women who make my heart ache


#kdramawomensweek: day 3 // 40+ up women in stories that you adored

↪ dear my friends

Once I saw this category I immediately knew I would be choosing the Dear My Friends women. And as I was making this gifset and rewatching the scenes I started crying. That’s how impactful these women were for me and how deeply they touched me. They’re the kind of women you see and say, “I want to be like you when I grow up.” Their stories were so painfully truthful that after an episode, I felt a deep aching in my heart. Their sadness, joy, fear, and love was my own. Though I’m not at their age, they were still women who felt relatable in some way. Their friendship really added to my love for them, because you saw how much they depended on each other during uncertain times. Separately, everyone was interesting and watching them live their individual lives was a great experience, but together they were incredible and made watching the drama even more enjoyable. I really applaud Noh Hee Kyung for writing such complex women and this was only elevated by the amazing performances given by the cast.
Maybe it’s kind of cliche to say, but these women did teach me lessons. And the one I take close to my heart is: keep going. It’s something everyone tells you all the time, but with Dear My Friends, I felt the lesson really penetrate and stick with me. It was in the small moments, the way the women lived their lives, how they laughed hard after days of worrying and crying, and when they said death could wait, but their farm needed tending to right now.

“They have no shame but they’re not shameless. They had struggled to survive for over 70 years, I regretted being mean to them as if I understood them all. I wanted to tell them that I’d been ignorant & foolish.”

Not atheist and I love God. I know in what corner He is. I can find Him, like a teenage girl who knows where to place the mascara. The path to His heart is simple; with laughter you can find it. He does not have a closed face. He does not have hellfire. He does not torture people. He does have not dark designs. For those who stay up late at night, He is a blanket and stars. For the thirsty, He is a stretched river. He has the smell of an orchard dew. He carries the goodness of the resigned. This is God. The God I grew up with; the One who reared me. I laughed in His face when I saw heavens is but a friendly chat. He took me by the hand… I do not know where He took me…. This is the God I talked to and He talked to me. He told me: laugh and love the people, you will find me. He told me: in the ecstasy of the lover, you will find me. He told me: in the perplexity of the maltreated, you will find me. He told me: when you are eager, carrying a heavy load, look at it carefully, You will find the traces of My arms. If you do not like a branch on a tree, oh eager soul, I will forget you and I ask you kindly to forget Me. If you hate Me, I will not blame you. I will not hate you if you love another Lord. Be safe and happy. Go, leave Me. I will be with you. I will open my Heaven and I remain waiting for you. If you want to pray, not pray, I will not force you. Why are you afraid of Me? You were the work of My hands, I will not break you. I will not torture you, humiliate you, nor shun you. If you want to live alone, live alone. If you want to leave, leave. If you want to come, I am waiting. This is God. The God I knew with the eagerness of children. I knew Him in the greenness of trees. I knew Him in the tear of a perplexed one. Before He was disfigured by some. They made Him seeking vengeance. Why? Why did God become a result? A reaction reserved specifically for the one who prays? Between hell and heaven? He is a tent of dew in the summer for the poor. He covered anyone with warm heart. God in the world is victory. God is a house and a place for the homeless. God is a matter of choice. I am against all temples, all mosques, all churches, when they make God a business. I am against the religion that connects the greatness of God with a minaret. I am against the first teacher who said to me, read the opening chapter, you will get a women and a long river of wine. I declare my withdrawal from the old traditions and the new traditions; from the faces that said God is fearsome; His hellfire never subsides. I have such a heartache that can put the world on fire like a cigarette. Because of you, my contemplation is enormously large. The ache in my heart is a whole poem. My wound like a cave. I am suffocating. Yes, suffocating! I feel the world has no tales of love. I feel religion remained everywhere; like a tear in a shirt still unstitched. I began to think and doubt people, when I found the man who prays is a thief. When I saw the woman who visits the holy places… the palms of her hands are but mouths… when I saw God stolen from the face of a child… I saw the fasting man who is afraid of a gulp of water but his eyes rape all the women in the market. - Adham `Adil
This is going to be a controversial opinion (read at your own risk)...

…but I honestly get SO ANGRY when I see people fansqueeing over Draco-mudblood-is-my-favorite-thing-to-call-people-Malfoy and then acting like a total asshole about Snape being irredeemable and disgusting because he said “mudblood” ONCE in canon, under traumatic circumstances, and then later, in canon again, (in his own memories, mind you, memories where he would not, at the time he made said memory, be expected to have to worry about anyone ever seeing or knowing about them), he gave Phineas hell for referring to Hermione as a mudblood offhandedly. 

I normally do not like to be angry and rude and grumbly about these things, but it really fries my biscuit to continually see posts of this nature popping up on my Tumblr dashboard because someone tagged Severus Snape.  I see them at LEAST once every other day.  The same goddamn kind of post by some different poster who seems to think they’re being edgy and offering a fresh perspective.  

“Draco changed!” They scream from the parapets. “Draco becomes a GOOD PERSON!”

Except we have no fucking proof that this is the case.  Yeah, ok, he doesn’t murder Albus. Oh, and he halfheartedly pretends not to know that Harry is Harry that other time at Malfoy Manor.  Whoop-de-fucking-doo. What else?  He….er….is loyal to his family, who he loves a lot.  Uh…why does he deserve a medal for that? That’s the sort of thing that any normal human being with a good relationship with their parents would do.

And not only this, but he is constantly doing and saying OVERTLY ABUSIVE things to Hermione (calling her a mudblood at least twice a day from twelve years of age and onward because he wants to HURT HER among other things), and then people are like “oh it’s so romantic” and “he’s just mean to her because he likes her.”  Uh….and how does that make that behavior acceptable at all?  Being abusive to someone, even if it’s because Draco is like one of those gross racist white frat dudes who secretly has a fetish for black women doesn’t make it any less gross (or tragic or romantic).

Listen, I like Draco’s character because it’s complicated.  He may or may not have done his penance and become a better person.  He certainly appears to have been at least somewhat shielded from the fallout if his son is going to Hogwarts and he’s able to work for the Ministry (I imagine having Wizarding Felonies make it hard to find work).

But I also deeply and fully adore Severus Snape’s character and my heart literally ACHES at the shit life he had to endure only to die like an animal on the floor of a dirty abandoned house where he was nearly murdered when he was in school.  Can you imagine? The place where he was nearly mauled to death by a werewolf is the place where his throat was still torn out, only by a different beast.  How fucking horrible must that have been? To die and realize no one gives a fuck about you? To know that you are one of the most hated people in all of society and that everyone blames you for everything?

How can a person ENDURE that much misery and isolation and poverty and constantly controlling themselves in the face of pure, sociopathic, dagnasty evil without literally having an aneurism? 

I had to live like that for about a decade in my home.  I had to endure a situation in which my narcissistic mother literally tried to send my sister to a mental institution (and then later tried to manipulate a therapist into prescribing anti-psychotics even though my sister was a normal teenager and the therapist would, at most, prescribe anti-depressants). I had to constantly deal with a self-centered, heinous bitch who was constantly trying to hurt the people I cared about (she tried to get my dad to commit suicide, too- had to manipulate him out of it), and it just…it broke something in me.  I was numb all the time.  I engaged in some risky behaviors because I just didn’t fucking care anymore.  I wasn’t exactly a ray of sunshine all the time because the stress was fucking killing me. I managed it and redirected the toxic energy and made my mother believe that she’d come up with all manner of less harmful plans just to keep her from pushing my sister to kill herself (which was her original idea because apparently my sister was “too expensive”).  I was not always successful, and sometimes I got hurt.  Sometimes the fallout still hurt those I was trying to protect and I felt like such shit for it. Oh, and the best part (not really)? My mom liked to shift the blame onto me, so that I would get attacked by her victim.

And what I personally endured is just a tiny percentage level of horror compared to Snape’s everyday experiences.

Let’s be honest, though.  We all knew a little shit rich kid who used racism and discrimination to his or her advantage to hurt others from a young age in order to place themselves above everyone else.  We know this person.  You can try to rationalize it all you want as saying that they’re “not responsible” for their actions because of their age, but we all know the truth.  If Draco Malfoy had been described as ugly or poor or had been played by someone who looked like a kid version of Steve Buscemi or Donald Trump instead of Tom Felton in the films, nobody would be coming to his rescue.

You are free to write Draco however you like. But if you ever, ever try to quote canon and act like Draco was actually some sort of little fluffy saint who “grew out” of his discriminatory behavior while simultaneously cherry-picking Snape quotes to vilify him like some kind of monster who was worse than Voldemort, then you are a hypocrite of the highest caliber, and you should know that there are more than a few of us who are tired of your bullshit.

I’m sorry to the entire LGBTQIA community. Know that my heart is with you all and will be with you throughout these next four years. Know that you are supported.

I’m sorry to all the women in America, myself included, who now have to live with the idea that the government controls our entire body and reproductive rights. Remember you are all strong and competent.

I’m sorry to all the men and women of color who are scared to leave the house, go to work, or take their children to school. I hope that somehow our country can find peace so you don’t have to live in fear anymore. Don’t ever forget that you are worthy of respect just like any other human being.

I’m sorry to everyone who has or currently suffers from a mental illness. I’m sorry this night is making it worse. I’m sorry it feels like the air has left the earth and you can’t breathe. I’m sorry that our worst fears are coming true. Know that you are not alone.

I’m sorry to the Muslim men and women who will be targeted and deported for a crime they didn’t commit. I’m sorry this country has promise a life of freedom and has given you hatred instead.

I’m sorry to the Mexican and Latinx community who will have their families literally separated because someone thinks that you cause all the problems. My heart aches for you.

I’m so, so sorry to everyone negatively affected tonight. Stay safe. Stay strong.

As of now, my country is in mourning.

People are literally fearing for their lives.

There are special messages out on every social media website begging people not to commit suicide.

Way to go, America.

iKON - ANAN Magazine Interview [ENG]


I believe in everlasting love.

“The things I value above all in life are trust, hope, and love!” There’s giggling from Bobby and Yunhyeong at the frank words. “No, I’m totally serious. Out of everything, love is most important. There are people that say “nothing lasts forever”, but for me, I’m hoping there’s such a thing. I believe in everlasting love.” Ordinarily as leader, B.I is in the position of giving encouragement to the members. Consequently, with women, “When it’s just the two of us, I want her to let me dote on her, and I’ll be happy if she gently encourages me when I become weak. I’m a difficult type, so… (laughs)”


I think women who are emotionally honest and are their true selves are lovely.

“I’m happy if a woman puts effort into being pretty for me, but showing your true face in front of your lover is more important. Express your emotions honestly, I want you to be your true self. And even if you’ve been hurt by love, if you can get over the painful times, you’ll become stronger so don’t worry.” What wounds Bobby is…”Lies. When I get tired, my heart aches…so for that reason, I trust the woman entirely.” You’re famous for having a messy room? “I don’t like a messy room either. But cleaning is troublesome, and I dislike it more (laughs). That’s why I’m attracted to women who are good at cleaning.”


In love, an inquiring mind towards your partner is essential.

Jinhwan, who can effortlessly say smooth pickup lines to make a woman’s heart attracted to him.”If you want to have a good relationship, I think an “adapt to me” kind of attitude is wrong. For example, if I barely get a reply even when I’ve been contacting them a lot, I’ll figure out they’re that kind of person and I’ll adapt to them. Because I’m the type to study what my partner wants. I think guys are usually like this, but when I’m with other people, I want to take initiative like a manly guy.” In eldest member fashion, his words for women who have been hurt by love are also deep. “A wound inflicted by love can only be cured by love.”


If you happen to meet each other spontaneously, that’s an ideal love.

“I don’t think looking for true love is something you can force. Happening to meet the one you love naturally is ideal. But fate won’t bless you if you just wait around, it’s also important to actively go out and meet lots of people. I already happened to meet lots of people…iKONICs!” He has two prescriptions for girls who have been hurt by love. “One is patiently waiting for time to pass. The other is meeting a new guy. I’m the type to wait for time to heal me.” Yunhyeong, whose strong point is cooking. As expected, rather than receiving something made for him, “I want to make something for the person I love.”


Making an effort to understand each other is an absolute requirement for a long-lasting relationship.

“For relationship to last a long time, mutual understanding is important,” He emphasized. “Around the beginning of a relationship, it’s natural to try to understand each other. But as time goes by, you start to make less of an effort. That’s why things get bad. When I connect with someone I’m always thinking about what kinds of things will happen, when and where, things nobody can predict. Love is the same. Imagine a great future and do your best. Cheating is a no go. It’s natural for an attractive woman to be popular, doing things like talking and smiling at men, up to that point is okay. But if you keep in contact (with another man), it’s over.”


True love is not caring about things like appearance.

iKON’s fashion leader, Donghyuk. “For women, I’d like them to try their best with makeup and being stylish. But if it’s the person I like, I’ll see them as cute whatever their appearance is. A person who’s skilled at cooking and housework is good. I want to try the home cooking of the person I love!”In love, cheating is taboo. “If they tell me beforehand there’s some leeway, but if they were meeting up with a side guy, at that time…(cries)” He also said being assertive is important. “To increase your chances, it’s better to take initiative to go out and meet someone. If we get the chance to meet, I’ll smile a lot and want to stay by their side.”


Waiting for love? Your turn is next!

In iKON, lots of the members are in the “it’s better to actively go out looking for encounters" camp, but Chanwoo has a different opinion. “I don’t think you’ll necessarily find a good relationship just because you look really hard. If you wait for a great person to appear, your turn will certainly come. Don’t want to wait anymore? Try going to Korea. There are lots of cool guys there.” So, what do you want in a romantic partner? “Keep promises. Just once would be excusable, but if you break promises over and over I’d have to think about breaking up. And there’s one more thing. Because I’m a minor, women who drink alcohol are kind of…(laughs)”

Trans by Em @ iKON GLOBAL | take out with full credits.

He had a wife, you know,” he remarked to the little wooden figure. He brought his hand near to the candlelight to examine his nails. “Arabella Woodhope. The most charming girl in all the world. But dead. Dead, dead, dead.” He picked up a nail-buffer from the table and began to polish his nails with it. “In fact, now that I come to think of it, was I not in love with her myself? I think I must have been. She had the sweetest way of saying my name and smiling at the same time, and every time she did so, my heart turned over.” He laughed. “You know, it is really very ridiculous, but I cannot actually remember what my name is. Laurence? Arthur? Frank? I wish Arabella were here. She would know. And she would tell me too! She is not one of those women who tease one and insist upon making a game of everything long after it has ceased to be amusing. By God, I wish she were here! There is an ache here.” He tapped his heart. “And something hot and hard inside here.” He tapped his forehead. “But half an hour’s conversation with Arabella would put both right, I am sure

jonathan strange and mr. norrell

i’ve been in several different fandoms for almost six years now but nothing has ever gotten to me like swan queen has. i look at swan queen and i see something that could change the way television is written. i look at swan queen and i see amazing potential, i see a relationship between two women that could never possibly be written this way or this intricately again, i see a groundbreaking phenomenon that could set a bar for LGBT fiction. but i also know that this potential may be washed down the drain and it makes my heart ache, because i know that if swan queen DOESN’T become canon, literally i will only see this phase of my life as what could’ve been. and it CAN’T be just that. swan queen is so much more than an “if”, or a “maybe”, it needs to be a “when”, and a “yes”. swan queen NEEDS to be canon, not just for me, not just for other swan queen shippers, but for the future. for the way LGBT relationships are portrayed on television. for the young viewers watching who can find out that two women can have a fairy tale happy ever after. for the people who don’t consider two women in love a “family friendly” show. it needs to be for that.

itsessence34-deactivated2015092  asked:

Well my heart aches for black men who are seen as undesirable because they have very dark skin (like me). It's not only black women that suffer here...

This is pathetic
I can’t have one moment talk about women like me without some punk being like “but what about us men!?”

No one said only dark skinned women suffer. But I’m a dark skinned woman and I felt like talking about women like me. Is that ok with you? Or do you need more of my space to make it about you?

Since watching ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ last weekend, I’ve been talking about it to literally anyone who’ll listen, family, friends, coworkers, my boss, a gas attendant, the lady at the cash register in key food, etc. You get the picture. Now, although I am definitely a cinephile I’ve never particularly been a fan of most action movies that are jam packed with car chases, meticulously choreographed combat scenes, weapons and blood galore, and of course tits&ass… And sex, sex, sex. Even if there is no actual sex, the women always have to be sexual objects and exude sex at all times, especially when engaging in a good fight. The only thing that turns men on more than two men throwing up the fisticuffs, is probably including a woman or two in these fight scenes, scantily clad in tight leather, spandex, or something that looks like underwear. Enough about these other movies though, because Mad Max is in a league of it’s own. Before getting into details I just want to begin by writing, this movie made my heart ache and swell with woman love and pride. I wish I could walk through life feeling that same contentment being a woman in this world. This cast of women were no doubt sexy, edgy, and breath taking in their own right. But what makes this movie different from all the other action movies starring female warriors/heroines? For starters, although there are four gorgeous women who are essentially the wives and property of the vomit-inducing villain, Immortan Joe, they are all fierce and complex characters in their own ways. They grew up in a society where they were used and valued for their biggest commodity, the ability to have children. One of the most important things in a society where the world has basically ended, and the one common goal everyone has, is to survive. These women not only realized that they were not meant to be property despite what they’ve been told, they’ve actually taken matters into their own hands and begged the fierce and powerful, Imperator Furiosa, to take them away so that they can be free. We will get back to her and all her glory in a minute. The most important point I’m trying to make here is that these women were literally the only beautiful things in a world of shit, ugliness, death, torture, and destruction. Instead of being coveted for their beauty and used by these ghastly men for sexual pleasure, they were used in the same way everyone in this dystopia was used, for their most important basic functions to keep this society going. The writers and directors were able to breathe life into a society so foul, decrepit, and corrupt, that sexualization of women was not even on the radar. I LOVED THIS SO MUCH! They were tools just like everyone else, used in whatever way would benefit society in the eyes of the leader. For example, Max was used as a blood bank because he was captured and marked as a universal donor (something me and Max have in common ;D). They put a muzzle on him (insert Bane joke here), and literally used him to give blood to a more valued member of that society (one of Immortan’s brainwashed, faithful minions). Here we have a movie that successfully strips down our ideas and concepts of most of the basic things that we believe make us human, therefore, constructing a society with a leader that asks the question 'how can you be used?’ And begs each individual to ask the question 'how can I survive?’ In doing so, the audience is given permission to view each of these characters as objects to be used as means to a goal, survival. This somehow leads to an experience I’ve never had before, and never realized I was missing until now; gender is of no consequence in this movie. To drive these points home even more, we are given little to no background information about Max, Furiosa, any of the wives, or Immortan. We are sort of just flung into the desert with these characters, right in the middle of the story of their lives. It is like someone has seamlessly whispered in your ear, unapologetically, that this is the world now, you know this already. So subtle, so casual, like you are remembering instead of seeing something for the first time (which is another topic and reason to love this movie all on it’s own). This is certainly a first for this genre, if not, for all genres (at least as far as I know). Now back to Imperator Furiosa, the woman who has stolen my heart and become an instant favorite as far as my list of heroes goes. There are not enough good things to say about her character and the strong tribe of women that were her family before she was stolen as a child. Instead of escaping on her own (in a world where self preservation is everything because you can’t afford any more loss, mind you), she decides, like a badass, like a BOSS!, that she is going to steal and rescue Immortan’s wives using HIS truck, HIS weapons, (at first) HIS soldiers, right underneath HIS nose. Aghhhhh, and how completely and utterly satisfying this is. Throughout the film she is using her superb driving skills, her sharp aim (it is in fact a point in the movie to show she is a better shot than the infamous Max himself), her upper body strength, and unparalleled one on one combat skills to escape with the ladies, and take down as many of those drones as she can along the way. I would like to note that she has one prosthetic arm, and it is a non point in the movie (which is also great). She is such a wonderfully, powerfully crafted character. We experience her anger, sorrow, and hope right along with her. At some point Max tells her that to “hope is a mistake”, but in my humble opinion her hope made her stronger, it gave her something to fight more fiercely for. And I’ll be damned if anyone can convince me she’s not the reason Max found something to hope for as well. She’s just the best. Period. Furiosa and Max fight together and form an alliance and deep understanding built on a common foundation of loss and pain. Their relationship is one of the most refreshing relationships to graze the big screen because they never become romantically involved. I repeat, they NEVER become romantically involved. There is mutual respect, comradery, and maybe even love between them, but this never translated into a cheap, we-may-die-soon-and-you-have-done-so-much-for-me-let’s-have-sex-or-kiss-in-the-middle-of-this-really-intense-car-chase, romance. There is no surprise that Furiosa is the warrior she is, when you meet the tribe of women she comes from. They protect each other, fight with honor and dignity, and do this really cool grabbing the air thing when one of their own dies, almost as if they’re absorbing her spirit. Every last one of them does this, fights fiercely til’ the bitter end, even the 90 year olds. It’s pretty amazing. I would honestly recommend this movie to anyone and everyone. Besides the characters and plot points, it is a stunning piece of cinematic genius. It made me feel better for having experienced it. Hope you enjoy!

New Lives: Fast Downloads

I downloaded a new life a week ago. I know you hear all sorts of rumours, but I knew people who’d done it and they seemed fine. No viruses, no malware, they seemed really happy afterwards. Things had been getting on top of me for too long and I was sick of it. I was sick of being treated like a doormat at work, sick of being reminded I was replaceable and nothing special. So I went online and checked it out. I didn’t download it illegally, like I know most people do. Not because I have high morals or anything, more because I’m a spineless coward and I just knew I’d be the one they caught when everyone else got away with it. It didn’t take long to download and it didn’t cost as much as I’d thought it might: I had to upload some really personal memories which was painful, but I knew I wouldn’t be needing them in my new life so who cared?

It fit really well, too. My whole outlook had changed - suddenly the world looked like a place that owed me, not the other way around. I was going to go out there and win. I ran the office now. I made the lives of other poor bastards miserable for a change. It felt great.

But now I’m starting to think there might be something wrong with it. Those memories I uploaded are completely gone, but sometimes I see faces on the street and I think I might have known them before - they might have been important. There’s an old man, he always looks at me like he wants to hug me or punch me and he’s not sure which. There’s a woman the same age as me, who always looks like she’s about to cry. I find myself wanting to hold her but she’s a nobody - judging by her clothes she works for minimum wage and she isn’t a beauty. Not like the women I sleep with. So I know I should feel happy, now, but those damn faces haunt me so much I can’t sleep. I’m scared they might be people I loved.

I went back to the website to check if there was any mention of bugs like this (I never read the small print, who the hell does?) but it was shut down. I googled it and found mention of it on a few blogs, but that was all. Nothing official. No complaints. I think I’m stuck with this new life - why is that thought making my heart ache? Why can’t I remember what I gave away?