It's Not Gay if He's Dead

This is inspired by some bullshit that happened earlier while I was at the book fair with my transmale boyfriend.

Phantom watched with Wolverine as they waited. Stakeouts, needless to say, were Phantom’s least favorite thing in the whole world (other than the Box Ghost). They were long and boring and only worked half the time. And, he didn’t want to be mean, but the least Wolverine could have done before they left was take a shower. But noo, they had to leave now.

To pass the time, he played fuck, marry, and kill I’m his head. He would fuck Johnny Storm, marry Sam Manson, and probably kill…

“Kid, do you talk to yourself all the time? This is a stakeout, not internet dating,” Wolverine harshly whispered at him. “Besides, if you’re gonna fuck a dude make it Hawkeye.”

“W-” he stopped there, unable to form coherent sentences. Wolverine hadn’t even batted an eye about the comment. He was planning on eventually coming out to everybody but not like this. Finally, after a couple minutes, he found his bearings.

“Why Hawkeye?”

“Listen, I may be straight but I’m not blind. Good looking. Good heart. And there’s no way he could miss.”

“What do you mean he could never-oh…Oh! You’re so gross!”

Wolverine just gave him a shit eating grin, chuckling to himself slightly. He would never admit it, but he had grown quite fond of the blubbering teen who’s blushing green and trying to find the words to counter his lewd comment.

“But am I wrong?” He asked. Danny thought for a moment and then shook his head.

“No…How long have you known?” He sounded almost scared.

“Let’s just say there’s a betting ring on it, and I just won me a whole bunch of cash off of Stark. If he tries to pull the whole ‘it’s not gay if He’s dead” thing again I’m gonna rip his arc reactor out myself.“

"Huh. Who else thought found out I was gay?”

“Johnny Storm.”

Wolverine couldn’t remember a time when Phantom had gotten that excited.

  • scott: we've got he plastic wrap on logan's bike. now it's time to melt it. jean, give me your hair dryer.
  • jean: what?
  • ororo: what are you talking about?
  • scott: don't you carry one in your purse?
  • ororo: have you ever met a woman?
  • scott: hey, jubilee, do you carry a hair dryer in your purse?
  • jubilee: of course. i'm not an animal.