wolf ep

6

How we need another soul to cling to - Sylvia Plath
2

Honestly you could pluck Angel entirely out of this scene for me, and I don’t even mean that as someone lukewarm to romance THOUGH ALSO THAT. I just don’t feel he brings a whole lot to it other than Buffy’s accusatory “What do you know about it? YOU’RE NEVER GONNA DIE.” Which is so beautiful and true and hurtful, and I wish they’d better explored that idea between Buffy and Angel for more than being the wedge that makes him leave for his own spin-off. (Also David Boreanaz is just NOT anywhere close to Tony Head and SMG’s acting level and he falls almost embarrassingly short here in my opinion, BUT I DIGRESS.)

The real meat of this scene is Buffy and Giles: Buffy for her outburst, and Giles for bearing witness to it. I love how her questions to Giles hang there unanswered, and how they spiral so quickly.

“I wonder who she is.” A moment of compassion for someone she doesn’t know, WILL NEVER know, who is about to be given this cruel fate and has no idea what’s waiting for her. Whose own life is about to end, just as surely as Buffy’s will.

“Will you train her?” Can I relate to her for a moment, to how you were with me? Will you mention me to her? Will she know who I am? Will you remember me enough to tell her? Did I matter enough to try? (And the exquisite flash of pain that crosses Giles’ face at the thought of someone just stepping in to replace Buffy. Of having to go through this all. over. again.)

“Does it say how he’s gonna kill me?” She laughs a bit here, like it’s a joke, like she wondered what certain doom was waiting for her in the cafeteria lunch today. Like she can’t believe these are the words coming out of her mouth. And how she so desperately doesn’t want to know, she doesn’t want to ask what’s coming next, she DOESN’T, but she has to.

“Do you think it’l hurt?” And there’s where she loses it and so do I. Sarah delivers this line with such perfection. So afraid and so innocent. Nobody should have to ask this question, but especially not a girl barely in high school. And it’s like if she has to die, then she has to die. But god, what if it HURTS? It’s so visceral to me. And she sounds like a child pleading with her parent to keep the pain away, to save her, But nobody can, and as she lashes out at Angel’s attempt at comfort, it’s when the anger comes full force.

Buffy goes through so fucking much here, and we feel every single emotion. The twists the stories and characters make, I found in later seasons it could be so difficult to connect with Buffy. But this moment, this fucking moment. I come back here sometimes, and I wonder, just how much of this little girl ever really went away.