Hi Jen. I'm really struggling. I'm trying to recovery from a long battle with anorexia, but lately I've been hitting a wall in recovery. I don't have a strong desire to lift or really have a regular fitness routine, and because of that I feel like I don't "deserve" to recover. For some reason my lack of passion to "make all the gains" is causing me to feel like my eating disorder wasn't even real? So I'm really afraid of letting myself continue with recovery. Idk what to do.
Recovery comes first. You don’t need to lift weights. You don’t need to make gains. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. Everybody’s recovery is different and your own recovery is unique to you. Your mental health comes first, the gym comes second. If you aren’t in the right mindset to exercise in a healthy and non-disordered manner, don’t do it. I know that’s hard for some people but you need to be honest with yourself in recovery. I think you need to focus on your own recovery and do what’s authentic for you. Do what makes you happy.