if I have kids when my child is 11 I’m going to give them their Hogwarts letter that says that unfortunately the class is full but instead they can go to Harry Potter Wizarding World on September 1st and I will take them and give them a sorting ceremony and robes and whatever they want cause that’s all I’ve ever wanted so that’s what they deserve

Ok but imagine this.

Harry Potter-themed laser tag. Everything is the same but instead of guns you get a wand attached to your vest and it shoots light and stuff and you can choose your spells at the beginning of the game.

Like, imagine it: Expelliarmus makes you unable to shoot spells for a few seconds; Lumos makes your wand shine enough for you to see; Stupefy turns off your opponent’s vest…

No but get this: it’s a maze and you’re not alone in there. No, there are monsters and creatures and fUCKING DEATH EATERS and your team has to find the Triwizard Cup first. Idk.

HARRY POTTER THEMED LASER TAG Y'ALL. SOMEBODY’S GOT TO FUND THIS.

The Wonderful World of Wizarding Idioms

“Don’t count your owls before they are delivered,” said Dumbledore gravely.


“Hold yer Hippogriffs, I haven’ finished me story yet!” said Hagrid indignantly.


“Instead you get to arrest me,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “It’s like losing a Knut and finding a Galleon, isn’t it?”


“Merlin’s beard!”


“The fire’s lit, but the cauldron’s empty,” as Ivor Dillonsby put it to me…


“Wasn’ room ter swing a Kneazle,” said Hagrid.


“How dare you!” said Ron, in mock outrage. “We’ve been working like house-elves here!”


“I’m only yanking your wand, I’m Fred really–”


“Time is Galleons, little brother,” said Fred.


“Well, it’s no good crying over spilt potion, I suppose…”


"Some son of a Bludger’s gone and nicked all mine!”


“[Invisibility cloaks] aren’t exactly ten a Knut, you know,”


“[Mundungus] left to see someone about a batch of cauldrons that fell off the back of a broom!”


“…but the cat’s among the pixies now.”


“But old Dodgy Doge can get off his high hippogriff.”


“Gallopin’ Gorgons, that reminds me,”


“Galloping gargoyles!”


“Gulping gargoyles!”


“How in the name of Merlin’s pants have you managed to get your hands on those Horcrux books?”


“I wouldn’t come near you with a ten-foot broomstick,” said Harry furiously.


“Oh hurry up,” Ron moaned, beside Harry, “I could eat a hippogriff.”


“Oh, Aberforth is just the tip of the dung heap,” laughs Skeeter.


"What in the name of Merlin are you doing?”


“No! So why in the name of Merlin’s saggy left –”


“Poisonous toadstools don’t change their spots,” said Ron sagely.


“Caterwauling Charm’s set off, they’ll be onto you like bowtruckles on doxy eggs.”


“There’s going to be hell to pay anyway, we might as well be hanged for a dragon as an egg.”


“And what in the name of Merlin’s most baggy Y-fronts was that about?”

4

Ilvermorny School Uniforms

More information on Ilvermorny (the North American School of Magic) was announced this week via Pottermore. I decided to draw their summer and winter robes, since Ilvermorny is located in a place with cold winters (Massachusetts). Rowling has released that students are sorted into houses at this school, and that their robes are blue and cranberry! Also that they have a gordian knot pin on their robes. From left to right, in all images the order is Horned Serpent, Wampus, Pukwudgie, and Thunder Bird. They have a short summer robe, and long winter. I wanted something to identify the different houses so their robes have designs on their sleeves to show which house they are in. Also, Quidditch would be way more confusing without house colours on the pitch so I went with silver, black, gold, and white!

If you haven’t yet. take the sorting quiz for Ilvermorny! It is available on Pottermore. I was sorted into Horned Serpent. Check out the robe designs I posted before the uniform colours were released. 

  • what she says:i'm fine
  • what she means:i don't understand how paintings work in the wizarding world. how do people in the portraits suddenly appear out of no where and then disappear? does that mean the person in the portrait have to make the conscious decision to go be in one of their portraits? like with the chocolate frogs, does dumbledore take time out of his day to go be on some chocolate frog cards? and when a dead person is in the painting how do they still have a conversation with people as though they are alive? harry has had multiple conversations with dead people in paintings. so why was the resurrection stone so important when someone could just talk to a painting of the dead person without any consequences.
Wizarding World: Professors

Snape goes up to the counter and orders the same thing he’s ordered every day from Starbucks for over a decade. “After all this time?” asks the barista. “Always,” he replies.


Umbridge likes the red holiday cups, but wonders if they come in pink.


Gilderoy Lockhart insists that he is a naturally gifted barista. He starts a small fire behind the counter.


Professor Sprout orders a herbal tea. It’s so hot that it emits a high-pitched whistling. Several patrons of the Starbucks keel over.


Professor Sinistra orders a dark roast, but the baristas forget to make it.


Minerva McGonagall usually orders a grande non-fat latte, no whip, half-caf every morning at precisely 7:40AM, but it’s game day, so she gets a red velvet frappucino with caramel bits on top to match her red and gold outfit, complete with face paint. She’s grown attached to the trophy in her office and isn’t keen on giving it up to Professor Snape.


Firenze goes into the Starbucks, and the centaurs will never let him back out.


Professor Quirrell orders a caramel brulee latte and a dark roast. “Two coffees just for you, sir?” asks the barista. “I… I’m addicted to caffeine,” Quirrell responds nervously while simultaneously coughing, somehow.


Professor Trelawney orders hot tea for everyone in the Starbucks, then proceeds to read everyone’s leaves. Unsurprisingly, 100% of the patrons are doomed to die within the fortnight. She puts the drinks on Dumbledore’s tab.


Dumbledore orders the phoenix latte. The baristas follow his instructions carefully, only to have it explode upon completion. They can’t believe they trusted him for so long only to have this be the end goal after all.

3

Need a flying license for that sweet-ass Nimbus 9000? Get yourself to the wizard DMV—and remember, you have to enter through the toilet unless you want everyone to know that you’re a dorky Muggle.

If these official Ministry of Magic documents prove one thing (aside from the fact that Remus Lupin looks heckin’ sexy with that stubble), let it be that EVERYONE wants to retake their ID pic—except for Hermione, because she looks fab and she knows it.

Illustrations created exclusively for SparkLife by the spectacular @vitoriabas!

Wizarding World: 90s Kids

Hermione Granger goes up to the counter. “Is this coffee fair trade or were house elves involved in the making?” she asks. After being reassured that no house-elves ever touched the coffee beans, she orders an espresso. She takes it over to a corner table covered in books and papers, settling in for a long study session.


Luna Lovegood tries to order off of a non-existent “secret menu.”


Neville Longbottom meets up with Luna for their usual afternoon coffee date. They get chai tea lattes and sit by the window, chatting about exotic flora and fauna.


Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan arrive together. Seamus orders a Fizzing Whizbee latte, which promptly explodes all over him. Dean pays for a round of cappuccinos.


Ginny Weasley goes up to the counter with her broom slung over her shoulder. She orders her butterbeer latte to go; she’s late for practice. She stops to talk to Neville and Luna for a few minutes before leaving.


Crabbe and Goyle arrive to meet Draco there. They are unable to buy drinks for themselves, as counting out change confuses them. They have also arrived three hours earlier than Malfoy plans to arrive, because he prefers them to be there when he wants to meet with him. They bully a first-year into buying them each a scone.


Oliver Wood enters in a huff. He goes up to the counter and asks if the barista has seen any of the Gryffindor Quidditch team there, “because they’re SUPPOSED to be practicing.” Fred and George, who are hiding under a nearby table, know that this is no laughing matter, but struggle to contain their giggles, regardless.


Draco Malfoy runs his index finger across the bar and picks up a thin layer of dust. “Wait til my father hears about this,” he says. The baristas just roll their eyes.


Ernie Macmillan orders a triple shot espresso to go. He’s rushing back to the library to work; he finds Starbucks to be an unhelpful work environment.


Percy Weasley drinks coffee with a napkin in his lap. When he examines his drink more closely, he realizes the name on it has been transfigured to “Big Head Boy.” At this point the twins collapse laughing and are asked to leave the Starbucks.


Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil order tea and drink it slowly, then read each other their tea leaves. Their cups foretell imminent danger, but they’re unfazed. They are Gryffindors, after all.


Colin Creevey takes pictures of his order to put on his Instagram.


Just as evening begins, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley make their way into the Starbucks from the snow outside. They order three butterbeer lattes and join Hermione at her corner table. Harry has to leave early, and the other two join him in solidarity.

“One of the victims was Luis S Vielma. He worked at Forbidden Journey. He was a Gryffindor. He was a kid. He was a human being that died for just being him. Universal shut down the ride as a sign of mourning to those who worked with him. He will be missed by many and, along with everyone else, the HP fandom will mourn his passing. Rest In Love, sweet wizard.”