wood bend

We were attempting to quietly get inside a castle to kill they're psychotic king and save a dragonborn princess...

DM: The door is locked and cannot be picked. 

Paladin (Half-Orc): I choose to break the door open quietly.

DM: You can’t just…break a door quietly.

Fighter (Human): What if he bends the door from the top?

DM: IT’S A WOODEN DOOR. YOU CAN’T BEND WOOD.

Fighter: Well we know that, but does the door know that?

DM: You can’t be serious.

Cleric (Harpy): Yeah who says the door knows it can’t bend!

DM: For fuck sake fine I’ll roll for the DOOR’S intelligence.

(rolls a 1)

DM: Oh my fucking god.

Paladin: Hell yeah! All right so I quietly bend the door open…

Races of The Elder Scrolls as dogs and cats

Imperial - Weimaraner

Breton - Scottish Deerhound

Redguard - Rhodesian Ridgeback

Nord - Jämthund

Altmer (High Elf) - Oriental Shorthair

Bosmer (Wood Elf) - Abyssinian

Dunmer (Dark Elves) - Ukrainian Levkoy

Orsimer (Orcs) - Pallas’s Cat

Khajiit - This Cat

Argonian - ???

If you ever need to motivate yourself to study, just think that you are Elle Woods in Legally Blonde trying to get into Harvard. And also Elle Woods trying to ace her classes and prove to everyone that she isn’t some dumb blonde.

Originally posted by reversethesurface

IS THIS A JAB AT THE MUSHROOM DISCOURSE YOU RUDE ASS MOTHERFICKER I SWEAR TO GOD

F I N E

- Newt has a traveling suitcase but it is way less comfortable in there. The habitats are focused on the ground layers and everything is generally dark and damp.

-there’s recreations of rainforests from around the world with canopies of heavy leaves and spells that have water frequently dripping down. There are caverns and piles of dead wood and funguses that bend time around them instead of bioluminescing.

-he also has a much brighter section filled with fairies and gnomes. He gives them a safe place to stay mostly undisturbed and, in return, they let him study the mushrooms made by their midnight dances or the ones they grow for homes.

-he finds and writes down several useful magic properties of the fairy and gnome mushrooms, then burns the notes to keep people from harvesting them

-he has no sense of what is or is not “creepy” and frequently brings down carcasses he goes to find of magical creatures (nothing but natural cause deaths of course!) and then sits and takes notes of what sort of fungi grow at each stage of decomposition. And man there is some weird creepy shit that grows on magical creature carcasses

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Legally Blonde is the movie of the day! Love the Bend and Snap!