without effect

Emotional Consent

I’ve always been hesitant to post about this because I’m worried people will take it as a personal offense and I just want to say in advance this isn’t “@ anyone” or a callout even

I just feel like emotional consent as a concept is rarely talked about and therefore it’s often breached unknowingly (hence why I don’t never get mad at anyone specific for breaching it), and also I think it’s important I make this post. I didn’t learn what it was till I was older, and most people don’t.

Essentially “emotional consent” is a mutual understanding and willing agreement between both parties when discussing directly emotional or potentially emotionally loaded questions.

I’m going to start with examples, and I know it might feel bad at first if you recognize you do some of them (it’s okay, we all do from time to time), but please keep reading because I promise I’ll get onto alternative dialogues and solution

Here are some examples of what a breach of emotional consent can look like- not all the ways of course, but the major ones off the top of my head:

  • Venting to someone without warning or established boundaries this can look like starting a conversation by venting, or detailing graphic information seemingly out of nowhere and without effective trigger warnings. This can put people in situations where they feel like they have to respond, even if they’re not emotionally equipped, if they’re busy, or if they don’t have the spoons. Of course, usually this wasn’t the intent of the venter, but still has the same effect. FYI- this includes celebrities, social media icons, and people you admire. 
  • Talking graphically about sex, masturbation, or anything in that range without warning or established boundaries this can look like anything from sharing a funny sexual escapade with your friends, and dirty jokes, to sexual harassment and telling someone hows bad you want to fuck them despite not knowing how they feel about it. Sometimes in these scenarios, people can appear visibly comfortable in attempt to fit in and not seem prudish, or to avoid awkward confrontation. This can also be especially sensitive because this is a topic that can very easily and unexpectedly bring up traumas and insecurities along with the discomfort, and it can perpetuate rape culture.
  • Using pet-names and romantic implications, even platonically, without established consent this one was tough for me to swallow at first because I love pet names and I love using them platonically to show love. But even more, I want the people I love to feel comfortable and safe around me. Some people have deeper more negatively charged, or more intensely charged feelings around pet names than I do, and I wouldn’t want to subject them to that. Some people are also comfortable with certain pet names and not others. Also things like calling platonic meetups dates, cuddling, and platonically holding hands mean different things to different people, which is important to respect.
  • Showing people media or sending articles or news with heavy emotional content either without warning, or with the expectation of discussion part of this is about including trigger warnings, and making sure viewing triggering content is optional in spaces and interactions we have control over. Another part though, is the fact that we often expect people to have interactions and discussions with us about emotionally charged topics, including politics, crime, oppression, natural disasters, etc. without fully understanding how this can affect the other person.
  • Telling someone they’re the only person you feel comfortable telling something to, or be open with this one sucks because it usually (except in cases of abuse) comes out of genuine care and wanting to make the other person feel special. That being said, no matter how you phrase it, it can put a massive responsibility on the person that similar to my first example, can make them feel obligated to help even when they’re not in an appropriate place to. 
  • Expecting people to share personal or intimate information a lot of times we ask emotionally loaded questions because we care about and are interested in the lives of our loved ones. That being said, if we’re not careful people can really feel obligated to share information they’re not prepared to, or don’t want to process at the moment. This can look like “How’s your health been?” “How are you handling [life event]?” and “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

so now the more pleasant part! What can it look like to prioritize emotional consent instead- these correspond in order of initial bullets

  • Starting vague and asking if it’s okay an example dialogue could be “I’m feeling crappy about [blank] are you up to listen to me talk about it?” I also love to add “or should I try [alternative coping method/talking to someone else right now?]” to the end of that if I have one so the other person knows if they say no I have something to turn to. Another example could be “Would it be alright for me to vent right now? FYI it may include mentions of [possible triggers] so if you’re not up for it right now I understand?” or simply “Are you comfortable with me talking about [blank?]”. Also talking to a celebrity or idol “You really helped me with [blank]. I don’t know if you’re comfortable with detail so I won’t elaborate, but I really appreciate it.” or “You really helped me with [blank.] [An explanation about what specifically helped or inspired you in more detail rather than graphic description of the event.]”
  • Again! You can just ask example dialogue can include “Can I mention something about my sex life?” “I have a joke but it’s dirty so I want to make sure thats okay with you” “Can I say something nsfw?” “Is everyone here okay with sex mentions?” 
  • Asking still works! Example dialogue can be “Thanks [petname] (are you okay with me using that or would you rather I don’t)” “Are you okay being called [petname]?” “Are you comfortable with [intimate platonic act]?” “Do you want to [intimate platonic act]?” “I’d like to [intimate platonic act] if you’d be okay with that”
  • Ask/Warn ahead of time or clarify you don’t need response example dialogue “I want to process [news event] but I know it’s heavy so I wanted to ask first” “Jsyk this article contains [possible triggers] so don’t read it if you think it’d be harmful to you]” “Can I ask your opinion on [charged topic]. If you’d rather not, I understand” “[thought or link to article] FYI no need to respond. I just wanted to share.]”
  • Show you’re appreciation in other ways using phrases that show appreciation but don’t implicate responsibility like “Thanks for being here for me whenever you’re able to” “I really appreciate being able to talk about this with you” “It means a lot to me that I can feel so comfortable and open with you” “Being able to talk about this with you has been really helpful for me and I’m really glad I was ables to.”
  • Asking with an easy out or optional response examples include “Hey, I know you’re dealing with as lot and grieving right now so I absolutely don’t need a response, but I wanted to remind you if you need support in any way I’m available and have time right now.” “Do you want to talk about [emotionally charged life event] or would you rather talk about something else right now?” “I know it’s hard to talk about these things and I understand if you can’t, but I want to remind you that when you can and want to I’m available and won’t judge you.” “Would venting be helpful or draining right now?” “What’s the best way I can support you, or are you not sure right now?”

Sorry this became a long ass post but I thought it was important. I should also add that the exception of course is therapists and counselors, crisis hotlines, or other people trained and already prepared to cope with these things. but besides that- try and emo responsibly. 

d&d disability mechanics

so im disabled, and i have a disabled d&d character. i didnt like not having an in-game mechanic to express my character’s disability in more than words, so i decided to make some and then ended up making others.

a lot of these were made while consulting someone who has the disability or from my own firsthand experience, but some aren’t. if you want to critique some of my choices, message me! i’ll be able to either edit the ruleset or explain my reasoning, and i want it to be the best it can be.

note: a lot of the save DCs are left vague in this so you and your DM can determine how difficult they are to meet.

this is under a cut because it’s really long and so i can update it. if you want to see something added, message me!

(#dungeons and dragons, #long post, #death cw, #limb trauma)

Keep reading

  • Me 10 years ago: I never use online abbreviations! standard english all the time!
  • Me a couple of years ago: u kno wat fuck it
  • Me now: it is impossible to communicate effectively online without using internet slang due to the mixed mode format and lack of paralinguistic features. Things like lack of punctuation, abbreviations, acronyms and such all have their own connotations and communicate far more than their commonly accepted meaning. Linguistics has evolved. n u kno what i love it
  • me playing older bioware games: Why do my companions always stay in the same room all the time I wish they'd go visit each other.
  • me playing Andromeda: Where the hell are my companions now why aren’t they where I left them how dare you socialise without me

I like to think that Rita Skeeter totally lost whatever renown she had after the war and so Harry and Ginny and the others like to pick up her stories for fun without worrying about the effect it’ll have on their image? Like Harry just idly turns a page every morning and goes, “Oh, we’re getting a divorce.”
And Ginny yawns as she fetches two coffee mugs and says, “Is it because I’m snogging Neville?”
“No,” says Harry, “it’s because I’m snogging Neville.”
And Ginny slams down her mug and says, “Goddamnit, Harry, let me have my affair in peace, would you?”

Don’t be a turd. Tag your Mass Effect: Andromeda spoilers.

All right, it’s time for me to be a grumblebee! 

The early access for ME:A starts on March 16, which means Tumblr is going to be flooded with gifs, squeeing, updates, new characters, and spoilers. I don’t want to harsh on anyone’s enjoyment of the new game, but please be considerate as you play, whether you get early access or not! 

Not everyone will get to play right away, and not everyone plays at the same pace. Tagging your posts and putting major spoilers under a cut/read more will go a long way toward helping everyone enjoy the game! 

Just tagging something as “spoilers” isn’t effective. Something like “mass effect: andromeda spoilers” is much more useful! For reference, here’s my blacklist in XKit: 

I’ll be adding more as they crop up, but please, please, please be considerate of everyone else in the fandom, and tag your posts! No one likes being unwillingly spoiled, so please help everyone experience the game first-hand! 

Thank you all, and may we all get through this last week intact and ready to smooch the love interest(s) of our choice! <3

Something that I find interesting about 13 Reasons Why is that Hannah’s entire message with the tapes is that people’s actions can have a domino effect without them even realizing it.

And then Hannah’s own action, of taking her own life, has a domino effect on all of the people that had one on her life, especially Clay, the one person who didn’t deserve it.

It really makes you think. Something you do or say now could effect someone more than you know, and then later down the road could come back around to you and effect you even more so.

Be careful with your words. Be careful with your actions. You could ruin a life and then ultimately ruin your own. Don’t be wreckless and careless and take care of other peoples hearts the same way you want yours to be taken care of.

And if there’s anything you learn from 13 Reasons Why and anything that sticks with you, please let it be that everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about and that one small act of kindness could completely turn someone’s life around, as could one small incident that you don’t think is a big deal; it could be to them

So please be kind. Please don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t believe rumors. Don’t treat someone poorly and then wonder why they are the way they are. If you have the chance to help, do it. If you think something nice about someone, say it to them, it could make their day.

 Love and kindness are never wasted.

Garrus is my absolute favorite companion in the Mass Effect series.  I am totally convinced that Garrus and Shepard are soulmates, whether platonic or otherwise.  He’s the one who never doubts Shepard even for a minute, is by their side from the very beginning, and trusts them 100% no matter what.  (Plus, WHAT IS WITH THAT SEXY VOICE?? AUGH!!)

If only Turians didn’t look like dinosaur-bird people he’d basically be the perfect guy.  Welp… it’s what’s on the inside that counts!(>▽<)

Also, this is my first time drawing Garrus.  Drawing his face and armor scares me because dinosaur-bird alien, so a silhouette is the closest I’ve come so far.  XD

rei-pinto  asked:

what if white ink just makes him emotionless and extremelly rational

that too! or it just straight up makes him feel devoid of like any kind of emotion in general. not necessarily rational just straight up apethetic.