with or without cas in his presence


Destiel AU: Dean Winchester leaves Lawrence on a whim to go to visit his childhood best friend, Castiel Novak, at Stanford. He breaks in, intending to make this a surprise visit. but things don’t quite go as planned when Castiel initially mistakes him for an intruder. [read the ficlet on ao3]

Dean didn’t know what possessed him to get in the Impala and drive across the country. Or maybe he did, but he was too much of a chickenshit to admit it. It certainly hadn’t been an easy trip. Stanford was thousands of miles away from Lawrence. Twenty-six hours of drive-time if you followed the speed limit (which he didn’t). So like it or not, ending up five states away at his best friend’s doorstep at 1am was not something he could brush off as an accident, and that scared him.

It scared him that Cas might look at his presence and know exactly what Dean was scared to say.

It was a good thing he had a lot of practice ignoring his own feelings, because if he’d really let himself appreciate the gravity of what he was doing, he probably wouldn’t have been able to get out of the car. He made his way to the front door, double checking the address on his phone. He could feel his heart rate speeding up in anxious anticipation. He couldn’t believe it had been months since they’d seen each other without the aid of computer screens.

Thinking about the last time he’d seen Cas wasn’t really something he liked to do. He knew he had no one but himself to blame for that day Cas had driven off, his long suffering Pimpmobile full to bursting with clothes and furniture for his new apartment.They’d exchanged goodbyes on the sidewalk. Dean had so many things he wanted to say but he’d swallowed them down so Cas wouldn’t hear the lump that was stuck in his throat.

“I’ll see you at Christmas,” Cas had said, trying to smile at him.

Dean wanted to remind him that he could call anytime he wanted, that they would Facebook message every day, that Dean would be thinking about him…but instead all he’d done was nod solemnly. Cas grinned at him like he understood and opened his arms for a hug.

Dean was usually the one who held back from physical contact but this time he’d surprised himself, pulling Cas in tight, breathing him in for what promised to be the last time in a long time. He’d patted Cas’s back, instead of burying his head against Cas’s shoulder the way he wanted.

After a moment they’d pulled away and Cas had given Dean that look he reserved for the times when he knew Dean wanted to say something but wouldn’t. That look that promised not to judge him, if Dean could only lend himself the same courtesy. But Dean wasn’t that much of a dick. He might have been in love with his best friend, and sure, he might not have admitted it to himself until the worst possible moment, but he certainly wasn’t going to ruin this day for Cas. His friend had a long day of driving ahead of him today, and yet another one tomorrow. He didn’t need to spend it thinking about how Dean was a giant cry baby who didn’t want him to leave. Cas had great opportunities waiting for him at Stanford, with even greater people, of this Dean was sure.

So after they’d said their goodbyes, as Cas was getting into his car, Dean had dropped his hand on Cas’s shoulder. For a moment he searched for the right words that would encompass everything he wanted to tell him.

That Cas was the best friend he’d ever had. That Dean was proud of him. That he was loved. There was nothing that could quite do the job, or at least nothing he could let himself say. But Cas was looking up at him with those big guileless blue eyes and Dean had to say something.

“Don’t ever change,” Dean told him, annoyed by the way his voice grew rough with emotion.

He’d thought about that moment a million times in the months that followed, going over it again and again and wishing he’d done it differently. But now was not the time to dwell on the past, now was the time to remember everything he’d ever read about picking locks.

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When an angel dies, we take our time. We linger in our skin, still aware, still processing. I didn’t think we would– I thought we would leave our bodies, or our vessels, whatever physical form we were in and just move on to the empty, or to wherever else in the universe a celestial being’s spirit might go. I thought we would go quickly, just like all other living things– but we don’t. We linger. I lingered. 

With all my heart, I thought that once my time had truly come, I would just cease to be.

After all that I have done– all I have done wrong, I thought that God would simply be done with my soul. Done resurrecting it, done reshaping it, giving it chance after chance. I didn’t deserve that the first time, nor the second– or any of the chances after. So when Lucifer sunk that blade into my back, I truly believed that when the last bit of grace poured out of me, I’d be gone.

That is what I was expecting.

That is what I deserved.

But then I heard a voice. Through the blackness and the marbled haze of white noise and time, I heard the familiar sound of Dean … saying my name. 

It was barely anything, barely a whisper, barely a thought, but it was there and it kept me present. Even with fate tugging my soul hard into the distance, Dean kept me close to the earth. 

Some things never change. I suppose– even in death.

“Cas?” he breathed.

I tried to answer him, but the gravity pushing down on my vessel was too strong for my lips to move.

“Castiel?” he said again.

His voice was so broken, and that broke what little was left of me.

“Cas, please … don’t …”

He didn’t finish that sentence, or – I didn’t hear the end of it. All I can recall just before my awareness snapped into nothing more than a pinhole speck across a sheet of time, was the feeling of a rough, calloused palm– feather light on my cheek.

And then I was gone. Dean was gone.

My time, my devastation on earth, on that man, on his world, in his life– it all seemed to be– gone.

Part of me was grateful. I was no longer around to hurt him or anyone else. In death, I couldn’t possibly do any more damage. I can’t cause anymore pain.

But even in the stillness, the ghosting warmth of that touch is still present on my skin, and the broken sound of Dean’s words is still whispering in my ears– even though I no longer have either of those things to form me, Dean is still there. He’s still taking hold. And it’s his echoing presence that still makes me worry, even without any capacity to– I still worry that my absence is causing even more hurt than my existence did. 

Because although I never heard him finish his sentence … somewhere, in the dense, confusing empty that is now my heart, I know what Dean was going to say. I know what he said. I know what he is still saying … with the prayers he doesn’t believe in, with the hope he always claims not to have, with the love he doesn’t think he ever deserves, he begs me–

“Cas, please … don’t go.”

And just like I always have … I let him down.

anonymous asked:

You know, we all talk about how happy Dean will be if he and Cas get together, and how happy Cas makes him. But i like to use a different word for it. Peaceful. Cas does bring Dean a lot of happiness, yes, but Dean's been happy before with others. It's a hollow emotion, inadequate without peace, and Dean has definitely never had that. He's so restless, in all aspects of himself and his life. But Cas brings him peace. It's like Cas's very presence just says "Be still."

*quietly sings Carry On Wayward Son and cries for a while*

Healing Touch

Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel Novak, Gabriel Novak, Balthazar Novak, Hannah Novak, chatty portier.   

Pairing: Destiel AU

Warnings: Innocent state of undressed, innocent touching, flirting - nothing but fluff and cuteness here y’all.   

Word Count: 2100ish

A/N: I am not sure I am completely over my writing/posting hiatus but here goes. It has also been way too long since I have written for my babies <3 Thanks to Jay aka @i-dont-know-how-to-write for yet again giving me an excuse to write Destiel. It is done for her Cutie Challenge and my prompt is At First Sight (after I pleaded with Jay if I could change it).

I kept parts of it really close to the movie, while other things are completely spun out of my own mind. I borrowed a bit of dialogue which I do not claim any ownership off.

Thanks to the sweet amazing @deansleather for betaing this big ball of fluff for me :D

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Castiel was stressed. Running an advertisement business with his two brothers and sister after their dad left it to them was hard work. Balthazar and Gabriel didn’t take the work serious, at least not in Castiel’s opinion. They liked going out and finding new clients and coming up with new groundbreaking ideas, but doing the hard work it was to keep the ones the company already did have happy bored them. So Castiel and Hannah were stuck with all the hard work.

Long days at the office and even longer nights at home were starting to weigh down on him. Castiel sometimes wondered if he was even happy doing what he did. He had wanted to design houses when he went to college, not crunch numbers fighting to keep his father’s business afloat because his brothers liked spending more money that they earned.

It had taken Castiel almost collapsing in his office one afternoon before he started listening to his sister, who had been telling him for months to take a vacation at the very least. Hannah knew he wasn’t happy at the New Heavens. She knew this place never was his dream. It was hers and as much as she appreciated his help, she wanted her brother to be happy. The buzz and noise of New York never made him happy and New Heavens was nothing but stressful to him.

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Summary: You and Castiel learn that you’re expecting, you just didn’t think that he’d have to fight to protect you so soon.

A/N: I apologize again for this one taking so long! There were so many different directions that I wanted to take this and I just couldn’t figure out which one. Also, I’ll apologize again for the ending.

Request: hello i was wondering if you could do a castiel x pregnant reader were the reader is pregnant with nephilim twins. and the reader sam and deans little sis and somehow the angles find out about the babies and they try to kill her because its forbidden.

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Warnings: It’s angsty. Literally like almost no fluff. Violence, death, and maybe language?

Word Count: 2.4k

Originally posted by princesscas

You stood outside the bunker door with your hand on the door knob, completely frozen. You’d been able to ignore it on your way home, but you knew that the second you walked through that door; your life would change. Forever.

You brother, Sam, had talked you into going to the doctor. You’d been sick for the last few weeks with what you thought was the flu. After three weeks passed and it didn’t go away, you reluctantly agreed to go to the free clinic.

Because of the number of services that the free clinic offers, it wasn’t surprising that they wanted to take blood when they couldn’t figure out why you were sick. So you did what they wanted, you let them take your blood. Twenty minutes later, they were moving you to a room with an ultrasound machine and telling you that you were pregnant. The ultrasound confirming that you were at least twelve weeks along with twins.

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Of Use to You

“What the hell were you thinking, man!?”  Dean bellows, fist knotted firmly in the lapel of his trench.  “Disappearin’ off for three weeks, no phone calls, no texts, no nothing?  Again!?  Dammit, Cas, we already covered why you can’t do that!” 

Cas swallows, looking sheepishly down at his dress shoes.  He wishes he could make Dean understand the existential guilt he feels for not being good enough, for failing so often and causing so much trouble.  He doesn’t want to be a burden.

“I only wanted to help, Dean,” he argues softly.  “I wish to be of service to you, to the greater good, and the best way I know how is sometimes in Heaven.”

“Oh, so you want to help?”  Dean inquires, nodding sarcastically.  “Is that it, Cas?  Really?”

“Yes, Dean,” Cas whispers.  He feels childish for feeling so close to tears.

Dean lets out an exasperate huff, releasing the lapel of his coat.  “Well, that’s just peachy, Cas.  ‘Cause from where I stand, you’re so desperate to get away from us that you’re willing to run back into your dick family’s open arms just to get there.” 

Cas stares at him incredulously, eyes wide.  “No, Dean!  That isn’t true.  I swear with every fiber of my being, on the name of my Heavenly Father, that I only want to be here with you.”

“So who the hell’s stoppin’ ya?”  Dean scoffs, arms folded dubiously.

I am!”  Cas cries, feeling frustrated to the point of tears that he can’t make Dean understand.  “I…I fail so much, Dean, at everything I do!  So often, you and Sam are forced to come to my aid.  I can’t be a burden to you, Dean!

Cas feels tears prick the corner of his eyes as he concludes his little tirade. Now it’s Dean’s turn to stare at him incredulously.

“The hell you talkin’ about, man?” he huffs, the hostility dropping slightly from his tone.  “Nobody’s a burden here.  You’re family.  Haven’t I told you that already?”

“So you say,” Cas sighs, fiddling with his cufflink.  “But you and Sam are so…useful.  You’ve saved the world on numerous occasions, and are of service to it with each passing day.  I…I can’t allow myself to be in the presence of two such heroic individuals without being useful to them.”

Cas expects Dean to make some other argument, to shout or contradict him.  Instead, he feels a gentle arm on his shoulder, guiding him to sit down next to him on the bed. 

“Look, buddy,” Dean sighs.  All hostility is gone now, and Cas hopes that means he understands.  “I know what you’re feelin’ right now, I swear I do.  But you gotta understand, Cas, you’re not a burden.  Not to me, or Sam, or anybody.”

“But-” Cas starts to protest, but Dean’s index finger pressed to his lips silences him.  

You pulled me out of Hell, Cas,” Dean says emphatically.  “And I don’t care if you only did it ‘cause God told you to:  you saved me, and I owe you everything.  Everyone I’ve saved since then would’ve been dead if it wasn’t for you.”  There’s a pause.  “You tried to do the same for Sammy, too, if memory serves.” 

“Well, I did a pretty piss poor job of it,” Cas points out.

“Yeah, but you tried:  he was in the Cage, man.  With Lucifer.  All the king’s horses and all the king’s men wouldn’t of touched that thing with a ten foot pole, but you still went down there and you tried to get my little brother out for me.  That means something, even if I couldn’t see it back then.”

Cas says nothing this time, so Dean continues, “And you’ve saved the world too, you know.”

“I helped,” Cas corrects.  “Yelled profanities at an archangel before setting him on fire.  It’s hardly comparable to what you and Sam did.”

“You sacrificed your life, like, three times over, but that ain’t the point:  Raphael was gonna re-open the Cage if he ran the show.  I didn’t take it too seriously then, but I should of.  Point is, you stopped him, Cas.  All on your own.”  A million arguments about Sam’s wall and the Leviathan jump to Cas’s mind, but Dean interrupts preemptively, “And yeah, I don’t feel all too good about the stuff you did to get there, but…at the end of the day, Cas, it needed to be done.  You…”  He shrugs his shoulders.  “…You saved the world.”

Cas stares down at his lap, expression unreadable.  Dean pivots his legs to face him fully. 

“Point is, Cas, you’ve already done more for us and the world than anyone could ask for.  Yeah, a lot of the time it blows up in your face, but that’s just the consequences of playin’ big:  hell, Babe Ruth struck out more than any player in major league baseball.” 

Cas looks up, brow pursed in confusion.  “Why was an infant playing major league baseball, Dean?”

Dean ignores the question, not wanting to get sidetracked from the matter at hand.  “And even if you weren’t, do you really think I’d care?  I don’t want you to be useful, Cas.  I don’t want your accomplishments.  I’m not your dickhead family.  I just want you, here, with me.  That’s all.” 

Dean’s sure this will get through to him, and feels hopeful when Cas appears to pontificate on it.

“You didn’t want me when I was human.” 

Dean blinks, taken aback by the statement, and Cas continues, “And moreover, in your own words, without my powers I am a ‘baby in a trench coat.’”  He encapsulates the phrase with air-quotes, but even that doesn’t detract from the sting of what he’s saying.  “I mean no offense, Dean, but all signs point to the fact that you don’t want me here unless I can be of use to you.” 

Dean gapes for a moment or two, jaw flapping silently open and closed like a fish.  “Cas, that’s not true,” he manages finally.  “I was a dick when you were a human, okay?  I made a lot of mistakes and I wasn’t all that considerate of your feelings, but I never didn’t want you.  I wanted you when I told you to go, I wanted you when I found you at the Gas-n-Sip, and I especially wanted you when I had to watch you leave again.  I just blew my chance, is all.”

Cas looks only moderately convinced, but Dean goes on, “And the same goes for the things I said to you about you not having powers.  If I was dick to you about being out of juice, it was because I was being just that:  a dick.  And I’ve always wanted you, Cas, as long as I can remember.  I swear I did.”  

Cas still says nothing, but his posture softens slightly.  Dean breaths a quiet sigh of relief when Cas’s hand finds his, squeezing it gently.

“Thank you, Dean,” he says softly.

“Don’t mention it.”  There’s a brief pause before Dean clears his throat, and adds somewhat awkwardly, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

There’s a long moment of quiet before Dean recollects himself, remembering why he was “angry” to begin with. 

In a sudden burst of passion, he reaches up and grabs Cas by the tie, pulling him in for a rough, aggressive kiss that makes him blink in (not unpleasant) surprise.  

“I’m still pissed with you, you know,”  he growls, breath hot against his angel’s lips as he aggressively undoes his tie.  “You left -”  He yanks his khaki trench coat off of his shoulders.  “-for three full weeks, without so much as a peep.  And by morning, your ass is gonna regret it.”  

Cas has no idea what to make of this as Dean goes for his buttons, pausing briefly to look him in the eye.  “Safeword?” 

“G-garrison,” Cas manages, voice uncharacteristically low.

“Good.  Mine’s Impala.  Tonight, for a change, I’m gonna be the one on top.”  

Heart’s Desire

Summary: You didn’t Expect your soulmate to be a Devil…Literally

Pairings: Lucifer x Reader

Having a soulmate is wonderful. Knowing who you’re going to end up with forever. Creating a family and just being happy. We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.  

“I think god wants me to go back in the cage with Lucifer” This has got to be the stupidest thing Sam has ever said. He’s been in the cage before and he almost died now that he is all better he wants to go back because supposedly God told him to through his visions. “NOT gonna happen” Was Dean’s respond. For you it was 50/50 . It could actually be god talking to him because of the situation with Amara but at the same time after all this time and struggles you guys have been through and with him being gone for the longest time, why now?

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semi-slaughtomatic  asked:

I'm genuinely curious and I'm sure you've talked about it before but what're your headcanons on Cas & Dean getting together in the show? How different do you think what you would like to see vs. what might actually happen are? I feel like this season is gonna make it harder and more detrimental to keep feelings "strictly platonic" if that makes any sense. I feel like it's pointless for them to keep dancing around each other considering what they've been through in the past 2 seasons especially.

I actually don’t really talk about this or have more than passing headcanons about how to do it usually right in like the next 3 episodes range of coda fics I approve of sort of level >.> At least not that I’m set on or have any real strong feelings about, mostly because I’ve learned to enjoy the show while still living in fandom you really can not let fandom expectations get too deep into your head to the point you’re imagining the show as a sort of interactive pick your own adventure game where you’re desperately trying to turn to page 83 but the show keeps flicking back to page 6 and you’re like WHYYY and scrabbling around feeling like they’re holding the pages down for you or something… Gah, bad metaphor. Double ear ache. I apologise for the quality of blogging around here this week :P 

So I mean what I would LIKE to see or headcanons I have are all of the coda fic formula of just taking the episode a minute past its appropriate end. And I’ll tell you the 2 most jarring moments of my life watching the show were in 10x03 where the episode went past the expected end and Cas walked into the bedroom with Dean but then left again but my heart was hammering the whole time, and to explain it to myself retroactively, 11x04 when the camera stays in the back of the car after they leave the Bunker, talk over the details of the case, and then there’s just this long silence while Dean’s driving and Sam’s sitting there, and it’s just… wrong… The scene is going on past the point we KNOW as viewers it should have cut to the next day when they roll into town, and the silence and the length of the pause were exactly made to pass through a boundary, to transgress what we should be expecting as a viewer. The scene in 12x19 is very similar to the one in 10x03 in set up - Cas walks through the door to Dean alone - but the transgression is only in 10x03 when all the other loose ends are wrapped up and Dean’s cured and Cas could easily have made the same excuse to Sam and left, but instead they pushed through for one character-driven scene of Cas and Dean together, and we were intruding on Dean in privacy with his photos, and we see him react as if he doesn’t want people seeing him doing that, and then Cas comes in and they’re alone together and talk, and there’s no purpose except for personal communication between them. Either Cas leaves, Dean tells him to leave, or he stays and they get together :P And obviously it would be one of the first 2 but it was one of the rare times the show drifted into set up for a coda fic where they were given that privacy and even the hint that this could transgress expectations because it was indisputably the last scene of the episode we could have between members of TFW and all the plot was over so there was nothing for them to discuss except feelings.

I think my expectation for a scene where it’s going to go canon for real will cross some of those same invisible boundary lines and that’s what gets my heart hammering about things on this show. Moments where I’m not sure what it going to happen and I’m out of a comfort zone of being able to confidently say I can predict it all in a rote way, where character reactions are all somewhat reliable. There’s sometimes stray dialogue where they seem to hint so far. The only times recently they got me was the 11x11 line about pining for somebody else. I could feel my heart against my ribs and I got up to walk it off because I thought I would die if I stayed in front of the screen, because it crossed a line of stuff that seemed acceptable to say about Dean in the context of knowing Robbie is very aware of what he’s doing and even on first watch the episode had a lot of Destiel cues in it to go with the Amara surface text (also that means Robbie got me twice in a row and I sort of haven’t forgiven him :P). 

And specifically the giving of the mixtape because the set up to the scene didn’t feel weird at all to me, I was predicting exactly how it would happen until it completely threw me for a loop that they would use an almost always romantic trope (without further context and Dean and Cas are *terrible* context to judge a trope by because they are a trope dispute battleground where mainstream romantic tropes go to Hunger Games it out :P) in the middle of what should have been another round of the subtextually romantic but surface text everything else Destiel is on top of that argument. So yeah that really was a weird moment because it was more like becoming untethered from expectations and I think that’s why 12x23 still hasn’t really hit a place in my heart yet because I’m still seeing the last shot of Dean and Cas in my eyelids when I blink and the boundary-crossing it did is surreal to me because the line I drew behind it once upon a time was how to make it canon in the worst possible way if they were going to fuck with us >.> 

I guess that’s a 3rd one. But anyway. It was so weird. Like… that feeling of not quite believing it? I think there’s a lot of joking we do about it but there’s actually expectations and we will ALWAYS expect Dean and Cas’s language or language about them to single them out as a partnership. Or the oddly specific clarifications like we/I need you, I love you/all of you. Or Dean and Cas to get into a stinking argument while Sam’s eyebrows raise to the moon in the background and he clears his throat until it’s raw. Dean fielding the phonecalls and wandering off in private or going on speaker phone in alarm when Sam comes nearby. There are a LOT of basic expectations I have about how their relationship is written and not many things transcend those lines. Even a lot of the romantic gestures we’ve had since I was watching. Like the end of 10x14, was a “well duh” if you search your heart and only extreme pessimism and distrust in the writing of the show or its patterns and tropes.

Actually 9x18 which got me into the show was another one of those transgressions and a really important one where Robbie (fuck you) really drew attention to stuff you’re not supposed to point out  - not just using the fourth wall break to point out there’s a story, but that it has a subtext and that it’s drawing attention to it. And 10x05 telling us the subtext exists and it belongs to Dean and Cas who are a couple in real life (which is also queer). Now I think about it there are more of these way back when and they’re all Robbie’s fault until recently :P He’s given me at least 4 mild heart attacks. 

Aaaanyway I guess what I’m saying is, the times when I get really dizzy and alarmed about what’s going on is when something doesn’t go like it’s supposed to, and the “supposed to” on this show is a very specific pattern of reactions and stuff which are still romantic and yet because we’re used to them being the telling of Destiel, are actually *boring*. If they repeat them without escalating them, it’s nice to have the continuity and reassuring presence that Dean will always sidle up to Cas and look him head to foot on his arrival in a room (pls someone explain the meeting in 12x12 to me I’m still laughing… You’ve known him how many years and you still do it???) But yeah it’s when things go off-script, as it were, to our expectations. 

So I think it would start normal as hell, the sort of thing you’d always expect them to do, and then something would just be *off* or over some invisible line, like Dean not letting go of a hug too quickly or Cas hovering on the door and not leaving when he meant to, them going to a bar and the conversation halting and one or both of them smiling and looking away after a too-long pause. Something where our expectations can chug along in the moment thinking our smart arse knowledge of these boring old teasy Destiel scenes are doing exactly what they always do - until they don’t, and we’re left reeling. 

(And, incidentally, the mixtape is definitely strike one to my mind, and the escalating panic I felt as the camera seemed to tell us, everything is over now, it’s just Sam and Dean standing outside and Mary and Lucifer are gone and Cas is dead on the floor —– and is Sam looking around at the house and Dean *isn’t* what the FUCK, Sam is going inside - and Dean - he’s still - he’s — they ———— and my brain has been stuck in dashdashdash territory on this subject ever since)

And also sorry for answering this while sick, I hope it’s not terrible but weirdly I think it was something I needed to ramble about even if it wasn’t directly about your question… I don’t think I’ve let myself think about this until new canon is less than a month away and I can start to peer between my fingers after having my hand over my eyes all summer)

We’ll Comfort Each Other

Dean’s bed in the bunker was comfortable but not particularly large, so when he thrashed around during a restless night of sleep, it was very obvious.

And he thrashed around a lot.

Dean has trouble sleeping still, and Castiel feels useless without his powers to take the pain away. (500)


Dean’s bed in the bunker was comfortable but not particularly large, so when he thrashed around during a restless night of sleep, it was very obvious.

And he thrashed around a lot.

Cas knew he’d been doing it for years, and he’d probably always done it, Cas thought as he lay beside Dean, keeping one hand on Dean’s shoulder as a steady presence. After all, most of his life was nightmare worthy, even for a hunter, and there was nothing Cas could do to change that. He just wished he could help more, like he used to. He started to stretch his fingers towards Dean’s forehead out of habit but frowned and pulled back as he remembered that he didn’t have his powers anymore. Right.

He settled for stroking his hand up and down Dean’s back, scooting closer for a better reach. If he couldn’t sleep, he may as well do something good with his time, so he continued his attempt at comforting a still-restless Dean for about another half hour before Dean eventually stirred.

“What’re y’doing?” Dean murmured sleepily, rolling over to face Cas.

“You were tossing and turning in your sleep,” Cas replied, stroking the backs of his fingers over the scruff on Dean’s cheek.

“I always do that,” Dean said unconcernedly, turning his head the slightest bit to press a brief kiss to the back of Cas’ outstretched hand. “S’normal,” he added. Cas said nothing, watching as Dean rested his head back down on his pillow. “Go back to sleep,” Dean said finally. “I’m fine.”

When Cas didn’t respond, Dean opened his eyes again. “C’mon, Cas,” he said, stretching a hand across the bed to rub Cas’ shoulder. “It’s the middle of the night. You need sleep too now… Wait a minute,” he said, frowning. “How long were you awake watching me?”

Cas ducked his head. “Just an hour,” he mumbled. “Or two…”

Dean’s frown only deepened. “Why didn’t you tell me you were having trouble sleeping?” he asked, concerned. “I could help you, y’know.” His hand was back on Cas’ shoulder, caressing it in gentle circles. “Hey,” he said when Cas didn’t respond. “Baby, talk to me.”

He sounded worried, which was not was Cas wanted. “Stop comforting me, Dean,” Cas complained, immediately wincing at the harshness of the command.

“But, Cas – I,” Dean stammered. He looked taken aback and Cas felt even worse.

“I’m sorry,” Cas apologized. “I just mean… I’m supposed to be comforting you, taking care of you like I always have. You’re the one waking up drenched in sweat and twisted in the covers.”

Dean didn’t say anything, just rolled over closer to Cas. “We’ll comfort each other,” he said, opening his arms for Cas to slide in. Cas complied easily, pulling Dean closer against his chest. They laid like that for a while, silently wrapped in each other’s arms, until they both gradually started yawning. It wasn’t long before they were both asleep, limbs tangled messily and bodies pressed closely together.

My Little Soulmate- Part One (Lucifer x Reader)

Summary: You never managed to keep a relationship, until you discovered the existence of angels and met Castiel. Feelings started to grow between you, and things seemed to be going well. Then you meet the Devil, and he tells you you’re his soulmate.

Word Count: 1,676

Part Two  Part Three

A/N: This chapter, and most likely a few others, will have at least some focus on the reader’s relationship with Cas, but the overall theme and endgame is Lucifer and reader being soulmates.

You’d never been one for relationships, they just didn’t fit in with your life. A good casual hook up was much more your style. Dinner with a guy in one city, drinks with a girl in the next. You’d never seen the same person for more than two nights, until you met Castiel. 

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Beast to your Beauty

Word Count: 2,790 (approximately)

Link to AO3: (x)        

Summary: In celebration of the live action remake of Beauty and the Beast ~

Castiel has been eyeing Dean and all his ruggedly handsome good looks for some time, but he buries his feelings.  If Dean knew what he was thinking he would laugh at him surely.  Cas can’t help but hope there is a softer side to Dean beneath the surface.  Meanwhile, self-loathing and sometimes abrasive Dean, watches as Castiel - real life angel - selflessly helps others and spreads love and acceptance wherever he goes.  There is beauty that radiates from deep within him and calms Dean’s restless heart.  Would fate help them lose themselves long enough to find each other? 

They were working on a skeleton crew as it was because of the weather advisories but someone had to be there.  Castiel lived within walking distance of the office so he didn’t mind to stay a bit longer.  He went around checking on others and helping them meet their deadlines so they could get home safe.   

It had started snowing around 3 PM and then it got dark shortly after that as the snow clouds moved in to cover the sun.  Cas watched the last of them bundle up and slide through the parking lot to their cars. It was almost 7 PM when Castiel finished up the rest of the pressing assignments.  A dull headache plagued him from staring at the computer screen for so long.  He hit the lights, getting ready to head home himself, when Dean Winchester stepped off the elevator.

“Dean, what are you still doing here?  You live the furthest away, you should have been the first to leave.”  Dean could tell that Cas was genuinely worried because his eyes flared blue and his brow scrunched with worry.  

“No, it’s okay.” Dean said.  “I knew it was too late, I’m just gonna crash on the couch in the break room.  Dean couldn’t help but be flattered by Castiel’s concern.  “I just came down - I think I left a cup of noodles in my desk.”  

Cas wrinkled his nose and cocked his head to the side.  Dean wondered what had him so deep in thought.  He was beautiful when he was concentrating.  

“What about you? - I didn’t know you were still down here working - last to leave?”  Dean gestured at Cas.

“Well, I don’t live too far - just at the bottom of the hill there’s a path that leads through to my apartment.  I was just about to walk home.”

“Oh.”  Dean nodded.  They were both quiet for a moment but neither were in a hurry to leave each other’s presence.  

“Look…” Cas looked down, scratching the back of his neck.  “Why don’t you come home with me?”  Castiel looked up at Dean and then away again.  He’d had a crush on Dean for a while - but this had nothing to do with that.  It wouldn’t be right to leave Dean helpless here without a decent meal or a shower, not when his home was so close.  “My home is not much to see - it’s fairly small but I’ve got a shower and a fireplace and homemade chicken curry soup in the fridge…”  Castiel was trying to convince him but Dean hadn’t objected.  

“Okay.”  Dean said.

“Yeah?”  Castiel’s eyes went wide with disbelief, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Yeah…just let me grab my coat.”  Dean disappeared into the office.

Castiel felt giddy like he’d asked Dean on a date and Dean accepted.  He tried to remind himself that was in fact - not - what happened.  Dean was stranded and simply taking the help that Cas offered, nothing else. (The thought didn’t help to quiet the butterflies in Cas’ stomach though.)

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Never In Fact Homeless

Prompt: Disgust
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Word Count: 2,339
Tags/Warnings: AU, kinda wiawsnb verse ish, Mary is alive, homophobia, hurt/comfort, caring!Dean, hurt!Cas, angst, with a happy ending, fluff, secret relationship


“Is there anyone you’d like to bring to the family dinner next week, Castiel?” Castiel’s mother asked.

Castiel leant against the kitchen counter, a glass of water in his hand. He eyed her warily, waiting for her to ask about a girlfriend. Castiel shrugged. If he got his way he’d bring Dean with him, at least he wouldn’t have to suffer another family meal alone and being taunted for not having a girlfriend. His older brothers called him a freak, told him there was something wrong with him because he was eighteen and had never had a girlfriend.

In some respects it was true, he’d never had a girlfriend but that was a different kettle of fish that he was never telling his family about, not willingly. He’d be ridiculed further and no doubt be thrown out.

He had, however, been in a relationship and was still in one. How he’d managed to keep it secret for the past year, he’d never know.

“Can I bring Dean?” Castiel ventured. It wasn’t the first time he’d asked to bring his ‘friend’ to a dinner and it sure as hell wouldn’t be the last. It was dangerous to ask continuously, there was no doubt his mother would eventually work out their relationship with one another.

“How many times have I told you this, Castiel? You cannot bring that boy over here. He’s a bad influence as it is. I will not have him tainting this household.” A bad influence meant he lived downtown and had a small house with a single mother who wasn’t all that well off, oh and that she blatantly disproved of Dean’s lifestyle choice.

God, if only his mother knew about his own lifestyle choice.

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The Parent Trap (Biadore) [Chapter One] - Henny

A/N: Hello! This is just a short chapter, but I feel it was necessary to have it in the story. I named the twins after Portia and Nerissa from the Merchant of Venice, who dressed up as men. I found it ironic that they’d be name after women who dressed like men and their parents are men who dress up as women. Hehhheheh

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Dean can sense Cas’ body next to his, just a silhouette in the dark, warm and alive. Lighting a fire is not a good idea in purgatory, where every fucking monster is hunting you. Benny is on watch a few steps away, sitting on the ground, his back against a tree and a weapon in his hands.
«Ehi, Cas.»
Dean should shut up and sleep and keep the stupid words under his tongue, behind his teeth. Instead, he says Cas’ name as if it’s impossible to fight that need.
Truth is, before all that story about being God, before everything fell to pieces, he and Cas had “something”. Without explanations nor definitions for all the intense staring and the searching hands and the unspoken words.
Then they met again, Cas a mere shell of himself. Cas, with a pretty partner and a quiet life. Cas, with no memories of Dean. And it was like being hit and not fight back, bleeding to death. Because, under the resentment for what happened, under the pain of the betrayal that refused to disappear, there was still that inexplicable “something”.
Cas remembered, eventually, and decided to take responsibility for Sam madness. In that moment, Dean forgave him and, by doing so, he came to terms with the important and undeniable “something” he and Cas shared.
«Yes, Dean?»
And Dean is not ready with a lie, so he goes for the truth.
«I was worried, man.»
«I know, Dean.»
«You left me there, alone, and I had to kill everything that moved just to find you,» he whispers, like they didn’t talk about this as soon as Dean found him.
«I told you, I did it because…»
«I know, I know.“ Dean goes silent for an instant to collect his thoughts. "Damn it, Cas.»
He reaches out for Cas with a trembling hand. His usual worries - the one about what he likes and what he feels he shouldn’t like - are not there. There’s nothing sexual in his movement, just the old need to feel Cas, to reach out and find him close. His fingers run on the trench coat, feeling the solid presence of Cas’ arm and then the skin stretched on his wrist and then his palm. Dean is holding his breath but manages to exhale when Cas answer to his grip without hesitation, like he was waiting for it. Like he’s always been waiting.
That simple, stupid, act becomes a confession. A deep and absolute declaration, bigger than all the others Dean couldn’t make.
"We’re gonna get out of here.»
Dean can almost see the future, he can taste it with the tip of his mind: them, outside of purgatory, exploring the boundaries of their absurd bond, together. Maybe he’s getting naive, maybe he was spending too much time with his brother before purgatory, but he feels some kind of… hope.
Cas moves, pulling him off his thoughts. Dean perceives him moving, leaving his hand and hug him, his head on Dean’s chest. A deep, short sound of satisfaction leaves the hunter’s mouth, a little more than just a breath. Because this is better. This is so much better: Cas is near, warm against his side, sharing the same air.
«We’re gonna get out of here,» Dean says again.
And he’s already sleeping when Cas lets out a resigned sigh.

This is also on Ao3.
My English is not really good (ok, ok, it’s bad), so every correction is welcome! Also, if you want to help me by beta reading some little stuff I’m translating, here are some infos.

The Little Things

Summary: Castiel gets bored while the Winchesters are sleeping, and finds himself in an interesting place while he kills time.
Characters: Castiel, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Word Count: 2642
Warnings: So much sweet Cas fluff that it will give you a cavity.
A/N: This is going to be a double fanfic interpretation between me and @queen-of-deans-booty​ (who is also my beta

Originally posted by subcas

Castiel slowly drummed his fingers on the wooden table in the motel room, staring out the window and marveling at the gentle rain falling from the sky. Ever since he came down to Earth, he found that simplest things would draw his attention. Whether it was the wordless conversations that Dean and Sam could have, or the way a honey bee fluttered around a flower garden as if it knew exactly which flower would have the most pollen, Castiel was continuously surprised by his time on Earth.

Cas stood up from his chair and quietly walked over to the foot of Dean’s bed. Dean was sprawled out diagonally on the bed on his stomach, his hand under the pillow that was jammed under his head, snoring quietly. Cas then moved to the foot of Sam’s bed, making sure the younger Winchester was also asleep. Sam was on his side facing away from Dean, bundled up in blankets with small snores escaping from his mouth as well. A small grin tugged at the corner of Cas’ mouth and he was gone from the room in a flutter of wings.

For Castiel, not having to sleep was both a blessing and a curse. He could work all day, every day when his brothers and sisters needed assistance, but when he was working with the Winchesters, he found that he was extremely bored while they slept. He found himself flying to different places every night, but made sure he returned to the motel room before Sam awoke for his morning run.

However, this night, something changed. Castiel found himself in a beautiful park that was only a short distance from the motel room where the Winchesters were staying. It had stopped raining, but the grass and various foliage was still covered in small droplets of water that reflected the moonlight. Cas stopped walking near a large tree and marveled at the beauty of how each droplet sparkled like it was its own star against the darkness of the night.

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I Miss Our Talks

Requested by: @willowing-love (aka my fav angsty queen)

Drabble Prompts: “You know, it hurt when I realized that you’re not in love with me. But nothing can compare to the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with her” AND “I’m so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend.”

Pairing: Cas x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: angst to fluff

A/N: that awkward moment when youre supposed to be writing a drabble and it turns into a fucking oneshot. *WHOOPS*

“Where’s Cas?” you asked, looking around the room and seeing no one but the brothers.

“With Meg,” Dean muttered, staring at Sam’s laptop screen.

You felt a pang in your chest, clenching your jaw at Dean’s reply.

Fucking Meg.

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The Line (Part 7)

Originally posted by wefoundthebatcave

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam, Castiel

Word Count: 1376

Warnings:  Angst

Summary:  Because @thegreatficmaster is plotting my murder, I’m going to post another chapter to this early, probably Friday, because I think this chapter is a little too dark even for me.  Just stick with me for one more chapter.  

The Line:  (Part 1), (Part 2), (Part 3), (Part 4), (Part 5), (Part 6)

You looked like you were sleeping.  That’s all Dean could think.  

A little pale, a little bloody.  But he could easily pretend you were just sleeping, dozing on the ride back to the bunker after another tiring hunt.  Just like you’d done so many times: leaning across the bench seat, cradling your head on his thigh as he drove.  Or the times you’d curled up in the backseat only to be woken by Dean’s wandering hands.

You looked like you were just sleeping.  But you weren’t.

Sam glanced at his brother in the rear view mirror from his place behind the wheel.  Dean held you cradled in his arms, your head resting on his shoulder.  He stroked your hair as if you were sleeping, as if he was calming you from nightmares. His face was void as he stared straight ahead into the inky blackness of the road ahead.

“Dean,” Sam asked, his voice hesitant and broken.  Dean didn’t blink, his face etched in a stoic grimace.  

“Just drive.”

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Winchester Sister- Runaway P3

Requested by anon
Could you maybe do one where the reader gets in trouble for sneaking out to do a solo hunt, but she does it while dean has the mark of Cain so he goes overboard in yelling at her, and it brings up her own insecurities to the point where she runs away? Could end w/ her coming home or not, your choice! I’m going thru a really hard time, and I just need some angst, ya'know? Love your blog btw!!



Half a year had passed and not one day had gone by when you didn’t think about your brothers.
You missed Sam’s big hugs and kind eyes.
You missed Dean’s reassuring grin and familiar smell of whiskey you’d grown to know to mean home.
You missed the bunker, the creak it would make on the third step from your bedroom, the long corridors leading to countless rooms you’d memorised like it was nothing, the safety: everything.

Maybe everything would have been okay if you hadn’t been so selfish. Dean was right: what were you thinking?!. You had to go and ruin everything by going on a hunt by yourself. One was bad enough, you could’ve stopped and maybe your brothers would’ve forgiven you. But no. You carried on for an entire year.

But you couldn’t go back.

Dean made it clear he wanted you gone.

The picture of your stained mirror flashed in your mind: LIAR.
He was a liar, he didn’t love you. No one did. But you were okay with that, so long as you kept your head down and didn’t grow too close to anyone you’d be okay.

You told yourself this for weeks on end.

Walking back to your motel after a nest of vampires you thought about it again. About going back home- no- it wasn’t your home. Back to the bunker.

Then you stopped mid-step.
Directly in front of you, across the road was a 1967 Chevy Impala: Baby.
You could do nothing but stare as you watched two tall men walk into the cafe next to the car. Their backs were to you and therefore oblivious of your presence.

Without even noticing, a tear rolled down your cheek.
“Y/N?” A voice broke you from your daze and you turned around to see a stiff figure frowning at you, a trench coat shaped his shoulders neatly and his tie was loose below the undone top button.

He tilted his head, looking unsure as whether to smile or not. You stood still, frozen with uncertainty.
Then, you ran.

Why did you run? You thought, realising how stupid you were. He was an angel, not a snail. 
Cas appeared in front of your path and you were forced to stop. “Y/N, Sam and Dean have been worried sick.” He explained and you cowered with shame.

“Cas, please just let me go.” You beg, taking a slow step away.

“I can’t do that.” He reached forward to zap you to your brothers no doubt but you ducked his hand, shaking your head vigorously. “Y/N.” Cas said sternly.

“I can’t go back. I promised.” You explain, not expecting him to understand.

“Promised who?”

“Myself.” You snap.

“Y/N, your brothers haven’t stopped looking for you since you left. You haven’t left any traces. Dean joked, said they’d trained you too well.” You interrupted him. “Cas please I don’t want to know.” 

The thought of your brothers actually caring for you again was too much and you wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up into nothingness at that point.

With that you turned and left, trying your best to look and sound confident, but you felt your voice quiver as you spoke. You felt it as Cas grabbed hold of your arm forcefully and before you could resist you were face to face with your brothers.

This Heart of Mine

Written for the prompt: Dean and Cas are both about to die so one makes a deathbed love confession. When they miraculously survive things are awkward between the two of them, the confessor not thinking the other feels the same way; angst with a happy ending. 

Zombie apocalypse. That’s actually how Dean’s going down. A fucking zombie apocalypse. 

The thing that pisses him off is: zombies are easy. Bullet to the brain and they’re down for the count. Again. But yet, here he is, trapped in a damn storage closet with a graceless Castiel at his side, and one bullet sitting in the magazine of his glock. Fan-fucking-tastic.

“How the hell did we get here?” Dean mutters mostly to himself. He lets his head fall back against the hard cement wall behind him and tries to block out the sounds of the incessantly moaning dead just outside the door.

“Through the mess hall,” Castiel states gravely. 

Dean heaves a sigh. “Rhetorical question, Cas.” He glances around the empty storage closet, rubbing at his eyes and trying to force himself to think. He doesn’t get into jams like this. He just doesn’t.

Yet here he is.

As they sit, waiting for their inevitable death - what else can they do, really - part of Dean hopes the zombies will get tired of waiting for them, wander off to harvest somebody else’s brain. And it sounds wild, but hope’s all he’s got left at this point; that’s how fucking bleak the situation is.

When the door handle starts to wiggle, moans seeping beneath the door and creeping into the storage room, Dean comes to the conclusion hope is for suckers.

The wiggling becomes more incessant and is quickly accompanied by heavy fists pounding on the door, and Dean and Castiel are on their feet, breathing shallow and shoulders taut. 

“They’re not strong enough to break in, right?” Dean asks and despite already knowing the answer he needs Castiel to say no. 

“Yes, with enough force they could break the lock.”

“Fuck.” Dean mutters. He looks at his gun again, that one bullet not even enough to buy them some extra time, and then at Cas who’s watching him with calculated eyes. 

“We can’t hold them off for long.” Castiel says.

Dean snickers, shakes his head. “Fuck, Cas, aren’t you quite the optimist.” 

The door clangs loudly and Dean’s head snaps up and towards the sound. The grotesque faces of the dead are peering through the small window on the door, their jaws working jerkily as they groan.

They’ve double, tripled almost, in numbers, and they’re crowding around the door, pounding decaying flesh covered hands against the metal. 

This is it. Last episode, folks, no To Be Continued.

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Together in Paris

kittykatrussell said: Please please please do a part two of the lucifer and pregnant!reader!!! I love it so much

Anonymous said: I love your writing! Is there going to be a part 2 to Once Upon a December? It was so good!!

Anonymous said: For the love of god please continue “once upon a December’!!! Don’t end with a cliff hanger please of please for the love of Chuck!!!

And a bunch of other messages asked for a part two of OUD!

A/N: But cliffhangers are the best! Leaves the ending to your imagination! However, I do admit that it was cruel to just leave it like that, so, here’s part 2 and I hope you guys like it!

Word count: 1,708

Pairing: Lucifer x Reader

Warnings: angst, memory loss, pregnancy.

Once Upon a December

The Curse of the Romanovs (Part III)


Dancing bears, painted wings
Things I almost remember

You stepped out of your room cautiously, pregnancy test in hand. There were many things you were unsure of at the moment, but there was one thing that you were certain about, and that was that you did not remember ever peeing on the stick in your hand. As hard as you tried to remember, squeezing your brain for scattered memories, you only had the ghost of a feeling of happiness when you looked at the positive pregnancy test.

Happiness, however, was a foreign feeling to you right now, and you could not think of any reason why it would come when you looked at the little plus sign on the white surface of the stick. You couldn’t be pregnant, not with the dangerous, daily neck-risking life that you had. Raising a baby would not be easy, and even more so when you would have to do it by yourself, as you guessed that the father must have been a poor, drunk, and careless one-night stand you couldn’t remember.

And a song someone sings
Once upon a December

Walking to the bathroom, you quickly shoved the test in to the pockets of your wrinkled jeans as you heard footsteps rounding the corner of the hallway. Sam greeted you with a smile, being the morning person that you could never understand, and probably having woken up even earlier than you.

“Morning,” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes and pretending that you had just woken up instead of spending thirty minutes already awake worrying about the hidden object in your pocket.

“Morning…so, how do you feel?” Sam asked, trying to sound casual, there was something about the tone of his voice that told you he was also being careful with his words. As if he knew something you didn’t and intended to keep it that way.

“Good,” you frowned, narrowing your eyes. Sam shifted uncomfortably, not meeting your eyes as he did so.

“Good,” he echoed, looking at you one more time before walking, almost rushing, pass you.

Your frown deepened, watching Sam reach the end of the hallway and turn to the right side, towards the library. If his behavior didn’t spell “suspicious,” you could also say that you were a green elephant wearing a pink dress.

Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm

After showering, you threw on one of your favorite shirts and a clean pair of jeans, though you kept the pregnancy test with you. With your towel on your head, you headed to the kitchen, your stomach grumbling loudly.

“Nice hat,” Dean teased when you entered the kitchen, leaning against the counter, coffee and newspaper in hand.

For a second, you thought you saw the same type of concern in his eyes that Sam had looked at you with, but Dean looked down at his paper once again before you could actually confirm it was there.

“Thank you, it’s from the new Prada collection,” you smiled, rolling your eyes at him. After serving yourself a cup of the thankfully still-hot coffee, you stood next to him, peering at the paper. “Find anything?”

“A possible case in Montana; two bodies found blood-sucked dry with a few bite marks along their body, and a third person went missing near where the others had,” Dean said, downing his coffee down and setting it in the sink, still not quite meeting your eyes.

“Wasn’t I just in Montana?” you asked, mostly to yourself, scrunching your nose as you thought. You’d visited your sister for a whole weekend, and then got back to the bunker, and you were too tired to change into your pajamas. “Well, that was a waste of a drive, I could’ve just stayed there.”

“Yeah…” Dean said, keeping his head down as he looked at the newspaper. Both brothers were hiding something, although you couldn’t say you weren’t doing so too.

Unconsciously, you let your hand travel to the top of your stomach, your heart quickening for the slightest bit.

“I’m gonna go tell Sam to get ready.” Dean folded the paper in half, giving you a small smile before walking out of the kitchen, the heavy weight of lying to you making his walk look less confident than usual.

Meanwhile, you slowly dropped your hand down to the pocket of your jeans, clinging to the pregnancy test so hard that it shook a little. You glanced at, hoping that the results had for some reason magically changed. Disappointment ran through your body when you saw that they still the same, so you hid the test again, drinking the rest of your coffee before leaving the kitchen and getting your duffel bag ready for the hunt.

Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memories

Dean stopped at a nice motel in the middle of Dillon, the town you would be staying at for what you predicted a week or more. You felt a small, strange sense of déjà vu as you looked at the inn, distorted sounds and images rushing through your mind too fast for you to make any of them out.

“(Y/N), mind checking us in while me and Sam unload the things?” Dean asked, passing you his wallet. Usually he was the one to do that, but you nodded and grabbed the wallet anyways. As soon as you were out of ear shot, Dean turned to Sam, who had noticed that same thing as his brother.

A man was standing on the far corner of the motel rooms, sticking a dollar at the vending machine and appearing to be in thought while he chose what to pick. To any other person, he might have seemed like an ordinary person, but Sam and Dean could recognize the features of the man easier than anything else.

“I say we stick a blade into him,” Dean whispered, his cheeks sharpening as he clenched his jaw. “You know, before he sees (Y/N) and figures out what happened.”

“Dean, you know we don’t have a chance against him, at least not just the two of us,” Sam replied, watching Lucifer carefully.

“So what? We pretend his not here and risk him bumping into us while you prepare an army?” Dean asked sarcastically, scoffing as he rolled his eyes.

“We could just tell him that (Y/N) doesn’t want anything to do with him,” Sam answered, quickly glancing away to make sure that you were still busy with the booking, which you were, since you appeared to be happily talking with the girl behind the desk. “They were only dating for three months, I doubt that they would really grow to love each other. Don’t you?”

Dean sighed, making sure that he at least still had his demon blade in his pockets before nodding briskly, breathing heavily as he and Sam walked towards the fallen angel. Lucifer was now rounding on the corner of the motel, heading to the room that he had shared with you just a few days ago.

Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember

"Lucifer!” Dean shouted, his voice deep an powerful, although that was never something that would have intimidated the archangel.

Lucifer stopped on his tracks, a small smirk growing on his face as he turned around, ready for the argument that was sure to come. However, his smug smile dropped as he noticed that you were not with the Winchesters, your presence feeling as dim to him as before you had ever met.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” he blurted out, unable to contain himself as his vessel’s heart started beating faster. If something had happened to you and the baby…

“Safe. Without you, at least,” Dean spat, his voice dripping venom. He hated what him, Sam, and Cas had done to you, but in his mind, it was all for your safety. “And it’s gonna stay that way.”

“What do you mean?” Lucifer’s hands closed in to fists, his voice cold and steady as he tried to keep calm. But his temper grew thin when neither of the Winchesters answered, nails digging the palm of his hand. “You impudent apes, what do you mean!?”

"She told us everything, Lucifer,” Sam said this time, glaring at the first ruler of hell. “She doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore; you’re too dangerous.”

“You’re lying,” Lucifer scoffed, but something felt completely wrong. He knew that because of the angel wards carved in your ribs, he couldn’t really establish a full connection with you to know where you were, another part of why your soulmate bond was not as strong as it should have been.

But now everything, the atmosphere, the whole world, and even the sky, felt wrong. He’d given you the chance to turn away from him many times, the most recent one being the morning in which you left the motel just days ago. It looked like you had taken it.

“Now, for her sake, we’re gonna let you go this once, but if we get wind that you’re starting anything else at all, you bastard, I promise you we—”

“Save your breath, Winchester, you have a worst storm coming,” Lucifer snarled, the realization that you were never going to truly be with him hitting him like a lightning bolt.

His breath hitched, eyes seeing nothing but red as a crack resounded from the ground beneath him, the concrete sidewalk breaking into a fine line. He was gone before either Sam or Dean could do anything, his range blinding him as he disappeared.

The sound of keys hitting the ground brought the brothers out of their frantic thoughts. Both of them turned around, their eyes widening when they saw your horrified expression. Mouth dropped open and your body frozen in place, memories flooded into your brain, Castiel’s changes breaking apart with the energy of your bond as you looked at Lucifer teleport.

You remembered everything. You remembered whose child you were pregnant with, the angel that you loved, and what Sam, Dean, and Castiel had done. And above all, you knew that your life was crumbling down like pieces of a shattered glass.

Things my heart used to know
Once upon a December.