“Is Bruce in here?” Tim figured he might be— Bruce spent a lot of time in the children’s wing of Wayne Enterprises. There were a dozen or so kids in daycare most weekdays, and Bruce liked to hang out.
Tim liked to hang out too. They had nice snacks, and he’d known most of the kids since they were toddlers. And sometimes naps were mandatory.
“Conference call,” Damian told him. (For someone who claimed to hate naps, snackfood, kids, and humanity in general, Damian also spent a lot of time in the children’s wing.) “I don’t know where.”
He went back to what he was doing, which was arranging a set of pewter soldiers into a complex model of a battlefield, presumably for the benefit of the preschooler sitting next to him.
“The Battle of Issus, 333 BC.”
“Right, obviously.” Tim decided he was curious, so he settled down on the mats to watch. Damian finished his model; he pulled a marker from the art table and used it as a pointer.
“Okay. This is the Macedonian army, outnumbered but in the better tactical position, south of the Pinarus River. Their leader is Alexander the Great. And this—” He pointed to his enemy line. “—is the Achaemenid Empire. They’re about to lose.”
Damian tapped his marker on the Macedonian right. “This is the companion calvary, Alexander’s elite force, and they—” he cut off when he noticed his pupil digging in the toy bin, clearly distracted. The kid came up with a battered Transformer, which he set behind Damian’s lines.
“Elliot. Alexander did not have robots.”
“But,” said Tim, rummaging through the box himself, “did he have wizards?” He pulled a bearded magician out of the tub and held it up for Damian to see.
“You know he didn’t.”
Tim passed the wizard to Elliot. “But what if he did?”
“How would that go?”
“Abracadabra, Alexander!” Elliot yelled, gleefully smashing through Damian’s entire left flank.
“Damn it, Drake.” Damian sighed in frustration— not quite the rise Tim was hoping for, but still something. He dropped Elliot’s discarded robot back into the box.
“I don’t know what you were expecting,” Tim told him. “Elliot’s four. He’s too young for— what is this— military history?”
“He was doing fine before you showed up.” Damian started to re-erect his soldiers, but he gave it up after Elliot came in for a second pass. “Which is typical, isn’t it?”
“Thank you.” Damian crossed his arms. “Fine. I’ll bite. When is he supposed to learn this kind of thing?”
“High school? Maybe never.”
“That can’t be right.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“Frequently.” Damian rolled his eyes. “I’m getting a second opinion.”
Damian checked the room for potential allies. “Thomas?” he called over his shoulder, “You learned military strategy as a kid, right?”
Duke looked up from the book he was reading to a pair of kindergardeners. “Just you, man.”
“Told you.” Tim fished a bag of plastic ninja from the toy box and arranged them pointedly into a row. “How are you still surprised by this kind of thing?”
Damian glared at him. “Okay, first of all? I’m not a— hold on a second. Elliot!”
Elliot froze with a large, plastic dinosaur held aloft over the battlefield. He drew it sheepishly back to his chest. “Sorry.”
“Not in the calvary wing,” Damian told him. “You’ll scare the horses.”
“Here?” Elliot pointed to the front of the phalanx.
“Aim for his center.” Damian turned back to Tim. “Anyway. Why are you still talking to me? I thought we had an agreement about unnecessary contact.”
There are a million thoughts racing through his head on that final night.
00:52 - Is this locket even believable? Will He know right away that it’s fake?
01:12 - Are there more horcruxes? Will it even matter if I can destroy this one?
01:29 - Am I walking into a trap? Will everyone I love suffer for my actions?
01:41 - Will my brother ever know what I’ve done? Will he ever forgive me?
02:03 - Is this even going to work? Or has He already won?
He has none of the answers, but still he goes. Disappearing quietly into the night. Knowing that these moments are his last. Foolishly, desperately wishing to leave behind a sliver of hope for the wizarding world.
Very early on in the yearly 5e campaign after a side quest where one player’s character got four boyfriends (a young elvish bard guy with several very high rolls), the other players followed suit in trying to make relationships with NPCs and it was established that pretty much every NPC in-universe is bi or pan for the sake of convenience when rolling to flirt. This had the unintentional consequence of making *literally every character in the campaign non-straight*. After the entire campaign was over several players were on a one-off mission and the following exchange occurred. The session was nearly over as we’d just found the person we were sent to look for.
Simon: So the girl is able to walk and stuff?
DM: No, she’s too weak.
Alex: I cast cure wounds on her.
DM: Yeah, she—literally any amount of HP gets her walking, no need to roll.
Simon: Okay, so we… take her back home, the barkeep was her dad right? This was the daughter?
DM: Yeah, they look a lot alike. She also tells you so when you ask.
[a few minutes later]
Simon: I wanna roll to flirt with her.
DM: Yeah there it is. That—I was waiting all mission for this one. The DC is high dude, just warning you.
Simon: Cmon dice… *nat 19*
DM: That’ll do it! Alrighty then!
Alex: Wait, dude, did—did you just make the first straight character in this universe?
DM: …Oh my god I did.
Alex: *joking* We needed the diversity, really, the believability was suffering.
DM: Finally! First one ever!
Simon: I’m a girl.
Simon: I’m using my elf lady, remember?
[Pause, then laughter]
DM: So close, and yet so far!
Simon: WE’VE GONE AND DONE IT AGAIN, FOLKS.
DM: I tried, I really did. I—I tried to make that evil wizard and his son straight, but nah, never works. Always ends up like this. You guys started this.
Alex: Every time.
I had this dream last night that all of the hp rp squads (actual squads and just hp rps thrown into squads) had ended up on like our own reality TV show competition thingy and we all had to compete against each other to achieve ultimate hp rp squad goals
All I can remember is that there was a massive dance off between the squads and we all became good friends and yeah