with-an-ugly-secret

 before i say anything else about all my thoughts and feelings on 210…

I LOVE THAT NICOLE IS MARRIED

yes, it’s something to be talked about big time between wayhaught. yes, it’s a big ‘ol ugly secret. not technically a lie but sins of omission.. yeah yeah yeah it is what it is.

But seriously, this is something I have never witnessed be addressed in lgbt rep. It’s something I never expected to see. And it’s so personal to me.

Personal story time literally nobody asked for: I got married shortly after the repeal of DADT in Washington DC at the ripe old age of almost 20. I was young, dumb, and in the military. I was also extremely aware of the history, the battles that lead to small political victories. A lot of us were. And a lot of us did get married simply because we finally could. It was a huge deal then - not too fucking long ago.

Same thing but on a much larger scale throughout the US: after the US Supreme Court “ruled” on the federal legalization of gay marriage, a literal fuck ton of us got married just out of the sheer euphoria at the fact that we could. It was monumental for us to have this right. So, some of us (a lot of us) jumped straight (lol) for it.

Did that mean a lot of young people getting married before they were in anyway ready for marriage? yeah, big time. 

I am one of those people who is still technically married just because divorce takes time. It takes a ton of time, a decent amount of money, and a significant (excruciating) toll on a twenty-something-year-old’s heart and mind.  

So allow me, if you will, to paint you a picture. You’ve been watching the politics play out the entirety of your young adult life. You’ve got a girlfriend who you love. The battles so many generations before you have fought and died for have finally, slowly, painfully, been won. You partake in the victory not just for your life and your love, but in the name of those who have fought and died for this before you. The weight of this victory is not lost on you in the slightest. So you get married. A year (if that) later, it doesn’t work out. Like about half of all marriages, yours fails. But divorce is expensive. It’s approximately one trillion times harder to get divorced than it is to get married. So, a few years later, you’re still legally married. You’ve met the absolute love of your life, and you are still married. You still have a wife out there who you don’t talk to. You are not in each other’s lives, but you’ve got that title still.

That is my exact situation right now as I’m writing this. And I never thought I would see that issue on TV. It is a real issue in the LGBT (well let’s throw the blanket term “gay” on it as I’m talking about gay marriage in particular) community. A lot of us are in real, committed, loving relationships but we have actual spouses still. This is a real issue in so many of our lives. And idk if Emily meant to write this in because she is aware this issue effects a lot of us or not, but it’s amazing to me that I am seeing myself actually represented not just as a lesbian, but as a lesbian who rushed into a marriage.

If I went to the hospital right now at this moment in some near death situation, my actual wife would be called. My gf who I live with, have the happiest and best relationship I’ve ever been blessed with, and plan on marrying someday would most definitely be the one by my side, but my actual wife may show up. 

Now, my gf knows about my wife. She’s still my wife. I can’t call her my ex-wife yet. Not legally. I told my gf before we even started dating about my whole situation. Yeah we’re separated. Yeah, the only time we talk is about legal stuff. But the fact remains, I am a married woman.

Now, let me add something really emotional to this picture: divorce fucking sucks. When you go for a divorce, there are certain feelings that come along with it that never go away like fucking scars. You feel like a failure. You feel stupid. You feel unlovable and dirty and shameful and guilty and like you aren’t worth it. You suddenly can’t stand being around your own friends anymore because they’re married and having kids. Everything is a reminder that you failed somehow, even when you know it’s not your fault. No matter what the reason for the divorce was, you are shattered. All the love in the world from your soulmate you might find later on doesn’t totally banish those feelings. Some days, you don’t even think about it. Some days, it hits you like a sack of bricks that you weren’t worth keeping promises to. Divorce is by far the most painful experience I’ve had, and I’ve broken a lot of bones and been through my share of disowned by family, going to sleep starving shit.

So it is not crazy at all that Nicole, who fell fast and hard for a girl she did not expect in a million years to light up her life the way she did, hasn’t found the right way to bring this thing up. Wayhaught has been together how long at this point? A few months? I’m guesstimating 4 at most? I find it hard to feel any kind of mad at Nicole for not bringing this up yet. It sucks to talk about because it hurts to you, who went through the pain of a failed marriage, and you have to consider how to not hurt the other person who loves you now with the fact that you had a commitment to another person in the past. A serious, legal one. It’s a shit position to be in. It’s a nearly unwinnable situation. And it’s one that takes time to process for the other person. There is a fat chance this marriage that isn’t valid to you anymore turns off the other person because it speaks to your flaws from a time when you were young, dumb, and reckless, and promised somebody else your love. I don’t blame Nicole at all for not bringing it up yet. Maybe that’s because I know the feeling. Maybe because like, when has there been the time for such a big discussion?

Honestly, the reason I told my gf about being married when I did, the way I did, was because I was trying to keep her from liking me. When we first met, I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I had just gotten out of one literally days before we met at a concert. Then she starting hanging out at my place because my roommate was dating her friend. I knew she liked me, so I gave her all the dirt on me: I’m married, I drink, I’m a writer, I’m broke, I’m medicated, I have a bad leg, all the negative things. “I’m married” is not a good way to start a conversation. That will keep the ladies away, usually. I mean, ultimately in my life, it was good to have all the bad things in my past out in the air, and our relationship is like the funniest, best love story I’ve ever seen.

But let’s look at life in fucking Purgatory. All the times both Nicole and Waverly have been attacked, been nearly dead, maybe been actually dead, been possessed. They fight demons. Their lives aren’t normal, and they are always in danger. Bringing up a topic like legal marriage? As someone who is married and has been separated for years, there are days I don’t even think about or remember that I’m married anymore. It’s just not something that’s part of your life when you get caught up in school/work/puppy training/what have you. It’s not something on Nicole’s mind always, I can guarantee you that. And when she does think, oh maybe I should bring this up now, something insane like oh, my girlfriend’s possessed takes precedence. 

That was super long and unsolicited, but I think important. Nicole has always been an important character to me, but now exponentially more so because an issue has been addressed that does touch so many queer lives. I feel represented in a way I didn’t know I needed until I saw it tonight.

I want to say that I get why some people are mad about Nicole being married, but honestly, no. Sit down. Take a look at the community around you and real issues we deal with in our real lives. If you don’t want to see the hard part of our lives portrayed, what the hell are you talking about when you cry about wanting representation? If all you want to see women kissing and smiling, go watch porn. It’s just as realistic as this “representation” you say you want. You want positive representation, that is what we are getting in a way I feel so blessed to be witnessing. We have real characters in the media reflecting real struggles. We have a bisexual woman in a small town who is extremely apprehensive and makes rash decisions because she’s been through hell. We have a lesbian with a protector impulse which makes her prone to bad judgement calls but very good at her job, and she’s got a past that echos what so many of us lesbians living in the real world are going through. So, no, sincerely reexamine what it is you want these characters to be, because it’s not good representation. It’s fake. And it’s not doing anyone any favors. 

tl;dr: Nicole is the rep of my dreams. Learn some history. Fight me.

Alphabet Prompts

A: “Ah, the dangers of unrequited love.”

B: “Before you go. Please. Just talk to him one more time.”

C: “Can’t you see that I’m a little busy right now?”

D: “Don’t act like you’re innocent in all this! I might’ve been the bomb, but you were the kill-switch. You had to chance to stop me. But you were too weak to take it, weren’t you?”

E: “Even I have trouble understanding them, and I am-”
“Yes, yes, we know. Smartest AI on Earth, guide to the rich and wealthy. We get it by now.”

F: “Forget it. It doesn’t even matter anymore.”

G: “Going somewhere?”
“Nowhere that concerns you.”

H: “Hell is already here, brother, and I’m the devil.”

I: “I didn’t know that this would happen.”

J: “Just- just don’t forget about me. Okay?”

K: “Kind kings have this strange tendency to come up dead, mi'lady.”
“Worried, are you?“

L: “Lots of love, your stalker.”

M: “Maybe I could’ve done something, flipped some switch-”

N: “Normal people are boring.”
“It’s easy to say that when you’re the normal one.”

O: “Our goal is to achieve our objective.”
“So everything’s still classified then.”

P: “Pretty people hide ugly secrets.”

Q: “Quick question though, how do we get in? Or is that not in your PowerPoint?”

R: “Really?”
“Really.”

S: “So much for rebellion.”
The screen in front of them blared, the president’s words loud and clear as he screamed about rebels, and revolutionaries, and how they were so called “terrorists.”
But their eyes watched something else entirely.
Their leader being whipped.
“So much for hope.”

T: “Titanium is easy to find compared to this.”

U: “Unfortunately, today is not that day.”
“Unfortunately for us, you mean. Not you.”

V: “Very nice, but the presentation leaves a lot to be desired.”
“I’ll try harder next time.”
“I bet you will.”

W: “What on Earth-”
“Off Earth would be more like it, general.”

X: “X-Men.”
“Okay I know you can’t speak English very well at the moment, but what?”

Y: “You have this very strange talent, name surname.”
“And what is that?”
She scowled. “You get in my way.”

Z: “Zombies would be better than this.”
“Anything would,” he agreed.

Venus: Cohesive Attraction principle, where people come together in union as each other’s mirrors; awakening, completing and complimenting one another’s character.

Moon: Emotional Attraction Principle, where people come together because they feel emotionally content with one another on a soulful level, they personify Home to each other.

Mars: Sexual or Passionate Attraction Principle, where people energize and excite each other and allow one another to express healthy aggression, serves as each other’s motivation and inspiration 

Pluto: The Repulsion Principle, where individuals unwillingly attract intimate partners and uncomfortably reveal the secretive and “ugly” side to one another. It is a dangerous attraction where people are disgusted and exhibit hatred to what repulses them but equally where people are obsessed, tempted, enticed and fascinated to what they are repulsed by. The embodiment of “hate/love” relationship.

it comes and goes in waves | jungkook | pt. 1

words: 5195

genre: angst, fluff, soulmate au

pairing: Jungkook x Reader 

summary: since she was little, all of her friends were talking and waiting for their mark of a soulmate to appear on their skin. they all believed in perfect love stories, perfect families, perfect beginnings and perfect moasos. in some cases, that was really what having a soulmate brought and meant. all those perfect things happening to them in a perfect way. but the ugly and unwanted truth was that people were just people and some of them wanted more from life than the stable, pre-prepared life. because people would always stay animals, all soft skinned and full of insatiable lust.

warnings: language [not much, but still], very indirect mentions of abuse

A/N: Jungkook soulmates au, with a side of Taehyung and Jimin; feedback very much appreciated [and needed]. do not repost to sites other than Tumblr, please.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 [coming soon]


moaso - mark of a soulmate, goes through three phases [surfacing - shows up on ones eighteenth birthday as a quote of first words one will hear from their soulmate after they’re both of age; shifting - starts changing its appearance after the first words are said out loud; blooming - settles into its final form, usually of a symbol of great meaning for both of the soulmates]

a blank - a person without a true soulmate, usually possessing a certain set of personality traits that make them suitable to take up the most demanding or dangerous lines of work or lifestyles

inspired by waves by dean lewis

Originally posted by the-rap-man

through the wind, down to the place we used to lay when we were kids. memories of a stolen place, caught in the silence, an echo lost in space.

and freedom of falling, the feeling I thought was set in stone, it slips through my fingers, trying hard to let go. it comes and goes in waves and carries us away.

dean lewis - waves

Keep reading

The Ugly Truth about Secrets

*Shawn’s POV* I lay in bed hoping for warmth from Y/N. A kiss, hug, or cuddle anything but she’s been so distant. I turn around and a stare at her bare back. Our love isn’t the same anymore and I don’t think she notices. My heartbreaks every time we kiss because she seems so distant. “If you are going to stare then turn around” she murmurs as she places the comforter over her shoulders. “Umm ok” I reply turning to lay on my back again. Her breathing is the only thing audible in the room. “Y/N?” I question turning toward her. She doesn’t reply making me think she fell asleep. “Yeah?” Her voice soft and raspy not like moments ago. She turns on her back also and stares up at the ceiling. I’m quick to grab her hand and place it over my heart. Her hand warm opposite from her cold and distant self. “Do you still love me?” She inhales a deep breath before a tear runs down her face. “If you don’t then just leave now. I don’t know how much my heart can’t take anymore” I tell her letting go of her arm. Y/N sits up and leans against the head board. Another tear falls down her face. “I do” she replies her voice small below a whisper making it hard to hear her. “Then why do distant, so cold?” “It wasn’t my intention Shawn. I—” she shakes her head turning towards the window. “Then what was your intentions huh?” “Not this, I’m- I can’t be the person you want me to be” she says her hands twiddling with her engagement ring. The ring shines with the rays of the moon light illuminating the room. “What?” I say standing up quickly almost falling down. “You say this- this now when we are two months away from our big day!” I basically shout at her causing her to flinch. “Shawn— fuck why couldn’t you have done this before the engagement. At least you could have spared me a bigger heart break. She sobs and tears cascade down her face. "Please” she says “Please what Y/N! Speak up because I can’t hear you over my heart being ripped in two!” I yell louder than before. “I can’t have kids!” She yells back and she continues to cry. “What?” I stay shocked, confused, and desperate for answers. “I have a rare condition my ovaries don’t have the same amount of eggs a normal 22 year old has” she says before she continues “doctors said that their was a possibility the condition stopped but it only sped up these last few months” “Why didn’t you tell me?” I say rushing to her side pulling her into my lap quickly. “I had high hopes. I know you want a big family, but I knew deep down I couldn’t give it to you” she exhales avoiding my eyes. Angry rises back inside me. “You kept this from me the last 4 years we were dating?! And when we talked about having children!” I causing her to flinch in my arms. “I’m sorry” she sighs out as tears run down her face. “No I’m sorry, baby. Is there anything we can do. Adoption is a great option for us. Just don’t be distant with ever again” I tell her our foreheads pressed together. “I already took a few extreme measures when ever it came down to this” she says wiping away her tears. “What is it?” “I froze some of my eggs, the doctor said it would be a great option to still have kids of my own” she says wiping a single tear from cheek. I hug her back, so glad she still loves me. “Y/N, we will get through this baby. But for right now I’m just glad I know what’s happening and that my fear of you regretting marriage is wrong. I love you so much. Yes, I would have wished you would have told me soon about this. I’m just glad I know now and I’ll do whatever I can to help you out. If adoption is needed we will take the option. We are in this together, baby” I tell her placing my lips against hers. Y/N kisses me back with so much passion. “I love you Shawn, and I’m sorry I was so distant” “It’s okay, we will get through this baby” I tell her as we lay down. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly against my chest.


************

https://maloleysweekender22.tumblr.com/tagged/masterlist 

anonymous asked:

Could you elaborate on your mixed feelings? He didn't really have many options tbh; OEGs are V's greatest itch, even an escaped womb is trivial compared to that.

I can only side with Eto’s feelings of shame, rejection, and abandonment. 

Imagine being hidden away underground and having to resort to cannibalism and theft just to survive, knowing all the while that your parent made it his sole purpose to make a warm, safe space for other ghouls– even Rize and even Kaneki– just not you. 

It’s extremely complicated because I know Yoshimura did what he could. He wanted to keep V away from her. But regardless of the fact that it was for her own safety, it must have been awful to grow up feeling like a burden or an ugly secret. 

And in the end, it’s just my opinion. Touka said something similar about wishing that her father would have stayed with her and Ayato– a major motif in TG is how a parent’s actions can impact their children’s lives forever. And while I even think Yoshimura regretted his decision to push her away and made Anteiku with the hopes of his daughter’s return, I know that some scars never heal, and Eto’s feelings of anger and neglect were too deep for their relationship to ever be repaired. I would hold it against him, too. 

AHAHAHA FINALLY! my text is safe in these barriers I have posted. I bet dOgan with his dumb gross bubble wrap eyes wishes he could read this but it’s been warded AHAHAHAHA go succ, I will totally stab hydra, your ugly ugly wife. AHAHAH secret messages between me and all my pure children are great.

Masterlist

Jay Park

Give me a chance

I love you sista

Week day routine 

Panic

Snapchat

Rain

First Kiss 

Lucky to have you 

Weekend Routine With Jay 

You scared me 

Babysitting the twins 

Lost my Bestfriend pt.1  pt,2 

Halloween with the Parkers

Parker’s Birthday ! 

Giving in! 

Special Day for My Girl!  

The feeling of guilt !  

A break to reflect!  

Family Outing. 

Scared of commitment 

Forgotten Birthday

Jay’s princess being liked by a boy!

Messed up on Valentine’s Day

Insecurities

Caught up in the moment.

Assumptions

What are best friends for ?!?

Conceal his true feelings.

I got your back!

Decorating for Christmas with the Parker’s

Thanksgiving

It’s not worth being mad!

Keep it a secret from Mommy!

Sick Days

Halloween with the Parkers

Broken Leg

Positive Mind

Simon Dominic

Nice to meet you

Won’t happen again 

Your nothing like her 

Fineee I’ll Goo 

Simon’s Team? Always 

Grocery Shopping 

Home cooked meal 

I’m Here forever 

Loco

Clearing the misunderstanding 

Garage

Feeling insecure

Gray 

In the end it was a misunderstanding

Nice to meet you

Up’s and down’s

Pillow  

Mutual Feelings 

How Could you..

Arranged Marriage pt 1   3  4  5  6  7  8  9 10 11

Reunited 

They don’t know you like I do. 

The differences don’t affect the relationship

Big brother

Ugly Duck

Chocolate 

I Found Her 

Daily Routine with UGLY DUCK!

Valentine’s Day date with Ugly Duck

Hoody

Blew up the secret!


Dok2

Fell for you. 

Dean

Learning How to Drive

Kush 

A mini visit

sneaky little plans

Sik-k

Birthday Gift 

Olltii

A Surprise Getaway

 Drabble Challenge

#2 & #78 “Can you shut up for five minutes, please???” , “can you be romantic for once “- Gray 

#20 It’s just rain, you aren’t gonna melt! - Keith Ape

#22 I don’t know why I married you -Zico 

#26 “I’m stuck! Help me!”- Song Mino 

#37 “I had a dream about you” - Loco

#54 & #71 “Why’s there a pregnancy test in the trash?” , “we’re not fine” - Jay Park

#62 “I warned you. He warned you. Your freaking mom warned you”.- Jay Park

#103 She’s my daughter I can read her diary - Gray

#115 Ew ew ew, You’re so gross - Jay Park

#147 Zombies aren’t real, I promise.  - Simon Dominic

10

Tilda Benson ★ Gasoline

For a girl with Southside Serpent parents, Tilda is surprisingly squeaky clean. Plus, she’s always had her best friend Betty Cooper’s good influence to guide her. However once the Blossom family’s ugly secret is exposed, it leads to a chain of events that could mean big trouble for the Serpents, and particularly Tilda’s family. As she goes careening off the rails,  everything - Tilda’s blossoming relationship with Riverdale High’s bad boy Reggie Mantle, her good grades, her trust in her family - is thrown into jeopardy.

Word Prompts // Secret
  1. “I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.” 
  2. “Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
  3. “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”
  4. “Good books don’t give up all their secrets at once.”
  5. “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
  6. “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world, I mean everybody.”
  7. “The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away.”
  8. “Everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.”
  9. “The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.” 
  10. “People, I have discovered, are layers and layers of secrets.
  11. “All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk.”
  12. “Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”
  13. “You can’t stop the future, you can’t rewind the past, the only way to learn the secret…is to press play.”
  14. “Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.”
  15. “A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.”
  16. “If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.”
  17. “Everyone has secrets. It’s just a matter of finding out what they are.”
  18. “When I look at my life and its secret colours, I feel like bursting into tears.” 
  19. “One of the deep secrets of life is that all that is really worth the doing is what we do for others.”
  20. “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” 
  21. “ He won’t have to worry about you spilling his secrets.
  22. “The secret to getting ahead is getting started.”
  23. “I’d learned that some things are best kept secret.
  24. “I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.”
  25. “There is no secret to success except hard work and getting something indefinable which we call ‘the breaks.”
  26. “I had the epiphany that laughter was light, and light was laughter, and that this was the secret of the universe.”
  27. “When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so.”
  28. “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”
  29. “The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets.
  30. “I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don’t dare to let out.”
  31. “The secret of flight is this – you have to do it immediately, before your body realizes it is defying the laws.”
  32. “A kiss is a secret which takes the lips for the ear.”
  33. “A good friend keeps your secrets for you. A best friend helps you keep your own secrets.
  34. “I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone.”
  35. “The secret of happiness is freedom, the secret of freedom is courage.”
  36. “Remind me to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?”
  37. “Never trust a pretty girl with an ugly secret.
  38. “She sat still, trying to hush her secret heart.”
  39. “The secret of joy is the mastery of pain.”
  40. “Her heart was a secret garden and the walls were very high.”
  41. “Lies and secrets, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.”
  42. “This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.”
  43. “Often secrets are not revealed in words, they lie concealed in the silence between the words or in the depth of what is unsayable between two people.”
  44. “Our fearlessness shall be our secret weapon.”
  45. “A picture is a secret about a secret, the more it tells you the less you know.”
  46. “ We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret.
  47. “Word spread because word will spread. Stories and secrets fight, stories win, shed new secrets, which new stories fight, and on.”
  48. “Actually that’s my secret — I can’t even talk about you to anybody because I don’t want any more people to know how wonderful you are.”
  49. “Is this the part where you tell me you’re secretly in love with me?”
  50. “The sweetest smiles hold the darkest secrets…
  51. “This is the real secret of life – to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.”
  52. “Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets.” 
  53. “He knows all of my secrets and still wants to kiss me.”
  54. “With a secret like that, at some point the secret itself becomes irrelevant. The fact that you kept it does not.”
  55. “All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.
  56. “But the heaviest things, I think, are the secrets. They can drown you if you let them.”
  57. “Sometimes we get sad about things and we don’t like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes, we are sad but we really don’t know why we are sad, so we say we aren’t sad but we really are.”
  58. “There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told.”
  59. “Sometimes we just have to wait long enough…then we find out why exactly it was that we kept believing…There’s always another secret.
  60. “The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm.”