Darren Criss WLT at Hotel Nikko 11.30.16

Explaining my thoughts on Hedgnosis further

So I’ve posted a couple things saying that I do ship Hedwig and Tommy Gnosis…that is if they are two different people. I’ve seen the bootleg with Andrew Rannells about 7 times now lol and I saw him live in the musical last September! And today I just watched the original movie the first time and I’ve been thinking more about Hedwig and Tommy…my opinions continue to change. Theories think that the two are are the same person. That since Hedwig was forced into sex operation, he didn’t necessarily want to be female…that there is part of him that is still male. Tommy Gnosis. Tommy Gnosis is perhaps the male side of Hedwig who was created to fulfill the “origin of love” belief. Tommy was supposed to be Hedwig’s other half. And at the end, Hedwig learns to accept that she is enough. She can be both masculine and feminine…hence in WLT(reprise) when “Tommy” sings “more than a woman or a man”. Because Hedwig can be both. WLT(reprise) is what always stumped me. At the end of Exquisite Corpse we see Hedwig rip off her wig and then suddenly it’s Tommy Gnosis on stage. Well that’s what it seemed to me at first. That Tommy was his own person…but then Midnight Radio. We realize that it’s Hedwig who is singing because she lets Yitzhak become Crystal and gives him chance to be the star he wanted to be. Although still dressed as Gnosis we have to assume that it’s Hedwig because Tommy and Yitzhak never cross paths. But now looking back at it, my opinions have changed on WLT (reprise) at first I thought it was a dedication to Hedwig out of love. But perhaps the clarity Tommy sings about in WLT(reprise) is just Hedwig realizing that she is enough. “And now I understand how much I took from you.” And “there’s nothing you can find that cannot be found”.

My mind is all over the place. Part of me believes that Tommy was completely real. They learned so much from each other and were in love. Don’t mistake my shipping them as saying that Hedwig wasn’t complete until she met Tommy. That Hedwig NEEDS another person to be whole…she doesn’t but as she says about love bring immortal “Perhaps it’s because love creates something that wasn’t there before”. Perhaps their relationship was real and WLT(reprise) was Tommy’s way of thanking Hedwig for everything.

Although my mind now leads toward the possibility that Tommy was created by Hedwig. It makes more sense when you look at the musical and the movie. Specifically the musical though. Hedwig plays tommy gnosis! And in Exquisite Corpse, she distinctly rips the wig off and becomes tommy.And then WLT (reprise) is the clarity that Hedwig is whole.

Hedwig 25/10/16

Ok, so I got rush tickets for Hedwig tonight and managed to snag some orchestra  tickets.  The show was incredible and as good as I expected.

Darren took a few minutes to get into character with the odd verbal stumble at the start but he quickly found his groove and from that point on was outstanding.  

It was pretty much a full house with some hard core hedheads which created a great atmosphere. Moments that stick with me were the ‘love the front of me’  monologue.  The changes between Tommy and Hedwig are superb and Darren completely mastered the audience.  There was absolute  silence during this.  It’s the only time I’ve been in a theatre where no one even coughed.  That part was heart  breaking and I loved that he had that control over everyone during that.  There was thunderous applause after WLT reprise, but the audience quickly quietened down.  

His comic timing was great,  and his voice is amazing.  Yitzhak had the crowd on her side and lena got huge applause and love tonight especially at the end when she walks through the theatre in her finery.  

The jokes remained the same,  no genuine Chris Colfer joke, and it’s still James Franco at the back.  

Darren sugar daddied a dude at the front, and held his head still whilst he thrusted in his face - the dude seemed  happy.

Anyway these are just some hedwig thoughts from a mind that’s still jet lagged.

Most musicians give up after hearing hard criticism or some hater telling you, “you suck”. Very few musicians will turn around and take that negativity and turn it in to motivation. A lot of musicians will give up after a couple of years pass by and still no record deal. Fame and fortune is some thing every body wants but no one understands you have to grind to get it, nothing in this life is given. But there is one artist that understands the game and knows patience is the key to unlocking this door so many people try to open every single day. Juno Leslie is a upcoming artist thats been on his grind since before high school. Juno has come a long way from recording in his moms garage with a Rock Band mic to 100s of fans tweeting his lyrics and requesting his music. Its insane how an artist can have so much recognition and respect amongst other musicians with no mixtape or album. After the world heard Juno Leslie’s latest single “Tonight” fans are now demanding a mixtape they are hungry for more but the question is will Juno give the public food for hunger ? Im sure he has something up his sleeve.

Spoiler Warning: Me talking about the end of Hedwig

I don’t know if he still does it the same, but the one thing that stands out to me about Hedwig, my experience with it, is the fucking silence between Wicked Little Town reprise and Midnight Radio. It is the most beautiful accumulation of everything.

First of all, the lighting. THE LIGHTING. NO WONDER THIS SHOW GOT A TONY FOR LIGHTING HOLY SHIT. It’s big and beautiful and crazy for the whole show. Rainbow colored and hectic. During WLT reprise, the colors are so artificial and blue. They’re over the top, and they work so well for that scene. But then Tommy descends, and when (gender neutral “they” because it’s not really Hedwig but it’s not Tommy either) they step off the platform the lighting stops. It’s so raw. The stage seems like it’s being lit by one normal, yellow-hued light off of stage left. It’s one fucking light, one simple light offstage after all of the chaos and beauty that the lighting did on WLT. I could talk about the lighting in this show for fucking ever. It’s literally stripped down to the bone, just like Hansel is at this point in the show. The extravagant mask that was Hedwig has been torn off, the repressed delusion that is Tommy has been stolen, and all that’s left is little Hansel there. Broken. Raw. And the lights feel the same there. It’s not even normal theatre lighting. It’s literally like somebody left a flood lamp on in the wings. It’s so fucking raw.

When I saw the show, Darren made that silence loud. The audience just sits there for a moment, realizing along with Hansel what just happened. realizing that oh, they’re not okay. I just saw somebody completely break down. This isn’t fun and games anymore. You sit there and this weight just settles on your chest and you feel so bad. You want to take Hansel and tell them it’s going to be okay. You want to help them, and they just stare at you, looking for help but you’re fucking helpless. You’ve seen this person you’ve come to kinda love get torn open and it just hurts you.

He stood there, looking so fucking small and he just said in the tiniest broken voice “I…”

And it killed me. It fucking killed me. It was a bullet through the heart. You have the raw power of this lack of lighting, you’re still a little amped up from Lament/Exquisite Corpse/WLT, and you’re watching this beautiful complicated creature fall apart in front of you and they’re speechless. It’s a one-woman show (basically) and for the first time she’s fucking speechless. God and Darren acted it beautifully, Hansel looked so fucking sad and broken and LOST. they looked so lost and confused and it hurt to see.

The thing that gets me is that little broken “I…” That Darren did. (All the Hedwigs are different, so I’m going to specifically talk about the characterization of Darren’s Hediwg) She spends the whole fucking show trying to show the audience that she’s fine. She has the power, the control. She doesn’t NEED anyone or anything. But at the same time she’s also seeking the audience’s approval. And in that silence, in her truly weakest moment, she tries to excuse herself, but she just can’t anymore. She can’t keep trying. She’s done. She can’t do it anymore. “Suddenly I’m…” What? What can she pretend to be now? We’ve seen everything. We’ve seen all of her wounds and scars. We’ve seen everything she hides within herself and she can’t pretend to be anyone else anymore.
“I…” This is it. This is Hansel. This is what’s behind the spectacle that is Hedwig, the phenomena that is Tommy. This is all that is left.