The other day I was with Skye…I can still see that light blue dress she was wearing. Her hair was all done up, and the way the sun hit her face when I saw her waiting on my doorstep sharpened her features perfectly. She didn’t need to strive to attain beauty, she was already there - in every sense of the word. That smile…it has always taken my breath away. It’s all I can see lately when I close my eyes. We had a perfect night. She was so happy after the play. She loved it, and I loved being the one she chose to experience that with. I’m not a huge fan of the theater - but I would do anything and go anywhere for her…I went to bed last night content with my life, but today I woke up in a hospital, my throat raw, my body sore with a new girlfriend and a best friend I don’t really remember. I was in an accident… and maybe it’s good in some ways that I can’t remember how painful it must have been…but this is so much worse. Waking up like this…I’ve never felt so breakable in my entire life. I.. It’s been two days and I already feel like I’m suffocating. Everything I knew has changed… and there’s so much suffering surrounding me…I don’t understand why this has happened. Am I not allowed to be happy? My best friend - my Leona… is in love with me…and she looks at me like I wish…like I wish Skye would. I’ve never felt so sick in my life. I don’t love her, not like that, but when I looked in her eyes I could see how she felt, I could feel how she felt and… I wish I did. I wish I loved her like she loves me…but the way Skye makes me feel. I look at her and it’s like…waking up for the first time. She is my light, the one thing that keeps me from breaking. She is the reason I don’t drink until I drown….and I could never feel for anyone the way I feel for her…but it hurts me when Leona is hurt, and when I see her I just want to hold her. I want to tell her everything is okay, that I’m fine, that I love her, that I’ll never leave her again, but I can’t… everything I say to her now… it means something else. Things have changed - everything is different and nothing between us …nothing will ever be the same and it kills me. I feel like maybe…maybe I should have died in that accident…anything would be better than feeling like this. Feeling so lost. Feeling like everyone around me is a stranger. I went to sleep feeling like things were finally going right…and I woke up with my world crashing down on me, numb and alone.