somewhere, in a better gotham, the joker was born a woman, with eyes like candy apples, smooth skin. babysoft. 

in the gotham we know, the joker fell into a pit of toxic waste and turned green with envy. in this gotham, the better one, the joker is a tall, thin lady walking down the street. “smile, pretty” follows in her footsteps. when she stands at open mic laughter nights, she’s heckled from the crowd. they won’t smile for her but they resent her frown. 

her mother says that her best feature is her body. the joker spends hours staring in mirrors. picturing a trophy-wife kind of life. smile, pretty. smile pretty. smile. pretty. she’s sixteen the first time she tapes her lips up, just to see if she can teach her skin to learn the shape better. your teeth are your best feature. in the wild, smiling is a sign of fear.

she’s twenty and lives alone with her dog and tries to be okay with that. another night where she’s losing money on transportation, but she goes to the open mic anyway. the guy before her talks about airline food. she gets on the stage and immediately booed. and it’s years like this, in a pattern, in the weave of her passion, so that every night is thrown beer bottles and shouting and comments that make her sick to her stomach and being told she’s nothing special and being told women aren’t funny and being told her voice is shrill and ugly and being told when she’s too animated that she’s crazy and being told when she’s too stiff that she’s boring and being asked out by every single sleeze in the zip code and being shouted at when she says no and the neverending tumble of it because maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe tomorrow

he comes up on stage with her and soaks her shirt in beer. now that’s a show! the man calls. he gets cheers. she doesn’t cry, just walks out the back door before doing something stupid. the manager pats her on the head while she leaves. it’s okay, darling. he looks her over. i don’t get it. a body like yours? you should be an exotic dancer. comedy isn’t for everybody. you’re not funny, sweetie.

she’s not funny. not funny. not funny. the words turn alarm bells. the one thing she’s supposed to be talented at. the one thing she loves is just to make people laugh. and she’s not even funny.

hey you know what’s kind of funny? the way it feels at the bottom. how flat everything turns. how unreal. she skims like a rock. your body is your best feature. she tries again on monday. “you know what’s funny? i thought about murder the other day”. don’t we all, sweetie. on the bus, come home with me. on the street, why aren’t you smiling.

maybe some people are born close to the camel’s back, maybe some people have just always been looking for the straw. it’s too much in either direction. she goes home and smears makeup on her skin. tears her hair off. dyes it green, a shock, to match her eyes and spite and envy at men who can tell the same jokes and get laughter for it where she gets nothing and nothing and nothing, where she is pushed off of stages, where she is mocked.

well, isn’t it her turn to do the mocking.

in this story, in this better gotham where vigilante is sometimes good, sometimes a few letters from villain: who will stop her? in this life, when harley walks in, the two are different, best friends, sugar-on-pie because isn’t it true the world has it out for women. in this life, when harley shows up with hyenas, the joker thinks about the wild and the laws of it and says, “oh, of course, let them in”. in this life the violence has a name. 

and nobody says it without laughing.

Inky and Kat's Sortings: A Masterpost Update

Since Inky and Kat themselves have evidently gone on hiatus, I have taken it upon myself to update the masterpost that links to all their Sortings. Their version simply isn’t current. This post will only include their Sortings. It does not include their FAQ, which hasn’t been updated, or Sortings by fans who use this system. (I may make another compilation post of those someday, though, because they’re just as interesting.)

Sortings by Inky and/or Kat

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Agents of SHIELD
——More on Melinda May, Jemma Simmons

The Avengers
——Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Nick Fury, Agent Coulson
——Natasha Romanoff, Maria Hill, Jane Foster, Sharon Carter, Pepper, Sif, Darcy
——Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Vision, Ultron
——Steve Rogers
——Bucky Barnes


Guardians of the Galaxy
——Peter Quill

DC Universe

DC Women
——Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, Barbara Gordon

Inky’s novels

The Alliance Trilogy

Leagues and Legends
——Part Two
——Part Three (Spoilers)

TV series

BBC Sherlock



Game of Thrones

Gilmore Girls
——Rory, Lorelai, Richard, Emily, Luke, Dean, Jess, Sookie, Jackson, Paris

Orphan Black
——The Clones, Felix


——Dean Winchester

Teen Wolf
——Jackson, Malia, Isaac

Veronica Mars

White Collar


The Chronicles of Narnia
——The Pevensies
——Addressing their popular Sortings

Diana Wynne Jones
——Charmed Life
——Conrad’s Fate

Harry Potter
——The Golden Trio, the Silver Trio, Dumbledore, Draco
——More on Hermione’s Secondary
——More on Harry’s Secondary
——Yet more on Harry’s Secondary
——Bellatrix Lestrange
——The Marauders, Lily Evans, Severus Snape

The Hunger Games

The Lord of the Rings
——The Hobbits

Outlaws of Sherwood

The Tortall Universe
——The Heroines
——The Men

Web series and Web comics and Podcasts

Check, Please!

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

Welcome to Night Vale


Star Wars
——The Force Awakens

Disney Princesses

Animated series

Avatar: The Last Airbender

——Aang, Katara, Sokka, Zuko, Toph, Azula

The Legend of Korra

——Korra, Bolin, Opal, Mako, Asami, Tenzin, Jinora

Musicals and Music Albums



Legally Blonde

Les Misérables



——Elphaba, Galinda

Latest DC Toys Bring Out the (Super) Girl Power (Exclusive)

There’s no doubt that male superheroes like Batman and Superman have long dominated DC’s cinematic universe, but with Wonder Woman heading to theaters this year and DC’s hugely popular multimedia initiative Super Hero Girls taking off over the past year, the ladies are catching up. While this year’s New York Toy Fair, taking place this weekend at Manhattan’s Jacob K. Javits Convention Center, will feature plenty of Bat-toys, there will also be loads of Wonder Women, Harley Quinns, and Supergirls on display. Click through to see Yahoo Movies’s exclusive sneak peek of the latest DC offerings from toy-maker Jakks Pacific.

DC Toddler Dolls

Get Batgirl, Supergirl, or Wonder Woman in adorable doll form. Available in fall 2017; $19.99 each. (Courtesy of Jakks Pacific)

Source: Yahoo Movies

Wonder Woman Action Pose Doll

Each figure in the Action Pose line of DC Super Hero Girls stands 18-inches tall and has 12 points of articulation. Available exclusively at Toys “R” Us this fall; $34.99 each. (Courtesy of Jakks Pacific)

Source: Yahoo Movies

Supergirl Action Pose Doll

(Courtesy of Jakks Pacific)

Source: Yahoo Movies

Batgirl Action Pose Doll

Source: Yahoo Movies

Bumblebee Action Pose Doll

Source: Yahoo Movies

Wonder Woman Action Purse

The handle detaches into a bow that shoots the included arrows. Available this fall; $14.99. (Courtesy of Jakks Pacific)

Source: Yahoo Movies

Wonder Woman Costume

The Everyday Dress-Up Assortment includes character-appropriate accessories for each of the DC Super Hero Girls. Available this fall for ages 4-6; $19.99 each. (Courtesy of Jakks Pacific)

Source: Yahoo Movies

Harley Quinn Costume

Source: Yahoo Movies

Supergirl Costume

Source: Yahoo Movies

Batgirl Costume

Source: Yahoo Movies

Poison Ivy Costume

Source: Yahoo Movies

Bumblee Costume

Source: Yahoo Movies

Harley Quinn Cape

In addition to the costumes, there will also be a series of capes for your crusading. Available in fall for ages 4-6; $9.99 each. (Courtesy of Jakks Pacific)

Source: Yahoo Movies

Katana Cape

Source: Yahoo Movies


Source: Yahoo Movies

Supergirl Cape

Source: Yahoo Movies

Poison Ivy Cape

Source: Yahoo Movies

Bumblebee Cape

Source: Yahoo Movies

Face Appliques

Includes 6 sheets of tattoos, masks and dauber. Available this fall; $9.99. (Courtesy of Jakks Pacific)

Source: Yahoo Movies

Super Action Tattoos

Comes with 6 metallic tattoo sheets and a dauber. Available this fall; $9.99. (Courtesy of Jakks Pacific)

Source: Yahoo Movies

Such a Joker (22/?)


Jim POV:

“Valeska has red hair, crazy laugh. Might be rolling with a pretty young number.” Harvey says to a suspect mentioning my daughter in the process. I clench my fist and breath deeply.

“I-I don’t know anything.” The man says scared. “You believe him?” “ Nope.” “Me neither.” “It’s the truth! But, hey, I-I can help you guys, you know, spread the word and stuff.” He says putting his hands up. 

“Valeska killed a friend of ours. Anybody hides him, anybody protects him, they go down, too, you got it? Now spread the word! Harvey yells.

I go sit at my desk and rest my head in my hands. “Ugh (y/n) what have you gotten yourself into?”

(Y/n) POV: 
Jerome, Tabatha, and I go to visit Jerome’s father. We stand in his apartment snooping when the door opens.

“Who’s there? I know someone’s there.” The old man says in his scratchy voice.

Jerome jumps and cover the mans mouth. “Hi-ya, Pops. Long time no see.” I giggle at his bad pun. “Good one baby!” “Thanks dollface.” Jerome winks at me.

We place old man in a chair tied down. “So, how you doing? Ah, the silent treatment, eh? Here, I’ll tell you a story. You remember Kansas City, Dad? The circus went through town every spring right around my birthday. There was this guy.
Him and my mom used to drink and fornicate and beat the crap out of me. They’d make a whole night out of it. And I remember one time it was my ninth birthday him and my mom had just finished round one of boozing, boning, beating up Jerome, and were deciding to take a little break. Anyway Mm. I was outside the trailer, and you were there.
And you said, “Why are you crying, Jerome?” “It’s my birthday. And my mom and the snake guy are beating me. ” then you said, “This world doesn’t care about you “or anyone else, Jerome.
Better to realize that now. ” And that was it.”

I cross my arms over Jerome’s shoulders and hug him. “Such a bad father Mr. Cicero! How could you treat such a nice boy like that?” Jerome kisses my arm. “You see, there’s this guy, Dad. He believes in me. He believes in (y/n) and I. He thinks I’m gonna be a star. And, tonight, all of Gotham will see that, too. Except for you. ‘Cause you’ll be, you know, dead.” Jerome laughs.

“Jerome” his father tries to speak. “Is this the part where you say how sorry you are? Hmm? How you should have believed in me, how it’s not too late to start again? News flash, Dad: it’s too late.” Jerome growls.

“You don’t have to do this.” I laugh throwing my head back. “No. I’m pretty sure he does.” “I was a bad father, but I did love you. To kill me for that.” Jerome rolls his eyes. “That’s not why I’m gonna kill you. Plans to Arkham Asylum. Look at these.
Ah. Letters between you and your troubled son.
Innocent at first glance, but Detective Gordon you remember him, right? he’ll feel little bumps. A secret message written in Braille between you and your son, discussing my escape. Finally, the knockout gas used to disable the orderlies.
'Cause, you see, Dad, this guy I was telling you about, he’s the one who broke me out of Arkham.
He doesn’t want anyone to know about that.
Obviously. So the police will find these letters, mmm, and they’ll think, “The blind old fool really loved his son. What a wonderful father.” Oh. There won’t be a dry eye in the house.” Jerome wipes his father’s eyes dramatically.

“They’ll never believe it.” “Ah, sure, they will.
Cops are dumb. Isn’t that right (y/n)?” “Oh the dumbest!” I laugh.

“There’s nothing to eat in this dump. Finish up and let’s go.” Tabitha says frustrated. “Sorry you’re gonna miss my big night, Dad. But, hey, you’re psychic. So, tell me, do I kill?”

“You Will be a curse upon Gotham.
Children will wake from sleeps screaming at the thought of you. Your legacy will be death and madness.”

“Ha, ha, ha. Well say hi to Mom for me.” Jerome says seconds away from stabbing the man’s brains.

“GCPD! GCPD! Mr.Cicero, it’s Detective Gordon.
We need to speak with you about your son.” Jerome motions for me to run out to the fire escape, and I listen not wanting to be caught by my dumb cop father.

Jerome POV:
Jim waddles out of the door all loopy and such. “That gas sure packs a wallop, huh?” He tries to raise his gun at me. “That’s cute.” I laugh and take his gun away only for him to place his hands around my neck. “I’m sensing anger.” I say laughing. “You killed Sarah Essen. Now I’m gonna kill you.” “Correction! Your daughter pulled that trigger! Ah she’s a good girl Gordon. Let her be free!” I laugh and point the gun at his head.

“Don’t shoot him. How about a little flesh wound?” Tabatha says kicking him in the face and knocking him cold.

(Y/n) POV:
I brush my dress down getting all the wrinkles out so it lays flat and nice against my body. “Hmm someone looks delicious!” Jerome says kissing my neck and rubbing his hands all over my sides. “Well you know. Only the best.” “Only if I could take you out of this. Oh you don’t know what I’d do.” “3 years of fucking and something new? Surprise me.” I say wrapping my arms around him and bringing his lips to mine. “Hm that comes later tonight babygirl. To celebrate our victory! Now let’s get going. Don’t want to be late baby. Can’t miss the show!” He laughs and drags me oh the door.

When we get to the banquet Jerome, Barbara and I go through the back door. “Get the magician.” I say to Babs. As the magician that is supposed to perform tonight walk through the door we tackle him and tie him up placing him in a chest.

“Thank you for filling in on such short notice.
But how did you hear our magician dropped out Mr?” “Rodolfo. Well, you know, magic.” Jerome says in his ridiculous accent. “Oh, I won’t be needing that.” Jerome says and we shut the chest.

I walk over to J and adjust his suit. “Be careful out there J. Give them the best show they’ve ever seen!” “Oh no problem there baby. Stay back here. I don’t want you getting caught.” I tug on his suit smirking. “Yes sir.”

“Without further ado, please allow me to present to you the Great Rodolfo.”

“Ha! Greetings, ladies and germs! I am indeed the Great Rodolfo. Please ogle my lovely assistant.
Ooh! For my first act, I’ll require a volunteer. Let me see. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck goose!” Jerome points to Bruce Wayne.

Babs goes out into the crowd and brings him back. “Hello, young man. Does this handsome gentleman have a name?” “Bruce.” “Bruce! Well, Bruce, this won’t hurt a bit. Is there a doctor in the house?”

Jerome sticks one of the blades in the box along with the other one getting the audience to gasp and applauded him. “Give ‘em a wave. Some people say Bruce has a split personality. For my next illusion, I’d like to call to the stage esteemed Deputy Mayor Harrison Kane.”

From then on all hell breaks loose. Jerome kills the deputy mayor and gunfire is started along with the rest of the show because who can stop at just there? Ha! Not J.

Lee’s phone rings and Jerome picks it up. He ten looks at me and smiles. “Are you outside? You are, aren’t you? Oh, goody! I swear to God, if you’ve hurt her Breathe, James. I haven’t touched a hair on your girlfriend’s pretty head. See for yourself.
This is live television after all. The feed just came back.”

“True, but not the point. Hey, let’s talk about what I want. $47 million, a helicopter, obviously, the dry cleaning I left at Mr. Chang’s be careful, the man is a crook, your daughter and I to live happily ever after and, mm, I don’t know, a pony. Uh You got ten minutes, or I start killing people. Remember, this is being broadcast to every home in Gotham, so, you know, don’t let people die. Bye.” Jerome laughs into the phone and hangs up. “I think that went well.” “Enough! You need to pack up your pathetic little sideshow and leave.” Glavan says walking up to the stage. “Is that right?” Jerome asks with a sexy smirk. “It may be presumptuous to speak for all the citizens of Gotham. But we are sick of you! You’re a small, vicious man with a pathetic need for attention. Enough, man. For God’s sakes, enough.” “I’m curious what your leverage is here, Mr ?” Theo Galavan” “Well, Mr.
Theo Galavan, if you don’t sit down, uh, I’m going to shoot you. In the face.” I know there is some human decency left in you.
you said something about living happily ever after? If you need to take a hostage, take me. But let these people go home to their families, to their children.” Babs hits him over the head knocking him out. “Boring.” “Right?”

Jerome continues to play around with people making me laugh harder behind the curtains. “Hold very still. Oh. I can’t look. Someone tell me how it turns out.” He placed his hand over his eyes and pulls the trigger to the gun only for water to come out. “Damn! Turn around.”

Jerome turns the man around and shoots the Apple off his head. “Well, clap!” Jerome says and immediately the crowd begins to clap.

“Well I think it’s time for tonight’s first official victim, you all know and love, poor rich boy, parents murdered in an alley, and my favorite volunteer.
Where is Bruce Wayne?! You know I’m an orphan, too, Bruce.I killed my parents though. Where are you hiding? Bruce! Where are you, buddy? Kill his butler.”

They get rich boys butler all roughed up. “Last chance, Bruce, but it’s about to get very butler brain out here.”

“I’m bored.” Babs says rolling her eye. “Shoot the butler.” “Stop!” Bruce yells as he steps out.

Jerome places the blade against Bruce’s neck. “Seems like we got ourselves a pickle. What do you say, Brucey boy? Want to boost our ratings, huh? Smile.”

Galavan get up and stride to Jerome. “I said, enough!” Jerome turns around. It all happens so fast. A knife is plunged into my jokersters neck.
“NO!” I scream and run over to him. I fall to my knees beside him while blood spills from his neck and mouth. “Jerome. No. I love you!” I sob over him. “Doll face no tears. Smile. I want to see that beautiful smile.” He places his hand on my cheek and wipes my tears. Seconds. In seconds the light leaves his eyes and his skin grows cold. “No! No! You bastard!” I scream at Galavan.

Jerome’s body is moved out and transferred to the morgue while I am put on expected trial for murder and being insane.

Luckily my father doesn’t have that type of stomach for his own blood. He can’t send me to Arkham. He can’t even send me to a jail cell. That’s why I’ve been sitting in my room for over the past week. Barely eating. Barely breathing.

A knock on my door is heard and second later it’s opened. “Hey sweetie. I got some food if you want it. I know you don’t want to but you need to (y/n). Please for me.” My dad sits on the end of the bed and rubs my calf setting to food on the table.

“I’ll do anything honey. Just say it.” I wipe my eyes and roll over to face him. “I just need time. I need to think. Clear my mind. I need distraction.” “I can get you a job. A job is a great distraction!” “In time daddy. I’ll be ready.” I say flipping on my side again. “Of course (y/n). I’m sorry you’re feeling so low.”

“Daddy wait.” “Yes?” I get up and hug him. “Please don’t send me away.” I say crying into his chest. “Never again. Never.” My father kisses my head crying with me.

Originally posted by kwon-trbl

Originally posted by mi-soledad-me-esta-matando

honestly though when we talk about sexualisation in the DCEU, and we talk about the women being the most sexualised? it’s just not accurate. Don’t get me wrong, Suicide Squad sexualised the women (mainly Harley) a fair bit, but, we’re ignoring the most sexualised characters in the DCEU.