take my tea straight but with sugar it’s not bad. I usually brew it up then cool it down for iced tea and drink it later. 

The tea itself is a yellowish/green color and brews up easily. 

How do you brew it? Simply put the same way you do with any other tea. If you have infuser you can use that or if you don’t you can use a paper towel. Measure out an inch and cut it off with sheers, a steak knife or break it off with your fingers. then put that in your infuser or paper towel and steep it in hot water for five minutes. It will brew up a mug of decent tea that gives you more energy than a cup of coffee. 

I am selling the bundles for $6 dollars each, this includes shipping. The bundles are around seven to eight inches long and have enough tea in them for seven to eight mugs worth. I will give discounts for bigger purchases. 

$6 for one

$11 for two

$15 for three

If you are interested message me and I will give you my Paypal information or I can also take cards. 

I drink this stuff pretty regularly and I love it.