I know this character is a loathsome wife-beating toad, but the way he looks right here? Seb is the epitome of Soft Blue-Collar Dad. @mademoisellemigraine and I were discussing the mustache and I happened to say "he’s a responsible father who chaperones the school dance". And from there we just…began building the life of Buddy Your Neighbor, who has a Lay-Z-Boy in the garage where he sits to watch the fireworks, and can’t take jalapenos on his Subway chicken wrap. (we put an alarming amount of thought into this man in the space of about ten minutes.)

Buddy your Neighbor has an investment portfolio and a car with reasonable gas mileage; his wife Debbie is the bookkeeper for a local landscaping business and helps out at the church’s food pantry. Buddy puts on The Price Is Right at a low volume when he naps; he has a hunting and fishing license but won’t keep guns in the house, because he shot his second toe off when he was fifteen and has two kids he worries too much about; the wet bar in their refurbished basement has a lock.

When his son Gregg came out Buddy ordered three lgbt youth books from Amazon, placed them on the boy’s bed, and left it at that; they really only talk about music anyway, since the son is a music buff and loves all of his dad's vintage LPs (except for the Skynyrd ones); Buddy tried asking once if he liked any boys at school but Gregg covered his face and began muttering “oh God, please, stop just stop” so he was happy to drop the subject.

Buddy remembers and catalogues every yard tool that was borrowed, but not returned, dating back to 1993; he brings gift cards to the last PTA meeting every year; when it snows, he shovels his neighbors’ driveways. He supports his daughter Collete’s right to choose but placed an NRA bumper sticker next to her Planned Parenthood one. His very young cousin painted his pinkie nail a bright blue and he thinks it’s adorable.

Buddy’s favorite movies are The Godfather Part II, Flags of Our Fathers, and One Good Cop; his favorite comedian is Jeff Dunham and he constantly quotes the old cranky puppet (Louis CK is “alright”); he asks his daughter’s friends about Beyoncé, and sings “All the single ladies, put your hands UP” in a cracked voice while Collette almost dislocates her spine curling up in embarrassment. When he was young and crazy he owned a motorcycle.

Buddy has Irritable Bowel Syndrome, high cholesterol, and was pre-diabetic until Debbie said You Are Not Leaving Me A Widow At Fifty, Buster, and put him on a strict regimen; now they jog every morning after the kids go to school. He complains loudly about what a drag it is but secretly loves this time they spend together, bitching about their weird relatives and gas prices.

The family’s chocolate lab named Bongo always comes along, making sure to poop on the corner without fail.  Sometimes Debbie runs ahead and Buddy thinks how beautiful she still is; then he’ll catch up and slap her ass; Bongo barks at this and they feel like they were caught by their chaperone. (Buddy jokes that Bong’s just jealous and does it again.) Now that he’s spending less on medication, they’re planning to go to to Vegas for their anniversary and catch Cirque du Soleil.

Well you certainly can’t say we wasted an evening; props to my girl India for fanning the flames of this AU.

flickr

Teen Girls on the Street von martin
Über Flickr:
France, Sony a7R, Zeiss Batis 25mm F2

Update

So last night was the tøp concert and its was just … wow. I can’t explain how amazingly wonderful and perfect they are. I went to class today and I’m doing work right now. I’ll try to get chapter out for is it mine but if I do it is going to be later than I usually do. I apologize. Thanks for the patience and understanding!💜💜

  • Friend: You look a bit sad what's wrong?
  • Me: Nothing.
  • Me on the inside: *why can't Yuri on ice get 25-26 episodes instead of 12? Why can't we just see Yuri and Victor living together as a happy married couple while Victor keeps his promise to say as Yuri's coach and both Yuri's and everyone becomes good friends and everyone can live in peace