with the knowledge that it's all her fault

What Tumblr Has Taught Me About Fandoms I'm Not In
  • These may be spoilers but then again I don't know if these are even accurate. And by that I mean these are not at all accurate.
  • Hunger Games: Teenage girl volunteers for fight to the death. Love triangle issues between Katniss, a dude named after bread, and some guy whose name I forgot. The government is shit.
  • Divergent: Everyone is divided into dollar store brand Hogwarts houses. There's a character named Four and that really confuses me. Was he the fourth child? Did his parents run out of names? Was he cursed with "Stupid YA Character Names Syndrome"? Can someone just explain??
  • Maze Runner: They're in a maze and then they leave. The outside world sucks. The sun exploded or something. It's solar powered Walking Dead but with the gays.
  • Mortal Intruments: There was a movie and it was shit. There's vampires or demons or some kind of supernatural forces. The boy with the nice hair and the glitter-covered male model are really gay for each other. I thought it was called the Shadowhunter series but apparently it's not.
  • Raven Cycle: All I know is that this skater boy named Noah was too great for this world so he died. That's it. That's the extent to my knowledge.
  • The Fault in Our Stars: Cancer kids fall in love and make the symbol of unbreakable romance a parody of the saying of a broken up emotional wreck of a relationship.
  • Lunar Chronicles: It's modernized fairytales so it's pretty much the Grimm Brother's own version of Percy Jackson. And Cinder is a mechanic so I guess that makes her Leo Valdez?
  • Song of Achilles: Surprise they made Ancient Greece even gayer.

OK SO LOOK, this is ENTIRELY @nkjemisin‘s fault for enabling me on Twitter WHEN I WAS MEANT TO BE SLEEPING, and there’s bound to be more of this once I have time because I am a terrible dork, but here for your enjoyment and edification is Mme De Fer, Sir, the second song in a species of crossover fic that I’m calling Dragon Age: The Hamqusition.

Before we start, for the purposes of this utterly ludicrous endeavour, the characters are swapped as follows:

Alexander Hamilton = Inquisitor Lavellan

Aaron Burr = Vivienne De Fer

John Laurens = Dorian Pavus

Marquis de Lafayette = Sera

Hercules Mulligan = the Iron Bull

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin:

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the Hogwarts sorting hat visits the Inquisition (according to me)
  • Cassandra: Griffindor. obv. Cass is all about doing 'the right thing,' no matter how difficult it is, regardless of appearances
  • Varric: Hufflepuff. yes. hear me out: he's all about loyalty. hawke, even his brother bartrand. yes, he's clever, but loyalty matters most
  • Solas: Ravenclaw. spoilers aside, Solas is not sly for the sake of ambition or personal gain. everything he does is done for knowledge, and restoring lost learning. his best friend is a spirit of wisdom. 'nuff said.
  • Leliana: Slytherin. clearly. it's all about getting the job done, whatever the means. whether she ends up as the 'good' kind of slytherin or 'bad' kind is sort of up to the quizzy (why not the warden? sigh)
  • Josephine: Sytherin. ditto the above. Josie plays the game with a smile on her face, but oooh boy, does she play the game.
  • Blackwall: Griffindor. yep. even his faults are Griffindorish - making a bad, brash decision, trying to redeem himself with bold action. he is a good example of a conflicted Griffindor
  • Cullen: Griffindor. speaking of conflicted Griffindors, have you met the former templar in the tower? Cullen's always been about protecting others and being brave in the face of fear, pretty much always. and dude, he even has the costume for it. he could be the mascot.
  • Vivienne: Slytherin. "The most poisonous snakes are often the most beautiful." << and I LUFF her. this is a woman who knows how to survive and climb that social ladder - *stylishly*
  • Iron Bull: Hufflepuff. okay, yeah, he's brave, but how brave are you, really, when you're 8 feet tall and have horns? this dude is all about loyalty. his biggest conflict is when loyalties collide
  • Krem: Griffindor. brave, brave, and more brave. krem is the bomb.
  • Scout Harding: Griffindor. Another one of the brave folks. little dwarf girl sneaky sneaking everywhere for the sake of helping the world. lots of griffindors in this inquisition. not surprising, really.
  • Dagna: Ravenclaw. obv. she's all about learning and pushing the boundaries of knowledge, even if she blows sh*t up in the process. actually, especially if she blows sh*t up. that's fun!
  • Dorian: another Griffindor. he could be in the running for Ravenclaw, but ultimately, Dorian's primary motivation is being honest. he's authentic and bold, even when he is reviled for standing up for himself. clearly Griffindor
  • Sera: she's tricky, but I'm going with Ravenclaw. what? yeah. 'cause her ultimate motivation is not just helping the little people. sera wants to KNOW. the thing that infuriated her about her childhood was being lied to and having her mind manipulated. sounds like a Ravenclaw to me.
  • The Inquisitor: well, that depends. mine's a ravenclaw, though as quizzie, she has to do a lot of griffindorin'. what's yours?

Paramore got mad and rightly so. If you have no knowledge on the rumours then don’t speak about them. It’s not fair on the band, they don’t deserve it at all. It’s 2016 and yet people still feel the need to be assholes, what’s the point? It’s just rude and is completely unnecessary.

Paramore’s issues are exactly that. They’re Paramore’s. Not ours. They’re personal and why do we feel like we’re just allowed to have a say on those things because we read some dumb article by some press? Acting like we know the ins and outs of some situation when we literally know absolutely nothing that deep and personal. We just know the basic surface stuff because the rest isn’t our business. We don’t know anything else, so we can’t even sit here and blame Hayley for things that aren’t even her fault anyway.

All Paramore are trying to do is make a new record for us all, for themselves, and someone still has to be an asshole about a situation they have absolutely no knowledge about. It’s stupid and I’m glad they finally got mad this time.

Oh man, just shut the fuck up with your bullshit.

My parents came to America and made a life for themselves.  My father worked his way up from a military career into a corporate one before ending up with a decent, unionized job.  My mother went straight into the healthcare industry where she toiled for decades taking care of others so she could then come home and take care of us.

Both came from poor towns in a relatively poor country.  They went to school and used that knowledge base to help get themselves over here, where they met one another and had and raised a family.  My dad, especially, loved this country, and was always grateful for everything America ever gave him: jobs, and a means to nurture and sustain his offspring.  He bragged about becoming an American.  He bragged about being an American.  Same with my mom, who loves the Yankees and puts her hand to her heart when she sings along with the national anthem.  

And they passed that patriotism down to me, their American son, who loves this country despite all its faults – and there are many faults, yes, but there are many better things than its faults so fuck you very much and the shit in your ears and in your fucking mouth and the dickhole you have for a head.

U.S.A.!  Dick.