within a mile

Okay, Southern Californians.

I’m gonna be staying at a hotel near Disneyland next week and I will be running while I’m there. I love to go running to actual destinations, but of course very little is open at 4am, when I run. That said, Los Angeles is a much more 24-hour city than Chicago, so surely something other than Del Taco is open at 4am. 

So I need to know if any of you have recommendations for landmarks, weird shit I should see, or 24-hour food stands within two miles of Disneyland. And it doesn’t have to be fancy food; even a 24-hour local fast food place would be fun. So throw me some recommendations! Otherwise I’m just gonna end up doing a lap around the outer wall of Disneyland and probably get tased by Disney Po. 

(I will not actually be going to Disneyland – the tickets were too pricey and I won’t have time to do it properly anyway, but I will probably go hang out at Downtown Disney some evening.) 

All Eyes on the Sky for the August 21 Total Solar Eclipse

Just two months from now, the moon will completely block the sun’s face, treating part of the US to a total solar eclipse.

Everyone in North America will have the chance to see an eclipse of some kind if skies are clear. Anyone within a 70-mile-wide swath of land — called the path of totality — that stretches from Oregon to South Carolina will have the chance to see a total eclipse.

Throughout the rest of the continent, including all 50 United States — and even in parts of South America, Africa, Europe, and Asia — the moon will partially obscure the sun, creating a partial eclipse.

Photo credit: NASA/Cruikshank

An eclipse is one of nature’s most awesome sights, but safety comes first! When any part of the sun’s surface is exposed, use proper eclipse glasses (not sunglasses) or an indirect viewing method, like a pinhole projector. In the path of totality, it’s safe to look directly at the eclipse ONLY during the brief moments of totality.

During a solar eclipse, the moon passes between the sun and Earth, casting a shadow down on Earth’s surface. We’ve been studying the moon with NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, and its precise mapping helped NASA build the most accurate eclipse map to date.

During a total solar eclipse, the moon blocks out the sun’s bright face, revealing the otherwise hidden solar atmosphere, called the corona. The corona is one of the sun’s most interesting regions — key to understanding the root of space weather events that shape Earth’s space environment, and mysteries such as why the sun’s atmosphere is so much hotter than its surface far below.

This is the first time in nearly 100 years that a solar eclipse has crossed the United States from coast to coast. We’re taking advantage of this long eclipse path by collecting data that’s not usually accessible — including studying the solar corona, testing new corona-observing instruments, and tracking how our planet’s atmosphere, plants, and animals respond to the sudden loss of light and heat from the sun.

We’ll be studying the eclipse from the ground, from airplanes, with research balloons, and of course, from space.

Three of our sun-watchers — the Solar Dynamics Observatory, IRIS, and Hinode, a joint mission led by JAXA — will see a partial eclipse from space. Several of our Earth-observing satellites will use the eclipse to study Earth under uncommon conditions. For example, both Terra and DSCOVR, a joint mission led by NOAA, will capture images of the moon’s shadow from space. Our Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter will also turn its instruments to face Earth and attempt to track the moon’s shadow as it moves across the planet.

There’s just two months to go until August 21, so make your plans now for the big day! No matter where you are, you can follow the eclipse as it crosses the country with live footage from NASA TV.

Learn more about the upcoming total solar eclipse — including where, when, and how to safely experience it — at eclipse2017.nasa.gov and follow along on Twitter @NASASun.  

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com

8

Meanwhile, Oikawa is sulking hiding behind a rock.

That time my dog disappeared into Carrie Fisher's house

From reddit user: /u/AinsleyIscariot

Someone recommended I make a post out of a comment that I made elsewhere so here it is! True story and still cringe inside whenever I tell it.

One of the most awkward moments of my life was meeting Carrie. I live in London and walk my dog because he needs to shit every now and then- usually when I get back to my road I let him off the lead and he will run to the house. He will, that is, unless there is ANYTHING else of interest within a 1 mile radius of the house. One day he just ran straight through someone’s open door and I was there on the doorstep tentatively calling after him while I could hear him sprinting around the house. Then there’s lots of barking and I realise there’s another dog there and sure enough my dog comes sprinting out the house being chased by a small dog that seemingly wanted to play with him. Anyway this American woman comes to the door, hearing all the commotion and I make my apologies and we have the usual dog conversation. She then invited me in for a coffee, I thought why not and so we started chatting, and she explained she was renting the house for a month while she was in London. I asked what she did for a living and she told me movies, I asked “Anything I would know?” Slight pause “Star Wars?” “Oh right what did you do in it were you on the crew or an actress?” “An actress” “Oh great who did you play” “Princess Leia?” I swear to fuck I stood there with my mouth open, feeling as if I’d somehow just shat down my own throat. (This was before the franchise reboot so the image of her in my head was the Carrie Fisher in her twenties) She, however, thought it was really cute and laughed it off. Absolutely lovely woman with one crazy fucking dog named Gary.

TLDR: I had a twenty minute conversation with a woman who had been on the receiving end of my dog’s home invasion and didn’t realise it was Carrie Fisher until she told me.

Source:

https://www.reddit.com/r/StarWars/comments/6akd9r/that_time_my_dog_disappeared_into_carrie_fishers/

→ plums & melons | 01

Originally posted by trash-for-bangtan

pairing → Jimin x Reader

☆ genre  →  smut, slight humor, drama || brother’s best friend!au 

warnings   → public indecency, dirty talk, a lot of teasing, jimin’s porn preferences, and boobs

☆ word count   → 6.3k

The long time running game between you and your brother’s best friend started when you noticed his fascination with boobs—yours specifically. It was never supposed to amount to more than harmless flirting and lingering glances, but now, one year later, Jimin was ready to change that.

alternatively: Jimin and you play a game. the loser is fucked. metaphorically. literally. all the above??

☆ a/n → i had to split this into 2 parts rip (& in this work of fiction, jimin’s penis isn’t a jelly bean) happy 3 months !!

Keep reading

It’s International Asteroid Day!

There are more than 700,000 known asteroids, but how much do you know about these rocky remnants left over from the birth of our solar system 4.6 billion years ago? 

Today, June 30 is International Asteroid Day. Here are some things to know about our fascinating space rubble.

1. A Place in Space 

Asteroids—named by British astronomer William Herschel from the Greek expression meaning “star-like"—are rocky, airless worlds that are too small to be called planets. But what they might lack in size they certainly make up for in number: An estimated 1.1 to 1.9 million asteroids larger than 1 kilometer are in the Main Belt between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter. And there are millions more that are smaller in size. Asteroids range in size from Vesta—the largest at about 329 miles (529 kilometers) wide—to bodies that are just a few feet across.

2. What Lies Beneath 

Asteroids are generally categorized into three types: carbon-rich, silicate, or metallic, or some combination of the three. Why the different types? It all comes down to how far from the sun they formed. Some experienced high temperatures and partly melted, with iron sinking to the center and volcanic lava forced to the surface. The asteroid Vesta is one example we know of today.

3. Small Overall 

If all of the asteroids were combined into a ball, they would still be much smaller than the Earth’s moon.

4. Except for a Big One

In 1801, Giuseppe Piazzi discovered the first and then-largest asteroid, Ceres, orbiting between Mars and Jupiter. Ceres is so large that it encompasses about one-fourth of the estimated total mass of all the asteroids in the asteroid belt. In 2006, its classification changed from asteroid to  as a dwarf planet.

5. Mission to a Metal World 

NASA’s Psyche mission will launch in 2022 to explore an all-metal asteroid—what could be the core of an early planet—for the very first time. And in October 2021, the Lucy mission will be the first to visit Jupiter’s swarms of Trojan asteroids.

6. Near-Earth Asteroids

The term ‘near’ in near-Earth asteroid is actually a misnomer; most of these bodies do not come close to Earth at all. By definition, a near-Earth asteroid is an asteroid that comes within 28 million miles (44 million km) of Earth’s orbit. As of June 19, 2017, there are 16,209 known near-Earth asteroids, with 1,803 classified as potentially hazardous asteroids (those that could someday pose a threat to Earth).

7. Comin’ in Hot 

About once a year, a car-sized asteroid hits Earth’s atmosphere, creates an impressive fireball, and burns up before reaching the surface.

8. But We’re Keeping an Eye Out

Ground-based observatories and facilities such as Pan-STARRS, the Catalina Sky Survey, and ATLAS are constantly on the hunt to detect near-Earth asteroids. NASA also has a small infrared observatory in orbit about the Earth: NEOWISE. In addition to detecting asteroids and comets, NEOWISE also characterizes these small bodies.

9. Buddy System

Roughly one-sixth of the asteroid population have a small companion moon (some even have two moons). The first discovery of an asteroid-moon system was of asteroid Ida and its moon Dactyl in 1993.

10. Earthly Visitors 

Several NASA space missions have flown to and observed asteroids. The NEAR Shoemaker mission landed on asteroid Eros in 2001 and NASA’s Dawn mission was the first mission to orbit an asteroid in 2011. In 2005, the Japanese spacecraft Hayabusa landed on asteroid Itokawa. Currently, NASA’s OSIRIS-REx is en route to a near-Earth asteroid called Bennu; it will bring a small sample back to Earth for study.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com

2

NASA is planning to “touch the sun”

follow @the-future-now

i lost like 10 followers from saying all pedophiles should die and frankly im fucking ecstatic because i dont want any of this inhuman filth within a million miles of me

some fox hcs bc i’m sick and it’s all i’ve been thinking about:

  • when they have movie nights, allison and matt have a competition to see who can catch more popcorn in their mouths. allison always wins so matt just throws popcorn at her without even letting her catch it
  • they all go team grocery shopping after finding out neil has never had at least 50% of the junk food they all grew up on
  • renee takes up crocheting and makes them all fox print patterned socks. they wear them every movie night(even andrew)
  • nicky gets homesick sometimes and when he does he makes a lot of the traditional dishes his mom would and the foxes eat all of it even though they literally saw nicky chopping raw jalapenos earlier
  • allison and dan are real housewives fanatics and they will kill a man to get to the tv. kevin still has the scars on his arm from where allison nearly clawed his arm off for trying to change the tv
  • the foxes do charity dog washing at a nearby pet shelter and neil literally almost gets smothered by the biggest dog there and that’s when the foxes find out neil is the biggest dog magnet
  • nicky makes the mistake of teaching andrew to bake and he never leaves the kitchen. but the tower always smells like vanilla so that’s a bonus
  • neil cannot cook for shit and i’m standing by this until i die. he tried making cup noodles in the dorm microwave and matt came back to a small fire and a calm neil just watching the fire blaze
  • neil twists his ankle falling down some stairs and matt uses this as an excuse to bridal carry him everywhere
  • “do i even weigh anything to you?”  “no, it’s like holding a couple of grapes.”
  • allison and neil take exactly 5 hours every saturday to go shopping, get facials, gossip. allison has video proof of neil sitting on a lounge chair with his whole face covered in a cucumber face mask, sipping lemon water, and getting his nails done. he looks right into her camera and in the most deadpan voice says “ah yes, the bourgeoisie.” the video ends with allison snickering and dropping her phone 
  • whenever anyone is late to practice they have to go on a run with neil and every time they fall behind is a lap they have to do at the next practice. no one is late again after kevin comes back from a run and passes the fuck out
  • the foxes went to disney world once and lost andrew. they don’t speak of it ever again. 
  • matt when asked by some sexist reporter why he listens to what the girls tell him to do: dan’s my girlfriend, renee could kill me, and allison has enough dirt on me to ruin my life until i die. also i respect them more than your crusty ass so that’s there as well. next question?
  • (matt isn’t allowed to do press duty for the next week after that)
  • kevin, five drinks in and nearing tipsy: if renee ever became a villian we’d all be screwed
  • the rest of the foxes except for renee and andrew: AMEN
  • casual cheek kisses are a thing among the foxes but no one kisses neil around andrew unless they want to lose a toe
  • it isn’t a question if whether or not a drunk kevin has acidentally called andrew “aaron”, it’s whether or not kevin actually made it out alive
  • nicky matt, and neil all have a shared exasperation for White People Food
  • neil and renee have been banned from nearly evershopping center within 50 miles of palmetto bc they wouldn’t stop throwing the knives to test how sharp they were
  • aaron and andrew play pokemon against each other(even tho andrew is more partial to acnl) and andrew manages to beat aaron’s entire team with just a jigglypuff and no one knows how he did it
  • once neil got really drunk and before he went to bed he kissed everyone’s foreheads(aaron left right after neil kissed renee’s) like his mom used to do to him before she went to sleep and it left everyone in shock
Solar System: Things to Know This Week

Mark your calendars for summer 2018: That’s when we’re launching a spacecraft to touch the sun

In honor of our first-ever mission to the heart of the solar system, this week we’re delving into the life and times of this powerful yellow dwarf star.

1. Meet Parker 

Parker Solar Probe, our first mission to go to the sun, is named after Eugene Parker, an American astrophysicist who first theorized that the sun constantly sends out a flow of particles and energy called the solar wind. This historic mission will explore one of the last regions of the solar system to be visited by a spacecraft and help scientists unlock answers to questions they’ve been pondering for more than five decades.

2. Extra SPF, Please 

Parker Solar Probe will swoop within 4 million miles of the sun’s surface, facing heat and radiation like no spacecraft before it. The mission will provide new data on solar activity to help us better understand our home star and its activity - information that can improve forecasts of major space-weather events that could impact life on Earth.

3. Majorly Massive 

The sun is the center of our solar system and makes up 99.8 percent of the mass of the entire solar system. If the sun were as tall as a typical front door, Earth would be about the size of a nickel.

4. Different Spin 

Since the sun is not a solid body, different parts of the sun rotate at different rates. At the equator, the sun spins once about every 25 days, but at its poles the sun rotates once on its axis every 36 Earth days.

5. Can’t Stand on It

The sun is a star and a star doesn’t have a solid surface. Rather, it’s a ball of ionized gas 92.1% hydrogen (H2) and 7.8% helium (He) held together by its own gravity.

6. Center of Attention 

The sun isn’t a planet, so it doesn’t have any moons. But, the sun is orbited by eight planets, at least five dwarf planets, tens of thousands of asteroids, and hundreds of thousands to trillions of comets and icy bodies.

7. It’s Hot in There 

And we mean really, really hot. The temperature at the sun’s core is about 27 million degrees Fahrenheit. However, its atmosphere, the corona, can reach temperatures of 3 million degrees. (That’s as if it got hotter the farther away you got from a fire, instead of cooler!) Parker Solar Probe will help scientists solve the mystery of why the corona’s temperature is so much higher than the surface.

8. Travel Conditions

The sun influences the entire solar system, so studying it helps us better understand the space weather that our astronauts and spacecraft travel through.

9. Life on the Sun? 

Better to admire from afar. Thanks to its hot, energetic mix of gases and plasma, the sun can’t be home to living things. However, we can thank the sun for making life on Earth possible by providing the warmth and energy that supply Earth’s food chain.

10. Chance of a Lifetime 

Last but not least, don’t forget that the first total solar eclipse to sweep across the U.S. from coast-to-coast since 1918 is happening on August 21, 2017. Our toolkit has you need to know to about it

Want to learn more? Read our full list of the 10 things to know this week about the solar system HERE.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com

Ask me! I'll answer honestly!

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?
2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)
3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?
4: What was your favorite video game growing up?
5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:
6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?
8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]
9: Are you ticklish?
10: Are you allergic to anything?
11: What’s your sexuality?
12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?
13: Are you a cat or dog person?
14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?
15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?
16: How tall are you?
17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]
19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?
20: Do you like space or the ocean more?
21: Are you religious?
22: Pet peeves?
23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?
24: Favorite constellation?
25: Favorite star?
26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?
27: Any phobias or fears?
28: Do you think global warming is real?
29: Do you believe in reincarnation?
30: Favorite movie?
31: Do you get scared easily?
32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?
33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]
34: What is a color that calms you?
35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?
36: Where were you born?
37: What is your eye color?
38: Introvert or extrovert?
39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?
40: Hugs or kisses?
41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?
42: Who is someone you love deeply?
43: Any piercings you want?
44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?
45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?
46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!
47: What is a sound you really hate?
48: A sound you really love?
49: Can you do a backflip?
50: Can you do the splits?
51: Favorite actor and/or actress?
52: Favorite movie?
53: How are you feeling right now?
54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?
55: When did you feel happiest?
56: Something that calms you down?
57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]
58: What does your URL mean?
59: What three words describe you the most?
60: Do you believe in evolution?
61: What makes you unfollow a blog?
62: What makes you follow a blog?
63: Favorite kind of person:
64: Favorite animal(s):
65: Name three of your favorite blogs.
66: Favorite emoticon:
67: Favorite meme:
68: What is your MBTI personality type?
69: What is your star sign?
70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?
71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?
72: Post a selfie or two?
73: Do you have platform shoes?
74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?
75: Can you do a front flip?
76: Do you like birds?
77: Do you like to swim?
78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?
79: Something you wish didn’t exist:
80: Some thing you wish did exist:
81: Piercings you have?
82: Something you really enjoy doing:
83: Favorite person to talk to:
84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?
85: How many followers do you have?
86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?
87: Do your socks always match?
88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?
89: What are your birthstones?
90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?
91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?
92: A store you hate?
93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?
94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?
95: Do you like to wear camo?
96: Winter or summer?
97: How long can you hold your breath for?
98: Least favorite person?
99: Someone you look up to:
100: A store you love?
101: Favorite type of shoes
102: Where do you live?
103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?
104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?
105: Do you drink milk?
106: Do you like bugs?
107: Do you like spiders?
108: Something you get paranoid about?
109: Can you draw:
110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?
111: A question you hate being asked?
112: Ever been bitten by a spider?
113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?
114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?
115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:
116: Favorite cloud type:
117: What color do you wish the sky was?
118: Do you have freckles?
119: Favorite thing about a person:
120: Fruits or vegetables?
121: Something you want to do right now:
122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?
123: Sweet or sour foods?
124: Bright or dim lights?
125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?
126: Something you hate about Tumblr:
127: Something you love about Tumblr:
128: What do you think about the least?
129: What would you want written on your tombstone?
130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?
131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?
132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?
133: Computer or TV?
134: Do you like roller coasters?
135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?
136: Are your ears lobed or attached?
137: Do you believe in karma?
138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?
139: What nicknames do you have/have had?
140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?
141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?
142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?
143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?
144: What makes you angry
145: How many languages do you speak fluently?
146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?
147: Are you androgynous?
148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:
149: Favorite thing about your personality:
150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.
151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?
152: Do you like BuzzFeed?
153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]
154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?
155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?
156: What embarrasses you?
157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:
158: Biggest lie you have ever told:
159: How many people are you following?
160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?
161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?
162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?
163: Last time you cried and why:
164: Do you have long or short hair?
165: Longest your hair has ever been:
166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?
167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?
168: Do you like to wear makeup?
169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?
170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

Wanna take over my wife's job after her maternity leave? get yourself pushed out of the company instead.

LTL, FTP. I have almost no direct involvement in this tale. I’m writing it on behalf of my wife.

Sorry for the wall of text… TL;DR at the bottom. This story happened (ended) two weeks ago.

Background:

We live in a country that needs a lot of improvement on laws, their application and enforcement…. we are a lot better than a few years back, but still sometimes people can get away with forging some types of documents, like medical records, education degrees etc. Also, english is not our main language, so job titles, degrees and other details are translated to their best equivalence.

According to our country’s labor laws:

  • All female employees are entitled to 3 months paid maternity leave.
  • Employers, at their own expense, are expected to cover for the employees on maternity leave, usually with temp workers.
  • Severance payments are mandatory when firing employees (without justified cause… crime, fraud, etc) with more than 3 months on their jobs, so that’s the time limit to be considered a temp employee.
  • Severance payment calculation is rather complicated, but for firing people employed 4 years or less, it usually boils down to about 4 months of salary.
  • To fire Pregnant women, employers have to pay them 6 months of salary on top of the severance payment they’re entitled to.
  • If an employee quits voluntarily, they effectively forfeit all benefits previously mentioned.

Keep reading

Power Rangers Road Trip Headcanon

- “I’ll drive”

“No, i’ll drive”

“The last time you drove you handed the wheel to me.”

“The last time you drove we got hit by a fucking train.”

“That was one time!!!”

“Trini and Kim are driving hand the keys over”


- The boys are all crammed in the back while Trini and Kim have the front.


- They made the mistake of sticking the food next to Jason and Zack. All the food is gone an hour in.


-“I GOT THE POWER”

“ Zack, can you please sing the song that’s actually playing”

“No can do Cap”


- Kim holds Trinis hand when she drives. The boys tease the two until Kim Break checks them.


- They stop by an old city that Trini used to live in and she shows them a round for a bit


-“I have to pee”

“Jesus Kim, we just stopped. You’re gonna have to wait”

“If you don’t stop the car I will break up with you”

“Pulling over now”


-Trini chucks a drink at a car that cuts them off 3 times within 5 miles


- “Great now we are about get RUNDOWN by a fucking HUMMER cause you thought chucking a drink at them was a good idea.”

“We got hit by a fucking train, a hummer isn’t gonna do shit.”

“NOT THE POINT!!”


- They  get a keychain for every state they cross through


- Billy usually  stays awake with the girls during the night drives. Thats when they roll down the windows and let him play his country music


- They get joining rooms at the motels they stop at. Jason accidentally breaks a waffle maker one morning and they all make a run for it.


- Jason has them Morph and take pictures in every state. He posts the pictures on all the official power rangers social media accounts.
 

- When the Roadtrip is over Kim is so tired from driving that instead of waking them up, She  falls asleep and they all spend the night in the driveway

anonymous asked:

How would the Karasuno boys act when they have to buy condoms from Ukai's shop, having to look their coach in the eye as they pay for them?

i laughed for like 10 minutes after reading this request i love it. i’ve been having some health issues lately and needed a good pick-me-up

if you like what i do and want to show your support, consider supporting me on ko-fi!

 - admin rachel lauren


The only way I could rationalize them willingly buying condoms from Sakanoshita–as opposed to any place else–knowing that their coach is minding the shop is that the team has some crazy bet going on and these are in the event that they are the loser of said bet. Whether or not they’re doing the do and actually need them is entirely irrelevant.

Daichi

  • He’s one of the few who don’t make it weird somehow. It’s just another transaction, right? Not to mention that Ukai’s made it clear to them that whatever they do outside of volleyball is none of his business.
  • It’s not embarrassing until he gets to the counter to pay and has a moment of internal panic that this is very awkward. But Daichi’s a master of keeping his composure while screaming internally all the while, so you’d never know.
    • It doesn’t hurt that he buys a few things he actually needs along with them. But still.

Suga

  • He tries to play dumb when they’re rung up: “Whoops, how did those get in there? Well, I guess I’ll take them anyway. Doesn’t hurt to have some, right?” Cue the forced bashful laughter.
  • It’s clear to everyone within a 5 mile radius that Suga is playing this up too much. Like it’s painful to watch.
  • Once out of the shop, Suga will show no mercy and pelt either the first person who laughs or the person who suggested the bet in the first place with the box.

Asahi

  • He has to buy at least four or five other things along with them in hopes that Ukai doesn’t give the condoms a second thought.
  • Except he kind of just grabs whatever is within arm’s reach in a tizzy without paying attention, so it’s an interesting mix of things.
  • He forgets how to breathe when Ukai rings his things up. You’d think that having his coach be unfazed by all of this would make it less embarrassing, but the contrast in their demeanors makes it worse. 
    • You can bet his s/o will be the one to buy them from now on because he’s scarred for life.

Nishinoya

  • Slams the box down on the counter and looks Ukai straight in the eyes. It’s the only thing he’s buying.
  • Noya’s got a dead serious look on his face the whole time. Coupled with the fact that he’s standing in a power pose, it makes the transaction feel more like a battle of wills than a simple interaction between a shopkeeper/coach and his customer/pupil.
  • Seriously, Ukai is unnerved by this until Noya shouts out a thanks and bows deeply before leaving the shop, and hearing Tanaka’s cry of “Noya-san is so cool!!!” from outside.

Tanaka

  • Tries the nonchalant whistling thing, which makes the whole process more suspect and embarrassing.
  • “They’re for my sister’s…. boyfriend…”
    • He doesn’t know why he went with that excuse. Even if Saeko had a boyfriend, neither of them would bother having Tanaka buy a box for them.
  • Ukai’s, “Good for them, I guess?” does nothing to alleviate any of Tanaka’s embarrassment.

Ennoshita

  • If it’s questioned, he has his excuse of “A prop for the new movie” all ready to go. Although, he’s also worried that unless he can make up a plot for this movie that doesn’t exist (yet), it might be considered a cause for concern that his movies are getting too adult for high school students to be in charge of.
  • Takes five minutes to come up with an elevator pitch just in case before he has to go in.
  • Ukai doesn’t even ask or indicate that he’s buying condoms and Ennoshita–red-faced and stuttering–goes on about some Seth Rogen-esque stoner comedy that he’s working on.
    • “Well, just don’t get in trouble filming something like that. You’re still a kid, after all.”

Narita

  • Can’t stop dropping his change, which is the perfect excuse to physically hide how ridiculous he feels.
  • The transaction from then on can be described as swift, as in the second Ukai hands him the bag Narita takes it and heads for the door with a, “Hm thanks coach see you tomorrow bye!” It’s all in one fluid motion and yes, that goodbye is punctuation-less .
  • Just…never bring this up again. He’d rather forget the whole thing.

Kinoshita

  • He can’t go in alone. He has to do this with at least one other person going into the shop with him, and Noya is the only one who also isn’t embarrassed by this in any way. The other second-years are embarrassed by proximity, so-to-speak.
    • Except Noya gets distracted trying to find his usual ice cream flavor, so Kinoshita has to ride solo at the counter.
  • It’s clear he’s nervous about the whole thing; his whole body is stiff and he reacts to anything Ukai says as if the man is correcting his technique during practice.
  • He does have to keep his eyes on his wallet and money most of the transaction because there’s no one he can look his coach in the eye while buying them.

Kageyama

  • He knows he’s not smart and that everyone knows this as well, so he decides to tackle this issue by using this to advantage.
  • Except he anticipates Ukai will say anything in the first place, and blurts something out totally unprompted..
    • Ukai: “That’ll be–”
    • Kageyama: What do you mean those aren’t water balloons?
  • The following is the most tense five seconds of silence you’ll ever see between these two.
  • He’s so red that Ukai is worried that Kageyama’s head might explode. Or he passes out on the spot, especially because he stops breathing.

Hinata

  • He thinks he can play it cool, but it’s like watching a trainwreck.
  • He suddenly can’t hear anything. There’s so much blood rushing to his head that he can only hear that in his ears. Ukai tells him how much he owes and Hinata keeps repeating, “What?” each time it happens.
    • “Just… take them, alright, Hinata?”
  • Once he leaves the store, his face seems to be stuck in a smile and he doesn’t react to anything anyone says or does to him. His soul has left his body. He’s straight-up astral projecting in front of the vending machines outside the shop. Never make him do that again.

Tsukishima

  • Like Daichi, he also is does not make it weird. The glare from his glasses absolutely helps to hide anything his eyes might give away about feeling like an idiot the whole time.
  • But you could replace the condoms with any other item in the store and everything would be exactly the same about this interaction.
  • The rest of the team is mad because there was no point of having the loser of their bet do that if the loser wasn’t affected by it.
    • But this eventually backfires on Tsukki because guess who Noya and Tanaka have now playfully dubbed, “The Condom King.” He hates it.

Yamaguchi

  • He’s a blend of Suga and Kageyama in this situation: “I thought they were rubber gloves! What? T-those aren’t mine!” (Which one is it, Yams?)
  • Things get worse because the barcode scanner just won’t scan this box and every second feels ten times longer than it actually is during this.
  • At this point he’s just praying that no one else–sans the rest of the boys–has to bear witness to this. If Yachi walked in and saw, he’d probably die.
  • me: *takes deep breath*
  • me: i-
  • everyone within a 12 mile radius: love mike faist. we know. hes cute and adorable and an absolute sweetheart. you admire his acting talent and his dedication to his characters in Dear Evan Hansen and I Can, I Will, I Did. we know. it’s all you talk about. you love him so much. he's the light of your life. we KNOW you would kill to meet him in person. we get it, you respect and admire him a lot and you want to tell him that you love his work. we understand that he's your favourite person in the world and the biggest celebrity crush you've ever had in your entire life. youre so proud of him for getting a tony award nomination and you hope he gets more recognition for his talents, we know. we understand that it’s all you want to talk about and it has been for months now. yes. we know. we get it. YOU LOVE MIKE FAIST. WE KNOW. WE GET IT.

He may be overjoyed if you go for a swim in the sea, but don’t let your sharkfaced boyfriend sneak up on you if you don’t want a decade shaved off your life.



When Your Song is the Jaws theme tune…



Not that sharks would come within 5 square miles of you if he’s nearby….



Thanks to @haku23 and her fic: A fish by any other name