without makeup

nureality108: Rocksound printed this photo of me for their 50 Most Influential Figures in Rock issue and I am so happy because this is the first photo shoot I have ever done makeup free. I read an interview 3 years ago that Amy Lee from Evanescence did, where she said that after playing a show she would take her makeup off before meeting fans. That inspired me a lot because I have felt (& accepted) an endless pressure to appear perfect for the 9 years I’ve been in Tonight Alive. At the time that this photo was taken I didn’t know what it would be used for, so pairing it with this topic feels really serendipitous because if there’s anything that I hope to “influence” and embody it’s self empowerment. There are a lot of things I thought I couldn’t do and it’s been a really progressive journey for me up to this point, but these evolutions remind me ✨ with every thought the brain can be re-wired ✨ So plant the seeds of change you want to see and know that they will bloom when you are ready for them to. Thank you @jordan_kelsey_knight for being on the other side of this photo! And thank you @rocksound for hearing my message.

nureality108: This was a really fkn cool time for me. People asked me everyday for 6 months why I shaved my head and I could feel them holding their breath, afraid of the answer. Like I had to have had some kind of mental breakdown to do something “so drastic”. But it was the opposite. I had a break THROUGH. People said they’d rather do the unthinkable than something like this 😞😧 And it’s not everyone’s path, but I could never love myself when I was chasing beauty. I was never satisfied.
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Detachment introduced itself to me first with food (paleo 👉🏼 veg 👉🏼 sugar free 👉🏼 vegan), then material belongings and finally “who I think I am”. Are we really our name? Our personality? Our profession? Our image? What is identity anyway?
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Shaving my head was a goal I put so far into the future, thinking at 35 I would be at peace enough with myself (???) but waiting for the “future me” felt like a delusion, so I reached out and grabbed her. I never had high self esteem. And it makes it worse when people say why? It just is and you just are. Maybe it’s part of your life contract, your DNA, your energetic disposition. But my challenges are my gifts. Divinely designed to kick my ass and help me level up. So are yours! -
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If I’d never been so afraid of people judging me, and had countless numbers of people’s fear & conditioning projected on me, I would never have written our lyrics, made my speeches or ran our workshops. -
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Image controlled me. Then I realised there is no such thing as control. I don’t really know what you call the expression on my face but it feels raw to me. Thanks for reading ❤❤❤❤