wont someone love me

there’s never going to be another john watson like the one martin freeman gave us and i just can’t get that out of my head like- i cannot believe that this show has failed an actor like him so spectacularly?? like its the saddest thing to be- because we’re going to write more and more, and we’re going to sing praise for him until the end of time but it just /isn’t fair/ that they reduced someone like martin to THAT. like my bi-montly spark issue came in a few days ago and someone wrote that martin’s john was positively electrifying and its just haunting me like SERIOUSLY haunting me. i’m still tinhatting, but in the grand scheme of things i really do believe they’re done. and i’m left mourning something that made me into who i am today, and its so dumb but like they deserved so much better. i can’t believe i’m being left in the cold like this, that i had to watch mofftiss kill EVERYTHING that they spent years perfecting. its just heartbreaking- and i wish there was a grave for bbc sherlock because the more i look at it, its been dead since season 2 ended. its just the worst. im so sad.

I don't have anyone. But I don't want anyone. Inwanna have nobody because if I have nobody then nobody can miss me

This is exactly what I typed to the guy I love. I was drunk so please excuse the mistakes in it but you get the point. I hate that I told this to him and I hate that I admitted to it at all because him and I have been off and on for the 6 months. I can’t seem to let him make me happy because I don’t know how too. I have such bad commitment issues. I hate that I do because I only want to be with him. But I’ve never loved someone like I do him. I wont let him give me the world he thinks I deserve because I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve him. -L

things people submit
  • Aries: I get so frustrated when people waste my time taking their time. Like "let's get a move on people, there's only so many hours the sun is out!!"
  • Taurus: I hate how I love routine to the point where Im not able to leave a toxic relationship. My stubbornness wont let me give up on someone I love even though I know they are no good for me.
  • Gemini: There's a distinctive flaw in my personality - it's ever changing. I can't even decide what style I want to wear. One day I'll wear all black and the next I'll wear flower crowns and floral clothes. My personality changes like my dress sense does.
  • Cancer: It's true that we are very sensitive, but we can keep our emotions for us without showing anyone. It's weird because we always try to show our toughness but yet people say we are sweet and kind but when we are alone we can count on just our strength, yet often I wish people didn't confuse our kindness with weakness.
  • Leo: I am constantly in need of attention. Not only from my boyfriend, but from all of my friends. I crave people falling in love with me. Nothing is more devastating to me than being a second choice.
  • Virgo: I'm really needy I wilt without attention from my close friends but I feel like I'm bothering everyone when I want to talk about my problems because I'm so used to doing the helping. Then I feel selfish for wanting help in return.
  • Libra: A lot of people tell me Im pretty and forget my intelligence. I feel like ppl care more about the physical than whats inside. Ive been told many times that ppl were surprised Im also smart because I look pretty. That depresses me.
  • Scorpio: I find that I like to have control of things, so I often take the place as the leader of the group, and when I am not I have very strong opinions on things and express them without a filter, and often take the place as a co-leader, I also find that it is easy to tell people what to do.
  • Sagittarius: It's true clingy people do annoy me. If you bother to stop me from having fun I will immediately drop my smile and give you the scariest death stare you've ever scene. Stop me from exploring places where adventure lies ahead and you'll be next on my kill list.
  • Capricorn: I come off as aloof, cold and shy when in reality I'm just at peace, observing. I'm afraid this trait of mine will push people away and that they find me boring, arrogant or stuck up. I want love but I'm afraid of vulnerability.
  • Aquarius: I don't like people that don't know how to keep a conversation going it annoys me on a level that is extreme because if ur awkward then I'm gonna get awkward and there's gonna be a uncomfortable silence. No.
  • Pisces: I am constantly torn between everything in life. One day I think I want my life to be stable and become a normal upper middle class citizen then the next I want to run away to a strange place with nothing but a camera. It's this way with everything in my life.

Its been 47 days since you left, I’m not counting anymore. Sure, my heart still pounds that tiny bit faster when I see you, my eyes linger on your face longer than they should, and thats okay.
You broke down a thousand walls when you walked out, ripped my heart into jigsaw pieces and set my lungs on fire, I don’t know what you expect but I have always been so much more than what you saw in me.

I saw the world in you, but you will never be anything more, than an inkblot on my page, a story only worth reminding myself about when someone better comes along.
You were merely a spec of dust in my galaxy, 222 pages of my life, and thats okay.
I am an entire book, A thousand thunderstorms rolled into one, I am a natural disaster, built to take on more than whiny boys, whose eyes resemble oceans, and freckles resemble constellations.
You, are just a pretty face.

You provided a service, filled with shitty half assed excuses on why I wasn’t worthy of your time.
Maybe you should have worn a watch, taken notice of what you had, realised your time wasn’t so special after all.

I wasted the last 42 days of my life on a cliche, the idea that I needed you around, when I have never needed anyone who does not need me.
I have never needed anyone who doesn’t care enough to stick around after the fallout.
I have never needed you.
You were something I wanted, something I thought I was lucky enough to get, but god, I could never, have been so wrong about someone.
The hopeless romantic side of my brain kicked in, and you became this character, someone I fell in love with, but all you were was a disappointment, a shitty one liner, a half written symphony.

I spent the last 5 days realising you are everything wrong with a breakup, heck, you were wrong with our relationship too. You are promising to be “friends” and a “soon” that never comes. You’re an “I’ll miss you” but not enough to do anything about it, you’re a promise to “be there” despite the fact you don’t know where there ever was.
You’re a pretty face, a character I can easily erase.
I have spent 42 days wishing you would come back, and maybe all of that time I knew you never would, but in the past 5, hell, maybe even in the past 47, I have learnt more about you, then I ever did, in the 222 days I spent with you.
And I sure as hell, do not like the person that you have become.
If that person is you at all.

—  269 days ago, if they told me it was going to end up like this, I sure as hell would not have invested myself in a storybook character.
When people leave they often take pieces of you with them, and it’s normal to think that you will never feel whole again. But remember, you built yourself from the ground up. Once upon a time, you created those pieces that are now gone. If you’ve done it once you can do it again. Rebuild. Rethink. Move on.
—  On the subject of leaving and being left

Some random ugly: izaya abused my friend whos name i wont say and i wont give any details but believe me!!

Someone we love: tea!!! Tea!!!

I will be more than “not that bad” for someone. I will be more than just a second or third choice to someone else. I will be enough to someone by just being me, being honest and won’t be scared to speak up my mind. I will be enough and i will be worth just as much as the time and efforts i will give. I won’t settle for something i don’t truly want ever again. I wont have to comprise myself for someone to love me. I will survive and i will be my old self back again like nothing ever happened. Like if u didn’t fuck me up and made it all like if it was my fault. Like if i was hard to love. Like if i was asking for too much. I wont hate you but i wont love you anymore.
—  autunmbabe

anonymous asked:

Do you want children when you're older? If so how many/ boy or girl/ and what would you call them? 😁

I’m still not sure tbh, the thought of childbirth creeps me the fuck out and children like ages 6-13 annoy the fuck out of me lmaoo. Maybe someday if I end up finding someone who loves me unconditionally and wont just stop texting me out of nowhere *salt* id love to have one girl

Rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… And most importantly, have fun!

tagged by: @seamusfinnigcn thank you, dude.

a - age: 13

b - biggest fear: never being good enough

c - current time: 12:24pm
d - drink you last had: water
e - every day starts with: “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and turning off my alarm

f - favourite song: i dont really have one
g - ghosts, are they real: dont know, dont care

h - hometown: by Twenty One Pilots
i - in love with: a person who wont love me back

j - jealous of: idflsi

k - killed someone: my old self, but the new me isn’t any better

l - last time you cried: earlier today
m - middle name: Emery

n - number of siblings: 2 brothers

p - person you last called/texted: idk

q - questions you’re always asked: “How do you spell your name?” or “Are you okay?”

r - reasons to smile: walisarimidwbabow
s - song last sang: idk

t - time you woke up: 6:10am
u - underwear color: red and blue

v - vacation location: anywhere in Europe 

w- worst habit: lip biting
x - x-rays you’ve had: well- the ocasional ones for teeth. and ive had x-rays for my ankle maybe three times

y - your favorite food: idk
z - zodiac sign: idc

tagging: whoever wants to do thisss

if youre put off by my outspoken mouth and my unapologetic passion for justice… if you have to tolerate my rants about social justice…. then why are you trying to date me? i wont ever want you.

you think ill accept you loving only the fragments of me you find easy to swallow? im insulted that you think i’d actually put up with someone who wont properly love all of me

ive discovered tonight that my biggest fear is i feel no one will actually ever love me. not like i wont find someone, but more that their love won’t be real. it terrifies the fuck out of me.