womanist

Because gay isn’t only 17 year old white kids that come from middle to upper class homes. And Black Love isn’t just straight couples that enforce gender roles and women with perfect bodies, a quiet tongue, and a womb always ready to create. This is also the face of Black Love. And its beautiful. -ShiShi

I think the mistake that young women often make is thinking that every single boy that comes into our lives is supposed to “stay”. Whereas with boys, they’ve learned all their lives that everything is surrounded by them. they’ve learned that they’re supposed to be the center of attention. I think men believe so much in themselves, and have such big egos at such a young age, that they think, for example, that they can have intercourse with girls because “she’s cute” and that just be that. they don’t realize that these girls have feelings. Meanwhile, each girl is like, “my gosh, he’s cute, he’s really nice to me, he’s considerate.. sometimes. we’re going to commit to a relationship because we love one another.” She sees so much in him that he doesn’t even see in himself. he doesn’t realize that his friendliness is creating both, a bond and an attachment, in her mind. he doesn’t realize how serious this has become. We’ve allowed men to be disrespectful. We as a collective – moms, sisters, girlfriends, all of us. we’re all responsible. It’s an ongoing cycle of how we abuse each other. we abuse ourselves, we learn ourselves, we abuse others, they abuse themselves, they abuse us, and then again - we abuse each other. This is a vicious subconscious cycle. It continues to go on and on and on and on until you finally find those people or that person who understands that this is just who we are and accepts that. they accept their flaws. they accept yours. they accept all of you and all of themselves and eventually, you simultaneously end this cycle of abuse. and hopefully, you can help others too.
—  Reyna Biddy
The "Myth" of Black Love

Let me start off by saying that I got inspiration for this post from another post about the disillusionment of a black woman about dating within the black community, expressing that too many black men aren’t attracted to black women and ideally go for non black women. Which got me thinking that with all this recent promotion of black couples via social media, I feel like we can’t just focus on the pros of black love, but we must also bring to light the darker, behind the scenes reality for black women finding love among black men who directly and indirectly express their refusal to be with black women.

I get it, the praise for black love has to do with unifying the black community by saying, “See, black men and women DO love each other.” And yes, I believe it. I don’t believe the photos I see of black couples on social media are fake or anything, but can we also bring to light female black singles and how their singleness is affected by the presence of misogyny noir and anti blackness among black men? Dating in general is hard, but imagine how dating is as not only a black person, but a black woman who does not fit Eurocentric beauty standards (such as light skin, light eyes, loose hair, slim facial features, etc.) Often times I commonly see these types of “conventionally” attractive black women paired up with black men more so than mono-racial looking black women - I wonder why?

As a mono-racial, dark skinned black woman who grew up in predominantly white spaces, from my own experiences on and offline, I can confidently say that a lot of black men don’t consider me to necessarily be their “ideal” type based off black and white standards of beauty, and I feel like black and white standards of beauty go hand in hand for obvious reasons having to do with cultural assimilation, a history of colonization, and so on. Which brings me right to another point I’d like to make about looks equating to superiority or inferiority. Sure, you can’t judge a book by the cover yet too often black men do so, falling prone to the stereotypes associated with non black ethnicities of women - so it’s not just about non black women meeting a Eurocentric standard of beauty easier than most black women. It’s also about how black men view them as less “controlling” than black women, therefore more agreeable and “nicer” JUST due to ethnicity and ethnicity alone. Mind you, I’m not saying black men who date outside their ethnicity all have agendas behind their attractions, BUT I am still iffy about their reasonings for “racial preferences.” I think now is a good time to quote myself from the post about the disillusioned black woman:

“And whenever I see a black woman who exclusively dates outside the black community I feel like it’s not for the same reasons black men often do it - for black women who either often or only date non black men I feel like I have more understanding for them because of the treatment they receive from black men who often have no issue with voicing how undesirable black women are to them. That gives black women more authority of their love lives by expanding their dating pool (since the lot of black women go for black mates) vs. black men who often go for non black women for superficial, anti black reasons rooted in sexism. So when a black woman says “I don’t date black dudes” I don’t see it as excusable but at the same time I understand her reasons for doing so more than a black man refusing to date black women. I feel like black women are often looking for genuine love, the kind of love too many black men can’t give them because of their racial baggage, while said black men are oftentimes looking for trophies to use to spite black women and make non black men “envy” them for “stealing” their women.”

You read it right. I do feel like a lot of black men aren’t capable of loving black women the way they need to be loved, which has to do with seeing their blackness in the same way that they see their own and not letting gender be the deciding factor concerning superiority vs. inferiority, especially if said black women don’t fit the Eurocentric standard of beauty. I will say that non black men aren’t the “golden ticket” of black women in order for them to find love - there’s undeniably issues of anti blackness and sexism in all communities. But at the same time since non black men aren’t hit the hardest by racism, since anti blackness is global, they do have less baggage from that and less pressure to socially conform in my eyes. Because really, I believe more non black men are attracted to black women more so than they let on, it’s just that their cultural ties such as pleasing family and community hold them back from acting on this attraction confidently.

We really do need to have a real conversation about misogyny noir alongside “black love.” Because part of the way black men are going to love black women unconditionally has to do with an awareness of their own social conditioning and their own perceptions of black womanhood.

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British-Somali songwriter, feminist, and musician Marianne Joan Elliott-Said, also known by her stage name Poly Styrene, is most notably known for being the founder of punk rock band X-Ray Spex.

She was born in Bromley, London, and ran away from home at the age of 15 with just £3 in her pocket, hitchhiking from one music festival to another. This adventure ended when she stepped on a rusty nail while bathing in a stream and had to be treated for septicaemia.

After seeing the Sex Pistols performance at the Pier Pavillion Hastings on her 19th birthday she thought that anyone could do what they were doing and so decided to form her own Punk Rock band, putting an ad in the paper calling for ‘young punx who want to stick it together’, and that was the beginning of X-Ray Spex. She eventually became a passionate feminist and posted a blog dedicated to women’s rights and defense of women.

She was described by Billboard as the “archetype for the modern-day feminist punk”; because she wore dental braces, stood against the typical sex object female of 1970’s rock star, sported a gaudy Dayglo wardrobe, and was of mixed race. She was “one of the least conventional front-persons in rock history, male or female”.

Needless to say, she was a total bad ass.

Solidarity is not the same as support. To experience solidarity, we must have a community of interests, shared beliefs and goals around which to unite, to build Sisterhood. Support can be occasional. It can be given and just as easily withdrawn. Solidarity requires sustained, ongoing commitment.
—  Bell Hooks

TW for violence against transwomen, gender violence, transphobia, transmisogyny

Source

Dear Men of “The Breakfast Club”: Trans Women Aren’t a Prop, Ploy, or Sexual Predators by Janet Mock

“Until cis people - especially heteronormative men — are able to interrogate their own toxic masculinity and realize their own gender performance is literally killing trans women, cis men will continue to persecute trans women and blame them for their own deaths

If you think trans women should disclose and “be honest,” then why don’t you work on making the damn world safe for us to exist in the first place? 

The “I’d kill a woman if I found out” rhetoric is precisely why so many women hold themselves so tight — the stigma and shame attached to our desires need to be abolished.”

Read the full essay here

Fuck you Anka niggas that only include black women in the struggle for black liberation if we are the right kind of black woman. That has a tattoo of Egypt, dont sleep around, talks about black history but mostly only to speak of kings and queens, quotes Erykah Badu daily, doesnt question the black man, has a bunch of babies but isnt a single mom, always talks about the oppression black men face but never black women, and always has dinner ready on time. The black community is made up of whores, mentally and physically disabled women, single mothers, trans and non binary women, crimials, drug addicts and so much more. Their lives arent worth any less just because they don’t fit the black mold you put before them. Anyone that fights me here will just clearly prove my point when i say #BlackLivesMatter only means black men. Ankh niggas and Hoteps fight below. And be sure to include how problack you are. -ShiShi

First tattoo.

“Womanist is to feminist as purple is to lavender…Womanism is simply another shade of feminism. It helps give visibility to the experience of black women and other women of color who have always been at the forefront of the feminist movement yet marginalized and rendered invisible in historical texts and the media”. - Alice Walker

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Alice Walker (February 9 1944); author, womanist, activist.

I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame …

We are wishing Miss Alice Walker a very blessed 70th birthday 🎉