withering hearts

And her tears stained her cheeks like dewdrops on a leaf as she felt her heart wither away in a fading garden of emptiness.
—  Lukas W. // A fading garden
To my future daughter,                                                                                                              
 I’m sorry for all the hurt the world will inflict on you.
I wish I could protect you,
But I can’t.                                                                                                                           
Instead, I will teach you what my mother failed to teach me.                                                                                                                                   
  i. You are more than your body.
The world will tell you, you are nothing but lips and curves.
Only thigh gaps and soft brown waves of hair.
They are wrong, baby.
There are universes in your eyelashes,
Worlds caved into your ribs.
You are entirely too big for your body, for this world.
Your world is held together by skin and bones, but you are more than the stitching at your seams.
You are wonder.
And grace.
And beauty, all in one.                                                                                                                           
  ii. The world is at your service.
Never let anyone tell you you cannot be anything you want.
Honey, you might not be able to be everything,
But you sure hell can be something.
Anything.
Be an astronaut, if you want to see what the world is like away from all the noise.
Be a doctor, if you want to know what its like to hold a beating heart in your hand.
Be a teacher, if you want to see true wonder in those around you.
Be all of it or none of it.
The world will be what you make it.
And you can make it how you want.                                                                                                              
 iii. Please don’t resent me for when I try to protect you
I wish my mother had taught me to thicken my skin,
To hold my breath around bullies
And not let them see me bleed.
I wish I’d been taught tough love.
I walked down hallways with a hood of slurs covering me, tears burning acid on my cheeks.
Instead, I was taught unconditional love, which is great but it won’t help.
Not when it really matters.
It won’t prevent the scratches you draw across your arms when times get tough.
The blood drawn will heal with kisses, slowly, but they will still bleed.                                                                                                              
 iv. Befriend the outsider.
Because, my darling, we are all the outsiders, some are just outsiders together.
The girl with the pink hair has a story behind her eyes as well as her tattoos.
Take time to listen to it.
It might shift your world a little bit.
The boy with the acne always running, running, running.
He might be running from more than his problems.
Maybe his mind, maybe the love he doesn’t know how to show.
He might let you run with him, if you ask.                                                                                                              
 v. They’re going to leave you, whoever they are.
A friend, a lover, a companion.
They will say they won’t - but they will.
And that’s okay.
Your heart will wither when the door slams on his way out.
Tears stream down your face when another message remains unanswered.
That’s okay too. It will all be okay.
Not at first, but eventually.
Because we are all on our own journey and maybe yours don’t intersect anymore.
Life is big and messy but sometimes it’s not big enough for all of us.                                                                                                                           
So, do it all.
Be tall with short hair.
Short with purple hair.
Loud with a small voice. 
Small with a big heart.
Be anything you want, baby.
Be it all.                                                                                                                           
Because this world is yours.
And what anyone else says doesn’t matter.
And you are made, grown and built to conquer it.
—  To My Future Daughter (For The Road)
I Need You // Kim Taehyung

Originally posted by cmtae

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader (ft. Jungkook, Hoseok and Yoongi)

Genre: Angst

Summary//Request: You and Taehyung are in love with each other, but have never made your relationship official. Taehyung gets too drunk and ends up making out with another girl - and Jungkook lets you know everything the next morning.

A/N: This scenario contains text message imagines ^_^


“Can you two get a room already? Jeez!”

You sat with Taehyung and your friends at the back on the bus – you currently nestled in between Taehyung’s legs in the corner seat as he rested his hands on your thighs with his head in the crook of your neck, softly blowing raspberries on to your skin and making you giggle in delight.

“Seriously…you guys aren’t even dating and you can’t keep your hands off each other, just hurry up and make it official already” Hoseok playfully smacked Taehyung on the shoulder as you felt your cheeks becoming more rosy by the second. Every word that came out of Hoseok’s mouth was true – you and Taehyung were constantly being overly affectionate no matter if you were in private or public, however; you weren’t actually dating each other. You’d never confessed your feeling towards him, and neither had he. Even though you both hugged, snuggled and cuddled while holding hands and brushing cheeks, neither of you had even shared a proper kiss – much to your disappointment. Taehyung couldn’t quite put his finger on when he fell in love with you, but he knew that he was just too scared to tell you his true feelings – and you felt the same. Alas, here the two of you were, happily stuck between being best friends and lovers; not knowing when or if your relationship with each other would ever amount to something more.

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i. The North wind cannot rival
your cold, withering heart.


ii. We were both Alice,
drinking just because it was
suggested to us,
getting too big until
buildings couldn’t hold us,
until we were destroying homes.
There’s claustrophobia in
outgrowing someone.


iii. Your love is selfish want.
You chose me to die on a
desert island with you.
We’re more Lord of the Flies than
Swiss Family Robinson.
I’m still finding ways to blame you.
I might be paranoid but that
doesn’t mean you’re not the beast.


iv. I would have chosen you over anyone
but I was one in
a baker’s dozen
to you.


v. You want someone to
be your cheerleader.
I’m another
goal for you to score.


vi. My mother
loves spiritual contemplation
and meditation
but I can only be still on the
outside.
I can only contemplate you.
I am a tempest.
Or you are.
Or we are.
Or we were.


vii. Your father
treats your mother
as if he is her high lord.
Just like his father before him.
Your love is hierarchy.
Two guesses who comes out on top.


viii. I’m on the other side
of all my old metaphors now.
You’re the car,
I’m the gas station.
But I refuse to be a pit stop.
Tell me my lips taste of gasoline
and watch me set us on fire.
You don’t get to destroy me,
that privilege is mine alone.


ix. Harvest season approaching;
I am the daughter of the
new moon.
Not a silver sliver
of my former self.
No, I am whole,
regardless of how
invisible I have become to you.
—  L.H.
Alone (Connor McDavid x Reader)

Originally posted by phillymyers

a/n: maybe I’ll make this into a multiple part imagine????? we’ll see.

Summary:  Your boyfriend, Connor, accidentally leaves behind his cellphone in the hotel room the both of you are staying at during your two-week vacation to Hawaii. Bored, you decided to play around with it, not  expecting to see him receive a text from Lauren; his ex-girlfriend. And you definitely didn’t expect to see an entire conversation between the two, a conversation that was meant to be hidden away for your eyes not to see.

Requested: Nah

Warnings: angst. fighting. swearing.

Part Two | Part Three


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Forgotten

Lance let the tears dribble down his face. How could he be so stupid as to think that he might of felt some sort of family love with the rest of the paladins.

Not one of them had noticed lance’s humour, happiness energy slowly fade away with each day. Sure each day was rather fake, maybe a small laugh was genuine or a smile was real but trying was beginning to ruin him. Withering away at his heart.

From the very beginning he was a 7th wheel. Allura never gave him specific characteristics connecting him to blue. She was the only one who would choose lance over the others. He didn’t have a main part in the team, he tried so hard to earn the title of “sharp shooter” but only got called out on it by shiro once. Maybe it was his fake flirting,his stupid humour or lack of skill that really repulsed the others from him. Whatever is was, was really tearing him apart.


Hunk was supposed to be his best friend but even that title had slipped. He could only rely on the memories that replayed in his head proving that once he was surrounded by earths natural beauty and not stuck surrounded the stars because even the stars scared lance. Afraid that even they would leave him and stop shining so brightly.

He sighed as he slammed his back into the castles walls, letting himself slide down. His was quivering, gripped by his teeth as he tried to stop himself from making a sound. If anyone where to walk into his room then they might kick him out for being weak. He was weak, unrealistic, not reliable and a mess.

Allura was strong, beautiful and new what was right from wrong.
Shiro was level headed and calm, making all the shots leading to victory.
Coran was respected, reliable and a massive help in keeping the place in shape.
Keith was hot headed but was still everything lance lacked in the fighting and physique department.
Pidge was amazing at hacking and getting them into places which the couldn’t do without technology.
And hunk, he was an amazing chef with great taste and a huge heart.

All that was left was lance, a clown, a pest, a useless voice.


And how he wished he could go back home, lay under the stars with his family eating slices of watermelon while fighting over if the moon landing was real or not.


( this isnt part of any book, but from my head. Sorry for the langst :’) )

“Excuse Me”

Summary: Soulmate!AU where first words are tattooed on wrist- Y/N hates the words on her wrist knowing that she may never meet her true soulmate. If fate didn’t want to give her a perfect, neat, assured happy ending, then she would be sure to raise a little hell on her way there.

Pairing: Preserum!Steve x Reader 

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 1895

Originally posted by yikesevans

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Temptation / Saizo x MC

Kisses with Meaning Prompts

Anonymous 1: ear + saizo??
Anonymous 2: Ear for saizo
Anonymous 3: Back of Hand + Saizo!

  • Saizo + Ear (temptation) + Back of Hand (respect/love)

Pawn takes Pawn.

You want to see it. Just once. You won’t even know why standing as you are, a hair’s breadth away from him, only that he will look at you with those indiscriminate eyes and it’ll be the only thing coursing through your mind.

“And if you did? How would you teach me?”

His body is a perfect shadow, as if he’s left some essential part of himself at home. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him so contained— barely there and silhouetted by the sun. He would snort if he knew your thoughts, but you think him a walking contradiction of night and day.

“Little lady, you don’t know what you’re asking.”

And there’ll be something in those eyes that gives you hope. A little twinkling. A precursor to what you’ve been craving ever since the day Yukimura fell off the roof and you heard the most beautiful throaty chuckle pour out of him, like honeyed milk oozing down your throat.

Though it should irk you how weak your knees go, you want to see it again. Hear it again. It’s why you’re here, why you’ve been in this perpetual dance with him ever since. You take one step forward, he takes two back. Always retreating.

“Humour me.”

His eyes crinkle.

Ah. Almost there.

He takes one step forward this time — how strange — voice so low you barely contain the shiver. “I would work you so hard, every day and night, you wouldn’t know how to get out of bed in the morning.”

It almost disappoints you how little he understands how this works. You need to teach him the steps, but in order to do that he needs to learn about you. Because it’s your dance too. You realise he doesn’t know you nearly as well as you know him, and the knowledge excites you even as you bite back a laugh.

Darling, you think, this might be our waltz but I’m dancing to win.

He kicks back, not realising you like kick back.

“Try me.”

And it’s a challenge. A dare. A promise.

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If Things Were Different - Drake x MC (A Royal Romance Fanfic)

[A little note: Me: reading the latest TRR chapter and thinking of all the glorious angst I could write because I love the two of them together. Me: finally giving into doing it before inspiration withers away].


Racing. Her heart has been racing inside her chest. Beating so loudly that she barely hears his hushed undertones. She thinks for a moment that her ears are playing tricks on her; a dirty illusion because of how much she wrestles with wanting more and the guilt that quickly follows. The guilt of having feelings for someone that cannot be hers, not under these circumstances. She opens her mouth to speak, but shuts it just as quickly by the sudden look of desperation in his eyes.

She’s seen that look before; many times on her own face. From moments where she drops her guard, long enough to give a similar glance in his direction. Moments where the guilt doesn’t feel as thick and she allows her selfish thoughts to think of more. More what ifs and could bes; indulgent fantasies until he notices her intense stare and she has to school her expression again. Until she has to slip her mask once more, for the rest of the world to see. A cool mask, she no longer thinks is hers to wear alone.

He wears one too. She understands it better, except he isn’t hiding behind his now. It is as if he has settled with unraveling right in front of her - unfolding the entanglement of emotions she knows him to bury under snarky wit. Wavering on the boarder of intolerance as it often does - it disappears, and the only shred that’s left behind is seized by vulnerability. 

He steps closer and she can’t fathom a reason to step back, to look away, to tell him to leave. All the reasons why she should are in her head but she cannot say them out loud. 

His eyes don’t waver from her face, unblinking they search her eyes. They are penetrating, seeking, looking for something - anything.

Her throat has gone dry and she’s suddenly very afraid. Can she admit it to herself? To him? Her own desire of wanting him to speak, overrides her better judgement. She’s scared of waiting anymore for the other shoe to drop.  But she’s nearly terrified of wanting more. Her heart wants him to finish. Her mind implores to instruct him to go. 

“..If you hadn’t been our waitress that night.” His gaze holds hers,“and I hadn’t been sitting next to Liam…” He trails off but doesn’t look away. He’s looking at her as if he wants her to stop him.

This is her chance. This is when she should say it. I can’t do this to Liam. I can’t do this to you. I can’t do this to me. I can’t do this to us. The words are in her head, screaming at her for release. But she doesn’t. Her eyes are glued to him, and his every move.

“Do you think all of this…”  A ragged breath escapes his lips. His jaw sets like steel before he straightens his shoulders. “Do you think…it could’ve been different between us?” As soon as the words leaves his lips, he stiffens as if he’s waiting for her to react differently. As if he’s waiting for rejection.

Yes. Her heart wants to yell that simple word into existence and she bites her bottom lip in an attempt to stop herself from doing so. Saying it out loud is different from thinking it. Saying it makes it real. 

But she wants it to be real. She wants it so desperately that she feels tears prickling at the side of her eyes.

Her mind indulges again in another fantasy, yet another pointless dream of what ifs. But she doesn’t want to block this one - the images burn so brightly, so vividly that she forsakes her sanity.

She pictures them meeting differently, without Liam - without this royal fairytale fantasy hanging in between them like an unspoken barrier. She’d still be in New York instead of Cordonia, bustling tables for any semblance of a good tip every night until she misses a ride home with her one of co-workers; and has to drag her tired feet across the street. She won’t even notice him at first. Not until she sees him standing under the same bus shelter. His hair is as long as it was right now; except it’s pulled back from his face and he’s wearing a thick jacket when he spots her too.

The weather would have turned bad by then, with the downpour of heavy rain stopping either of them from creating a wide berth of each other. She’d be shivering from the cold, and he’d say something irritably about women not bringing their jackets when he’d notice the lack of one on her. And she would snap back at him about chivalry being dead. His lips would curve into a smile then; not a full smile because those are rare but just a small twist. And it would be just enough to make her miffed, and ignoring all his efforts of taking his jacket would seem as the natural course of action. Until her teeth started to chatter. Until she’d have no choice but to begrudgingly accept. Then as the weather turned worse, they’d huddle against each other for warmth and start talking about the crappy weather. Maybe he’d even mention where he was staying and why he was in New York to begin with.

Her heart twists at the thought and she pictures them walking hand in hand walking across New York Times Square, enjoying their first Christmas together months later.

Yes. Things could have been very different.

He’s been staring at her this entire time, waiting for her to say something. When she opens her mouth again, finally words have come out. “It would’ve been different.” She says simply, lowering her gaze. “Sure you would’ve still been gruff and I would’ve have let you get away with anything…” A small smile stretches across her cheeks as she glances up at him again. “But all the rest? Yeah, it would’ve been different.”

She can’t help thinking about the other versions of her, of him - the ones that had the chance to meet under bus shelters and spent moments in bars sharing their favorite glasses of whiskey. Her heart aches for the versions of themselves she will never meet. “Maybe everything would’ve been different.”

“Riley…” He trails off and his voice has gone hoarse.

The distance between them gradually disappears until she feels his cool hand across her cheek. His eyes flicker and darken until they steal her breath away. Leaning her cheek towards his gentle caress, she closes her eyes for a moment to savor his touch. “Drake…” She mutters softly, stepping closer.

He freezes and suddenly his cool mask is back on. The moment between them has shattered. “Dammit.” He swears. “What am I even doing?”

She watches those dark eyes turn furious and reels away as if she’s been slapped. 

He releases a tired breath and runs his hands through his tousled hair. “I need to go.” He mutters. “I should go.”

He’s going to leave. He’s going to pretend none of this ever happened. The thought terrifies her, and before she can stop herself; her hand reaches out pulling on his wrist until he goes completely still. With her heart hammering inside her chest, she presses her cool face against the slight dampness of his back. He feels like home.

He doesn’t move at first and they are both quietly still. Neither of them speak and Riley is only aware of the sounds of their uneven breathing. Minutes passes by, and neither one of them are willing to let go until finally Drake clears his throat. “Tinsley…you shouldn’t.” He inhales sharply. “You can’t.”

She wedges her eyes closed and doesn’t loosen her arms around him. She hates herself for being so weak, for wanting more. Isn’t he allowed to be her weakness too? “Don’t you get tired of being so careful all the time?” She whispers. She is, she’s so tired of fighting - tired of pretending she doesn’t want this. Whatever this is between them. The pull and push connection she’s never felt with anyone else.

“Constantly.” He mumbles back, before twisting until she’s finally facing him again. 

The cool mask dissolves into an uncertain smile, and she’s struck by how differently he’s looking at her. She’s so used to seeing him smirk that the sudden softness in his express has taken her off guard. He’s looking at her as if she’s special, as if he wants her - no needed her. 

Her throat has gone dry again and she can’t tear her eyes away. 

His eyes dips to her lips and suddenly she’s forgotten how to swallow. “I’m so damn tired of it.”

She feels his fingers softly brush by her ear before travelling along the soft folds of her hair, untangling it’s wavy ends and arching her chin forward. Her eyes grow wide but she makes no move to stop him, when he finally closes the remaining distance between them.

His breath is hot against her lips. Her heart surges and her hands have gone slack beside her. They feel heavy, and her chest feels as if it’s about to burst. When she opens her lips slightly to meet his - she is suddenly met with cool air when he lurches away. 

For a moment all she can do is blink. She blinks a few times, until rationale has begun creeping back in. Standing very still, she watches the man in front of her let out a frustrated cry before stepping away completely. 

She steps back too, and when she stares up at him again, he’s a safe distance away. Her heart sinks with disappointment. 

“I’ve,” His eyes glance up at her again. “I’ve got to get out of here.” He steps towards her but frowns just as quickly once he realizes his mistake. “Now.” 

“Drake -“ 

“Before I do something we might both regret.” His face curves into a bitter smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

She doesn’t trust herself to speak, simply nods as he wanders to the door. He pauses to look back at her and she sees everything she’s ever wanted laid out in front of her. 

A man that doesn’t expect more than what she’s able to give. A man that could love her a thousand different ways, over a thousand different lifetimes. But she tells herself she can no longer indulge fantasies, in different versions of their lives that has never existed. She cannot afford to expect a different ending to their probably tragic story.

NINE CENTURIES AND COUNTING

TODODEKU WEEK: DAY 7

FLOWERS

“I want to infect you with the tremendous excitement of living, because I believe you have the strength to bear it.” -Tennessee Williams, The Selected Letters: 1920-1945

AO3

SEQUEL TO “A DECADE AND COUNTING


ty again for @bakvbabe for letting me use the goblin au!!!


It’s a cold, winter day, the snow falling in heaps and the traffic as atrocious as usual.

Izuku, nine-hundred-and-twenty-six years old, sits at the very edge of a tall building, which was one of the many buildings he owned in Musutafu. He has a can of beer in one hand, taking absent-minded sips every few seconds, staring at nothing yet everything.

Despite his already fogged brain, he hears it—a crash.

The screams of a woman.

Tires screeching away.

Izuku clenches his can of beer. The bitter liquid splashes onto his hand, dripping on his lap.

A hit-and-run.

Do not interfere with the life and death of mortals, he reminds himself, Reaper will kill you.

Izuku closes his eyes. He takes a tiny sip from his can.

Please…

He tips his head back.

At least my son…

He downs the bitter liquid.

If someone is listening out there, please save my son…

Izuku opens his eyes. He sets the can beside him.

He dives off the building.

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When the schools are depressed...

Storm: It would be far too stereotypical if rain clouds were to just appear above their heads and unleash a steady downpour upon them. No, then everyone would know they were upset and that’s just asking for uncomfortable confrontation. When storm students are sad, their usual appearance sparked with life is rather sodden and droopy. They drip sad little puddles behind their trudging feet and use the old “I was practicing a storm spell and it fizzled weird” excuse when asked about them.  Everyday their appearance is more and more drenched, their skin a sickly pale green. Almost as if they’re drowning.

Ice: Warm, wet eyes. They’re initially startled by how warm their tears are as they are normally used to…well, the cold. They feel hot and dizzy; they heard from a couple of life students when once feels unbearable heat, they should stick their head in the freezer to cool off. Their efforts prove futile though as they keep sobbing scalding hot tears. Dark clouds open up and slow and silent snowflakes drift to the earth below. It’s a very somber scene and everyone feels the cold heartache of whatever has upset the ice student. 

Fire: The flame in them, their fiery personality is snuffed out. Cold hands. Very cold hands, that cool air wafts off of them. They’re hesitant to touch anything in fear of encasing said object or person in an icy grip. They’re constantly seen rubbing their hands together, trying to warm them up. To bring back the warmth into their life that seems to have gone missing.  Sometimes gloves will be worn or a heating pad will be held between trembling fingers. Anything to keep away the cold. 

Myth: They’re quiet and jumpy at all that comes near. They seem almost uncomfortable standing in their own skin, standing awkwardly off to the side, looking towards the ground. Their fists are clenched at their sides as they make their way to classes. A swarm of Blood Bats follow them, snapping and spitting at their clothing, almost as if bullying them. A myth student refuses to cry though and simply bites their tongue as they allow the bullying to continue. They’d love to be told their problems matter, though. No one says that enough to them. 

Life: Their flowers won’t stop wilting. No matter how many treasure cards are used, no matter their gardening experience. The flowers will not stop withering away and it kills the life students to sit there and watch it happen. They try to distract themselves with happy thoughts as surely these depressing emotions are affecting their plants but nothing works. They cry a few tears of frustration and beg the plants to live but to no avail. They shouldn’t have listened to those other students, they shouldn’t have taken what they said to heart. Because just like their precious flowers, their hearts are withering too. 

Death: Followed by a flock of ghosts, wailing and moaning behind them. The ghosts can only be ignored for so long before the death students realize the wailing begins to sound like their own voice. Dropping to their knees, they open their mouth and mimic the ghosts, wailing in sorrow for what they’ve lost. “It’s not fair!” “Why!?!” However the words are said, they just sound like sorrow-filled shrieks to the other students who are unfortunate enough to be near. This’ll go on for a few more minutes before the death student will stop, their throat scratchy from over use. They pick themselves up off the ground and continue their walk, their posse of ghosts floating after them. 

Balance: Sand becomes mud and sucks their feet in. The balance students try not to panic but they’re sinking faster. They didn’t know the answer, they didn’t have to laugh at them, but here they are, still thinking on that embarrassing moment. The emotions ready to swallow them whole, just as the mud planned to do. Their tears aren’t helping either, turning more sand into even more mud. For a calm moment, the balance student almost contemplates letting the sticky slow moving mud engulf them. Maybe they wouldn’t have to live with the embarrassment anymore…maybe they could find peace. This thought doesn’t last long though. Stubbornly, they fight their way out of the mud. But the battle isn’t over yet. They had only just stepped out of their dorm room. They still need to make their way to class. 

Give your wizards lots of hugs, guys. Sometimes, all one needs is to be told they are important and they matter. (I was in a mood while typing this…can I have a hug?) Remember: You guys are wonderful and it’s okay to cry. Just don’t let it control you. You are loved. And you are important :)

anonymous asked:

Angst, angst, AND MORE ANGST and nsfw. can I get a fic where jumin and MC are already dating. One miraculous day, jumin has a day off and they decide to go on a date. While on a date, jumin stops and stares at a really pretty girl with white hair and blue eyes (like elizabeth) and jumins thinking that he has to go talk to her. He dares to leave MC by herself and she's like, forget you jumin. And she tries to walk out of jumins life but (obviously ) she can't because he's jumin

Angst, angst, angst!!!! *Cracks knuckles* Let’s do this Anon-san! 

σ(^○^)

I’m not sure if you wanted NSFW or not…? So I’m just going to keep it SFW. 

Oh for more angst Jumin and MC are engaged in this already!


You opened your mouth as Jumin fed you another spoonful of ice cream, smiling at the sweet coolness that settled on your tongue.

“Ice cream on a warm day is always the best!” You said, opening your mouth as Jumin fed you another spoonful. 

You heard Jumin chuckle softly, “I don’t understand how something as simple as ice cream can make you so happy.”

You smiled, looking up at the clear blue sky. Jumin finally had a day off, and the two of you were spending it together on such a beautiful day. You felt like the happiest person in the world.

Jumin was smiling softly as he continued to feed you ice cream, enjoying the expressions that flickered on and off your face. Slowly, his attention wondered to something behind you, and his eyes widen slightly. 

Behind you at a small cafe, was a woman with beautiful white hair. It was tied back loosely, curls hanging at the nape of her neck. And her eyes…her eyes were a magical cornflower blue, and Jumin struggled to pull his eyes off of her.

“Elizabeth…” He whispered softly

You looked up at him, “Jumin? What is it?”

As if snapping out a trance Jumin lowered his eyes back to yours, and he smiled nervously.

“I’ll go get something to drink. Wait here for me alright?” Jumin instructed, standing from his seat as you gave him a nod and a small smile.

Jumin made his way over to the woman at the cafe table, studying her before speaking.

“Excuse me” He started

The woman looked up from her coffee, throwing him a small smile before she answered, “Yes?”

And thus their conversation had started. It wasn’t that Jumin was interested in her romantically, no he had you. But she shared so many characteristics of Elizabeth, and Jumin began to loose track of the time as he chatted with her aimlessly, studying her reactions and responses. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket, your name displaying on the screen. Jumin locked his phone once more. 5 minutes, I’ll only be 5 minutes more.

o0o0o0o0o0o

4 hours. Jumin had been gone for 4 hours. The sky had turned dark and there was a night chill sweeping through the night. Where was Jumin? Worry filled you as you covered your arms, hugging yourself for warmth. You could even see your own breath! 

Jumin had told you to stay put, and you had. But he wasn’t answering his phone and no one had heard from in in the messenger. Had something happened? The only thing that had stopped your from going to search for him was the thought of if he returned only to find you gone. You two would have been on a wild goose chase.

“A-achoo!” You sneezed, sniffling as you shuddered. The weather had changed so quickly! Perhaps you should go home…wait for Jumin there with Elizabeth. Another cool blast of wind encouraged you, and you began to collect your things hurriedly. 

As you power walked out of the park you felt a sliver of unease creep up behind you. Ignoring it, you flagged down a taxi, waiting at the side of the rode for it to pull over. As you did see, you glanced across the street, the bright lights from the cafe catching your attention. What a cute cafe! You would definitely mention it to Ju-

Your heart dropped like a stone as your eyes landed on the sight of them. Jumin sat chatting with a beautiful woman, who resembled someone you knew, though you couldn’t figure out who. Jumin’s eyes were locked solely on her…and draped around her shoulders was his suit jacket. 

The night chill meant nothing to you as you felt your heart freeze solid. Jumin had left you in the cold for hours, forgetting about you completely as he hit it off with this woman! Your hand shook as you pressed your phone to your ear, your eyes never leaving the sight before you.

Jumin pulled his phone out, his eyes wide in alarm. It was this late already? He held a finger up towards the woman, 

“MC. I apologize. It’s gotten quite late and-”

“Where are you?” You asked, tears streaming down your face as you fought to keep the tremor from entering your voice. 

“Me? Ahh…right now I’m….it’s a little difficult to explain now. I’ll-” Jumin felt his heart breat increase, guilt eating at him. He hadn’t meant to spend so much here, especially since the woman was nothing like he expected. 

“Don’t worry. I know where you are.” You let a humorless laugh escape your lips as watched him stand from his seat, eyes frantic as he searched for you.

“Across the street. Where you left me…” You said, a small sob cutting into your words.

And finally, Jumin’s brown orbs met your own, freezing him in place as he took in the sight of you, tears flowing down your face, chilled to the bone.

“MC I-”

You hung up then, so hurt, so angry, so frustrated at yourself. How could you have believed that you were special? God how could you have believed in such a thing. Your fingers pulled at the cold metal that rested on your ring finger.

Jumin moves away from the table, much to the confusion of the white haired woman, alarmed at the sight before her. Jumin nearly knocks the table over as he runs out the gate calling your name.

You don’t look away as you slip the ring off your finger…and throw it into the street. It hits the concert with a dull thud, the sound echoing loud and clear in both yours, and Jumin’s ears. Wiping at your face you quickly climbed in the taxi, pushing the lock down.

Jumin slammed his hand against the window “MC!”

His breathing is raged, and the look of desperation and fear on his face cause your heart to clench in your chest. 

“Please go on to this address.” You order the driver, who watches Jumin wearily from the wheel. 

The taxi begins to move into gear, and Jumin’s heart beats into overdrive.

“MC! Please, listen to me! Don’t leave, don’t go! MC!” His hands pound at the window, and when the taxi begins to drive away he runs after it, runs after the love of his life, after you

But soon his legs give up on him, and the red tail lights of the taxi fade away. The sound of heels regain his attention. The white haired woman. She bends down in the street, picking up the deserted band from the ashes of your heart, and drops it into Jumin’s palms.

“I had no idea you were engaged.”

And then she walks away, leaving Jumin alone in the cold night air.

Eventually Jumin makes his way home, his heart aching and his soul decaying. He walks into the dark penthouse, lifeless. Elizabeth the Third brushes against his legs, and Jumin stiffens at the painful reminder of why you had gone. He pushes Elizabeth away, if only he hadn’t been enchanted by her characteristics, if only he had stayed away!

Elizabeth meows loudly, and Jumin’s anger at her melts away. No This was his own fault. He had been the one who had lost track of time, he had been the one lured in, and he had been the one to abandon you. Jumin lifted Elizabeth into his arms gently, cradling her against his chest as he slumped onto the floor. You had every right to leave him, Jumin knew that.

Yet his heart still withered in his chest as he called your phone over and over.

o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 (Take a cry break)

3 weeks had passed, and you still hadn’t recovered from the pain in your chest. Yoosung had been the one to help you find a place to stay until you found your own footing. Of course living in his family’s small vacation home wasn’t ideal, but it gave you shelter and you were thankful. 

Since he had been the one to offer it to you, Yoosung was the only member of the RFA who knew where you were. Everyone had discovered what happened between you and him, and they tried their best to stay out of it. However it was no secret that Yoosung knew your whereabouts.  

There was a knock at the door and you smiled as you got up from the couch. Yoosung always visited you at 4. You swung the door open,

“Yoosung!” You greeted

His green eyes were closed as he responded with a wide smile.

“MC!” Yoosung greeted back. 

In his arms was a large bouquet of pink full peonies. They nearly sparkled in his hands, and he smiled at you nervously. 

“Jumin brought it over to me again…they’re for you. Again. Ah, of course there’s a letter as usual too”  

You took the bouquet from Yoosung, stepping into a room that had pretty much become your storage room, you set the bouquet inside and placed the letter on a desk. The room was filled with 21 bouquets. One for everyday.

You shut the door and looked at Yoosung in surprise when he stepped outside the door again.

“Ah, I only came to drop that off. Sorry MC! LOLOL is calling me!”, Yoosung paused before fully leaving,

“MC. Do you know Jumin always goes somewhere after work? At least that’s what Jaehee said.”

And then he was gone, leaving you alone with a room filled with flowers and letters.

They didn’t all come with letters, in fact this was only the third one you had received. And of course you had read all of them. With a sigh you opened the envelope, puling at the small sheet of paper.

MC,

Are you doing alright? Yoosung tells me that you receive my letters and flowers every day. I’m glad. I’ve thought of over 100 possibilities about why you won’t send one back. And out of those 100 I’ve narrowed it down to 1. You’re still deeply hurt, and I don’t blame you. I understand completely. But please understand that it was never my intention to become involved with that woman romantically. The reason I left you there in the park…it was so idiotic that I don’t even understand why I did in the first place. I…I’ve never been good at expressing things with words. You’re the only one I need darling. Without you, I can barely stand to function. I never meant to hurt you. That woman was never suppose to take up that much time, you were never supposed to be stuck in the cold so long. I’m so angry at myself. It was freezing and I let you stay there. Be angry with me darling, hate me and curse me, but please don’t leave me. 

I would very much like to see you MC. However Yoosung still refuses to tell me your whereabouts. I would…like to go over what happened with you. Please. I love you.

-Jumin

Your heart burned against your chest. You loved Jumin. You truly, honestly did, with everything you were capable of. You believed him when he said it was a misunderstanding, that he loved you. Yet why was it that you were so afraid to reach out to him?

O0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o (3 days later)

Your heart was at it’s limit. You needed to see Jumin. But the pain in your heart always ate away at your courage, and you only postponed it to the next day. Your legs felt heavy, and you hadn’t eaten in hours. Did loving Jumin always make you this weak? This small?

With a groan you rose off your bed, maybe some fresh air would help. Heading outside you wrapped your scarf around your neck, protecting you from the cold evening chill.

You walked on and on, eyes on the ground as your thoughts churned over and over in your mind. The scream of laughing children jolted you back to reality, and to your surprise you found yourself in the park where you had waited for Jumin in the cold. How had you ended up here?

Continuing to walk along you spotted the seat where Jumin had fed you ice cream, and your chest constricted. What was he doing now?

As if to answer your thoughts, a tall well dressed figure entered your line of sight. Jumin. 

He stood underneath the tree in the exact spot you had been that night. In his hands was another extravagant bouquet of peonies. 

“Ah you’re here again?” You saw a little girl run up to him.

Jumin nodded at her, petting her head softly.

“Hey Ahjussi (Mister, used to call an unfamiliar grown man in Korean) can I have the flowers again if she doesn’t come?” 

Another little girl came running up to him, “Ah! That’s not fair, you got the flowers everyday last week!”

You watched as they bickered. Every day last week….? Jumin hadn’t only sent the flower to Yoosung to give to you, he had been waiting here with them everyday? Is this where he disappeared everyday after work?

Your heart reacted to the sight of him, thawing out from the cold ice you had frozen it in. Jumin’s eyes had dark bags under the, and he looked oh so tired. Yet you drank him in, feeling relief just from the sight of him. Your scarf fluttered in the wind, blowing away from your neck as you stared at him, and you lunged after in alarm, staring at it as it landed at the feet of Jumin (kill me for this cliche)

Jumin picked the scarf off carefully, the two little girls scampering away. He paused as he began to stand back up, this scarf…

His eyes flew up to yours instantly, and you felt your breath catch in your chest at the spark of life that fluttered in his eyes.

“MC.” He breaths, and the world stops for a moment, your eyes locked on each other. There’s only you two, only the feeling of relief and ease that flows to both your chests as you relish in the presence of the other.

But the moment doesn’t last long. Something white catches your eye, and you blink in confusion. Snow. That’s all it takes for your pain to come crashing back to your, for your wounds to reopen. You turn around, forsaking the scarf as you try to escape.

However Jumin’s even faster. You ran from him last time, and he’d be damned if he let you get away a second time. His hand grips your wrist tightly, the bouquet crashing to the ground. Your body is swirled back around and you fall against his chest with a sharp thud.

Jumin feels the physical pain of being apart from you actually leave his body, and he squeezes you tightly.

“MC….MC….MC…” He mutters again and again, ignoring your hands that push against his chest, ignoring the way that you squirm in his embrace. 

“Jumin! L-let go!” You order, disregarding the way your heart continues to thaw in his arms. You have to get away, distance yourself while you can still hang on to your anger. 

Jumin’s arms lock around you tighter, and his head lowers to your ear as he speaks lowly,

“Just listen to me. Just like this. I’ll go crazy if I can’t touch you. God MC, I’ve missed you so much.”

You stop resisting, accepting the fact that he won’t let go of you. You refuse to meet his eyes,

“It’s too late Jumin. I can’t go back to how we were before. I-” The words are pouring out of you in a panic, you need to latch onto something, anything to keep you from clinging onto these strong arms.

But Jumin tilts your chin up, wiping your tears softly with the pads of his thumb. “I’m sorry MC. I’m so so sorry. Please forgive me. It wasn’t ever going to lead to anything, I swear.” He whispers, forehead against your own.

And of course you believe him. Jumin wouldn’t just be smitten with a woman that easily. Of course the words in his letter…they come rushing back to your mind and you feel even more of your anger dissipate. Jumin’s eyes are filled with worry and his hands are so cold. How long had he been here? Waiting for you everyday?

“Jumin…” You whisper, lips trembling as more tears fall from your eyes.

You’re so tired of fighting him. So tired of trying to stay away from him, when all you ever need in your life is him. You wrap your arms around him tightly, and you hear Jumin take in a breath as if he had been holding it this whole time.

His voice is tight, strained as he says, “You…forgive me? Just like that? But…but I haven’t explained. I haven’t-”

You bury your face in his strong chest and shake your head furiously.

“I understand. I got them. I read them. I understand Jumin.”

Jumin processes your words for a moment, before pulling away slightly too look down at you.

“My letters…you read them.”

You give a small nod, seeing that while you recovered from your hurt, Jumin was trying to recover from his own as well. 

He presses a kiss to your forehead softly, and you cry harder into his chest. This is where you were meant to be. This is what you needed.

“Shhhh, shhh don’t cry darling.” Jumin soothes, wiping away at your tears and wrapping you back in your scarf. 

He presses a passionate kiss against your lips, a kiss filled with so much longing, so much relief, brimming to the top with love and affection and so much more, that it shakes you to your very core. 

When he pulls away both of your breaths fog into the air, intertwining in the small space that exists between the two of you. 

“Jumin…lets…let’s go home. I love you.” You whisper.

Jumin’s silent for a moment, his eyes felt with so much emotion. So much love and so much guilt. He reaches for your hand, pulling away and locking them together tightly.

“Yes…I love you….let’s go home.’ He echos back, and the two of you begin to walk away together, the bouquet of pink peonies shining brightly against the snow.