with his brethren

3

This is either the biggest thing to happen in the Marvel Cinematic Universe since the Battle of New York, or a fun wink from the guys who made the sets for Spider-Man: Homecoming. You decide!

In the movie, Peter and May go to dinner at a Thai restaurant. A Reddit user noticed that the sign next door to the restaurant, though in Korean, has a translation below it, which reads “Korean Church of Asgard.” 

Now, technically, it doesn’t say that exactly. On the top it says “All are welcome!” then the big words say “아스가드: ASGARD” and “교회: CHURCH.” It doesn’t actually say “Korean,” but it’s in Korean, so it seems a reasonable assumption that this is a Korean house of worship to Thor and his brethren.

While Marvel almost certainly intended this only as a fun Easter egg, the fact that there’s an Asgardian Church in New York City has, like, the biggest implications imaginable for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. We know that Thor, Loki, and the rest are extradimensional beings, but all the people of the MCU have seen the Norse god of thunder returning to Earth to protect New York City (and the Norse god of mischief trying to destroy it). Suddenly, there is seemingly unequivocal evidence that at least some gods exist.

And just think about how this could play out in the future. We know that Thanos is going to become more prevalent in future movies. He’s even more powerful than the Norse Gods on Asgard. That’s going to mess people up once they realize beings like this are real. Of course some humans would decide to worship them. And what does this mean for the actual religions of the MCU? Are the various sects of Judeo-Christianity losing followers to Thor?

This is such an insane can of worms it’s almost unfathomable. But was it on purpose? Did the Spider-Man: Homecomingset decorators and production designer realize what they were doing? Will the Avengers go to Valhalla when they die? Are other gods actually real in the MCU? Could this be the entire subplot of Phase Four?!

Probably not! But we reached out to both Sony and Marvel for comment just in case. If we hear back from them, we’ll add an update. For now, we’ll just wonder what Marvel characters may be attending Sunday service at the Korean Church of Asgard.

Take me to church! And offer me that deathless death, please!

ROGUE LANCE AU:

So basically, I’ve got a cool idea, and thought I’d share it with y’all. 

-The team has a tough mission, but they get through it.

-After the mission, the team is agitated and fighting over their next moves against Zarkon

-Lance sees a flaw in the plan and tries to point it out, attempting to keep his calm but not really

-He finally just starts shouting about why the plan is flawed because nobody is listening to him

-Keith and Shiro don’t see how those points are flaws

-Lance tries explaining, gets interrupted, starts fighting again

-Allura is just as pissed as the others are and says “If you aren’t contributing, leave.”  and Keith adds in “Why doesn’t he let the real fighter pilots plan?” Lance is shocked, offended, and leaves with a growl

-Coran follows Lance, discovers Lance angrily shoving his belongings in a bag and grabbing rations. He tries to console his angry boy, ends up helping Lance to a map back to Earth and a pod. 

- “They need to treat you like an equal. You are right about the plan having flaws, and if they are too stubborn to see it your way, then they will fail as heroes.” Coran the beautiful man gives cool advice

-Lance makes his way back to Earth, but is intercepted by a rogue group of alien fighters

-The rogues at first want to kill him and keep his pod, but then explore his psyche with their light empathetic abilities and think “Oh man this kid is emotionally destroyed. Let’s keep him.”

-One rogue in particular takes a liking to Lance and teaches him how to fight close range, use different types of guns, and even build his own weapons on the fly

-On the other hand, it takes the team a day to realize that Lance has left, and they can’t track him down. Coran points out why Lance left, but doesn’t tell them he is still in contact with Lance.

-Lance’s ‘adoption’ by the rogues has pleased Coran, and he hopes his fav paladin stays safe

-It’s been a year, the team can’t form Voltron nor can they replace Lance, because Blue had a hissy fit and refuses to take down her barrier because if Lance is still alive, then she don’t need a new paladin. 

-The paladins are tired and just want their boy back.

-Back to Lance, the rogues test on him (because they’ve never met a human and are genuinely curious)

-Turns out Lance has Altean dna

-They begin to train him into using the abilities his dna has given him (Such as growing taller and turning colors), this training teaches Lance more patience.

-Lance forgives the paladins for their mistreatment of him, but he likes fighting with the rogues better

-Lance is eventually sent into an undercover mission for about a month as a Galra soldier, learning their strategies and gaining intel for his rogue brethren

-Eventually, Allura has to go undercover as a Galra soldier in a large warship to shut down their power in hopes to aid the working lions.

-Lance and Allura meet, Allura is sad and starts freaking out while Lance shuts down the power for her and listens to her speech of “Where were you? We have been looking everywhere, etc”

-Lance promises to meet them again, and gives Allura coordinates

-The mission ends, and Allura is freaking out about Lance as she takes them to the planet that Lance directed them to

-The rogues are already there when the castle lands, and Lance directs them in the direction of a partnership.

-Lance and his alien bestie are touchy-feely, flirty, and cute to each other during dinner later that evening

-Everyone thinks that Lance and the alien are dating

-Especially Keith, who’s jealous and dismayed about the fact that his jerk behavior towards Lance is part of what caused him to leave and therefore leave Keith with no chance of getting Lance

-Lance starts flirting with Keith and Keith is like “I thought you and that rogue were dating, it’s bad to cheat you know.” 

-Lance is like “lmao dude he’s just my bestie, but I guess you were pretty jealous.”

-The idea finishes with Klance becoming a thing and Lance piloting Blue again with the rogues by their sides.

The Miskatonic Herball.
This is a hand carved and inked proof of my most recent project. I’m thinking of turning it into an entire chapbook or something this year and would appreciate your feedback. Would you be interested in the ramblings of a disgraced Puritan Reverend who was sent to investigate the disappearance of one of his brethren as detailed in the opening of The Dunwich Horror?
It would take the shape of a Herbal, a guide to plants, animals, and folk wisdom, that was popular in the dawn of print. Could be a fun prop for gaming, too.
If you could let me know if this is a Good Idea via comments or reblogs or however this works, I’d really appreciate it (and might work you into the text if I go forward with the project).

Once upon a time - which is a terrible way to start a joke - there was a little boy named Billy.

Billy was six years old, and for the whole of his short life, he had been utterly and intensely obsessed with clowns. He had clown bed sheets and clown posters; he had clown toys and clown-themed games; he had towels with clowns on them, a toothbrush in the shape of a clown, and - if it had existed - he probably would have used clown-flavored toothpaste, as well.

Try not to think about it.

The point here is that Billy loved clowns, and his parents were well aware of that fact. (They’d have to be, right? I mean, how is a six-year-old going to buy all of that stuff?) Thus, they decided that for their son’s seventh birthday, they’d purchase front row seats at the circus, which just happened to be in town at the same time. Upon hearing this, Billy was absolutely overcome with excitement, and he was scarcely able to sit still until his family arrived at the big top.

Billy and his parents walked in, took their seats, and waited for the show to start.

The music flared to life and the lights came up, and in a dazzling display of merriment, everything began. First came the lion-tamers with their whips and chairs… and yeah, they were intriguing, but they didn’t hold Billy’s interest. Next came the feats of strength with strongmen (and one excessively suspicious woman) smashing bricks and bending bars… and yeah, it was impressive, but Billy didn’t really care. The sword swallowers followed, and the trapeze artists, and the tightrope walkers… and yeah, someone might have died at any moment, but it all seemed so boring.

Eventually, Billy began to worry that he wouldn’t get to see clowns at the circus. After all, he knew very well that clowns usually only appeared when something went wrong. (You didn’t know that, did you? Yeah, clowns are typically kept on standby in case someone screws up.)

Suddenly, all of the lights went out.

A single spotlight shown down to one corner of the arena.

A tiny car came puttering into view, while discordant, almost forlorn circus music played.

Deet deet deedle-deedle deet deet dee deeeeee…

The car’s doors sprang open, and out poured the most amazing collection of clowns that Billy had ever seen! There were fat clowns, thin clowns, tall clowns, short clowns! Clowns with bright red hair and enormous red noses! Clowns in silly suspenders and oversize shoes! There were clowns wearing every color of the rainbow, and clowns that moved like psychotic ferrets on speed! There were more clowns than Billy had ever dreamed of watching all at once!

Then, just as it seemed like that tiny car couldn’t produce a single soul more, another clown stepped out. He was too fat to be thin, yet too thin to be fat… but somehow wasn’t average, either. He was too short too be tall, yet too tall to be short… but still managed to be both at once. He had pale, almost white skin - not the product of makeup - and deep, almost black, sunken eyes. He had a shock of bright red (and completely natural) hair, and a bulbous, equally red nose.

Billy looked on with awe and wonder as he realized what he was seeing: This wasn’t a person in makeup who was putting on an act; this was a real clown. The man - if indeed you could call him a man - reached into the front of his pants, wiggled his hand around for a little while, and pulled forth a bright silver microphone. After offering a conspiratorial wink to the audience, the clown cleared his throat… and his dry, raspy voice boomed out for everyone to hear:

“I need a volunteer!”

Before Billy had even completely processed what he had just heard, he discovered that he had leapt from his seat and thrust his hand as high as it would go.

“Pick me!” Billy screamed. “Pick me!”

The clown extended a finger and cast it over the audience, drawing lazy circles through the crowd. After what felt like an eternity, he finally aimed his cracked fingernail directly at Billy.

“You there, little boy!” the clown barked.

A cheer went up as Billy clamored over the railing and dropped down into the arena. The smell of sawdust and sweat reached his nose, but he paid it little mind: He was focused entirely on this dream of his coming true; on the opportunity to meet and perform with a real clown.

“I need to ask you a question,” said the clown. “Tell me: Are you a horse’s head?”

Billy laughed aloud, as much from glee as from the absurdity of the question. “No! No, I’m not a horse’s head!”

The clown nodded, apparently having expected this answer. (After all, who would say yes to that question?) “Well, then… are you a horse’s body?”

“No!” Billy giggled. “No, I’m not a horse’s body, either!”

Once more, the clown nodded, and his broad smile - his thick, red lips - grew wider. “I see. Are you a horse’s leg?

“No, I’m not a horse’s leg!” Billy replied. His own smile grew to match that of the clown.

“So…” the clown said, pacing around Billy. “You’re not a horse’s head, and you’re not a horse’s body, and you’re not a horse’s leg.” He paused then, and stood completely still. A hush covered the audience. Then, in a whirl of motion, the clown jammed his finger through the air and brought it right up into Billy’s face.

“Then you must be a horse’s ass!

Laughter exploded from everywhere at once. Billy looked around, shame and betrayal filling his heart, and saw the faces of all those strangers laughing at him. He saw his friends from school laughing at him. He saw his own parents laughing at him. Something broke inside of Billy in that moment, and with a scream of agony and anguish, he ran from the arena and didn’t stop until he had reached his house.

When Billy’s parents returned home, they discovered that their son had trashed his bedroom. He had snapped his clown toothbrush and torn apart his towels with the clowns on them. He had smashed his clown-themed games and broken all of his clown toys. He had shredded his clown posters and burned his clown bed sheets. (I don’t know where this kid got access to fire, but clearly he was pretty serious about destroying stuff.) Worst of all, Billy’s parents found that their son - who had once been so cheerful and outgoing - had sunken into a deep and unbreakable silence.

Billy did not speak for a year. Therapists and counselors were wholly ineffective, and no amount of bribery, threats, or pleading could pull even the smallest word from his lips. His parents eventually gave up, resigned as they were to the fact that their son was lost to them… but then, on his eighth birthday, the little boy held up his head, blinked his eyes once, and spoke with a clarity and a maturity not heard from most adults.

“Mom, Dad,” he said, “I want you to know that I’m okay. From now on, though… it’s just ‘Bill.’”

Ten years passed.

Bill went on to become something of a legend in his little hometown: He was a perfect student and a dedicated volunteer. He was involved in every extracurricular activity in some way or another. He was captain of the football team, head of the chess club, first-chair violin in the orchestra, and valedictorian. By the time that he was ready to graduate, Bill had been offered a complete scholarship to literally every college in the country (with some schools even offering free alcohol after he turned twenty-one).

It came as something of a shock, then, when after crossing the stage, Bill approached his parents.

“I know that you won’t understand this,” he said, “but I’ve decided that I’m not going to college. You see, all of my success and all of my ambition has been driven by a deep, horrible wound that I still carry. I’ve tried desperately to cover it, to let it heal… but each night, I still hear the voice of that clown in my head. That’s why I’m leaving for Tibet. I’m going to seek out and join the monastery where they teach the ancient art of Comebackery, and once I have mastered all that they can offer… I’ll come back and have my revenge.”

Bill’s parents tried to dissuade him, but he was adamant. True to his word, Bill boarded a flight that very evening. He landed in China and trekked on foot to a village at the base of a snow-covered mountain. A year passed as he learned the language and earned the trust of the people who lived there, until the day when one of them gave him whispered directions to the hidden temple. Bill set out again, carrying only a few days’ worth of supplies, and finally found himself at the doorstep of the monastery he had sought.

A knock at the door was answered by the head monk; a small, wrinkled man with a bald head and a serene smile.

“My son,” the head monk said, “I can see that you have been wronged.” (This guy spoke Tibetan, obviously, but the general meaning was the same.) “Normally, you would have to wait here for three days and nights to show your devotion… but I sense that you are a special case. Come into the sanctuary, and we will teach you what you wish to know.”

Thus began Bill’s life as a Monk of Comebackery. He learned jokes, japes, and jeers. He learned witticisms and retorts. He learned insults, insinuations, dares, and double entendres. Before long, he was able to verbally spar with the very best of his brethren.

Yet still, even after another decade of training, Bill did not feel any closer to learning what he had hoped to find.

One cold winter morning, Bill approached the head monk with his concerns. “Master,” he said, “have I not been a good pupil?”

“You have been exemplary,” answered the head monk.

“And have I not upheld and embodied everything you have taught?”

“Indeed you have,” the head monk replied.

“Then,” Bill said, steadying himself, “I wish to learn the forbidden knowledge. I wish to learn… The Ultimate Comeback.”

The head monk looked into Bill’s eyes for a long, ominous moment.

Eventually, he smiled.

“My son,” the head monk said, “when you came to us, you were but a youth with a scar on his soul. You had been cut more deeply than any man should have to endure, and yet you persevered. More than that, you excelled. You have inspired us all with your strength and conviction, and also with your insight.” The man stepped forward and clasped a hand over Bill’s shoulder. “I cannot teach you what you seek, for you already know it.”

At first, Bill felt himself reeling inside. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Had he thrown his life away for nothing? Had he wasted all of those years training, only to fail at the last step? The thought was too terrible to consider, and Bill experienced a sense of loss unlike any he had felt since…

Since…

In a flash of clarity, Bill understood.

The Ultimate Comeback, he knew, was a weapon of untold power. It was to be wielded only by they who had discovered it for themselves, and it could only be discovered by they who had felt its devastation firsthand. It was so elegant, so perfect, and so deadly… and Bill knew that it had always been inside of him.

The head monk, watching Bill’s face, smiled again. “You are ready.”

Over the next few days, Bill made preparations to return home. He bade goodbye to his brothers at the monastery, then trekked back down to the village at the base of the mountain. He worked tirelessly in their fields and households, saving every bit that he could in order to afford a plane ticket back to the United States. It took still another year, but finally, Bill found himself stepping off the airplane onto American soil (or, rather, onto American linoleum in an American airport), and hitchhiking in the direction of his hometown.

When he finally arrived, Bill was aghast at what he discovered. This once-welcoming neighborhood had descended into squalor and disrepair. Shops were boarded up and trash littered the street. Stray dogs ran in packs, fighting over scraps of rubbish. What few people Bill encountered would quickly avert their gazes and hurry on their way. The warmth and compassion that he had experienced in his youth were both gone, replaced by a desolate despondence and an overcast sky.

It didn’t take long to find that Bill’s parents were long dead. His friends had all moved on, and the legend of Bill’s high school success had faded into little more than an unlikely memory. Despair filled Bill’s heart, along with a thrum of rising panic. Was he too late? Had he spent so much time abroad that he’d missed his chance to have his revenge?

As if in answer, a gust of wind brought a scrap of paper to Bill’s feet. He reached down and retrieved it… and realized that it was a ticket to the circus’s last-ever show. Not only that, but the performance was being held that very day, and the ticket would grant Bill access to the very same seat he had occupied all those years ago.

This, Bill decided, was fate.

He squared his shoulders and walked in the direction of the big top.

When Bill arrived to the circus, he found that it had fared no better than the rest of the town. The tents all hung in tatters, barely more than faded scraps of cloth. The seats were rickety and rusty, and even the sawdust bore the telltale scent of rot. Despite the dilapidation, though, it seemed that the final performance had drawn an enormous crowd, and Bill had to shove his way through the audience to reach his seat at the front row.

He held his breath, waiting for the show to start.

The music moaned to life and the lights flickered up, and in a halfhearted display of merriment, everything began. First came the lion-tamers with their whips and chairs… and yeah, they were intriguing, but Bill was otherwise occupied. Next came the feats of strength with strongmen (and one excessively suspicious old woman) smashing bricks and bending bars… and yeah, it was impressive, but Bill stayed focused on his own thoughts. The sword swallowers followed, and the trapeze artists, and the tightrope walkers… and yeah, someone might have died at any moment, but it all seemed so irrelevant.

Eventually, Bill began to worry that he wouldn’t get to see the clowns. After all, he knew very well that clowns have a remarkably low life expectancy as compared to other professions. (That’s probably not accurate, but it sure sounds true, doesn’t it?)

Suddenly, all of the lights went out.

A single spotlight shown down to one corner of the arena.

A tiny car came puttering into view, while discordant, almost forlorn circus music played.

Deet deet deedle-deedle deet deet dee deeeeee…

The car’s doors creaked open, and out shambled the most pathetic collection of clowns that Bill had ever seen. There were fat clowns, thin clowns, tall clowns, and short clowns, all of them bent under the weight of age and depression. Clowns with ancient wigs and crumbling rubber noses. Clowns in stretched-out suspenders and orthopedic shoes. There were clowns wearing every faded shade one could imagine, and clowns that moved like they were inches from the grave.

Then, just as it seemed like that tiny car couldn’t produce a single soul more… the outpouring stopped.

Bill’s heart jumped in his chest. Where was the clown who had wronged him as a child? Where was the monster that had haunted his dreams? Where was the target for his Ultimate Comeback?!

A shaking, rattling cough called Bill’s attention to the other side of the arena, and he watched as an old man limped into view. Streaks of grey marred what had once been a shock of bright red hair, and those deep, blackened eyes seemed to have sunk even further into the white face that contained them. Yellow teeth spoke of fetid breath behind those broad, cracked lips, and tremors shook each lanky limb… but it was very clearly the clown from Bill’s past.

The clown raised a tarnished microphone to his mouth and spoke.

“I need a volunteer.”

Before Bill was even aware of his own actions, he discovered that he had stood from his seat and thrust his hand in the air.

“Me,” Bill said. “Pick me.”

The clown extended a finger and cast it over the audience, drawing lazy circles through the crowd. After what felt like an eternity, he finally aimed his cracked, dirty fingernail directly at Bill.

“You there, sir!” the clown rasped.

A reluctant cheer went up as Bill climbed his way over the railing and dropped down into the arena. The smell of mildew and death reached his nose, but he paid it little mind: He was focused entirely on this dream of his coming true; on the opportunity to get his revenge on the clown before him.

“I need to ask you a question,” croaked the clown. “Tell me: Are you a horse’s head?”

“No.”

The single word rang out like a gunshot, echoing in the silence that followed.

The clown, visibly shaken by the response, coughed and continued. “Well, then… are you a horse’s body?”

“No.”

Once more, the syllable cut through the air, piercing everyone who heard it to their very soul. There was an icy, powerful venom in Bill’s voice, and it utterly captivated everyone within earshot.

The clown shivered, clearly unaccustomed to this kind of behavior, but pressed on nonetheless. “I see. Are you a horse’s leg?

“No,” Bill calmly replied, “I am not a horse’s leg.”

Nobody said a word. Nobody even breathed. Nobody had ever experienced anything as chilling as the tone in Bill’s voice… but the clown had a secret weapon, too. With an evil, sinister smile, that pale-faced, red-haired monstrosity summoned forth the unspeakable power that rests within the blackened heart of every clown, bringing it to bear in a horrifying smile that should not have been able to exist outside of a nightmare.

“So!” the clown said, pacing around Bill. “You’re not a horse’s head, and you’re not a horse’s body, and you’re not a horse’s leg.” He paused then, and stood completely still. A hush covered the audience. Then, in a whirl of motion, the clown jammed his finger through the air and brought it right up into Bill’s face.

“Then you must be a horse’s ass!

Laughter exploded from everywhere at once. Bill looked around, and suddenly, he was a little boy again. All of that shame and betrayal filled his heart, and he couldn’t help but imagine the faces of all those strangers laughing at him. He saw his friends from school laughing at him. He saw the ghosts of his parents laughing at him. Something broke inside of Bill in that moment… but rather than scream and run, he held up a hand.

Wait!

The laughter stopped.

The silence returned.

“The clown”

I don’t trust Winston. Why did he forsake his Gorilla brethren, there must have been a reason they rebelled against the humans. Why did Winston take the side of the humans, does Winston not consider himself a Gorilla. Is Winston a spy, here to bring our earth Gorillas to his side? How deep does the Gorilla crisis go

anonymous asked:

Dramatic end-of-season 12 predictions: Crowley dies. Cas is thrown out of heaven and made human (either by choice or by force, not sure yet), Mary dies again (probably in a noble way.. but maybe not?), Sam and Dean lose the bunker (the MoL kick them out, empty the place and burn it to the ground as a compromised location). Season 13 sees TFW broken down, human and on the road a lot. No home base anymore & no back-up (all parents gone, no connections to heaven, hell, the MoL.. nothing.) #bleakAF

Or how about not? Let’s go with not. instead, let me offer a counter dramatic finale, yes?

Here we go: You are correct, Mary does go back to Heaven, but in this instance because she asked to be taken back, and the angels have no reason to deny her, so with a fond fare well, she’s returned back “home”, and the boys handle it okay, because they literally get to see her walk away and leave, like going from one place to another, and that’s way better than how they lost their mother before, and certainly better than how they could have lost her again, and they’re at peace with it, because her place was never on Earth with them to begin with since she’d been gone so long.

Dean and Sam find out on of the Princes of Hell is actually leading the BMOL, and along with Mick Davis, end up killing most of the heavy players in the BMOL- Mick having learned not every creature is, in fact, a monster- and some of them need saving. With the BMOL brought to it’s knees, the entrust it to Mick- who had defected to their side already and was working as a double-agent for the Winchesters.

Castiel, for his part, tells Joshua that while he will always be angel and one of their siblings, and while he does care for them, he does not love his angelic brethren, and they are not a family. And Cas basically states he’s stepping away and done with them. Don’t call me for help. Don’t come to me for any reason. Heaven can deal with its own issues, because I’m out. I’m done with this “family” that uses us until they kill us. Because, and Cas doesn’t say it, but they both know; Cas has a family he loves. Cas has a family that loves him. Dean loves him. And when he turns away, Joshua asks, “What is so special about them that you would turn you’re back on Heaven?” And Cas glances at him over his shoulder with a small smile and says, “They’re home.”

We see him step back through the door way to where Dean and Sam are waiting anxiously by the Impala, both of them visibly relaxing at the sight of him. And later, in his newly appointed room, Castiel removes his own grace and stores is away in a vial. Camera shift to where we can now see Dean leaning against the door frame watching.

“You sure about this?”

“The only family I need is here.” Turning to look at Dean. “The family I love is here.”

Dean smiles and nods to the glowing vial. “And that? Is it safe to just store?”

Cas regards it. “I thought I might use it to plant a garden like the one that sprung up when Anna’s grace fell to Earth. All of me belongs to be here and free.”

And then you’ve got Crowley, indisputable King of Hell viciously and violently kicking hell into some actual order and getting rid of the sniveling backstabbers who would dare disrespect him. It is a business- and an army- but it is run with ruthless efficiency, and Hell keeps to it’s own dealings. And final shot is of Crowley on his throne, with Hell literally and figuratively under his thumb, and to his right side, dressed in uniform appropriate to his title, is Lucifer: Knight of Hell and the King’s Hound.

World saved and False Kings and kingdoms fallen, you have Team Free Will in the Bunker War Room, and a general since of loitering from Sam until Dean and Cas walk in- Castiel now donning his own set of human clothing that’s not quite what they would wear, but suits Castiel.

“Well?” Sam asks. “World saved. Again. What now?”

Dean sucks in a breath and lets it out, scratching his head at a loss. When he opens his mouth again, he’s interrupted when a flat screen on the wall not really noticeable before lights up and we see Mick on the screen.

“Hello, Gentlemen. Everyone home and settled?”

They all kinda smile at each other, because yeah. Yeah they are.

Mick claps his hands and leans forward excitedly. “Excellent! If you wouldn’t mind, as a gesture of thanks and our new found partnership: I would like to give you gift.”

“What kind of gift?” asks Sam, brows furrowing.

Mick smirks. “What would you say to giving your bunker a technological upgrade?” They all look at each other, and then back to a grinning Mick who winks. “There are so many lives to be saved, after all.”

Pan out, fade to black, credits! Booyaka!

S13 is leading into making the MOL an actual academy to train and organize hunters, which ties into the spinoff “Wayward Daughters”, and there are constantly x-over episodes between the two.

YOU. ARE. WELCOME.

(Ask Box Open)

Thesis on Morgoth and Sauron and their roles as Dark Lords (Part 1/4)

For my Tolkien project, I decided I was going to explore the dynamics of Morgoth and Sauron and see if I could make an estimate as to whether or not one was more effective as dark lord than the other. I did this in regard as I would not be able to debate whether or not one was more powerful (seeing as the Valar are higher beings then the Maiar, and seeing that Melkor was the eldest, he of course is indisputably stronger than Sauron).

However, just because you’re more powerful doesn’t always mean you’re more effective. We see this all throughout history in examples where generals themselves might not be very capable in battle but are able to gain mastery by being clever strategist. Therefore that inspired me to research if one could argue whether or not Morgoth or Sauron came closer to accomplishing their goal—dominion over Middle Earth (or Beleriand).

I did this by looking at a few key characteristics—longevity of rule (but more importantly, what was achieved), servants (those who served under them and attributed to their victories), their primary enemies (or the state of those they fought against), as well as their defeat (and what caused the finale fall). Then I concluded with their legacy and the impact they have throughout the legendarium.

 

General Disclaimer

  • I am not at all an expert, just a very passionate individual in Tolkien’s lore. Therefore some of what is stated throughout this essay may be based upon faulted research and weighed heavily by personal interpretation and opinion. So please do keep such in mind. Most of the information here was found within The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, The Unfinished Tales, as well as Tolkien Gateway and Wikipedia.

 

Longevity of rule

  • Important note to make here. Just because you are in power for a long majority of time doesn’t necessarily mean you used that time wisely. I’m sure most of us are very familiar with procrastination. Therefore I did not look simply at length of ‘reign’, but more so the accomplishments (and losses) experienced throughout the span of their rule.

 

Morgoth

Approximately 590 years (Years of the Sun)

  • Melkor is incredibly hard to estimate the exact length of time he was in power. This is because the majority of the Valian Years are left without date. The first primary experience of time is with the Years of the Trees, but even then how time is recorded will be drastically different when the Valar raise the sun and the moon
  • Therefore it is often argued as to whether or not the First Age is the longest or shortest of ages. If you try to make an assumption over the span of the Valian Years and couple it with the First Age, you are left with it being nearly 50,000 years in length. However, if you are to attribute the First Age with the rising of the sun to the defeat of Morgoth, it is around 590 years.
  • I took liberties here and for the sake of sanity, decided to account the beginning of Morgoth’s dominion in Beleriand being with the awakening of man and therefore the rising of the sun, equaling more so to the 590 years it would take until he is defeated. However, anyone can argue that his reign could be anywhere between 50,000 to 590 years, give or take a few.

Sauron

Approximately 6,462 years (Second to Third Age)

  • Sauron is easier to calculate in terms of authority than Melkor, seeing as recorded dates were more of a thing when he was around. However, it is still slightly difficult, as Sauron’s reign tended to act like that of a heartbeat; having its occasional rises and falls. Therefore to give one total of years in power is a little vaguer, seeing as he came and went throughout the second and third ages.
  • However, he was still present in Middle Earth for around 6,462 years (from the start of the second age to his eventual fall in the third age). Therefore that is the timeline I am going to associate with his rule. You could deduct 500 years, seeing as it wasn’t until S.A. 500 he began to rise in might in Middle Earth following the end of the First Age. You could also deduct years from the duration of his defeat in the Battle of the Last Alliance of Elves and Men as well as the time spent as being the Necromancer in The Hobbit.
  • But as I did so with Morgoth, I decided to take some liberties and simply to go with the start of the Second Age to his fall in the Third, seeing as he was still a threat for 6,462 years. However, this to can be reasonably debated and argued.

 

Accomplishments and Losses

  • Like stated, longevity doesn’t accredit to a successful reign. Therefore it is important to understand what each individual did in the time that they were given. However, it is also important to note: Just because you accomplished a lot, didn’t mean these accomplishments had long lasting effects or were of any significance in the long run. Losses themselves may even outweigh what was accomplished in terms of being effective or attributing to the finale victory.

 

Morgoth

Major Accomplishments

  • Destruction of Arda (V.Y. Unknown): Known also as the First War. Melkor assaults his brethren and disrupts the ordered symmetry they seek to build within Arda, causing cataclysmic events and shaping much of the geography
  • Destruction of the Two Lamps (Y.L. 3450): Melkor destroys the two lamps, ending the Spring of Arda
  • Destruction of the Two Trees (Y.T. 4995): Known also as the ‘Darkening of Valinor’ Manwe hosts a festival in Valimar to heal the feud of the Noldor. Melkor and Ungoliant destroy the Two Trees.
  • Capturing of the Silmarils (Y.T. 4995): Morgoth assaults and kills High King Finwe and steals the Silmarils. Feanor becomes High King and his sons swear an oath against Melkor and he is renamed Morgoth. The Noldor depart from Valinor, and the First Kinslaying occurs with the slaughtering of the Teleri and the sieging of their ships
  • Doom of Mandos (Y.T. 4996): Noldor are banished from Valinor and face great doom
  • Fall of Man (F.A. 60-c. 200): Morgoth is absent from Angband, after discovering Men. Persuaded by Melkor, Men stop worshiping Eru and turn to evil but some revolt. According to legend, Men now lose the gift to die at will as the result of divine punishment, and are doomed to lead short-life spans at the end of which death takes them by force.
  • Curse of the House of Hador  (F.A. 472-500): Morgoth chained Húrin to a chair on the slopes of Thangorodrim for not revealing the location of Gondolin, and from there– through Morgoth’s sorcery– he could watch the tragedies that would befall his family and the curse destroy his children, Nienor and Túrin.
  • Fall of Gondolin (F.A. 510): Gondolin, the Great Hidden City of Turgon and the Noldor, was betrayed by Maeglin and sacked by Morgoth’s forces. Resulted in the deaths of Turgon and the Lords Glorfindel and Echelion, but the defeat of Gothmog as well. Tuor and Idril escape.

Conclusion

  • Many of Morgoth’s accomplishments were ineffective in the longevity of Middle Earth. While Morgoth became close to victory after the Fall of Gondolin, much of what he achieved was often worked around.
  • When Melkor raised Arda, the Valar rebuilt it, when the lamps were destroyed, the Valar built the Trees, when the trees were destroyed, the Valar raised the sun and the moon. When the silmarils were stolen, only Feanor and his sons rallied an oath against him and such resulted in their own doom.
  • Morgoth’s curse and the fall of Hador had little impact in Morgoth’s overall goal of conquest. It was very much an issue of personal spite and achieved only the demise of one household.
  • However, the Fall of Man and Gondolin could very well be considered long lasting achievements. Men wouldn’t be restored until Numenor, and even then only a selected were given the longevity of lives. Gondolin allowed for Morgoth to draw close to a finale victory and was, in all terms; a success.
  • Therefore, only two of his eight achievements supported his overall goal.

 

Major Losses

  • Intimidation of Tulkas (Y.L. 1500): Tulkas arrives, the last of the Valar to descend into Arda. Melkor flees from him and hides in the halls of Ea
  • Siege of Utumno (Y.T. 4590): The Valar march to war against Melkor on behalf of the Elves and lay siege to Utumno in 4592. Known as the War of the Powers
  • Chaining of Angainor (Y.T. 4599-900): Melkor is captured, and bound in the great chain Angainor, Utumno is destroyed. Melkor is taken to Valinor in chains and sentenced to serve a term in the Halls of Mandos for three ages and then later freed from his sentence by Manwe.
  • Betrayal of Ungoliant (Y.T. 4995?): Melkor withheld the Silmarils in his right hand, having desired them too greatly to allow the Great Spider to devour them. In response, an enraged Ungoliant wrapped Melkor in her webs, and poised to devour him as punishment for his perceived betrayal. Having grown far larger and stronger than before by absorbing the light of the Two Trees, the Gloomweaver would have killed Melkor had not his cry of desperation been heard by his Balrogs, who took flight and saved their master
  • Siege of Angband (F.A. 60-455): Battle of Dagor Aglareb, the Noldor defeat Morgoth’s forces and start the Siege of Angband. Known also as the “Long Peace” it lasted hundreds of years in the early expanse of the First Age when the Noldor sieged the fortress of Morgoth. It was a time of plentitude, peace and happiness for Elves and Men and was when the Noldor reached the peak of their power. However the siege was not complete and Morgoth was able to send out forces through secret passages from the towers of Thangorodrim.
  • Battle of Fingolfin (F.A. 456): Fingolfin challenges Morgoth to single combat and is slain but cripples Morgoth in response for the remainder of the First Age.
  • Quest of the Silmarils (F.A. 466): Beren and Luthien come to Angband and achieve the Quest of the Silmaril by gaining a silmaril from Morgoth’s iron crown. They return to Doriath but Carcharoth ravages the land.
  • Slaying of Glaurung (F.A. 499): The first worm of Morgoth is slain by Túrin though later results in the death of he and his sister Nienor.
  • War of Wrath (545-587): will be discussed in The Finale Defeat (stay tuned for section 4)

 

Sauron

Major Accomplishments

  • Lieutenant of Angband (Y.T. 4599): Destruction of Utumno. Sauron escapes capture and remains in Angband, breeding orcs and trolls for Melkor
  • Corruption of Tol-in-Gaurhoth (F.A. 455-465): Finrod’s fortress of Minas Tirith is taken by the forces of Sauron; Tol Sirion is renamed Tol-in-Gaurhoth, “Isle of Werewolves”. Beren sets out for the Quest of the Silmaril. Receives the aid of Finrod Felagund. Here they are imprisoned in Tol-In-Gaurhoth following the duel or duelet of Finrod and Sauron. Finrod is slain by a werewolf but Beren is rescued by Luthien.
  • Creating the Rings of Power (S.A. 1200-1600): Sauron seduces and deceives the Noldor in Eregion in the guise of Annatar but Gil-Galad and Galadriel mistrust him. The Noldor under Celebrimbor are instructed by Sauron, and begin forging the Rings of Power. Sauron forges the One-Ring in secret and completes the building of his fortress Barad-dur. Celebrimbor begins fighting Sauron
  • Fall of Eregion (S.A. 1697): Eregion destroyed ending one of the last great elven strongholds in Middle Earth and Celebrimbor is slain, thus ending the line of Feanor. The doors of Moria are shut and Elrond establishes Rivendell in secret.
  • Fall of Númenor (S.A. 3255-3319): Ar-Pharazorn the Golden weds his first cousin Miriel, and seizes the throne of Numenor. Ar-Pharazorn sails to Middle Earth and takes Sauron captive. Sauron is taken prisoner to Numenor but begins corrupting the Numenoreans and becomes court advisor to Ar-Pharazorn. Sauron establishes himself as High Priest of Melkor, the Faithful are openly persecuted and sacrificed to Morgoth. Ar-Pharazorn sets foot on Aman.
  • Atheism in Númenor (S.A. 3300): Sauron convinces the Numenoreans that Eru was a lie created by the Valar to keep the children of Arda complicit. Melkor was then the giver of freedom, for he wished to empower man and not chain them as the Valar desire. Atheism = a disbelief in Eru as the Valar were not true ‘gods’
  • Recovery of the One-Ring (S.A. 3320): Gondor founded, Sauron returns to Mordor.

Conclusion

  • Sauron’s accomplishments were dramatically more long lasting within the longevity of Middle Earth then that of Morgoth.
  • The creating of the Rings of Power would continue to cause numerous incidents of greed, war and temptation, lasting well into the Third Age until his finale defeat. Those that wore the rings were bound to them and twisted into creatures called Ringwraiths, whose fates would forever be depended upon them. Those that possessed the One-Ring would find themselves becoming mad on its power and some even had to take leave to Valinor in a hopes to recover from its taint
  • Eregion was considered one of the last great elven kingdoms in Middle Earth, alike to the glory of those in the First Age. Upon its fall, nothing of similar power would be created by the elves in Middle Earth beyond those of pocket realms held by lords and ladies.
  • Much of the same, Numenor was considered to be the greatest kingdom of man and nothing in its likeness would be found in Middle Earth again. Upon its fall, Valinor was removed from the earth and Arda itself became round and foreign.
  • Lastly the recovery of the One-Ring allowed for Sauron to grow in malice and might once more, and he would return twice again to lay siege to Middle Earth.
  • Therefore five of his seven accomplishments attributed to his succession towards domination and the former two allowed for Sauron to gain much needed experience before allowing his aggression to stretch outward.

 

Major Losses

  • Humiliation of Huan (F.A. 465): Sauron takes the guise of a great wolf and attempts to overpower the hound Huan. However, he is gravely wounded and his forms stripped of him and he flees in the disguise of a bat and is not seen for the remainder of the First Age. This allows for Beren and Luthien to succeed in the Quest of the Silmarils (see Melkor’s Losses)
  • Rejection of Eönwë (F.A. 590?): After the War of Wrath, Sauron adopted a fair form and repented of his evil deeds in fear of the Valar. Eonwe then ordered Sauron to return to Valinor to receive judgement by Manwe. Sauron was not willing to suffer such humiliation and fled and hid himself in Middle Earth.
  • Forging of the Three Rings (S.A. 1590- T.A. 3021): Celebrimbor forges the Three Rings in secret. Would later be possessed by Elrond, Cirdan/Gandalf, and Galadriel. Known also as Narya (Ring of Fire), Nenya (Ring ofWater) and Vilya (Ring of Air)– preserved the beauty of Elven lands and would ward off Sauron’s power and influence throughout his return in the Third Age.
  • Minastir’s Navy (S.A.1700): Tar-Minastir (11th King of Numenor) sends a great navy to Lindon. Sauron is defeated and his forces retreat from the coasts of Middle Earth.
  • Fruit of Nimloth (S.A. 3280): The White Tree of Gondor is said to be tied into the fates of men and should it be burned or destroyed, their empires shall fall. Isildur steals a fruit from Nimloth, the white tree is burn in Sauron’s temple thereafter. Later given to Aragorn and replanted in the Third Age following Sauron’s defeat.
  • Drowning of Númenor (S.A. 3319): Ar-Pharazorn sets foot on Aman; the World is Changed. Aman and Tol Eressea are removed from Arda. Numenor is drowned and the world is made round. Elendil and his sons arrive on the shores of middle earth. Sauron is removed of his fair form.
  • the Last Alliance of Elves and Men (S.A. 3441): Elendil and Gil-Galad face Sauron in hand to hand combat. But they perish, though Isildur takes the shards of his father’s sword Narsil and cuts the One-Ring from Sauron’s finger. Sauron’s physical form is destroyed and Barad-dur is razed to the ground. Many elves depart to Valinor thereafter.
  • The Fellowship of the Ring (T.A. 3018-19): will be discussed in The Finale Defeat (stay tuned for section 4)

 

Overall Conclusion

  • This is not at all a professional essay and therefore it may be founded upon faulted information and heavily weighed by personal opinion. However, in concerns of longevity of rule but more importantly, of accomplishments; Sauron succeeded more towards his goal of dominating Middle Earth and the free people found within. His achievements possessed greater impacts in the longevity of Middle Earth. For more on Sauron in the Third Age, please wait for section 4 which will discuss The Finale Defeat.
A bit morbid but

An AU where due to his close encounter with death and seeing what it did to nearly destroy his brother, Genji decided to take up being a Funeral Director to help people through the most tragic time of their lives. 

Hanzo, wanting nothing to do with the end of life but instead, finding himself drawn to new beginnings, takes up being a Wedding Planner.

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4

Hooray, the characters are finally finished. :) Their descriptions in order:

GUARDIAN GOLEM

An old golem, protector of the city. This golem has stood at the gates of the city from its very beginnings. He shows great respect in his task by adding the skull of his fallen bird brethren to his ever-growing crown, so that they will always be by his side.

MIDWIFE

A midwife. Midwives are specially trained in treating pregnancies, child birth, and postpartum situations. These midwives collect the umbilical cords of healthy newborn to feed to their bird kin. Abstaining from doing so, or keeping umbilical cords from a midwife is an act of heresy.

MAILMAN

Every young augur that sets out on their personal quest to master their trade may still want to stay in touch with their friends and relatives when far away. This old mailman carries a sacred stump, with mail boxes made from it. He knows by heart which key will open every mailbox. Seeing him walking into the city will bring smiles and cheers to its inhabitants, for it means he brings word of the loved ones who are far away.

WEATHER READER

A weather reader. Ancient augury is the roman practice of interpreting omens by observing birds and their patterns. Their predictions allowed to predict weather patterns and such. This young augur is equipped with wind chimes, sun dial, and hiking shoes to read the time of day and predict wind currents.

anonymous asked:

But who's noll's boyfriend?

I think Enty was (very super strongly) implying it was this fine gentleman next to Noll seen in the Daily Mail story that ran about Noll a few days ago:

Noll has officially joined the gay blinds club with his other four 1D brethren. 

Stuck in "Stuck in the Middle (With You)"

Okay, but Cas listening to an evangelical AM station in his truck – Angel radio analogue – and the preacher talking about everyone paying for their ultimate sins.

Cas has two “ultimate sins” weighing on him right now: killing Billie (which comes with a side of cosmic consequences) and the sin he has committed emotionally but not physically. Namely, the ultimate angel taboo. The one thing above all others that angels Must Not Do…

…Lay with a human.

It’s a sin we’ve seen committed twice this season (Isham and Lucifer), and one Cas has been constantly accused of by his brethren.

The scene with him listening to the radio shows us that his love for “humanity” is fore in his mind. He almost seems to be punishing himself with the evangelical show.

He’s still resisting. He doesn’t want to fall those few more inches to the ground.

But then he shaves a little off the distance when he thinks he’s about to die. He breaks the seal and says, “I love you.” He voices his love for “humanity” and the look on “humanity’s” face is heart breaking.

Poor Cas, trying so hard to keep his toes out of the dirt. Punishing himself for his desires, for his love. Holding on to the last vestiges of Heaven, denying himself the very thing that makes him happiest.

*sigh*

12x12 Coda: No Words

Cas headed toward his truck so he could drive it back to the bunker. Dean cut him off and shook his head. With a hand on the angel’s shoulder he guided him to where the Impala was stashed out of sight. He popped the trunk and got out a couple bottles of water and a rag.

Dean loosened his tie until it slipped easily over his head. He tossed it in the false bottom of the trunk. Next he helped Cas shrug off the trenchcoat. This piece of wardrobe Dean carefully folded before stowing it. He plucked at the remaining buttons on the blood and bile soaked dress shirt and took it from Cas as well.

They never uttered a word. Cas stood complacent whilst Dean wet the rag and went about wiping the dried and drying blood away from Cas’ torso. He inspected the visible skin for any remaining signs of trauma and when he was satisfied the angel was whole again, he found a reasonable clean towel to pat him dry with.

Dean took off his own jacket then his flannel shirt. He still had a tee on so he helped Cas into the flannel, dressing him like he’d once been responsible for doing for his little brother. Cas offered no resistance. He was too tired to argue. There was no fight left in him for the night. Dean offered his jacket but didn’t push when Cas waved it off.

There were still tears in Castiel’s eyes. He’d professed his love for the hunter with the intention of never living to see his rejection. The silence between them was causing his chest to ache. He was truly fallen. He was in love with a human and could never face his brethren again. Now his confession may have cost him the only family he knew.

Then Dean stepped into his personal space and threw his arms around Cas. He buried his face in Cas’ shoulder and soon his body wracked with sobs. Cas just gripped him tight and let his own emotions go as well. They held each other through a thousand unspoken words.

Dean pulled back to look into Cas’ eyes. They were as swollen and red as his own probably were. He could see the pain, the hope, the relief. He felt Cas’ eyes searching his for something, any kind of response to what happened. That’s when Dean knew what he had to do.

He’d never make the words come out right. He may never be able to say them out loud. But Cas needed to know. He deserved to know. So Dean brought one hand up to Cas’ face. He thumbed away a line of tears from Cas’ face. His palm rested on the angel’s cheek. He tilted his head back just slightly and placed a gentle kiss on salty lips.

Castiel’s hands went down to Dean’s waist as the chaste kiss deepened to something more desperate. He felt the glow of Dean’s beautiful soul within his weakened grace. He felt loved.

When the kiss ended they just stood. Dean’s hand slid down Cas’ arm to search for fingers to entwine. He led Cas to the passenger side of Baby and opened the door for him. He got in his side.

Sam and Mary had remained hidden in the shadows to watch the entire scene play out before them. Mary had her arms wrapped around her son’s with her head against his shoulder. There were tears in her eyes as she watched the shadow of Dean pull the shadow of Castiel to the middle of the bench seat to be closer. Sam just looked down at her and smiled.

So yesterday we talked about how Robin Hood made friends with John “Little John” Little, and maybe you are craving some more Real Deal Robin Hood, but there’s also the distinct possibility that you are hoping today’s story of the day also involves more of those riverside fights to the death between psychopaths. If you want more of both, BOY, HAVE I GOT GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, because today, we are going to talk about how Robin Hood made friends with his other famous ally: Friar Tuck. And YES, it also involves riverside violence, because Robin Hood is a psychopath and that is his only way of making meaningful bonds with others.

RIGHT, so this happens a while after Robin and John have become even bigger threats to society by combining their savagery. There’s like three hundred odd bandits in the Murderous Mass of Merry Men now, their mansion has received some expansions, courtesy of all that money they were totally giving to the poor SNRK and Robin was pretty famous by now. So Robin and the lads were shooting arrows at animals just for kicks, because killing shit is the only consistent hobby a psychopath has, and he decided “YO BUT LET’S KILL COOLER”, so they started aiming at farther and farther away animals, until the only two that could land their shots were Robin and John. 

Now, Robin is kinda really into John, so he’s like “MAN, YOU AND I, WE’RE SO– THERE’S NO ONE BETTER THAN US AT HIGH PRECISION SENSELESS KILLING IN THIS BARBARIC LAND OF THE 1400′s ENGLAND ” because Robin is really proud of their murderous bromance.

But before Robin could get down on one knee and present a ring of engagement to John “Steroids” Little, a resounding “WAIT!” echoed in the forest. “You two are good at high precision senseless killing. Pretty good. But I know someone better than you at high precision senseless killing. He kills things with more precision and less sense than you.”

“NANI” yelled Robin Hood, drawn in chalk in the style of 1980′s anime. “Who the HELL are you talking about, Will Scarlet!”

OK QUICK INTRO: Will Scarlet is another one of Robin Hood’s lads. The youngest one and a passionate youth, he was the finest, best swordsman in the Merry Men, while Robin Hood was the best archer, and John “Hercules’ Bigger Cousin” Little was the best staff wielder (also a really good archer). He was famous for not sucking Robin’s dick despite being loyal to him.

“Well, see, over yonder by The River” elaborated the swordsman “there’s this friar that is even more of an uncouth savage that you two put together”.

“WELL THIS WON’T DO, NO ONE IS A LOWER LIFE THAN ME” and with his arse chaffed by jealousy and his eyes full of Studio Ghibli tears, our man Hoodie grabbed his utensils of murder and went to meet this friar, stomping his feet like the psychopathic manchild he was.

Now, finding a friar in a forest shouldn’t be too hard by itself, because friars are not usually alone in the middle of a forest by a river, but in case there was any doubt, Robin Hood, astute fox, immediately realized that that particular friar by the river was the one he was looking for. Not because he is, like, intelligent and wily or anything, but because, see, when I say “friar”, you imagine this

but what stood in front of Robin was more like

In his usual eloquent and poetic demeanor, Robin Hood let out a “holy fucking shit what” and reconsidered his life choices that led to this moment. That sure was a friar, alright, but he was packing. Weapons, cool armor, the hundred yard stare of someone who was Seen Some Shit, this guy had it all. Are you familiar with the souhei (warrior monk) Musashibo Benkei? The guy that camped out in a bridge and beat people who passed by and stole their weapons? And who ended up with 999 weapons he stole from people he defeated? Ok so this friar was the western equivalent of Benkei, in that you did not fuck with this friar.

Robin Hood, however, is not an intelligent lifeform, so as soon as he got over his initial, visceral fight-or-flight reaction, he was like “EH” and went to face him, anyways.

And by “went to face him” I obviously mean that Hoodie went and told him “hey dude, carry me across this river”. And the heavily armed friar, as you do, SILENTLY picked Robin up and, uh, carried him. At this point, Robin’s brigand mind was a string of 0s and 1s because he could not fucking compute this dude didn’t attack him for disrespecting him like that and instead just silently complied. Well, whatever, free piggyback, Robin is happy.

But as soon as they get to the other side of the river, the friar says “hey, do me a solid and carry me across the river, mang”. OH, SO THAT WAS HIS GAME. Robin picks him up and returns the favor, because piggybacks are awesome. As soon as they get back to the other side, Robin immediately says “hey HEY carry me across this river”, and the friar is like yeah alright it’s not like this is a huge waste of time, so he lifts Robin and starts carrying him again, but in the middle of crossing the river, PSYCHE the friar legit powerbombs Robin against the river. PRAAANKED.

Robin gets up, screams “KISAMA!!! and boss fight music begins to play as he gets his longbow out and starts shooting arrows at the friar, who deflects every single one of them with his shield. “K-kisama…” silently screamed Robin in a very tiny voice when he saw that his signature move had been completely invalidated and was forced to draw his sword to engage Mega Ultra Friar in melee combat. Robin really oughta stay away from rivers because he only ever almost dies near them.

But Robin was a pretty good swordsman in his own right, so they go left and right, swish and swoosh, until they both get tired. The friar has the upper hand on principle of his superior equipment, and also because he’s a Dark Souls boss. Seeing this, Robin remembers he is an outlaw and shouldn’t be playing by the rules, so he grabs his horn and blows it three times, which is the “HELP ME, I SOILED MY DIAPERS, LADS” signal. Almost immediately, Robin’s whole gang of happy killmen turn up and surround the Raid Boss Friar. The friar, however, looked nowhere as terrified as he should look for a tired man outnumbered 300-to-1. He simple put his fingers on his mouth and whistled three times.

“HEY YOU DUMBO” Robin yelled “I’m the one with the bandit gang, so whistling three times is not going to–” but before Robin could finish his tantrum, a rumbling noise surrounded the battlefield. One of the Merry Men looked to the source of the sound and yelled “DOGS…!”, which would usually be a great thing, except these were very angry, very murderous hounds that began attacking the Merry Men. 

Things Robin Hood Didn’t Account For: The friar having a personal army of dogs.
Things The Friar Had: A personal army of dogs.

Around 300 dogs appeared, matching each Merry Man head by head, and all out bandit-versus-dogs war was unleashed. Bandits using swords to defend themselves, dogs dodging skillfully and catching arrows with they mouth (LITERALLY, THAT IS WHAT THE BALLAD SAYS), fucking John “Hulkmania” Little fighting for his life as a dog wanted to french kiss his jugular, it was PANDEMONIUM. The fight goes on and Robin tells John to PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, so John activates the Kaio Ken times 10 and kills like two dozens of dogs with staff blows and arrows because he is kind of a big deal, and the friar is like “dude no don’t kill my dogs, can we reach a compromise?”, and of course, Robin, the sensible guy, says “yeah, if you join our band of murderous and dangerous criminals, we can all be happy together and ransack Nottingham and her roads”. Of course, the friar, a man of the cloth, a servant of our lord Jesus Christ, passionately answered “YOU DON’T HAVE TO ASK TWICE” because he sure as hell loves senseless violence as much as these psychopaths, and he finally found a band of men dangerous and vile enough for him to feel comfortable with, for him to call “his brethren”.

And that’s the story of how Robin Hood recruited a boss fight into his party. And all of his dogs. They christened him “Friar Tuck” because his real name, “Ultra Friar Arnold Schwarzenegger On Steroids” wasn’t as catchy.

Summer Snow

Pairing: Castiel x Winter fairy!Reader

Warning: Fluff. (I know…)

Word Count: 1,805

A creative writing practice piece. It’s different from what I normally write, but I’ve had snow on the brain. I’ve also been drowning myself in fantasy novels lately so there’s that…

……….

Castiel walked through the snowy embankment and kept his eyes on the frozen landscape as he searched for signs of life. The afternoon sun was tucked away behind a sheet of thick, gray clouds that stretched across the length of the sky. The air was still as he continued on his path, looking, watching, waiting. His dress shoes sank into the freshly fallen snow and tracked footsteps that trailed for miles through the forest.

Time didn’t matter here.

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Horus Lupercal

The road to Terra is open. The time has come for us to take the war to the Emperor in his most impregnable fastness! We will make immediate preparation for the invasion of Terra and an assault on the Imperial Palace. Make no mistake, and it will be ours, my brothers! This will be no easy task, for the Emperor and his deluded followers will fight hard to prevent us from interfering with his plans for godhood. Doubtless much blood has yet to be spilled, theirs and our own, but the prize is the galaxy itself…Are you with me?"— Warmaster Horus, Master of Istvaan

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