damage || park jimin (i)
Park Jimin x reader
Summary: Subject to harsh judgement and hate from the media and fans, sometimes the comments that come with dating Jimin are too much for one person to handle.
“What are you looking at?” Jimin’s voice from the doorway startled me into slamming my laptop shut, my breath quickening.
“Ah,” I forced a smile onto my face, putting a hand to my chest, “you scared me.” He moved further into the room, his eyes not leaving my face.
“Y/N.” He said, not ignoring how I avoided his question. I sighed, my smile slipping away.
“Nothing, Jimin.” I turned away from him, looking for my phone. The bed dipped as he sat on it, but I didn’t look at him until he said my name again.
“Y/N.” His eyes were sad as he took in my face, scanning over my features. I fiddled with my fingers in my lap, not trying to stop him as he reached for laptop and opened it, turning it towards him so he could read what was on the screen. He sighed, his eyes closing in defeat as he saw the comments open on my twitter mentions. He shut the laptop, pushing it away and moving closer to me, his expression pained.
“Baby…” he started, but I stopped him with a wave of my hand.
“No, Jimin, it’s fine.” I gave him a small smile.
“It’s not fine.” He frowned and shifted so he was next to me before putting his arm around me and pulling me into him. I buried my face into his neck gratefully as he rubbed up and down my arm, squeezing me to his side. “You mustn’t listen to anything they say.” He whispered, his lips brushing the top of my head. I nodded into the fabric of his sweater, biting my lip. He held me tightly against him and pressed a kiss to my temple, his voice rough.
“I’ll make sure they stop.”
But they didn’t.
The comments by fans and journalists only seemed to get worse, and countless times Jimin found me upset by them, eventually making me delete my twitter account. It was hardest when he was away on tour, or for some other project, and I was alone. I knew none of it was his fault; he tried his hardest to stop the comments, and to be with me as much as he could, but it was his job.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve this.” He would whisper into my salty skin as he wrapped me up, sheltering me from the rest of the world as best he could. But it wasn’t enough.
Time and time again the words would find me, and slice into my heart and my head, marking the insults on my skin for everyone to see. I didn’t want to let them hurt me but I couldn’t stop them from doing so, hoping their effect would dull over time but feeling every insult as sharply and as keenly as the first one. And no matter how many times I told Jimin that it wasn’t his fault, that I knew what I was getting into when I started dating him, and that I loved him, I could see it was tearing him up. I couldn’t stop him from blaming himself.
It was after a particularly unpleasant encounter with a fan on the street that he finally reached his breaking point, storming away from the scene.
“Jimin! Jimin, calm down!” I cried as he pushed into our apartment, fuming. He tore off his jacket, pacing the room and running his hands through his hair. I moved closer to him, reaching for his hand and rubbing it gently. “Baby, calm down, it’s okay.”
“No it’s not!” He shouted, ripping his arm from mine, his eyes blazing, and I took a step back. “It’s not okay!” He slammed his fist against the wall, creating a loud crash that made me wince, my eyes widening. He leant against the wall, his chest heaving. Just as I began to approach his bent figure, he whipped around and turned to me again.
“How can- how dare they do this to you?” He hissed. I knew he wasn’t angry with me, but it was still terrifying to see him in this state. “I mean, they’re my fans, they’re supposed to love me. But no one who loved me or cared about me would ever behave like that to you, of all people.” His voice lowered from a shout to an unstable mutter, delivered through gritted teeth. “You’re the most important person in my life, I mean, I love you.” He muttered the last sentence, and I was alarmed to see tears in his eyes when he looked at me, though his brows were still furrowed and his jaw set in anger.
“Jimin…” I whispered, moving towards him cautiously, almost in tears myself.
“No.” He stopped me before I could reach him, waving a hand. “I can’t, I-I have to be alone for a while.” He whispered hoarsely, moving quickly to pick up his jacket.
“Wait, no, Jimin wait. We have to talk about this.“ I started, frowning.
“I’m sorry, I love you. I’ll be back tomorrow.” He whispered, reaching forward to hurriedly kiss my forehead, before turning and walking out of the door. I stood, stunned and confused, a tear falling down my cheek as I was left alone.
I stayed up late into the night, huddled on the couch under a blanket, not wanting to go upstairs in case he returned home at any point. I was on edge, picking at my nails and tapping my foot as I itched to call him. I decided against it, trusting him, but my nerves remained constant.
What the fan had said to me hadn’t been horrific, but it was the last straw for Jimin; I had been forced to drag him away by his hand before he did something he would regret. I hated the thought of him beating himself up for what happened. All I wanted was for him to come back to me, so we could find comfort in each other, like we always did.
But like he had said, he didn’t return until the next day.
I was awakened suddenly from my restless sleep on the couch by the front door opening, the soft click of the lock echoing through the silent house. I immediately sat up and stood as Jimin entered. His movements were slow as he kept his eyes down, quietly taking off his shoes.
“Jimin.” I spoke, my voice hoarse. His head whipped up, his eyes meeting mine and taking in my figure before they lowered again. He quietly shut the door and I walked over to him.
“Jimin, are you okay? What- what happened?” I asked my voice shaking, but he still refused to meet my gaze. I reached for his hands and was shocked when he pulled them away from me, out of my reach. He seemed different, his usual aura of comfort absent and his movements closed off, and I immediately felt unsettled.
“Y/N…” He sighed. He looked up, his eyes red-rimmed. “Sit down. I need to talk to you.”
I wondered if I had done something wrong as he sat on a chair opposite me; he was almost unrecognisable without his usual desire to be close to me. My thoughts were running wild, taking in his shaking hands and red eyes, and his inability to look me in the eye. He didn’t speak for a long time, and I eventually grew frustrated.
“Jimin, what is going o-“
“I’m breaking up with you.”
It was barely a whisper, but I heard it sharper and clearer than I thought I had heard anything in my life. My heart immediately dropped to my stomach, all the air leaving my lungs.
My breath caught in my throat as I tried to take a breath, echoing the words he had just said to me over and over in my head. I felt dizzy, running through everything I could have done wrong, and praying it was some sick joke. I struggled to form a coherent thought, my throat closing up.
“W-what?” My voice was so soft I’m surprised he heard me, but as his face creased in pain, I knew he had. I swallowed harshly, my head spinning.
“Did I… do something?” I asked quietly, tears brimming in my eyes, and he immediately shook his head.
“No, no, no. You didn’t do anything, I promise.” He said quietly before looking down at his hands. “This was all me.”
His words caused something to click in my head, despite my disorientated state, and I immediately frowned.
“Jimin, if this is about what happened yesterday, it wasn’t your fau-”
“But it’s not just yesterday is it, Y/N?” He cut me off, his voice raising before he shook his head and returned his gaze to the floor. “The things they say to you,” he started again, his voice much softer, “they say them every day. And no matter how many times I tell you they’re lying, I can see it’s hurting you, so don’t even try and deny it.” A tear fell down my cheek, my lips trembling.
He ran a hand over his face, closing his eyes and taking a painful, shaky breath.
“You experience so much hurt, because of me. I can’t…” he looked up and met my gaze, his eyes shining, “I can’t let that happen anymore.”
I sat in silence, trying to process what he had just said, anger and hurt rising me. I forced down the wave of emotion bubbling up my throat, shaking my head and meeting his eyes.
“You’re breaking up with me… because you want to stop me from hurting?” I asked him bitterly, almost laughing as my eyes brimmed with tears once again. “Do you realise how stupid that sounds?” He sighed, wringing his hands in his lap.
“It’s for the best…” his calm and quiet voice contrasted wildly with my sharp and loud voice. I clenched my jaw, wondering how he could be so blind to my feelings towards him that he could believe that.
“The best for who?” I asked furiously. “You don’t think breaking up with me is going to hurt me?” His pained expression did nothing to halt my words. My lip quivered. “I can tell you, Jimin, you breaking up with me will hurt a hell of a lot more than anything they say ever could.” My voice broke as tears began to slip down my cheeks. He said nothing, but only stood looking at me, his face held in agony.
The reality of what was happening set in and I began to cry harder. I tried to calm my breathing as desperation clawed its way up my throat. I needed him to change his mind. I could live with the hate; I could live with the rumours; I wasn’t sure I could live without him.
“Do you love me?” I asked him determinedly. His face crumpled.
“Of course, of course I do.” He whispered, his eyes shining.
“Then what else is there?” I asked, shouting again, but with tears still slipping down my cheeks. He shook his head.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry… but you’ll get over me.” He said hoarsely, meeting my eyes. He looked down again, to his hands now clenching in his lap. “If we stay together, it will only get worse. You’ll keep getting hate until it breaks you, and I can’t watch that happen.” A tear fell down his cheek. He wiped it away hurriedly, taking a deep breath and nodding. “If we break up, you won’t have to deal with them anymore.”
“It won’t make a difference if I don’t have you!” I cried at him, my throat raw as I heaved in breaths of desperation. He looked away and stood up, refusing to meet my gaze. I grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at me. “Jimin, if you care about me at all, don’t do this.” I sobbed. “I need you.”
But this time his face didn’t fold; he didn’t move closer to me; he didn’t even look at me. He set his jaw, his eyes glistening but his face impassive, and began walking towards the door.
“No, no, please.” I uttered, my chest caving in on itself. I stumbled to the door as he slipped on his shoes, his eyes never leaving the floor. “I love you, please.” I wept, trying to reach for him, but he slipped away, always just out of my reach, and opened the door. He looked back at me, his eyes the only indication of how much it was hurting him to do this. He looked back at the floor and took a deep breath. When he spoke, his voice was low and gravelly.
“I’m sorry.” He muttered.
My knees gave way as he shut the door.