with your greatest fears realized you will not be comforted

You wore a hand-me down dress that never fit quite right. 
Your mother’s frame did not favor you. 

The summer she passed you were born, and your father lost his job. 
He could not handle it (or you). 

You wore the saddest smile that never fit quite right. 
Your mother’s smile felt that way too. 

The summer she gave her life for you, and your father blamed you, 
was the summer you began to blame yourself too.

A beautiful anon asked: Hi can you please do Solangelo with Will really liking high places but for some reason Nico thinks he was suicidal and wen’t to ‘talk some sense’ to Will only to realize he misinterpreted and now his own fear of heights got the best of him and now Will is the one doing the comforting? Your stories are great btw
Thank you so much. Here you go

This is definitely not my best work, I’m afraid. It’s kind of all over the place, there are way too many commas and… I don’t know. Hope you enjoy!

There are mentions of suicide, I guess. But nothing very explicit or detailed; it’s very brief.


If you’d ask Nico di Angelo what his greatest fear is, he’d probably answer something among the lines of I’m not afraid of anything or People fear me, I don’t fear anyone. And I suppose the last one can be seen as true to some extent. A lot of people do fear him, or at least, they used to. And maybe Nico doesn’t necessarily fear people, but he isn’t fearless. No one is. So, maybe the second statement can be taken as the truth, but the first one all but is.

When he was little, Nico feared the monsters he heard about in stories told by older kids. His sister would then tell him it was all nonsense and monster don’t exist, Nico, I promise. And Bianca never lied so there was no reason to think she told anything but the truth, or so he thought. Turns out that was the first lie she told. The second was telling him she’d come back when she didn’t.

When he got older and he was alone, he was scared of himself. Of the way he didn’t understand anything of what happened with him. Oh, he was so, so scared. Of the horrors he could conjure out of nothing, out of thin air, like it was no big deal, like death was just something to be played with, to be used as a weapon. He thought that maybe if he didn’t use it as a weapon, but as a way of bringing his sister back, it wouldn’t be as bad, but he didn’t succeed. And he was scared of the loneliness and the way he was so completely alone in the world.

And when Percy saved him and looked like a hero doing so, Nico was afraid of the little flutter in his stomach. The little flutter that strongly resembled the feeling other people described as liking someone, having a crush, being in love, and he didn’t get it. Because it wasn’t supposed to be like this. When boys talked about it, it wasn’t because of other boys. It was never about other boys. It was always about the glistening of that girl, the radiant smile of another girl, but no boy ever talked about the sea-green eyes and bad jokes that made your nose crunch but laugh at the same time of another boy. So, he didn’t understand anything. And when Nico didn’t understand things, he wanted them to disappear, he wanted to dig a hole and bury those things deep, deep down the earth. Or, even better, burn them, so that there were only ashes left. White ashes, the opposite of how he felt. Maybe it would brighten him up too.

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