andrew goes on to play exy professionally because it’s all he knows. it’s a borrowed obsession and he knows neil will play pro until he physically can’t anymore. so he joins a professional team, and he keeps playing. for years. until eventually he figures out what he wants to do with his life

he wants to work with kids. he wants to help vulnerable kids because no one ever helped him. so he retires and he becomes a social worker and for probably the first time in his life he has a passion. something he loves doing, that makes him feel good. something that makes him feel like he has a place in the world

something to live for

ryan and brendon lyric comparisons part 1
  • Lie to the Truth: Now if we're even // Then why are we both blue?
  • Hallelujah: Being blue is better than being over it
  • Lie to the Truth: But you had your doubts // 'Cause it took too long // To finally see what I // What I'd been doing wrong
  • House of Memories: I wish // I could believe // You'd never wrong me
  • Lonely Moonlight: I wandered through the sunshine // Remembering when you were mine
  • Impossible Year: There's no sunshine // There's no you and me
  • Where I Belong: The glitter is gone // I'm done with the dark
  • Golden Days: The glitter dancing on the skin // The decades might've washed it out
  • Defiance: That love could never live again // But we found a way to make it stay
  • House of Memories: Promise me a place // In your house of memories
mish mash + indecisiveness

Is the pain no longer there because you’ve stopped hurting or because you have gotten used it?

Today we sang a song in life group that I remember singing in the summer after a particularly hard week in a very very difficult month. To think where I was then and how I am now, time really does play a part in hard seasons where you seem to be only surrounded with hardship and hard feelings.

I found myself reading blogs today of certain people I admired and papers posted by professors that I’m being taught by. All the while thinking to myself “wow I wish I could be as articulate as him”, “she is so filled with Christ like wisdom that I could never have”, “if only I could be more put together with my feelings, then I’d be able to grow well”, “everyone is so much smarter than I am, I could never achieve something like this in my life.“ I don’t think I’ve ever felt the negative effects of comparison as much as I have this year. It is ugly, and cruel. The lack in self confidence and originality that results when I only see my worth as a relative measure to other people/things just perpetuates a self deprecating cycle. I need to learn how to find freedom in myself, and no matter how much I try to find a different answer, Christ as the center will always be a part of that equation.

Which after all of this leads me to ask, should I start a blog dedicated to just musings I have or lessons I’ve learned? Would people even want to read what I have to say? Should that even matter? Is it something that I’m able to sustain? But commitment issues… hm lol.

anonymous asked:

45 to 50

45. how you found out about your idol
bitch it’s so long ago i don’t remember
46. what my last text message says
’i wish i won jsut so i could lecture the fuck outta his ass smh’ kghkjgkv
47. turn ons
judge me btu good music taste gfkgfdk
48. turn offs
just??? generally being a shitty person lmao
49. where i want to be right now
either in LA or w gabby YEET
50. favourite picture of your idol

i love him so much

send me numbers?

littlegingerwolf  asked:

You blog is an elven forest paradise. I love the color scheme and all you blog. I'm especially curious about that little lamp you have in the right corner there. I've seen it elsewhere before but have never been able to figure out where it comes from. You wouldn't happen to remember where you got it/found it? :)

I’m so happy you like it! Sometimes i wish i could crawl into it and dwell for a while myself! 
I do! Just follow this link, and it has a step by step tutorial on how you can have your own, (posting publicly just in case anyone else was curious!) 

At last! The lyrics to the Miraculous Ladybug PV?

So remember when the first 2D  trailer came out and we’re all like “this song is awesome ,but what the hell are the lyrics? Are they even in English? Is it French?”

Well, I found some lyrics on a website. They are fairly accurate, I think there’s some points where it’s off, but this may be the closest we ever get. Damn, I wish they would use this song still…

Tell me now, pretty baby

You could never stop unaware

Too gone, for don’t you get it now?
Do you know that I’m feeling down?
Every love went through your head
Giving love turned bad
Maybe love can soothe your pains
Making up, make it better

Up Ladybug, never doubt, ‘til we find one way, forever
Up Ladybug, got a goal, we’ll be fine some day, together

Did you know it couldn’t be enough?
‘Cause I need what’s stolen away
Taking all that to a better love
When you need it all the way

When you’re going through your head
Giving love turned bad
And a love can steal your pains
Making up, make it better

Up Ladybug, never doubt, ‘til we find one way, forever
Up Ladybug, got a goal, we’ll be fine some day, together
Up Ladybug, never doubt, ‘til we find one way, forever
Up Ladybug, got a goal, we’ll be fine some day, together

I remember seeing a post in a H50 related tag where someone had been searching for this image but in high-res. 

idk if they have ever found it, or if they are even still looking for it. But I found a copy in decently HQ. 


Today in science class, I learned about monarch butterflies. I learned that they’re the only butterflies that migrate like birds do. I learned that they are considered the “king of butterflies”, and the most beautiful.

I found myself wishing I was a monarch butterfly. I pictured myself escaping to somewhere warm for the winter, away from all of the chaos in the cold. I sat in class imagining myself covered in shades of orange and yellow, carelessly flapping my wings, letting the wind carry me where it pleased.

Then I remembered my best friend, and how she needed someone to keep her warm in the cold months. I could not fly away.

I remembered him, and the look on his face when I told him how happy I was that he was next to me on that rooftop. I could not fly away.

Oh, but I still want to. Because this is all so confusing, and so, so, overwhelming, and I want it, no, I NEED it to all just stop. I need to just fly away, if only for a few days, to collect my thoughts and organize my feelings into their designated boxes.

But I’m afraid that feelings don’t fit into storage containers, and none of this will stop until we’re all bursting at the seams. I’m afraid that we will all end up with the wrong people, and we will be so tired that we won’t bother fixing it, and we will be doomed.

I’m afraid that none of us truly know what we want, and we’re all just acting out of fear of losing one another. I’m afraid that I’ve been faking my feelings, though I’m not sure how I can fake my heart skipping a beat when his eyes meet mine, or every inch of my skin lighting on fire when his fingers brush against my arm.

As terrified as I am that all of this is fake, I think I am most afraid of the fact that deep down, I know it’s real. I know that this bubbling in my chest when I’m around him isn’t just a switch I flicked all of sudden. I know that this stain has been on my heart since the first time I spoke to him. I know that it can not be erased, no matter how desperately I scrub at it.

I wish it wasn’t, but at the same time, I’m glad it is. This is scary, and confusing, and complicated, but I feel more alive than I ever have.

I can not fly away.

—  page 2 of Maya Hart’s diary
Homeward Bound Part Six {Bucky Barnes x Reader}

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five


Warnings: Some sad Bucky. Lots of Fluff, some cursing. 

There was something comforting in waking up in someone else’s arms. My eyelids fluttered open and I found myself on someone’s chest, someone’s arm was snaked around me, the other one holding my hand. When you wake up there’s this magical moment where you don’t remember the bad things of yesterday, where everything’s okay. This was that moment. I wish I could live here forever.

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty” A husky voice said. I smiled despite myself and looked up into kind blue eyes.

“Morning, Buck” I said, his lips curling up. I fought the urge to kiss it off his lips. I fought the urge to run my fingers through his hair. Suddenly a wave of embarrassment surged through me. The events of yesterday came back all at once. HYDRA, Crying, Crying puddles into Bucky’s shirt. Seth. A feeling of dread came over me. For a while I was safe. They thought I was dead. They thought Seth and I died in a fire. But now they new where I was and they were coming for me to finish what they started. 

If there’s one thing I learned from them it’s that HYDRA never gives up, never surrenders. They weren’t going to let me go. I’m the girl who can stop time. They’ll be damned if they let me go. The fear begun to harden my heart as I tried to think of a way to escape and go back into hiding. 

“That’s probably the first time I slept without nightmares” Bucky said, tightening his arms around me. I buried my head in his chest, confronted by his very being. I wish I never had to leave this moment. 

“Me too” I whispered, my voice weak. I pulled away from him, still facing him, his right arm still draped over my waist. “Thank you, for staying the night and dealing with me” I say a light pink dusting my cheeks.

“No. Don’t thank me” His eyebrows scrunched up, “You’ve been there for me, now it’s my turn” He said. My heart sank a little. I didn’t want him to be here because he felt like he owed me something.

“You don’t owe me anything” My voice was suddenly strong and harsh.

“No, i’m not doing this because I owe you, or as a favor. I’m doing this because- Because I-” His voice was annoyed, as if the very concept of this being some sort of obligation was disgusting. “I care about you. Don’t you see that” His voice was softer now, sweeter. My heart jumped and I fought the urge to grin like some stupid school girl with a crush. 

“Thanks for caring then” I tell him, meeting his steel blue gaze with my warm Y/E/C eyes. 

“Always” He smiles and pulls me into his chest. I wrap my arms around his torso, feeling his taught muscles underneath his t-shirt. 

“We should get up” I say as we pull away from the embrace, I turn around and I feel arms catch me and pull me back down to the bed.

“Not yet” 

“But-” I laugh

“Not yet”. His arms settle around me, his breath near my ear. I felt a pang of sadness as I realize just how much I would miss him. He would be my could have been, my almost, my maybe. My what if. But I knew I couldn’t stay here. I was better on my own anyway. I would just bring these people trouble. The were heroes and all, but in this case I had to be my own hero. 

“Okay” I conceded. I grabbed his hand and entwined my fingers in his, trying to just. 


By the time Bucky and I finally got out of bed it was midday. We had missed breakfast and everybody was training. It was just the two of us. I pulled my hair into a messy pony tail and was wearing dress. I decided I was leaving tonight. I wasn’t going to wait for something bad to happen. No no one else is going to die for me. I got myself in this mess. I was going to get myself out or die trying. But that was the thing. This is my mess. I have no right to drag anyone else into it. They deserve better than that. I love them too much for that. That being said I was going to make today count. I was going to just try and enjoy this all. The people, the place, the memories. I wanted something good to keep me going. 

“What do you say we ditch training today and go out?” I ask Bucky, excitement in my voice, “I need to just get out” 

“I’m ready when you are” His grin made my stomach flip. 

“Let me grab my purse” I say, running back into my room. I grab my bag, run to my bathroom. I add some mascara and fix my hair up some more. I could feel the weight of today begin to grow. Just as I felt the finality of it all sink in, I heard a knock on my door. “Come in” I yelled, twirling my pony.

“Y/N?” The voice was hesitant but strong. Steve.

“Well, Roger’s you guys didn’t leave any breakfast for us” I tease as I walk back into my room. The moment I saw his blue eyes, any happy pretense faded away.

“Don’t do that” I could hear the gravity in his voice. It was heavy and serious. “I know you. You’re not happy. Don’t pretend you are”

“So what i’m supposed to be sad and angry. Because I don’t see that fixing this” I counter. 

“But you don’t have to hide. Not with me” He sounded hurt. If I was being honest he looked like crap. Guilt wasn’t good for Cap.

“Cap. I’m not fine. I’m probably not going to be fine for a while. But i’m not hiding. I’m just tired of being sad and angry all the damn time. I want to just live my life.”I explain to him. I walk over to my unmade bed. I pat the empty space next to me. “I love you Rogers. And I love you for caring. But you gotta let me deal with this the way I need to”. If I was being honest, he was right. I was hiding. I was hiding the hurt and fear. But I couldn’t let that poison my last day here.

“I’m so-so- sorry Y/N. I should have never-”

“Don’t do that to yourself”. I snap, “I get that you have a hero complex. I love that about you, but this whole HYDRA thing. It’s not your fault. It begins and ends with them. It was my choice to go on that mission. We saved a little girl. That’s reason enough for me not to regret going. I don’t blame you. Steve my this was my choice”  Steve turns his head to look at me and I give him a smile, a real one.

“I have a hero complex?” Steve raised an eyebrow. 

“That’s you got from everything I just said?” I laugh. 

“I love you too” His voice is soft and good and true. I was going to miss it. I rest my head on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around me.

“None of this is your fault Steve. So don’t blame yourself. Just don’t. Promise me you won’t”

“I ca-”

“Promise me” I push. I need to know he’ll be fine when i’m gone. I need him to know it wasn’t his fault. 

“I promise” I hear a hitch in his voice. 

“Good!” I say. I wrap my left arm around him and he turns so I can hug him. I burry my head into the crook of his neck, finding comfort in my best friend.

“Y/N?” I hear footsteps and I look up at Bucky’s not so happy face. I blush and I pull away from Steve. I give Bucky a smile but I can tell he’s not happy. Steve’s hand stays at my waist.

“Now, Roger’s. If you don’t mind, I promised Bucky some breakfast” Steve pulls me to him, smiling. I swear I saw Bucky clench his jaw.

“You’r cooking?” I could hear the hopeful tone in his voice.

“Nope. I’m taking him out to a coffee shop” I inform him. Steve gives Bucky a small smile before looking at me once more.

“I guess I could let you guys off the hook for training today” I roll my eyes. I get up. Steve catches my hand. “You sure you’re okay?” His voice is low, so only I can hear.

“Rogers” I sigh, “No” I squeeze his hand, “But i’m not going to become a recluse because I’m scared. I already did that once”. He nods and gives me a reassuring smile. He lets my hand fall and I walk towards Bucky. “Come on” I smile at him. He nods and he lets me go first. We walk out together. I can tell Bucky’s tense. “You okay Buck?”

“Just dandy” His voice is monotone. 

“We don’t have to go out” I stop walking. We were nearing the exit of the Avenger’s Tower. “We can stay in” I offer.

“No, Lets go out” Bucky seemed to regret his cold tone and gives me an apologetic smile. 

“You’ll love it.” I tell him, grabbing his metal hind in mine. I entwine my fingers in his. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt and jeans. He tenses up for a minute, looking at my hand in his, before relaxing. I can feel his eyes on me as we walk down the sidewalk. “It’s really cute. It’s got really awesome coffee and killer pastries. Some of their breakfast options are really great too. I can recommend some stuff if you want” I know i’m babbling. I’m not sure why i’m nervous. I am. My heart is pounding, my mind is racing. 

“Breath” Bucky laughs at me.

“I’m sorry. Guess I’m a little nervous” I admit.

“Why?” His voice is husky and sweet. It’s a voice that you get lost in. 

“I don’t know.” He doesn’t push me. As we walk down the street I feel him get closer to me, wary of people and their glaces at his metal fingers in mine. I want to punch everyone who stares. I take my other arm and put it on his forearm for extra support. 

“Penny for your thoughts” I say breaking the silence. He blushes and I become instantly more curious.

“I-I was just thinking- wondering ‘bout…” He begins.

“You don’t have to tell me” I lean into him. He blushes even more and I give a small chuckle. “Blushing is a good look for you” I tease. He rolls his eyes. We fall back into silence.

Most people would be unnerved by silence. By not talking. But with Bucky and I it works. We understand each other’s silence. We understand that words aren’t always needed to convey thoughts or emotions. We are comfortable just being together. That’s what I like about him. My silence fits with his.

“It’s here” I point to a small coffee shop. We walk in together hand in hand. I order for him.

“Let me” Bucky says, grabbing out cash to pay.

“No!” I slap his hand away, “It’s my treat Buck”

“Y/N” His voice is stern. We both look at the cashier. She looks at both of us unsure of whose money to take. 

“James” I stare him down. She takes his money and we sit down. 

“Next time it’s on you” He smirks.My heart bleeds a little. We sit down in a booth.

“It’s a date” As soon as the words leave my lips I can feel myself turn red. I look down at my palms, mentally kicking myself. “You know this is where Steve asked me to help him look for you” I change the subject.

“Here” He starts to look around.

“Yeah. He was late and looked like crap. I almost said no” I admit. Bucky’s eyes come back to me, “I’m really glad I said yes”

“Me two” His look is enough to make me melt. 

“Steve still owes me coffee. But it’s hard to make time for friends when your saving the world I guess” I joke.

“So you two are just-” His voice trails off, as if he’s embarrassed of his question.

“Friends?” I finish for him and he nods not meeting my gaze. I laugh, “Best friends. But that’s it. But I guess we act coupl-y because everyone seems to think we’re dating” I inform him. “But we’re totally platonic” I make that clear. He nods his head slowly. He looks out the window. He tenses up. I can tell he’s put himself on alert. His eyes dart around the room assessing it. I reach over to his side of the table and grab his flesh hand.

“We’re okay here” I say. He looks down at our hands before looking up at me. “your safe here”

“How did-”

“I’m pretty good at reading people” I smirk. His thumb draws circles on my hand. 

“I’m supposed to be hard to read”

“Well maybe I’m just good at reading you” He opens his mouth to say something when bring us our order. 

“That’s a nice dress” The waiter complimented me. I give him a standard smile. 

“Thanks” I look up into warm hazel eyes. He’s got sandy blond hair and under different circumstances I might flirt with him. But when I look back at Bucky, I remember that i’m a school girl with a giant crush an a guy she can’t have. He nods and walks away. 

“He was hitting on you” Bucky’s voice is hard and harsh. 

“No. He was being nice” I correct him, “And even if he was. I don’t care” Bucky smiles at the last bit. 

“That dress really does look nice on you” I blush and take a sip of my coffee. 

“Seth bought it for me” My voice is far away and distant. I can still remember it. He was like the brother I never had. Nat visited us when she could, but it’s hard to stay in touch when you’re on the run. Seth and Nat were all I had for a long time. But my bond with Seth was something else. “It was my birthday present. We had just moved here. He found it a thrift shop. He said it reminded him of me. He just had to get it for me. We didn’t have a lot. But he never failed to get me a present for my birthday. It was the last thing he gave me” I could feel the tears prickle my eyes. I look away towards the window. I didn’t want Bucky to see me cry. I could feel him give my hand a squeeze.

“He must have loved you a lot”

“He did. We loved each other a lot. He was always taking care of me. I didn’t even notice everything he did until after…”My voice dies, “Anyways. I met Steve soon after Seth died. I guess grief either tears people apart or pushes them together” I look back at Bucky. There’s not pity in his eyes. There’s sadness and anger. It’s like he understands. Maybe that’s what love is. Wanting to understand someone else, especially when you can’t. So we sit there in that booth talking and not talking. I tell him more about Seth. He tells me more about HYDRA. I tell him about my first time on a roller coaster and he tells me about his newly resurfaced memories. The rest of the world faded away as we drank our very expensive coffee. I even forgot to be worried and scared. I didn’t feel empty or scared around him. He had this way about him that made me feel at east while making me feels sparks. It was an interesting combination.

“Do you think we knew each other in HYDRA?” Bucky asks.

“it’s possible” I tell him, “I still don’t have all my memories”

“That would be something” Bucky sighs.

“It would be. I’m glad I know you now” I take one last sip of coffee. 

“That was your fourth cup” He raises a concerned eyebrow.

“I have a love affair with coffee”

“That’s evident”

“If i’m ever mad at you, buy me some coffee, chocolate, and some pizza, and i’ll probably forgive you”

“I’ll keep that in mind” he chuckles as I get up. He follows my lead. our waiter flashes me a million watt smile and waves. I wave and walk out. I feel cool metal on my warm hand. He never really makes the first move when it comes to holding hands. This is a nice change. A cold breeze comes in and I lean in closer to Bucky.We walk down the sidewalk, oblvious to everyone and everything. We walk in the park before making our way home. 

“Thanks” Bucky said as we reach the Avenger’s Tower.

“Shouldn’t I be thanking you for brunch?”

“Yes, but it’s just this is the first time i’ve felt like a real person in a long time. Like a fully functioning person” He admits. 

“You are a fully functioning person. But i’m glad you realized that”

“you helped me realize that”

“You’re giving me too much credit, Barnes” I give an awkward giggle as we go up the elevator. 

“I don’t think I am” His words are quiet but fall with a heaviness that hangs around me. I pull him into a hug. He hesitates before hugging me back. There are so many things I want to say, so many words hanging around me. But none fall from my lips. The elevator dings and the doors open.

“Found them” Thor’s rumbling voice announces. 

“It’s almost five, you lady” Tony Stark meets us as we leave the elevator, “what were you doing all day with a member of the opposite sex. Was it a date perhaps”

“Stark, fuck off” I push him playfully.

“Look at those red cheeks” Clint points.

“Guys, leave the love birds alone” Nat interjects. I didn’t even notice I was still holding Bucky’s hand. 

“So what’s the plan for today” I say as I sit on the couch. 

“Well we don’t have to save the world today so we can chill” Pietro zooms into the room. 

“Well hi to you,Speedy” I say. 

“How are you feeling?” Wanda sits next to me. She didn’t have to ask. She looked at me and her eyes turned crimson. Crap,She probably could see that I was planning to run. I buried it and thought about anything but that. 

“What happened to not using your powers on me” I raise an eyebrow. She apologizes. “To answer your question, I feel better than I felt yesterday”. She holds my hand and I miss Bucky’s presence near me. He finds his way back to my side and I give him a half smile. Wanda gives me a quizzical expression and I roll my eyes.

“So Avenger, how about a movie night. I’ll even cook dinner” I offer. They all agree eagerly. I jump on my feet and make my way to the kitchen. I decide to make pasta, baked potatoes and some veggies. I start to bake some brownies and cookies. I’m so into the craft I don’t notice the audience that has joined me. I had already put some music on and as per usual was dancing and singing. 

“Nice moves” Clint teases. I gasp as I look up to see Nat, Clint, Bucky, and Steve all crowded near the kitchen entrance. 

“Some warning would be nice” I say breathlessly, “Unless you were trying to scare me to death”

“Sorry” Clint says.

“You get really into this, don’t you” Steve voices.

“Yeah I guess I do” I feel embarrassed all of a sudden.

“Come on guys, shows over” Nat announces. I mouth thanks to ant and she winks at me. Only one person stays. Bucky.

“Where did you learn to cook?” He asks me

“Well when I still lived in my apartment, right after Seth died, I didn’t leave the house much. I kinda hid away. I spent my time cooking. Or trying to anyway. It’s comforting to me” I explain. He nods his head and a stray piece of hair falls from his bun and into his face.  

“Can I help?” 

“Yeah” I say slowly, “If you can start washing dishes, that would be great”  He nods and does what I ask. We work together, music playing. I sing and dance and even manage to get him to dance with me. He’s grown so much since he’s been here. He has his moments where he’s still this broken man, but he’s come out of his shell. 

“Dinner’s done!” I yell over my music. 

“Movies are ready” Steve yells.  

“Come on Buck” I say. I take plates out and hand them to the avengers. Finally I sit down and Bucky plops next to me. We watch Y/F/M and a few disney films. They all moan and say thank you as they eat the food. They devour everything until there’s nothing left. I smile. I’ll miss this. 

“Y/N”, Bruce begins as he chews a brownie, “This might be your best batch yet”

“Thank you Banner” I smile at him. He eats two more brownies and some cookies. “Banner you are on a roll” I tease. He blushes but continues eating.

“You should look at Thor” He nods over to the god’s direction. He has brownie crumbs all over his face. I laugh. I was going to miss these two lovable idiots. 

“Shhh!” Steve stares at the move, “Some of us are still watching this” I giggle and lean my head on Bucky’s shoulder. It’s over much too quickly. We say our goodnights and they all hug me as a way to thank me for cooking today. I was happy today. I had memories to last. I smile sadly as Nat saunters over to her room as she waves good night. My heart breaks a little when Steve kisses my temple and goes to bed. I want to cry as I say goodnight to the twins. And for once I don’t want to slap Tony as he shuffles away to his room. Bruce and Banner talk as they stuff their faces with cookies. 

“We should go to bed” I say softly hoping my voice doesn’t betray my sadness.

“Yeah” He shifts from foot to foot as if he’s nervous. We were both in Pj’s already. I take his hand and we walk down the hallway to our rooms. His room was across from mine. We stop, him in front of his room, me in front of mine. He walks over to me, places a hand on my cheek, caressing it, before pulling me into a hug. I was surprised to say the least. when he pulls away he looks down at me, his blue eyes filled with questions. “Can I stay with you?” I smile at him. “You make the bad stuff go away. I can actually sleep when i’m with you. It’s like you just- I don’t know” he scratches the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I know the feeling” I grab his hand and walk into my room. I didn’t want to say no to him. I just had to wait till he fell asleep to leave. I crawled into bed and pulled him with me. I layed my head on his chest, while his arm wrapped around my torso. I draped an arm on his chest and closed my eyes. “I feel safe with you too” I whisper to him. His response was to pull me closer. I wish I didn’t have to let this go. His breathing slows down and I wait a few more moments before making a break for it.

First I remove his arm from my waist slowly and gently, I held it in the air while I jumped out of bed. I placed a pillow in my place, put his arm on top of it. I made my way to the closet and pulled out my backpack. I don’t dare look back. I look forward and keep going. I walk down the hall, my hear breaking with each step. I pass by everyone’s room, already missing them. I hide the tears away and walk into the living room. I take a final glance at the mess we left. I look at the kitchen and notice one last cookie. I’m tempted to take it but I don’t. Maybe Thor will eat it. He seemed pretty fond of those cookies. I almost laugh at the thought. I walk over to the elevator. 

“FRIDAY” I call.

“Yes, Ms. Y/L/N” Friday replies

“Don’t tell anyone i’m leaving. Don’t say anything about me at all”

“Yes Miss” I nod my head and the elevator doors close. I take a deep breath, my hear shattered. This was the first home I ever had. This was the first place I felt welcome and safe and good. Seth would have loved it here. I wasn’t going to let anyone here be another Seth. I couldn’t handle it. It reaches the ground floor and I walk out of the elevator. I begin to walk slower, the memories and love slowing me down. HYDRA will come for them. HYDRA will hurt them if they find me with them. I can’t let that happen. A strangled sob leaves my mouth and I cover my lips with my hand. Quiet tears fall down my face and I don’t wipe them away. I steel myself and I keep walking. I’m almost at the exit. I’m almost gone. I’m about to disappear. 

Then I feel a hand on my wrist. I don’t look back. I tug my hand, but who ever is holding it won’t let go. The tears fall down faster. 

“You’re just going to leave” Anger is in the air. 

“I have to” I keep my voice strong and even. 

“Why?” The voice asks. I don’t have to look to know it’s Bucky. I would now his voice anywhere.

“They’re coming. I can’t stay here” He walks so that I face him. I look down. 

“We can protect you. I can keep you safe” He pleads. His voice is breaking. 

“That’s exactly what i’m afraid of” I look up into his blue orbs. “I’m not going to let HYDRA come here and hurt you because of me. I don’t wish HYDRA on anyone, especially not on those I love” My voice is sad and filled with cracks and breaks. “I can’t let that happen Buck. This is the only way”

“I’m not letting you leave.” His voice is strong and his jaw is set. His hair is down and coming into his face. I reach a hand and tuck the strands behind his ear, my hand lingering on his cheek.

“You have to Buck” I tell him. He shakes his head. I tear falls down his face.

“No. Y/N don’t you get it?” His voice is passionate and strong. “We can deal with HYDRA together. I’ll be there-”

“No you don’t get it. This is hard for me. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay” I interrupt

“Then stay” His hands reach toward my arms and pull me to him, his forehead resting on mine. “Stay with me”. I reach out to touch his face almost as if to check that he’s real. My hear is pounding and breaking and bleeding. 

“You don’t even know how much I want to”. I want to tell him what I feel for him, but I haven’t even said it to myself, how am i supposed to say it out loud. 

“Please” I pull away and begin to walk closer to the door, tiny sobs racking my body. He pulls me back once more. He brushes the tears away from my face.

“I’m not letting you leave” 

“Bucky I already told you, I have to”


“Bucky” I plead, I look at him and he’s a mess. I probably look like one too. 

“Y/N. I’m not going to let you leave”

“Everyone here is better off if I leave. Everyone will be okay without me. They’ll be fine” I tell him

“I’m not” He’s angry now. He lets me go but I don’t move. His eyes are wide and doesn’t meet my gaze. “I’m not going to be better off when you’re gone. I’m not going to be fine when you’re gone. I’m not going to be fine without you” He gets closer to me. “Y/N I love you” My eyes go wide and I stare at him. My heart stops and I want laugh with joy. I want to hug him. I want to stay. “I’ve love you, I love you” He smiles glad that it’s out in the open. He relishes in that for a moment before becoming concerned. 

“James” My voice is soft, all the strength is gone. 

“Y/N Please say something”, his hand is one my cheek and I lean into the touch. I lean forward and place a kiss on his lips. It’s soft and sweet. He kisses me back. My hands are in his hair and his are at my back, deepening this kiss.His lips are soft and he’s gentle with me. He tastes like brownies and cookies. This moment right here. I’ve never been so happy. We pull away from each other, our faces still dangerously close. “If you think i’m letting you leave after that” He’s still breathless. 

“You have to. I’m not letting anyone get hurt because of me” 

“You’re still going to leave me?” Hurt is leaking from every pore.

“Bucky, I love you” My heart sings as the words soar. He smiles and kisses me once again softly and lightly. “I love you so much” 

“Then don’t leave” His voice is soft but not weak, “I need you here”

“I’m leaving because I love you. I need to know you’re going to be safe”. 

“And how am I going to be sure you’re safe” he questions.

“I can take care of myself. This isn’t my first rodeo”

“Let me come with you” He offers. I want so badly to say yes. I shake my head.

“You’re going to stay here. Take care of Steve, he might seem tough bet he’s not. Be there for Nat, she needs a shoulder to cry on now and again. Help Pietro when he’s anxious and make Wanda laugh when she’s sad. Talk to Tony and Bruce about their work. and play video games with Thor. Do that for me” Tears are streaming down my face.

“Do that yourself”

“Bucky, I love you” I say one last time. I crash my lips onto his. Its passionate and everything all at once. I can taste my tears. We break away and I sprinkle kisses on his face. “I love you. and you’re going to be fine”

“I’m not. When you leave, I don’t- I can’t” It’s his turn to cry now. He buries his head into the crook of my neck. “Don’t leave me, please” . He calms down and looks at me. His eyes are pained and his face is contorted with sadness. “I can keep you safe” He promises.

“I want to keep you safe” I whisper. I pull him into a hug. “I want you safe, my love. I’m sorry. I pull out a taser gun and tase him. He falls to the floor.

“FRIDAY” I call

“Yes. Miss. Y/L/N?”

“Call Steve and tell him where Bucky is” 

“Of course Miss” FRIDAY replies. I crouch down and kiss his cheek. I get up  and walk away. I walk away to keep them safe. As i walk out the room I leave behind Y/N and the monster HYDRA created takes over. 

A/N: So this was intense!!! I really hope you guys enjoyed it!! Part Seven will be up on Sunday!!! Feedback is appreciated, please let me know what you think! I love getting comments from you guys :) 

Lots of Love,

Ellie from Physics of Fangirling

Lyrics in Sherlock

Last night, in having a conversation with @softbunny52, I came to an epiphany.

So in the first two series, the only music we get that has lyrics is all tied with Moriarty, such as “Staying Alive” and “Sinnerman.”  That’s really it for lyrics in the entire first two series.  With so little lyrical music, it becomes easy to draw the connections between them, which in this case is obviously Moriarty.  All of these moments have something to do with him and thus lyrical music becomes a good shorthand for Moriarty.

But in series three, we get more bits of music with lyrics, the main ones being “Donde Esta Yolanda” and “December 1963.”  (softbunny52 mentioned that there was also Rihanna’s “We Found Love,” but I don’t remember where or the context for that.  I really wish I could because that might add to or disprove this meta.  But anyways…)  None of these moments involve Moriarty, so what could that mean? 

Now, I’ve seen a lot of various meta floating around on “Donde Esta Yolanda” and “December 1963″ having some subtextual links to Johnlock.  (Really wish I had links to those metas, but I can’t remember them and, sadly, never actually save these things.  If anybody knows, please link me!)  But, if we hold to the theory of the previous two series, music with lyrics is tied very closely to Moriarty.  So in what ways can these moments be tied to him?  

I think the answer lies in who all is involved in and heavily tied to these moments: John, Sherlock, …and Mary.

Mary is this new edition into the dynamic of these two characters.  Moments with John and Sherlock never had music with lyrics playing in the background before.  It’s not until Mary is introduced that we see this new trend.  So it stands to reason that that she is the thing that is making these lyrics appear. 

Therefore, according to the theory above, she must be in some way tied to Moriarty as well.

To me, I think that this points to Mary working for Moriarty.  Definitively.  

Which could also mean that these moments between John and Sherlock are orchestrated by Mary and, by extension, Moriarty.  I don’t know what this means for the validity of these Johnlock moments yet, but it would be interesting to figure that one out.  

Alexy as a straight character

BEFORE ANYONE STARTS THROWING TOMATOES AT ME, know that I love gay Alexy AND I wouldn’t change his sexuality in the game AT ALL.

Recently, I found a post where someone commented about how some people are like “If you can have any character in the game turned into a gay/bisexual character, then why can’t we have a straight/bisexual Alexy?”

Keep reading

Summer Rain in the North

Take me back
Where it all began
To the English north
And the summer rain
When the sun was hidden
But we were found
As I began to sink
Into the cold, wet, ground
Falling under your spell
Oh you broke my heart
But I wished you well
I could never hate you
But love was too elusive
And as hard as I tried
My heart was reclusive
And you were a ghost
Amongst the land of the living
But you left me quivering
Even though that’s cliche
It was true of you
And I remember the countryside
And all went we through
To London we journeyed
And your home in the north
Tucked away for a while
Just me and your smile
It was cheeky
As were you
And I felt the quiet
It engulfed my mind
And I felt restless
And beaten by time
And you were with me
That is true
But your heart ran away
And you had to go too
And I wanted to chase
After all that was lost
But I knew it was useless
You’d turned to dust
In the blink of an eye
It was hello
And Heathrow called me
To fly away home
And you were gone
Back on the road
But I remember that time
In the north that we spent
Tucked away in the fields
Of soft earth
And summer rain
It will live forever
In the words that I write
In the lines of this poem
And in my mind
If nowhere else
Think of me please
From time to time
When you return
To the north once again
Let England whisper to you
My name
And see it all once more
I implore…

Original Work: KH 7/21/15