Aries: Oftentimes it is not you who gets to decide wether your butt looks good or not, though you do get the tiebreaker.
Taurus: Cynicism and optimism have their place. That place is mashed together into a confusing Frankenstein of a conversation. Gotta keep people on their toes.
Gemini: Your toothbrush is a mimmic, a mimmic that really cares a lot about your dental hygiene.
Cancer: There is magic in cleaning your home. Not fiery kaboom type magic, more the now your house is clean kind of magic.
Leo: As you sit there, thumbing through your phone, something watches you. Something with dead eyes and rotted legs. Do not look up, it will see that as a sign of aggression.
Virgo: Whatever is carving your name into your belonging will stop if you read up on financial literacy, seriously debt management is important.
Libra: Look “dress for success” does not mean “cover yourself in gold paint”. The stars and I see what you were going for though.
Scorpio: Watch your tongue. It has its own agenda.
Ophiuchus: Due to a clerical error, all Ophiuchans can talk to cakes form the next two weeks or so if they concentrate real hard.
Sagittarius: Invoke your right to duel. Invoke it without warning or cause. Kill people with a rapier. Kill unsuspecting people with a rapier.
Capricorn: When all falls apart, follow the money.
Aquarius: I don’t care if it works, a thong is a silly thing to enchant.
Pisces: Make sure it’s a real angel of ephemeral night. Ask to see ID. Ask to see their nightmare mount. Protect ya neck. Wu Tang.