okay, listen. desi kids, we fucking love our mothers, especially our immigrant mothers who were torn from their homes with husbands they hardly knew, who sacrificed careers and education and their own mothers. they are the strongest people we know. we would die for them and kill for them. i can’t think of a single person who matters more to me than my mother.
but the thing is, sometimes they themselves don’t know what’s right for their children. we know our mothers are caught between their husbands (whom they have been dependent on for the last few decades of their life) and their children (whom they only want the best for).
in desi households, the kids don’t give a fuck about their fathers, they would sooner leave them than listen to a single word they say (and a lot of this has to do with the way men in south asia are raised – conversation for another time). but it’s the mother that really controls the household in the sense that she will take the angry words of her husband and tell them softly to her kids… who will listen to even the worst command if it’s coming from her. she doesn’t realize it, your father doesn’t realize it, and you don’t realize it, but this is still emotional manipulation and it is abusive as fuck.
you love your mother, and i love my mother. but sooner or later we really will have to come to terms with the fact that when we give in to her soft pleading requests despite rejecting it when it came as an order from our father’s harsh screaming, we’re perpetuating the same cycle we are trying to escape. it’s gonna make you feel guilty and craven and frustrated, you do so many things you don’t want to, but it’s the truth.
there’s no escape. we’re trapped for life with our mother’s love.
you’re either selfish and you leave your mother, or you’re a coward and you listen to your father. you’re never free.