without really meaning to

LOVE & SEXUALITY & RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

send a symbol to find out:

💓 When did they have their first crush?

❤ Have they ever been in love?

💕 How easily do they fall in love?

💖 How do they say ‘I love you’ without really saying it?

😕 Have they ever said ‘I love you’ without meaning it?

👀 Would they ever enter/have they ever entered into a friends with benefits relationship?

💋 How old were they when they had their first kiss?

🚗 When did they go on their first date?

🌹 What is their idea of a perfect date?

🔑 At what point would they move in with a partner?

💟 What is their stance on PDA?

🍵 Do they prefer to ask out a partner or be asked?

👥 What is my muse’s sexual & romantic orientation?

💦 When did they lose their virginity?

⁉ Have they ever questioned their sexuality?

💡 What made them realize their sexuality?

💌 When was their first serious relationship?

💘 What was their most serious relationship?

💝 What was their most recent serious relationship?

💗 What advice would they give a potential partner about making their relationship last if they could with no judgment?

💫 Have they ever been hit/struck by a partner?

❌ What is the biggest mistake they make in their relationships?

💥 What was their worst relationship?

😓 Have they ever cheated on a partner?

😢 Have they ever been cheated on by a partner?

💞 Would they ever enter/have they ever entered into a polyamorous relationship?

😭 When was their first breakup?

💔 What was their worst breakup?

👍 What was their most amicable breakup?

🌙 Have they ever had a one night stand?

🍷 How far would they go on a first date?

💍 Would they ever get married?

💎 Would they rather propose or be proposed to?

💒 What kind of wedding would they want to have?

👶 Do they want children?

🍼 Could a partner ever change their mind on children?

❔ Ask your own question!

Ancient wisdom from the neural network

What happens when really old advice meets really new technology?

A recurrent neural network (like the open-source char-rnn framework used here) can teach itself to imitate recipes, paint colors, band names, and even guinea pig names. By examining a dataset, it learns to formulate its own rules about it, and can use these rules to generate new text that - according to the neural network - resembles the dataset. But since the neural network is doing all this without cultural context, or any knowledge of what the words really mean, the results are often a bit bizarre.

In this example, the dataset is a list of more than 2000 ancient proverbs, collected by reader Anthony Mandelli. Some of these are well-known, such as “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” and “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Others are frankly a bit strange: “Where there’s muck there’s brass.” and “A curst cow has short horns.” and “Be not a baker if your head is made of butter.”

What will a neural network make of this ancient wisdom?

If you answered “Really really weird proverbs”, you are correct.

A fox smells it better than a fool’s for a day.
No songer in a teacuper.
A fool in a teacup is a silent for a needle in the sale.
No man is the better pan on the hunder.
A mouse is a good bound to receive.
Do not come to the cow.

Some of them almost make sense:

A good wine makes the best sermon.
A good fear is never known till needed.
Death when it comes will have no sheep.
An ounce of the heart comes without an exception.
A good face is a letter to get out of the fire.
No wise man ever wishes to be sick.
A good excuse is as good as a rest.
There is no smoke without the best sin.
A good man is worth doing well.
A good anvil does not make the most noise.

While others would be more difficult to pass off as real proverbs:

We can serve no smort.
A good face is a letter like a dog.
A good earse makes a good ending.
Gnow will not go out.
Ung.
A fox smeep is the horse of the best sermon.
No sweet is half the barn door after the cat.
There is not fire and step on your dog and stains the best sermon.
An ox is a new dogn not sing in a haystar.

One of the oddest things to emerge from the proverb-trained neural network is a strange obsession with oxen. I checked, and there were only three oxen-related proverbs in the dataset, yet they appear frequently in the neural network’s version, and usually as rather powerful creatures.

An ox can lever an enemies are dangerous and restens at home.
An ox is not to be given with a single stone.
An ox is never known till needed.
An ox is as good as a best.
An ox is not to be that wound is hot.
An ox is a silent for the gain of the bush.
An ox is not fill when he will eat forever.

Whatever the internal mythos the neural network has learned from these ancient proverbs, oxen are mysteriously important.

imagine Lexa whispering “I love you” in her own tongue during sex without really realizing and Clarke doesn’t know what it means because she’s never heard it in trigedasleng and so Lexa takes advantage of that and keeps saying it sneakily because she thinks Clarke isn’t ready for the “I love you” so she says it in a way that makes Clarke think it’s some cute nickname but then one day Clarke hears Octavia say it to Lincoln and asks abt it and Octavia tells her and Clarke just….can’t really believe it

and then the next night when Lexa says it she replies with “I love you too” and the look on Lexa’s face is of pure shock and surprise and she’s like “have you known this entire time” and Clarke just smiles and says “no, but now I do, and I love you too”

2

I actually stayed up last night thinking about the bros weapons in that solarpunk/steampunk verse and came to the conclusion that I desperately want to keep the hammers. so yeah. hammers.

the way marios hammer is designed he can light it on fire anytime. luigis is actually pretty tricky bc electricity isnt as straightforward as fire, but I imagine it can jumpstart any kind of machine that runs on electricity bc nintendo logic

their secondary weapons would be something they use along with their hammers. marios is a pick (chisel) and luigis is a pair of pliers. 

yes I am invested in this why do you ask

Droughtlander Art Challenge
Week 28 - Voyager

Months ago, when a September premiere was first announced, I challenged myself to make one new Outlander painting a week until the premiere. Now we’re less than a week away! As this is my last #droughtlander piece I want to take the time to say THANK YOU to all you wonderful individuals. I’ve been lucky to have met so many incredibly talented and kind friends over the past months, and you’ve all helped make Droughtlander pass so quickly!

To finish, here’s my concept of a S3 poster in the style of S1. Several people mentioned this would be cool to see, and I’ve finally gotten around to trying it :)

Enjoy the new season and thank you all for an amazing year filled with creativity and inspiration!

anonymous asked:

i HAD NO IDEA GORILLAZ HAD PHASES AND STORYLINES could you try and explain them quickly for us new bbies getting into this fandom??

absolutely!!

so the WHOLE ENTIRE STORY of gorillaz is actually extremely ridiculously long and very very complicated and confusing so i am going to try my very hardest to sum everything up as best as i possibly can without missing too much

(also the “phases” don’t really mean much besides marking the different album releases, which is why you may have noticed the band members look different every few years)

phase 1 (celebrity takedown) started around 1999. before phase 1, there was only this guy:

murdoc niccals. on august 15th, 1997 (d-day), he wanted to steal music equipment so he crashed a car into a music store where this guy:

stuart tusspot (then in his young twenties) was working, and he hit stuart in the eye and sent him into a coma. murdoc was arrested, but rather than serving time he had to do a lot of community service and also take care of stuart while he was in his coma. murdoc being murdoc, he crashed his car a second time and sent stuart flying from the backseat, through the windshield and he hit his good eye on the concrete, which woke him from his vegetative state, thus “creating” the stuart you know today:

he was nicknamed 2D because he now has two “dents” in his head (which are actually 8-ball fractures if you wanted to know how this look could be possible). murdoc saw that 2D was really attractive and he could sing, so he made 2D the singer of his band

now, this is russel hobbs:

he was involved in a drive-by shooting when his best friend Del (Deltron 3030 irl):

was shot and killed. del possessed russel, thus turning his eyes completely white and haunting him from time to time when he plays the drums. he also raps in some of the gorillaz songs.

murdoc and 2D needed a drummer so they kidnapped russel and russel for some reason forgave them and agreed to be their drummer.

the guitarist for a short while was 2D’s girlfriend, Paula:

and together the four of them formed the band “GORILLA”:

and the only song they recorded together was “ghost train”. paula was kicked out of the band because russel caught her having sex with murdoc in the bathroom. they needed a new guitarist, so they sent out an ad in the paper. not too long later, this little angel arrived at their front door:

she saw the ad and fed-exed herself from osaka to kong studios:

in essex, england. she was only ten and she only knew one word: noodle. therefore, they named her noodle and they made her the guitarist because she was really really good.

thus, gorillaz was born:

then they made the first album around 2000, titled “gorillaz”. they released a bunch of music, music videos, interviews, merch, a completely interactive website where you could walk around their house, and they even released little shorts that were shown on MTV for a while. you can watch all of their videos and interviews on youtube. they won some awards too, and even performed live using holagrams.

{clint eastwood
19/2000

rock the house

tomorrow comes today
 (epilepsy warning)
live performance
 (epilepsy warning)
all “bites”
 (shorts shown on MTV)}

around 2002, they got a little tired of one another. lots of different personalities living under one roof. they faught a lot, especially murdoc and 2D (2D is not “all there” and he takes a lot of medication, murdoc is an asshole and abuses 2D CONSTANTLY). so they all left kong studios for a while, but not before releasing some b-sides (g-sides).

at the end of two years, murdoc ended up in a mexican prison, russel excorcised del’s soul from his body (but kept the white eyes), which sent him into a horrible depression, 2D got a job at his father’s amusement park, and noodle went back to osaka, japan to discover more about her past.

while in japan, noodle found out from some old dude that she was actually a part of some kind of organization that turns young children into war-machines (yeah, i know, fucking crazy, right?????). her memory had been erased by the old dude so that she could live a normal life, and when her memory was restored, she remembered everything, including how to speak fluent english. having found herself, she was the first one to go back to kong studios. she wrote most of the second album by herself before the others came back to kong and helped her out.

(btw, that is noodle’s pet monkey, mike. murdoc had a pet crow named cortez, and 2D had a pet dog named Prince, but no one knows what happened to them. keep reading)

this was around 2004 and would start phase 2 (slowboat to hades):

note the drastic style change. this phase was famous for its darker look, and the music became a lot darker in their second album, “demon days”.

idents
dirty harry

rockit

dare

feel good inc.

el manana

they released some more teasers (which were “filmed” during their two-year break), more music, more music vidoes, more live performances, and more merch. even some gorillaz games. very cute, very fun (especially if you have a dark sense of humor? there is one game in particular that has the murdoc/2D fans feeling some type of way lol). if you watch the videos and interviews, you can really tell how their personalities shift from phase to phase. also, this is the phase where the windmill island makes its first appearence:

and this is where things get very weird and very very complicated (especially for a cartoon band). in the feel good inc. music video (watch it), noodle is on this island and she is being chased by helicopters from afar.

in the el manana video (watch it now or you might be confused), however, noodle was supposed to get “shot” by the same helicopters before parachuting safely off of the island where she would then flee to the maldive islands to get away for a while (she just wanted a vacation but i guess she didn’t want people to find her). however, in the gorillaz autobiography, murdoc says that something completely different happened.

murdoc was trying to get some guy killed (i forget his name) because murdoc is a horrible guy who holds a lot of grudges. murdoc tricked this guy into hiding inside the windmill to wait for noodle to “die” so he could take her place. noodle did not know about ANY of this. she wasn’t going to get hurt either way because she was given a parachute. so when DIFFERENT helicopters (DIFFERENT PEOPLE THAT WERE NOT HIRED BY MURDOC OR GORILLAZ!) started shooting at her, TRYING to kill her, she freaked out and the windmill ended up crashing into a canal. there is a picture in the autobiography of her parachuting off the island, but no one knows where she went after she hit the ground. everyone searched for her, but no one could find her. at this point, murdoc was confused as well, but everyone assumed she still went to the maldives to mellow out—or that she DIED.

this left 2D, murdoc and russel in deep depression. russel left kong studios first, as it was falling apart due to it being built atop a landfill and infested with zombies. 2D left afterwards to live in beirut, and only murdoc was left in the rubble that was kong.

this was around 2007. the second b-sides album (d-sides) was released and if you went on the interactive website, it was completely abandoned. murdoc tried to sell it but it was gross, run down, shit everywhere, noodle’s room was left bare. BUT. sometime in 2007, noodle sent a message to murdoc via radio telling him to come and save her. she never stated explicitly where she was, but she was in deep, deep trouble. murdoc assumed she was in hell, and, being a satanist in a made-up universe, he somehow made it to hell and searched high and low for noodle, but never found her (THOUGH HE RECENTLY STATED THAT THE ENTIRE HELL TRIP MAY HAVE BEEN A DRUNKEN FEVER-DREAM, SO WE ARE ALL EXTREMELY FED UP AND CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO NOODLE AFTER THE EL MANANA THING. WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, THOUGH THE MURDOC/NOODLE FANS ATE THAT SHIT UP).

after this, murdoc got word that the organization who tried to murder noodle (the black clouds) were now after him. he had no choice but to leave kong studios forever. so he set kong on fire and left. then the autobiography was released (it is implied they started writing the book well before even the middle of phase 2).

and then gorillaz were on hiatus for about four years. not a single word. if you went on the website, nothing changed. shit was cryptic. but the fandom was loyal and WAITING.

THEN. OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE, sometime in 2009, murdoc showed up in an interview talking about new gorillaz music. and very slowly, more information was released on the “unofficial gorillaz website”. the fandom was BATSHIT. half of us were butthurt about how ugly murdoc looked, and the other half was excited about NEW GORILLAZ MUSIC, and more importantly, THIS PICTURE:

people were mostly concerned with noodle and the fact that her eye was all fucked up, presumably from either the fall from the island OR from when she was “in hell”. also, peope assumed the whole band was together again, but this was FAR FAR FAR from the case.

murdoc wanted to make new gorillaz music that would “top” their second album (which could never happen, but a pickle can dream). murdoc couldn’t get a hold of russel, and noodle was presumably MIA, so murdoc kidnapped 2D in beirut and shipped the poor guy to plastic beach:

plastic beach is essentially murdoc’s hiding place where he is “safe” from the black clouds, and it is literally an island made out of garbage and spray painted pink. 2D did not want to be there, but murdoc held him captive:

in a bedroom at the southernmost tip of the island, underwater, guarded by a whale (2D has a crippling fear of whales, murdoc is a GIANT ASSHOLE). he made 2D sing, and 2D agreed because he has been agreeing to murdoc for a long time and he knew better than to disobey him.

since gorillaz was lacking a drummer and a guitarist, murdoc had to improvise. to replace russel, murdoc used a drum machine to mimic the way russel plays the drums. to replace noodle, murdoc gathered some of noodle’s DNA from the el manana crash site and built CYBORG NOODLE:

she was just as good on guitar as noodle was and she was also the “war machine” that noodle was “supposed” to be, i.e., murdoc stuffed her with weapons. she even had a gun that fired from her mouth.

thus, this was the “phase three: plastic beach” crew:

they recorded the new album, titled PLASTIC BEACH, and murdoc “kidnapped” all of the artists that gorillaz collaborated with and they just had a grand ol’ time. the album was released in early 2010, followed by a revamped website featuring a full tour of plastic beach, more merch, and LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of interviews. some of them are probably no longer findable, but it doesn’t matter because pretty much every single interview was just murdoc hooting and hollering and drinking because IT WAS ESTABLISHED THAT AT THIS POINT HE HAS LITERALLY GONE INSANE.

the music video for stylo was released and did not contribute much to the “main plot”, which disappointed some people because we all wanted to know where noodle and russel were. after a long time, murdoc made a twitter to communicate with the fans who were more interested in the now extremely involved plot line of gorillaz as well as the music.

sometime in 2010, new “idents” were released. 2D’s showed him getting kidnapped and shipped to PB, murdoc’s showed him getting SHOT AT on a boat, probably on his way to plastic beach. then RUSSEL’S ident was released, and it showed him jumping off of a dock into the ocean in an EXTREMELY ANGRY MANNER. lots of people speculated he was mad because he found out what murdoc was doing or he was going to confront murdoc about noodle’s whereabouts or both. cyborg noodle’s ident was released after that, it was nothing special, it was just really creepy (btw you can watch all the idents on youtube!

AND THEN. AND. THEN. noodle’s ident was released and IT WAS THE GREATEST DAY. AFTER FOUR YEARS we finally got to see what happened to noodle, dear, dear noodle:

her ident showed her on a boat (she is around 18-19 at this time), being asked to evacuate because the boat was being attacked by pirates (presumably the black clouds, coming after noodle). being the supreme badass she is, she grabbed a gun and stormed out of the room, and that was all we got. the fandom was in uproar. why the cat mask? was it to cover her eye? why was she on a boat?

shortly before the “on melancholy hill video”, murdoc stated he could see a brown rock moving towards plastic beach (official art told the fans it was russel’s head, as russel had eaten toxic waste and had grown into a giant):

and it was implied from this that russel was going to meet up with noodle sometime in the near future. 

hope you’re still following me. im trying my best lol

in the “on melacholy hill” video, murdoc was now aware that noodle was very much alive and also in some kind of trouble, so he and all of the album’s collaborators went on a giant search for noodle, but never found her. they ended up finding some manatee on top of a rock (random af), while noodle defended her boat from the black clouds, and ended up escaping on a life raft with her guitar. and then this happened:

in both the stylo and OMH videos, a mysterious figure called THE BOOGIEMAN appeared:

he is implied by murdoc to be a symbol of death, as he “murders” both a police officer and the manatee on the rock. not much more is known about him.

after this, not much more happened. there was more official art, more games on the gorillaz website, more merch, a gorillaz live band tour (not featuring the actual memebers of gorillaz, much to murdoc’s frustration), one new single called doncamatic, and a music video released during the tour featuring russel and noodle:

about a year later without any more activity, gorillaz released a fourth album titled “the fall”, composed entirely on an ipad by 2D (note how “gorillaz” = russel, “demon days” = noodle, “plastic beach” = murdoc and “the fall” = 2D). it was not entirely popular, but there were some really good tracks.

the gorillaz hype slowed to an almost-halt as far as plot was concerned. noodle and russel never made it to plastic beach, murdoc was still on the island with 2D, 2D was still a wreck, etc etc etc. the fandom was content, but the plotline was pretty stagnant for another year or so. there were a lot lot LOT of unanswered questions, but the fandom was used to it, as gorillaz was never really “designed” to have such a convoluted plotline to begin with, as you can probably imagine. who would have thought “gorillaz” would evolve into such a CRAZY, INVOLVED STORY?? we were at least content knowing noodle was safe with russel, and they were both happy (russel loves noodle like a daughter btw its adorable af). as far as 2D and murdoc went, a lot of people kind of knew that their relationship, as dysfunctional as it was, was still salvagable as 2D is pretty much infatuated with murdoc, as fucked up as that seems.

in 2011, rhinestone eyes was supposed to get a music video. alas, this never happened because the music video was no longer being funded for (it costs a looooot of money to make gorillaz music videos, and gorillaz lost a good deal of popularity after phase 2, mostly because of the plotline. no one besides the die hard fans knew what the fuck was going on in the music videos).

BUT we were blessed with the rhinestone eyes storyboard, which was pretty much everything we could have asked for. the black clouds were surrounding PB, murdoc was flipping out, the boogieman was cornering him. 2D was about to be eaten by the whale buT THEN OUT OF NO WHERE, FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY RUSSEL GRABBED THE WHALE WITH HIS HUGE YAOI HAND AND SENT IT FLYING ACROSS THE OCEAN, SAVING POOR 2D. MORE DRAMA ENSUES, AND AT THE END OF IT ALL, RUSSEL OPENS HIS GIANT MOUTH TO REVEAL NOODLE HIDING INSIDE. GOD BLESS.

now, even though the music video was never made, it is implied that everything that happened in the storyboard happened irl. but we still had so many questions left unanswered regardless.

in 2012, gorillaz released a music video to go along with their new single DOYATHING feat. ANDRE 3000. the hype for this video was as real as it could get, and the gorillaz fandom was practically pissing their pants after they saw the storyboard.

the doyathing video (which was actually a collaboration with converse shoes) depicts the four members of gorillaz living together in a janky apartment. what a shock, but what happened to plastic beach? 2D seemed a bit more “himself”, and to everyone’s relief and jubilance, he opened the door to noodle’s bedroom to reveal noodle sleeping soundly, and he smiles, and the fandom was finally at ease. to top it off, russel is shown laying on top of the roof of the apartment, sleeping, noticably smaller in size, but still a giant nonetheless. and attached to the apartment, to EVERY SINGLE GORILLAZ FAN’S COMPLETE SHOCK, is the fucking windmill island, albiet in shambles. how they got it up in the sky again is a mystery to us all.

and, according to murdoc a short while after the release of the video (or before, i cannot recall), after russel and noodle arrived on the island, the cyborg attempted to kill murdoc (which was a surprise to no one….). noodle and the cyborg duked it out and the real noodle ended up coming out on top. and they all left plastic beach after the black clouds fled the scene, probably because it was shot to bits.

and that’s it as of right now. that is the gorillaz story, in summary. there are still a plethora of unanswered questions, however, as we have yet to hear ANYTHING from russel and noodle. we still do not know what exactly happened to noodle after el manana. we do not know why russel jumped into the ocean, we don’t know how russel and noodle found the beach, we don’t know what happened to noodle’s eye. we don’t know a lot of things. hopefully some of our questions will be answered in PHASE FOUR! which has officially started as of yesterday.

i hope i have given you a sufficient insight on the wild, wild world of GORILLAZ. they are more than just a band, they are characters with complex backstories and their adventures are pretty fucking crazy if you have the patience to keep up with them

thanks for reading!

xoxoxo

“Quickly men! Into formation!”

“Sir, what purpose does this formation serve? None of us is aiming with even a remote chance of hitting any possible enemies and we’re in serious danger of starting a forest fire.”

“Shut up Steve. It looks awesome.”


(Photo by @nicolasbruno on Instagram)

some adhd lance hc’s

made by someone who’s got adhd and who loves lance. go figure!!!!

  • lance is a combination adhd type who leans more towards inattentive than hyperactive, but does have his moments!
  • teachers would be confused because he’s a bright kid who has a lot of potential but always turns his homework in late or not at all.
    • it’s the mix of procrastination, executive dysfunction, and fear that the assignment isn’t good enough.
  • stims by using his legs. does the leggy bounce™, leg shake™, the bicycle in the air™, stretches™, etc.
    • some bitch ass teacher: lance can you stay still for a second? you’re distracting the class.
      lance, who shakes his leg even more: just saying, but the only one who doesn’t seem really focused on the lecture is you.
  • knows other people perceive him as being dumb or annoying because of his symptoms. even if he pretends otherwise. 
  • some neurotypical: ooo shiny! a squirrel! haha, i’m so adhd and random.
    lance: you’re like the worst type of person.
  • when the rsd hits and he feels the suffocating feelings that come with it
    • happens when he least expects it to. (i.e. in episode 4 where he talked about his mom)
    • the emotions gets him really fast. sometimes he’ll start crying without meaning to, or end up getting so angry in a flash and then acting like nothing ever happened.
    • will usually isolate himself in order to not ‘burden’ anyone with it.
  • lance would frustrate cry if he was stuck on an assignment that should’ve taken only half an hour, but he’s on hour three, it’s past midnight, and he can’t read.
    • every time the teachers say that there’s no reason for anyone to not finish their homework, lance looks into the camera like he’s in the office. 
  • hyperfixates. a lot. anything regarding the ocean, space, flying, adventure, the great unknown are some of his known hyperfixations. 
  • has a hard time sleeping because his brain won’t stop. just never stops. 
  • also has a tendency to have bad memory/comprehension issues
    • will ask for things to be repeated because sometimes he literally cannot understand or even remember what the other person said
    • allura: lance, please pay attention while we’re giving the instruction for the plan. this is important.
      lance: i know, my bad. i was just looking at keith’s hair and noticed that his hair curls around his ears.
      keith: what?
      lance: you have my full attention, princess!

Here’s Macaron Pêche, the third member of the Macaron Fighters! Who needs a quiver when you can SUMMON ARROWS WITH YOUR MIND?

Macaron Lavande - Macaron Pistache - Macaron Myrtille - Macaron Citron - Macaron Vanille

Some quick thoughts about how the Grand Relics reflect everyone on the crew’s personality. A lot of these points have been touched on before, but I wanted to wrap everything up nice. 

  • Davenport gets the Oculus, which is focused on Vision. If you can imagine it, you can make it real. Pretty great for a leader, and definitely good for the pragmatic captain we’ve gotten to know. You need to know exactly what you want, and if you can’t visualize it and understand it and execute it right, it will go horribly wrong. It’s the most laser precise of the relics, because you really need to have control of your own mind to use it. Of course Davenport loses his mind, loses his iron control of the situation, and the Oculus summons black holes.  It’s leadership gone wrong and self control without the control. 
  • Lup gets the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, which is super dangerous short term but also fairly limited. It lights things of fire, and that’s it. It’s the least finessed of the Relics, and because of that it’s the most dangerous. It’s destroyed eight towns. It’s all power, none of the wherewithal and heart we see Lup demonstrate. She’s an evocation specialist, she’s the powerhouse of the group and because of that she has to know when to stop. The Gauntlet never stops, and hurts lots of people in the short term, but once it’s fired out it’s not quite as insidious as some of the other relics. It’s straightforward, and like Lup that’s both a strength and weakness. 
  • If Lup is the flamethrower that can mess you up in the short term, Taako is more subtle but overall more destructive. The Philosopher’s Stone is willing to play nice, be used, and generally not act up, right up until it throws you a curve ball and nearly crystallizes the entire world. Taako is the master of the random, game changing play, and Stone mirrors that ability to mess up everything and amplifies it ten fold. It’s not the charmer, it’s sales pitch is the most blatant thing ever and it sounds like your weird uncle, but it will bide its time until it decides the time is right to just upend everything. 
  • Nice, quiet Barry got the Animus Bell, which is nice and quiet and diligent and straight up murders people. It doesn’t make waves or look for trouble, the people who have owned it have kept it quiet and used it sensibly and thoroughly to awful, awful ends. Even Lucretia didn’t know what it did, which suggests that it’s the shyest of the relics. Barry is solid sort of guy. He does his best, death after death, body after body. He’s also a lich who invades people’s minds to get information. The Animus Bell is equally willing to drudge forward nicely and quietly, getting into dark magic and possessing people’s bodies. 
  • Merle, of course, is their godly man. He likes nature and Pan and has more insecurities than you could shake a stick at. The Gaia Sash takes that need for faith in a higher power and desire for control and blows it up. Sloane was calling herself a god by the end of her time with it, but she was also desperate for anything to ease her mind, something to put her faith in. It’s the nature relic, technically, but you could just as easily call it the God Relic. It’s all about power and how you use it and what you need to stay sane, namely the belief in something more powerful than you. 
  • It’s been discussed before how it’s weird that Magnus got time magic while Lucretia presumably got wards and protection, but it does make sense in a certain way. The best way to protect something is to make sure the bad thing never happened. I’m more interested in how the Chalice presents itself, namely that it really believes it’s a good person (relic) even while it does awful, awful things. Magnus is also someone who tries to be good, but often, thoughtlessly acts cruel. The Temporal Chalice plays the sweet tempered host, then in a fit of spite makes them watch all of Phandolin get destroyed and got Isaak to murder his best friend. Magnus will play the moral highground, and also bully people without meaning to. But while Magnus really tries to be good, the Chalice is all surface gentility with nothing underneath. It’s Rustic Hospitality, without the actual underlying Rustic Morality. 

anonymous asked:

omg i just watched this show called bakers or fakers. basically two professional bakers compete against hobbyist. though who's who is kept a secret till the end. they have challenges with certain ingredients or desserts. i can totally imagine bitty going on the show.

YUP!

Also AU where Jack is a guest judge on the show and he knows he’s supposed to be there as the “Eye Candy Sports Star” and isn’t expected to actually know much about baking or about knowing who is the professional or the faker BUT the Falconers (for the first time since Jack was named captain) failed to make the playoffs (so. many. injuries. Jack himself was out for a huge chunk of the season and Tater pulled his hammy and it was– Not his fault. Jack knows that but STILL). The point is Jack had some extra time on his hands and so not only did he watch every episode of Bakers and Fakers to get used to the format, he also read tons of How To Bake books and he was going to start on the youtube channels but he’d run out of time. (Plus Jack prefers books, youtube videos can be a bit too loud for him. Especially with the weird background music some of them put on while things are baking.)

The point is: Jack goes to this taping Way Too Hyped and, honestly, putting a lot of the competitive spirit he reserves for hockey into Judging. Jack is going to get this: he is going to figure out who are the bakers and who are the fakers and… well actually there’s no scoring system per se but he is going to give specific feedback and win this thing anyhow.

Enter Eric Bittle.

Tiny. Blond. Friendly. Stunningly attractive. Freakishly fast at baking. Super nice to one of his fellow contestants who looks like a sweet old grandma. Super condescending and says things like “Oh, honey, that’s precious” to other fellow contestant who Jack thinks is a bit of a prick. 

Jack decides right away that he must be a Faker. He is too young not to be. And he keeps cutting corners, not doing the things that Jack had read about and if there is one thing that Jack “knows” is that’s you Don’t Cut Corners in baking. So he is the faker. 

He is also the best, but Jack is not to be deterred. Bittle gets through the first round no problem (Douchebag’s cupcakes were basic and dry so he goes and the other contestants seem happy about it.) and it’s onto the second round. For this round, all the contestants have to use maple syrup (in honor of Jack). Jack and the other judges bicker easily among themselves about who left is the Faker and who is the Baker and Jack tries over and over to get them to see that clearly Bittle is a faker. He has to be. There is no way he can use that much maple syrup without it coming out too sweet. He is making rookie mistakes. At one point, he added sirracha to his pie?? It didn’t make sense. He doesn’t make sense. Jack is positive.

Then they get to the tasting and the other two contestants are good and Jack is pretty confident that Marsha is a professional because damn her maple crisp thing is delicious but–

But then he takes a bite of Bittle’s maple crusted pie and he… he sees stars honestly.

“I was wrong,” Jack Zimmerman admits out loud to a studio audience. (Okay, that’s an exaggeration, the day is too long so there is no live audience). “He’s the real deal. He’s a baker for sure.”

The other judges agree. And because they have to give less money to real Bakers and thus always chose who they thing is a real Baker (and because Bittle was handsdown the best), Bittle wins the show.

And then comes the question: “Are you a baker or are you a faker?”

Marsha (as Jack suspected) is a Baker. That’s okay. Janelle is the faker and then Jack was right. They have Bittly announce what he is next. There’s the tense silence. Jack is glaring at him without really meaning to. 

“I.” Bittle starts. Jack hasn’t felt so pumped since he was playing against the Flyers and they were tied up with 34 seconds left. “Am. A.”

Jack is holding his breath. He needs a win. He was right about this.

“Faker!”

Bittle laughs. The other judges all exclaim at how amazed they are by this. The host gets Bittle to explain that he is still a college student and he does most of his baking in a frat house (hence the sirracha move). Everyone is amazed.

Jack is livid. He knew it and then stupid Bittle made him change his answer. He should have stuck with his gut, he should have–

“Sorry for fooling you right at the end, darling,” Bittle says as they wrap up, shooting him a smile. “Had to get that 15 grand though.”

“I knew it, though,” Jack mumbles, feeling his face go a bit red. “I did know it.”

“Oh, you had no idea,” Bittle says and though he’s laughing, Jack doesn’t feel mocked. “You can’t know everything about me that quick!”

Bittle is cute and small and compact and Jack feels that rush he feels when he’s been bested but by a team that deserves it.

“How much time?” he blurts. Bittle blinks at him. He flushes harder but continues anyway. “Would it take to know everything?”

“Well, I- I-” Bittle is a bit flustered now too. Jack can see his face getting red. It’s adorable. But, unlike Jack, he manages to collect himself rather quickly. “I think dinner would be as good a place to start as any.”

And so that’s where they start. 

6

I KNOW what you’re trying to DO there gamefreak

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