wonderful disaster

20 Wonder Woman things I loved

Spoilers y'all 

 1) Diana - she is so pure and good and absolutely magnificent and GAL GADOT Christ take the wheel 

2) Steve - broke my heart to fucking pieces with blue-eyed sincerity and the quiver in his voice when begs Diana for help 

3) THE FIGHT SCENES OMG THEY ARE SO GOOD I AM ATTRACTED TO ALL OF THE AMAZONS AND JESUS CHRIST THAT IS SIME GOOD STUFF RIG THERE 

4) No Man’s Land - I don’t know what it is because it’s not about people dying, but it’s the sheer EPIC scale of the hero sequence, the music, and the way Diana just lunges forward with her shield and just TAKES THE FIRE that brings tears to my eyes 

5) Etta - we fight with our principles 

6) Diana is bi 

7) REPRESENTATION EVERYWHERE 

8) Steve and Diana’s relationship: respectful and gentle 9) They don’t deserve you 

10) And Steve knows it 

11) SHIELD - The fact that Steve saw that move and remembered it and used it to HELP Diana 

12) how much of a LOVELY person Steve is: smart, charming, self-deprecating, and so deeply deeply human and scared 

13) CHRIS PINE NUDE???? 

14) DIANA BEING BADASS AND YOU NEVER GET TIRED OF IT 

15) When Diana just smashes through buildings with an unsuspecting soldier smashed through the wall - get wrekd 

 16) the values the film explores 

17) did I mention horses? Because horses! 

18) WOMEN EVERYWHERE (and in the crew too!) 

19) The WW THEME y'all 

20) Chris Pine: he is still making me bawl my eyes out. THE SPEECH. when he wishes he could tell Diana that there’s ONE man to blame but there isn’t and his voice just BREAKS. That broke me. Oscar worthy. His eyes tearing up and his hands clutching desperately at her. And he looks death in the eyes and is scare, but DOES THE THING ANYWAY. “I can save today. You can save tomorrow. I wish we had more time. I love you" 

 Extra: To Be Human Is To Love

Originally posted by hawkwoman

Originally posted by s0mewhereweaknessis0urstrength

4

“Who are you? Sarge, there’s some French gent at the door.”

anonymous asked:

Draco probably cries over how beautiful Scorpius is (lord knows i do)

Slytherins are out for pub night, Draco’s tipsy and showing pictures of Scorpius to his friends.

Theo: Wow, he looks just like you Draco.
Draco: *sniffling* I don’t know how we managed it, he’s too perfect. *wipes tears and takes out another album* and these are all from sunday.
Blaise: What happened on sunday?
Draco: Nothing, Scorpius just looked so beautiful in the afternoon sun.
Pansy: Draco this album has 500 slots.
Draco: *sobbing* Isn’t he the prettiest baby you’ve ever seen?? Isn’t he??

10

bernie wolfe + @ao3tagoftheday (2/?)

bonus:

Called It

A YouTuber AU SnowBaz fanfic for the Carry On Countdown

Penelope

Simon Snow’s first YouTube video is one of my favourites.  It’s as painfully awkward as any other YouTuber’s first video.  He sits up too straight in his chair, he smiles and laughs too mechanically, and the film quality itself is poor, with half of his words lost to shoddy editing. Yet despite all this, it’s adorable.

           And of course, it’s the origin of the biggest OTP on YouTube, SnowBaz.

           “Hi guys,” Simon waves at the camera, his hand going all pixelated at the movement.  “Welcome to the first video on my channel!”  He’s inserted a sound effect of people cheering.  I have to laugh.  It’s so damn cringe-worthy.

           He goes on for a few moments, trying to make jokes and jump-cuts that work, when finally, it’s everyone’s favourite part.

           “What are you doing, Snow?” comes a voice from off-camera.  My heart turns to mush.

           Baz.

           Simon’s new flatmate, or at least he was new at this point.

           “Making my first YouTube video,” Simon grins up at someone behind the camera.  “Come say hi!”

           “-bleep- no.”

           Even the censor sounds old, like it was stolen from the year 2007.

           Simon looks a bit panicked, like he’s realizing that he’ll have to edit out the swear word.  A door slams somewhere out of the shot.

           “That’s my new flatmate,” he tells us.  “His name is Baz.  He’s kind of a prat.”

           “Just you wait,” I whisper at my computer screen. “Just you wait.”

 ***

           Simon and Baz do not get along.  At all.

           That much is clear from the first video, but it become increasingly obvious as Simon posts more frequently.  He often films in the living room, which drives Baz insane.

           “Why don’t you film in your own room?” he says, audibly annoyed.

           “The lighting in there is terrible,” Simon protests.

           “Well, I’d like to be able to walk around my own flat, if you don’t mind.”

           “Go ahead, no one’s stopping you,” Simon shrugs. “Besides, the viewers keep saying they want to see you.”

           “Well, who wouldn’t?”

           Good old Baz.  Sarcastic and full of himself.  They don’t appear to realize it, but the two of them balance each other out perfectly.

           Little by little, Baz begins to make his mark on Simon’s channel.  At first we only hear him from off-screen, offering his two bits about nearly everything Simon has to say.  Many of his comments are admittedly quite mean and uncalled for, but Simon never edits them out.  Baz is the invisible heckler.  Viewers begin to latch onto this weird relationship of apparent hatred and, as YouTube viewers are wont to do, turn it into a new ship.  “SnowBaz” they call it, and before long the comment sections on all of Simon’s videos are full of things like “I ship it” and “OTP”.

           I try not to fall victim to this shipping trend myself.  It feels insensitive to me, shipping real live people that I’ve never even met like they’re objects of sorts.  But even I can’t deny that the two of them would be cute together.  Provided they stop hating each other.

           Then Baz appears onscreen for the first time.

           He’s on the couch in the background, facing away from the camera.  All we can see is long black hair.  He only moves when he’s shouting ridicule at Simon’s words.  Once he turns his head further to make himself heard, and we catch a glimpse of the light brown skin of his face.  This time the comments are all “is that Baz?” and “OMG BAZ”.

           After that he starts to appear more often. Sometimes he’s facing the screen, looking down at his phone or a book.  He’s tall, and his hair reaches his shoulders.  The expression on his face goes between concentration and a sneer, that latter of which he reserves for his heckling.  It doesn’t take long for people to start commenting on how attractive he is.  Still Simon leaves all the footage of Baz in his videos, not hiding a single rude comment from his viewers.

           Once, Simon tries to get Baz to join him for a “meet my flatmate” video.  Baz responds simply by flipping Simon off in the background, which Simon has to pixel out. He’s gotten better at editing at this point.

           Sometimes Simon posts daily vlogs on days when he does things that he considers exciting.  The things that Simon finds exciting are too cute for words.  They tend to be little events like going to a coffee shop, things that are almost mundane but for some reason they excite him. He does this thing where he dances when he’s excited.  He’ll bob his head cheerfully as he walks, glad to just be out.  He’s gone to the grocery store with Baz a few times in his vlogs.  Those videos are some of the best ones.  They bicker about everything from which kind of milk to get to who gets to carry the baskets.  Sometimes we can see Baz’s mouth quirk like he’s trying not to laugh, like all this bickering is just a game for him.  Of course, this sends the SnowBaz shippers into a frenzy, the idea that maybe, just maybe, Baz doesn’t hate Simon as much as he lets on.

           But there’s one video on Simon’s channel that is the absolute bread of life for anyone who ships the two of them.  Simon is doing a Q&A, and as usual Baz is sitting and reading in the background.

           “This question is from Twitter,” Simon says, reading off of his phone.  “They ask ‘Are you in love with anyone right now?’”

           And if you look closely, you can see Baz go rigid.

           “Well,” Simon leans in close to the camera, “I have been messaging with someone quite a lot.  I don’t know who the person is, but we’ve gotten really close and I’m starting to think -”

           “Could you keep it down, Snow,” Baz pipes up, his voice tight.  “I’m trying to read over here.”

           Simon doesn’t speak of it any further, but Baz sneaks glances at the back of Simon’s head more than once before the video is over. I don’t know how Simon could have not noticed it.  Certainly every single one of his viewers did, which is to say over a million people. Perhaps love is completely daft.

 ***

           When I arrive home from work on a particularly rainy day in October, I am delighted to open my computer and find that Simon is in the middle of a livestream.  Comments flow constantly from the sidebar and I settle in to join the party.  He’s in a different room this time, one with a neatly made bed on which he sits, and I gather that it’s his room.  It looks so clean, but I wonder if there’s a disaster hiding behind the camera.

           Simon leans towards us like he’s trying to read all of the comments and questions as they flood in.  He gets a lot of I love you’s and he grins in response, trying to return as many of them as possible.

           “I’ve got to go soon,” he tells us and I sigh in disappointment, “but I’ll answer a few more questions first.”  He’s quiet for a minute as all the viewers catch up with the stream.  “Here’s one: ‘Did you find out who was messaging you so much?’”  He pauses before answering.  “Funny you should ask, because yes, I did, and that’s a perfect segway into what I wanted to talk about.”  He shifts on his bed.  “I have a bit of an announcement -”

           His door opens behind him, and Baz in all his glory appears in it.

           Comments start flying in of “BAZ” and “OMG”

           “What are you doing?” Baz asks without a hint of a sneer in his voice.

           “Just filming a live show,” Simon tells him. He seems… nervous?

           “A live show, eh?”  Baz strolls over and – wonder of wonders – sits down on the bed next to Simon.  We’ve never seen him this close to the camera, and his eyes are this lovely mix of gray and green.

           We’ve also never seen him this close to Simon before.

           My heart kicks up a notch.  I’ve fallen down the slippery slope and now there’s no denying that I ship it completely.  I grab a pillow to hold to my chest and go into fangirl-mode, overanalysing every inch of their proximity.  With a click I maximize the screen, blocking the other comments from my view.  I want to see every pixel of this.

           “I was just going to make that little announcement,” Simon says, staring at his hands in his lap.

           “Ah,” Baz nods, apparently understanding.  “Go on, then.  Carry on, Simon.”

           Did he –

           Did he just call him Simon?

           He never calls him Simon!

           “I can’t do it if you’re here!” Simon protests.

           Baz gives a shrug.  “Then I’ll tell them.”

           He takes Simon by the collar and kisses him.  

           I scream into my pillow.

           Simon and Baz are kissing, right now, in front of millions of people.

           I can practically hear the collective aneurism that the fangirls are currently having.

           They’re still kissing, and Simon is grinning against Baz’s mouth.  It’s the most genuine smile he’s ever graced the internet with, and it’s not even for us.

           I’m tearing up, I’m so happy for them.

           Baz lets Simon go and turns to smirk at the camera. “That one’s for all you SnowBaz shippers out there.  Don’t think we don’t know.”  He winks. He fucking winks.

           And then he leaves.  

           Simon turns back to the camera, his cheeks red and his lips puffy.  He grins sheepishly.

           “Um, yeah,” he stammers, “that’s what I was gonna tell you about.”

           I tap the comment box.

           pennyforyourthoughts: Called it.

Bitch Squad Beach Getaway ft. the Baes

Bitches

  • Oikawa Tooru: “I am much better than anyone here.”
  • Miya Atsumu: “I know I’m better than anyone here but I don’t want to seem conceited like that other guy…”
  • Futakuchi Kenji: “Excuse you, I am not a bitch. I shouldn’t be here.”
  • Daishou Suguru: “Why am I being compared to these prissy, pretty boys…”
  • Tsukishima Kei: “I just want to go home.”

Their Baes/Brother

  • Iwaizumi Hajime: “I’m so sorry.”
  • Miya Osamu: “I’m so sorry.”
  • Aone Takanobu: *shakes his head*
  • Yamaka Mika: “These boys are kind of scary…”
  • Yamaguchi Tadashi: “Tsukki isn’t a bitch!”

Crack hcs

  • So the bitch squad was created by having a joint team meeting in which each team voted for their main bitch in their team
  • And they wanted to see what would happen if they were stuck with each other
  • Rip tsukishima
  • So this time their meeting is at the beach 
  • The bitches’ baes tagged along to keep everyone else out of trouble
  • “Beach!”
  • “…Bitch?”
  • Futakuchi and Daishou start playing pranks on the others bc they’re little devils but eventually they were stopped after their baes started hitting them
  • Oikawa and Miya won’t stop bickering
  • Miya would pretend to not even know who oikawa is so oikawa could turn all childish and petty and it just turns ugly
  • Tsukishima just watches all the drama go down while sipping strawberry lemonade from the safety of his tent that only he and yamaguchi can enter
  • Yamaguchi only tagged along so tsukishima wouldn’t be awkward and alone and he’s being a good friend but tsukishima doesn’t want to admit it out loud
  • Aone went along to swim in the water with his cute lil arm floaties and a ducky body tube but he eventually has to get out of the ocean to stop futakuchi from provoking the other people there (particularly oikawa)
  • Iwaizumi also wanted to wade in the water with his godzilla floatie but he eventually has to get out of the water and break up the fight oikawa and miya are about to start
  • Oikawa also keeps teasing iwaizumi about his floatie and iwaizumi begins to use it as a weapon
  • SFW version: “Iwa-chan that floatie looks just like you!”
  • NSFW version: “Iwa-chan you could be riding something else ;)))))))”
  • Either way rip oikawa he had it coming
  • Miya twins have no baes but they have each other (no this is not ouran)
  • Osamu also has to help iwaizumi break up the fights and tbh he’s so done with his brother and sometimes wishes he didnt share genes with him save this boy
  • Mika tagged along because she really likes the beach and wanted to be with her boyfriend but she also has to keep him in check 
  • Especially when he starts trying to piss off tsukishima bc he finds the kid interesting after hearing about him through kuroo
  • Poor kei was getting water and sand all over his anti-sun tent but he would only reply with a witty remark that would shut daishou down
  • With the pranks at least
  • Moral of the story is that if tsukishima, daishou, futakuchi, miya atsumu and oikawa were grouped up together, the world would end 
  • But it’d be entertaining to watch from a distance

3 am. Lasercorn was sitting on the porch of his house, his body shivering and aching from the newly forming bruises. At least he’d managed to grab his phone before slipping out tonight.

The battery was draining fast, and he was trying to think of who to text. Not Wes. His parents were strict about no cell phone after curfew. Sohinki needed as much sleep as he could get (or was too high, but who knew). Flitz was taking care of his siblings. Mari had been out at a rave. But Joven… maybe. He would be awake and his mom was at work so he’d have the car.

Lasercorn flexed his hand, blood dripping from his knuckles. He’d done a number on the front wall of the house after being kicked out for the night. With a sigh, he called Joven. “Hey. Wanna get Taco Bell?”

“I’ll be there in 10.” That’s what Lasercorn loved about Joven. He knew. He didn’t need to ask questions, didn’t expect answers. Was just there when he was needed. And that was making Lasercorn emotional, and he didn’t need to cry on top of everything tonight.

He laid back on the porch, closing his eyes as he waited for the familiar sound of Joven’s mom’s car that really needed the too-expensive repairs. But it ran, so that’s all that mattered.

He hardly opened his eyes as he got up to get in the car, sighing when Joven skipped the greeting. “Let me see your hands.”

He just laid them on the canter console, trying to pull them away when Joven started wiping the blood, a first aid kit out and ready. “Hey, keep them still or I’m not putting out tonight,” he teased, trying to keep the mood light.

Lasercorn just sighed, letting Joven wrap his hands. “I’m tired of this shit.” Joven didn’t say anything, letting him rant as they drove through the night. “One day I’m gonna run away. Never look back. Leave all this bullshit behind me.”

“What would you do?”

“Become a hitman. Make a good income, hide out in the mountains the rest of my life.” Lasercorn rubbed at his cheek, which would be a nice conglomeration of blues and blacks and purples in the morning. “Maybe I’ll let you guys come with me.”

“We wouldn’t want to get left behind.” Joven set his hand palm side up on the center console, an open offer for comfort that Lasercorn would usually turn down. But tonight it was needed, and he was glad Joven didn’t comment on it.

With Joven, he didn’t need to be tough. He could drop his walls just a little. But not too much. Never too much.

The rest of the drive was silent, leaving them to their own thoughts, hands linked just a little too tightly. But the pressure was welcome, reminding them they were both okay.

No words were exchanged as they got to Taco Bell, holding hands still once they were out of the car. They ordered food, Joven paying with a few too many spare coins. They sat in a booth and just talked about nothing. Things that didn’t matter. Keeping their minds off the things that were all too real and present.

They talked for a few hours until they had to leave, and Lasercorn found himself pinning Joven against the side wall of a damn Taco Bell and kissing him breathless, faint remnants of the food they’d just eaten still on their tongues. Joven just let himself be held down and kissed, pushing back just enough to give Lasercorn a small fight, but not enough to push him off.

And tears were falling down Lasercorn’s face as he mumbled a quiet “fuck you” to Joven, so fucking tired as he slumped against Joven’s chest, gripping his shirt as silent, angry tears fell down his face in a painful moment of weakness.

And Joven just held him, knowing this was a moment that wouldn’t exist in 10 minutes, that would never be talked about and would never be allowed to be talked about.

But that was okay. Because in this moment all that mattered was giving and receiving rare comfort that was otherwise pushed away.

Seth Rollins - Prompt #21 “I’m trying to make you proud.”

Seth Rollins - Prompt #21 “I’m trying to make you proud.”``

requested by @thebutterflygirl16

A/N : Thanks for 300+ followers ! This one shot imagine just sucks so much I’m sorry.

Originally posted by sethslayer



Finally I could finally rest, and especially sleep. My boyfriend, Seth and I traveled the world almost all year so the idea to have just two days off was a festivity. From the moment when I put my head on my pillow, I knew that I wasn’t going to leave my bed soon except that I had to forget that I lived with an grow-up child…

I was peacefully put to sleep when I smelt an unpleasant odor to rub itself in my nostrils. A very unpleasant smell, which pricked and burnt the walls of my nostrils. I tried to ignore it was impossible. I opened my eyelids then I rubbed them. I noticed that the room was lightly covered with a grey smoke. This smoke began to prick me eyes and scratch my throat. I covered myself my nose and mouth in the help of my sleeve of pullover. I came down and I noticed that the smoke stretched in all the house. I knew that there was no fire, the smoke was very light but I looked for the source of this smoke. And Seth? Where he is?

“Seth ! Where are you ?!” I tried to yell without inhaling this smoke which could be harmful.

He didn’t answered.  I began to panic, why didn’t he answer me ? And if he was faints?! I began to feel bad and if something happened to him !? I began to shout his name in all the house when I heard finally an answer.

“(Y/N), IN THE KITCHEN !!!!!” he yelled back.

I went in the kitchen almost by running. I saw the room in a impossible state. Some flour scattered almost everywhere, eggs burst on the kitchen counter, the door of the oven was opened and a smoke went out of this. Seth was planted in the middle of this disaster. I wondered what he tried to make. I couldn’t say a word, the mess in this kitchen was immense. Seth looked at me with these puppy eyes.  I opened the windows to smuggle the smoke.

“I’m trying to make you proud.” He muttered. “I tried to make a little cake for our first birthday but as you can see, I messed up, as always.”

I had totally forgotten our first birthday. I felt a shame invading, a hatred which seemed nothing next to Seth sadness. I looked at the cake which was on a tray. Which was not that bad but which was burnt. I knew that he had done his best. Seth can’t cook, I know it, I usually take care of that. He tried and it is the most important. Seth was sat on the ground the back pressed on a cupboard. I sat down next to him and I put my head on his shoulder.

“This cake looks good, you actually did a good job.” I said.

“You’re only saying this to make me happy hyn ?”

“It’s just a little burnt.” I admitted. “But you know what I like the most in it ?” I asked.

“What can you like in this bullshit ?” He giggled.

“You put all your heart inside and it is the most important for me.” I automatically smiled when I heard his little laugh.

“Yeah but you always make me home-cooked I tried to return the favour but and…”

“You did a good job honey.” I cut him. I took him in my arms and put me playing with his bun which I always found unique.

“But never put back a foot in this kitchen and in any kitchen of this planet.” I ordered for the safety of the human being.

He smirked and answered “Yas boss.”

I put it a small kiss on his cheek and I got up. The mess was blindingly obvious, I took possession of one broom, and I handed him the object.

“You’ll get the shine, as if it came to life baby.” I kissed him on his lips quickly. “Do it with the smile.”

A funny distress appeared on his face, he hates the household. And for once he was going to take care to it.

“Please (Y/N).” He begged with puppy eyes but I was not going to give in. “Isn’t it gonna work this time ?”

“Your ‘puppy eyes’ strategy is getting old.” I told.

“So I’ll have to clean, alone.” He pronounced. “Oh gosh.” He whispered.

“Yup. Make me proud baby.” I looked at the mess once again. “And good luck. I think you’ll need it.” I winked at him.

I Know girls who are trying to fit into the social norm
Like squeezing into last year’s prom dress
I know girls who are low rise, mac eye shadow, and binge drinking
I know girls that wonder if they’re disaster and sexy enough to fit in
I know girls who are fleeing bombs from the mosques of their skin
Playing Russian roulette with death; it’s never easy to accept that our bodies are fallible and flawed
But when do we draw the line?
When the knife hits the skin?
Isn’t it the same thing as purging
Because we’re so obsessed with death
Some women just have more guts than others

The funny thing is women like us don’t shoot
We swallow pills, still wanting to be beautiful at the morgue
Still proceeding to put on make-up
Still hoping that the mortician finds us fuckable and attractive
We might as well be buried with our shoes and handbags and scarves, girls
We flirt with death every time we etch a new tally mark into our skin
I know how to split my wrists to reveal a battlefield too
But the time has come for us to reclaim our bodies

Our bodies deserve more than to be war-torn and collateral
Offering this fuckdom as a pathetic means to say,
“I only know how to exist when I am wanted.”

Girls like us are hardly ever wanted, you know
We’re used up and we’re sad and drunk and
Perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up and tell us that we did good
Well, you did good.

Try this
Take your hands over your bumpy love body naked
And remember the first time you touched someone
With the sole purpose of learning all of them
Touched them because the light was pretty on them
And the dust in the sunlight danced the way your heart did
Touch yourself with a purpose
Your body is the most beautiful royal
Fathers and uncles are not claiming your knife anymore
Are not your razor, no
Put the sharpness back
Lay your hands flat and feel the surface of scarred skin
I once touched a tree with charred limbs
The stump was still breathing
But the tops were just ashy remains
I wonder what it’s like to come back from that because
Because sometimes I feel forest fires erupting from my wrists
And the smoke signals sent out are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen

Love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet
And brother arm wrapping shoulders, and remember
This is important

You are worth more than who you fuck
You are worth more than a waistline
You are worth more than beer bottles displayed like drunken artifacts.
You are worth more than any naked body could proclaim in the shadows,
More than a man’s whim or your father’s mistake
You are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4
You are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c
Your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood
It is wisdom
You are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out
Reborn

—  Body Love Parts 1 & 2 // Mary Lambert
She’s gone // Conor Maynard

Requested by anon - Conor’s a single dad because his girlfriend left him alone with their baby.

Joe’s P.O.V

You picked up your vibrating mobile to see Conor’s name lighting up the screen, chuckling lightly at the funny photo of him that covered your screen you answered the call wondering what hilarious parenting disaster had happened to him now.

“Ello mate,” you answered cheerily.

“Joe,” he croaked making confusion wash over you at his tone, “she’s gone Joe,” he choked out before you heard him break into sobs.

Who’d gone, had he lost the baby? He could be so careless sometimes but how he could lose a 3-month-old that could hardly move was beyond you.

“Who Conor? Have you lost Ava?” you asked warily, already moving to go put some shoes on so you could go help him search for her just in case.

“No, Y/N. She’s left us Joe and I don’t know what to do.”

“Fuck,” you muttered under your breath. “I’m on my way over, just don’t freak out too much until I get there,” you instructed him while grabbing your keys and rushing out the door.

Upon entering Conor’s house, you saw him in the living room cradling his sleeping daughter, clinging onto her as if his life depended on this one tiny being.

“Conor?” you sat next to him and his eyes immediately left his daughter and landed on you, they were red and swollen. He made no attempt to hide his tears as they flowed freely down his face. “How about you put Ava in her crib and then we can talk?” you suggested but he shook his head.

“No,” he exclaimed a look of panic flashing through his eyes. “If I leave her she may go too.”

You saw his breathing quicken and silently cursed Jack for choosing this week to take a holiday, he was much better at dealing with Conor when he got like this.

“She’s not going anywhere mate, I promise. We can put her in the bouncer by there, you can still see her then, okay?” you saw him hesitantly nod so carefully took the baby from his arms placing the baby securely in her seat and then returning to him.

You waited a few minutes for him to start explaining what had happened but when it became evident that if you didn’t prompt him he’d spend the next few hours staring at Ava you started the inevitable conversation.

“So, are you gonna tell me what happened?”

Conor’s P.O.V

“So, are you gonna tell me what happened?” you heard Joe ask, breaking you from your trance. The realisation came flooding back to you that she was gone and you felt a stabbing pain in your chest.

The feeling was still raw and you felt a constant stinging pain, just thinking about it brought the tears back to your eyes. Jack always seemed to find a way to leave you when you needed him most, right now your entire world was falling apart and he was having the time of his life in LA.

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to tell Joe everything that had happened. So you told him and he listened to every word, not interrupting once and instead of judging you for the tears that fell down your cheeks he pulled you into a hug.

***

You bounced your giggling daughter in your arms while walking back into your home, fascinated by the adorable sounds leaving her mouth.

“Y/N?” you called out, searching the oddly quiet house for your girlfriend.

Your confusion grew as you walked around the rooms and found no trace of her anywhere, you couldn’t even see her possessions. You walked into the kitchen, the only room you hadn’t checked, and found the only trace of her left in the whole house. A note. You rushed towards it and eagerly read it, your heart breaking at every word you read.

Dear Conor,

I know you’re bound to be confused right now, why wouldn’t you be? I’m gone and I’ve taken everything with me without even saying goodbye. Before you start wracking your mind for what you did wrong like I know you will let me reassure you – you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m still just as in love with you as yesterday, the week before, last year, as I’ve always been.

The thing is I can’t be a mum. You instantly adapted and became this amazing dad to Ava but I haven’t been able to do that. I thought it may just take some time but I’m still waiting for those motherly instincts to kick in. It’s got to the point where the only thing I feel towards her is jealousy and annoyance. I’m jealous that you’re giving her more attention than you’re giving me and I’m annoyed that I can’t be a good mum.

So, I’ve decided to do what’s best for my own child and for you Conor. It breaks my heart to have to leave but I’m not ready to be a parent, I know you are though. I know you’ll look after her and make her into a human that’s just as perfect as you are.

I love you so much and I’m so sorry. I promise that this is what’s best for you and Ava, I have every faith in your ability to bring her up. Just remember you’re not in this alone, I know it sound hypocritical for me to say when I’m leaving, but I need you to remember if times get hard for you again there’s plenty of people who will be eager to help.

Don’t stay caught up on me, you deserve to be loved by someone who could do a better job than I ever did. She’s out there, so be free and find her.

I love you,

Y/N

You slid down the wall to sit on the floor, hugging Ava closer to your body. You sighed looking at the tiny body you held, at least you still had her and you were not going to lose her no matter what happened.

***

“Do you think it’s my fault? If I’d payed more attention to her maybe I could’ve helped her, made her change her mind” you asked Joe quietly, scared to hear his answer.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, I think she’d made her mind up about this a long time ago and nothing would alter that.”

Today was the day of Ava’s first birthday and you were amazed to see how incredible what the boys had organised for her was. Caspar and Jack had convinced you to let them organise everything so you were glad that everything had turned out okay and you were also glad Jack had moved on from the Peppa Pig fancy dress party idea after you’d refused to put your daughter in the outfit he bought.

You were talking with Jack when you saw his eyes widen in shock, you started to turn around in confusion but stopped when you heard a familiar voice calling your name from that direction.

“No,” you mumbled turning around fully and making eye contact with her, the girl that left without warning months ago.

She started to walk towards you but you backed away, you saw her gaze flitter to where Ava was sat with Jack and immediately moved to pick her up and cradle her against your body out of her gaze.

“Can I hold her?” Y/N asked still approaching you and you shook your head.

Jack stepped in and stood in front of her, preventing her from getting any closer, “I think you should just go now,” he ordered but she just stood staring at the little girl in your arms.

“You can’t make me go, she’s my daughter too,” she glared at Jack and tried to push past him.

“You lost all rights to call her your daughter when you left Conor all those months ago, you have no idea how hard this has been on him so don’t you dare just come waltzing back in here expecting to receive a warm welcome, now leave before we force you. Got it?” Josh butted in.

Y/N stared at both of them wide eyed before her eyes landed on you looking for some support but when she found none she turned around and slowly walked out of the room.

You thought about the past 9 month and how hard they’d been at first without her there but as she told you, you were surrounded by people who were willing to help and when you accepted that, life had become a bit easier and the dark cloud started to lift. Soon you realised you didn’t need Y/N to have a family, Ava and the boys were the only family you needed.

I just really love my girlfriend so much.

I just- I just really love my girlfriend so much. She’s kind of amazing. And we just took our first road trip together. And we’ve been together for like 4 months now. And she’s kind of the best. And we went on this road trip and we went and we saw a concert and and we went to the coolest museum in the entire world. It’s like art and amazing!  And then we went to an aquarium and to a garden and it was fantastic and just- Oh my gosh. 

Every time I just want to do all the things that make her smile. She has this smile that’s just-AHH! It just kind of makes my world. And I made her a card cuz I don’t really know anything about movie you like now, but she really likes it.  The front said, “I know you like movie you like now.” And then on the inside It said, “and I love you so I made you this card. May the fourth be with you.” Cuz I don’t know if giving  movie you like now cards for movie you like now day is a thing, but I thought it should be. So I did.

And then the other day. I was having trouble sleeping because I was thinking about- kind of overwhelmed about how great she is. So I  just kind of like making a list of my phone of all the little things that she does that make me just go, “oh my God. She’s amazing!” And we’re just complete wonderful disasters together. And it’s just she makes you feel so warm and safe. And  I never thought I would get to be this happy and I am. And my girlfriend is wonderful, and yeah, she’s kind of amazing. Okay. Bye.

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