women without kids

nurse | tommy shelby

reader was a nurse in the war and she suffers from ptsd/shell shock, her n tommy reunite and they talk about it

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Originally posted by ohfuckyeahcillianmurphy

The first few months after the war had ended were the toughest. Waking up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat was something that you feared. It wasn’t every night that it happened but you were lucky if you got at least one decent nights sleep every week. All you could see in your dreams were the dead bodies of the young men that you saw everyday.  

Coming back to Small Heath after the war had ended was something that you needed. You realised how lucky you was. You moved away from the area when you was ten and moved up north with your parents. Leaving your best friend, Tommy Shelby, was one of the hardest things that you’d done. It didn’t compare to being a nurse in the war though.  

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I just red a post that had me in tears. Being a single mother I have a hard time dating in general. But to know that black men really out here avoiding women with kids talking bout it’s “hard to find a good women without kids” “ last thing I want to be is s stepfather” not wanting to “ cuff someone else’s baby momma” like why are people so mean. Preston was a product of rape idk who my sons father is, and to know that I’m getting avoided bc someone doesn’t want to be a step father hurts. And it hurts bc his opinion isn’t just his it’s the popular opinion of many black men.

“Women without kids are always so lonely and incomplete. I honestly just pity them.”

Man, you’re so right. 

I mean, apart from all my family, my old school friends, my old university friends, my work friends at two different places, my neighbours, my pub buddies, my board-games buddies, my writing group and the husband who adores me, I have, like, no-one in this world.

Simply put, we don’t live in the era of traditional gender roles anymore. 

Female lives no longer have to orbit children, cleaning and cooking. It’s no longer thought unseemly or selfish for you to have hobbies, interests and social connections of your own. You’re no longer limited to other mummies at the school gates, the other ladies in the church group and the wives of your husband’s business associates. 

You can find fulfillment and community outside of a nuclear family. 

In fact, you’ll probably find your social connections to be a lot healthier out there, too.

This is, quite obviously, an outdated viewpoint that needs consigning to history, where once it might have been true.

Seriously - anyone reading this and panicking, thinking, “Shit, I don’t want to be lonely!” - it’s utter rubbish.

For reassurance, I’ll point out that a not-insignificant proportion of women actually find motherhood to be isolating

One of my aforementioned board-game buddies can’t make it this week. His wife has begged him not to leave her alone with their snotty three-year-old for another night this week. I don’t blame her. (I also wonder when she last got to go out for the evening.)

My mum also remembers those “early childhood” years with a particularly weary expression. I don’t remember them myself - I was too busy strewing plastic animals throughout the house in easily-stepped on places - but from what my mum says, your social circles as a mum shrink pretty dramatically. For the most part you’re stuck with other mummies, who are nearly as competitive as beauty pageant girls. Statistically, it’s going to be you (not him) either quitting your job or dropping to part-time, which again severs a whole load of healthy social contacts. 

Even if you have the time to see friends, you’ll be shattered, and the only friends who understand how shattered you are… are other parents. So when you do meet up, all you do is compete over how tired you are. 

Then off you go home, to be tired out some more by your main point of social contact - which is a tiny, money-guzzling dictator who calls you things like “Silly Mummy” and asks the question ‘why’ on average several hundred times a day.

Don’t believe the lie, ladies. 

It’s not lonely out here in the real world. It’s actually pretty fucking sweet.

Free to Be Me: A Very Happy NotMom

Story-sharing time! Meet guest post author Jessica L. Wallis, a 30 y/o NotMom pursuing her dream to restore classical ballet to downtown Cleveland, OH.

For some people, it’s just not enough when you say, “I don’t want kids.” They look at you like you’re missing a vital piece of humanity that all women should possess, and you can almost see into their mind’s eye as they look at you, their wheels turning, wondering, “What’s up with her?”

My nature is to beat myself up for everything: “I didn’t get that grant money”, “He broke up with me because I pushed him away”, “I said no to something someone wanted me to do”… the list goes on. But I have never once mentally chided myself for not desiring to have children; others have always struggled with my position more than I have.

My dream is to have a career in dance. When I was younger and pursuing a professional ballet career, I told my aunt that I wasn’t planning on having children, trying to quickly skirt past the issue. She instead stopped me, looked me straight in the eye and said, “You think being a dancer is more important than being a mother?” I was only about sixteen at the time, but I was quite certain where I stood, even then.

“Yes,” I answered simply. “Not everyone wants to have children, and they shouldn’t be looked down upon for that.” My aunt didn’t dignify my comment with a response, but ironically her facial expression said what she was thinking for her.

Perhaps what scares me the most is that it may be difficult for me to find a man who accepts my stance on children. People often think that it is men who stray away from women who want to get married and start a family, but in my experience, most men want those things in life too, and they have a difficult time understanding if you are a woman who thinks differently.

Sadly, where I stand with regard to children has been a deciding factor in two of my most significant relationships. I want to be looked at as someone other than a person to bear a man’s children. I have dreams and desires and wishes for my life that do not include my own kids, and I must stay confident that I will find a man that accepts me for who I am and what I feel and believe.

As for women on the “by chance” side of things, I cannot fathom the pain and disappointment they may feel whenever they see a couple pushing a stroller. But, what I do wish for those women to know is that there is another side of the coin. I speak for the woman who does not wish for children but wonders if she will ever find someone with whom to share her life who accepts that her future won’t be found in a presumably idyllic scene with a stroller.

American society’s views on women have changed drastically since the days of the women’s suffrage movement, and despite one radio talk show host’s deluded opinion, they have changed since the 1960’s when many Americans actually thought the Pill was taboo.  I often wonder what would have happened to me if I had been born in different times. What could I have done about not wanting kids? Could I have been, as Marlo Thomas sang, “Free to be me?”

Perhaps that’s what may draw NotMoms and Moms together into consensus now: Women need to let one another be “Free to Be… You and Me”.  Whether we are NotMoms by choice or by chance (“no questions asked”), or women who find their identity in motherhood, we must approach one another with mutual respect and acceptance.

To share your NotMom experience, send a request to TheNotMom@gmail.com.