You know..you mean so much to me. It’s currently 6am, i randomly woke up feeling sad and lonely. I wish you’d talk to me more. I wish we had more time for eachother. I miss your presence. Your hugs. Your voice. Your kisses. Your warmth. Everything that is you. I have so many thoughts of you that seem to pop up in my head at the most random times..I hate them..I love them.. Sometimes they make me happy, sometimes they make me sad. But right now, as I’m laying alone…everything just seems to come back to you. I really miss you, and I hope you see this…
What’s your problem? I wish it didn’t come to this, sitting writing, like it didn’t matter what I’d miss I wish you could hear me think; the thoughts that would make my stomach sink. You’re eyes pulled me in with an offer of safety. Something I don’t get in much plenty. Those pools of brown- those pools that destroyed my soul… those pools that had nothing i could console… You told me nothing would go wrong; You told me you’d help me be strong. You left me sitting, writing, waiting for you to come back; I loved you and you could never cut me some slack.
I thought you’d be there for me forever, but I’m obviously not that clever.
You never loved me- you only loved yourself… You cut me deep and pulled me down, off my shelf. I thought this relationship was going to last, maybe I was thinking too fast. You were the only thing i could see, my tunnel vision showing a river not a sea. If you knew what you meant to me, you’d know where you wanted to be. I still think about you every day, my head can’t stay clear with you here. Your smell still lingers around my room, no matter how many times these sheets are changed, maybe it’s just too soon. I love you. but, you can only love you. That’s your problem.
&& fatalvein gets a plotted thing, because my heart isn’t wretched enough yet and i’d like to destroy it completely.
she still was not certainif she dared to believe it. the tests had all shown the same result, certainly, but if something was wished for so dearly and it came true, doubt was always came hand in hand with it. still, the signs were there, un- mistakably and plain. hands folded in an attempt to show cold distance, bellatrix entered the room he was in now, doing some sort of little work he thought to be important, which she thought to be nothing but a child’s pretend. but this was not anything to discuss or even to remark in a biting comment now.
❛ Rodolphus. Listen. ❜ she had always been bad at hiding any stronger emotions, now more than ever. anticipation trembled with her words, a little bit of fear it would still be gone in a moment, a bit of repulsion by the thing itself, & pride, pride in all its facets.
❛ From this day on I will refuse to sleep with you.❜
her fingers closed around a little object on its desk, a paperweight as it seemed, and in a masked bored manner, she studied it, its edges and patterns carved into the stone before facing him, dark eyes piercing, gleaming with a hardedged flame.
❛ I am pregnant. ❜
Straightening, her jaw clenched shortly at the thought of a child, cloyed and unwilling shown in this short movement, but still, a thin smile like a knife’s blade stayed.
It’s on days like this that I wish that gravity did not exist so that my thoughts would go to the heavens where the Gods above could laugh at how stupid I am instead of getting into my heart where they can corrupt my inner being. It’s on days like this that I wish that I was part of the zero point eight percent of the world that is brain dead so that I would not be able to experience this. It’s on days like this that I pray that I had never found out about the horrors that you did. I wish that I was still a naive little seven year old thinking that only bad people do bad things. On days like this I hope that soon my laughs will not be hollow and my smile will not take effort. I curse myself on days like this for being so emotional. I curse myself for every tear as I know that all it is doing is dehydrating my heart of happiness. On days like this I wish my imagination would run away to the furthest place away from my head so I would not see the broken images it gives life to. I wish that my mind and body were not having a competition to see who can make me feel worse. I hope with all my heart that soon you can cradle my insecurities like a blanket being wrapped around a new born and suffocate all the awful thoughts out of my head or that you can prove my head correct so then I will know who to really trust and finally truly know that all people do leave. But most of all, what I really wish on days like this is that love and happiness were on the opposite sides of an equal sign.
I should’ve been better to you. It chokes me up to know that you have to settle for something less…when I know you’re something more. Not for me (because honestly I don’t know you) but I wish happiness for everyone… I really want that for you, because from what I remember… You’re heart had more value than gold.
I know that people use me, and that’s okay… Sometimes being used is good.(: If it wasn’t for me a lot of people wouldn’t be in the place that they’re in right now… But it hurts to know that in the end of the day… I’m just a stepping stone..
Where’s my break?
I work hard.. But honestly it’s not enough. I want to be someone someday and that’s not going to come from this…whatever “this” ( my status as a member of society) is.. Maybe I just need more… More school hours.. More career searching… More everything
I’m gonna be someone.
Watch me. In two three years you’ll see.
This was a question of tact and delicacy, and had the thoughts of the experiment reeling in a fashion most meticulous. Her hands fidgeted with one another and the fabric of her clothing whilst she contemplated a way to articulate her answer.
“I wish that I had escaped earlier,” spoke the experiment. “Or at least, I wish that I had found the courage to do so—and minimise casualties, as well. Too many people died when I escaped; good people, bad people. Some innocent, some deserving… but I did not want to kill them.”
I thought about home today. I know I shouldn’t but…it had been a while since I really looked back on things. I’ve done all I can to distract myself on this planet, to try and accept the way things are, but…
I just wish I could go back in time…I wish I could have the past back, and I could take my friends back with me. I’ve tried so hard to forgive but I just want my life back.
I never wanted things to change. I just wanted to go home. And now homes not home anymore.
i wish to legitimately bury myself under a pile of blankets and come out when school is over forever, because i cannot cope.. i mean, i thought i was coping well… but i was kidding myself! because i forgot about some things i needed to do, here’s the catch, because i told my mum i had done them! yay… i successfully lied to my mum so much about what work i’d done (so that i could go out for like.. 3hrs of my weekend to see avengers for my birthday, which is tomorrow) and now i officially hate my life and wish to curl up in a ball and hibernate semi-permanently
“When I was first playing oblivion I stumbled into Umbra’s ruin and my brother told me if I took her down I would get the best sword in the game but when I fought her I was very outmatched so I ran out of the ruins only to find out she was right on my tail. I ran straight into the imperial city and I had the guards kill her for me.“
Im not here to lie to you, Im not here to tear you down, make you sad, or make you hate me. Ive never once lied to you, or even had the thought of being with another man. Youre my heart and soul, my forever and ever, my life and so much more. I just wish you stop thinking everytime im out without you that im cheating on you… like.. its seriously starting to affect me. and you dont give a shit. you have to ask, make sure, reassure yourself. multiple times a day. every day. and i answer with the pure truth every time, “no.” No i havent slept around. no i havent hung out with any random guys. no i havent. no no no no no no no no. But have any of the no’s ive ever said been believed… Nope.
Because you think im a Scarlet Letter. that i should have that pinned to my chest. but im not. im 110% faithful. and then some. I just wish youd put your trust in me.. for once. I plan on spending the rest of my life with you.. why would i ruin that for a one night fling darling? i wouldnt. not once not ever. and ive asked a million and three times. stop asking if im cheating. because im not. i never would and i never have.
I dont think youll ever stop though.. why would you? I think you like seeing me stress. Like seeing me think youre just going to leave me, with no reason, no proof, nothing other than the CRAZY thoughts in your head…
IM SICK OF BEING CALLED A CHEATER BY YOU EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM NOT A CHEATER
I NEVER HAVE NOR EVER WILL CHEAT ON YOU
CAN YOU P.L.E.A.S.E. Please please please please please please please please
Find it in your heart to stop asking.? for a month, a week, jesus id take just one day. for you to not think im some basic slut.
because im not. I am a faithful loving girlfriend.
why cant you see that… why..
i love you…
SLL simple, you don’t love me never have and never will.you were just colorful with your words.
As I pace myself disgrace my self loath myself your set, to get me to the next point in line. This isn’t my original rhyme.
It’s so hard to find the time being this misserable. I’m finding more and more painstaking original for me to want this. This anti bliss selfishness bitterness. I want to reach with endless arms. But only find passive charms.
I want to fuel somebody someone like the bright and morning sun but I’m a failure at birth with this race already one.
You thought of everything and I still lust.
Against the Friend I had put my trust.
It was when I knew I had to sacrifice early on to learn to sleep. And your word returns forever deep. May it keep what you told me of you and me. And believe also in you as the ambassador of free.
Can I judge someone and be better.
No not even in my letter of word or speech. Because I deeply wish to teach.
Proudly say I’m good. But this the worst way I stood. Blinded by fear instead of yours. I knew humans sin where bound to be yours. I profess a great wealth. But it is my camouflage and stealth. I’m to the point where I have forgotten who I am inside. But I lean not on my own understanding and wait and hide. Soon the moment I feel content with sin every minute I wasted resent.
It was all an excuse a way to ease out.
And I cry out and shout. I’m a dependent upon person fix me up. But in the end I believe in an empty cup. But I learned to day that you have forever brought what you will sup. I can’t sustain myself no good of perfection just maybe important enough to be apart of your reflection. Today’s rant and cry be my way from the thought of being my own perfection . Because without your word I’m destroyed. The Lord lives to fill the void.
Nothing I say can change the simple fact that you’re gone, or that I feel numb. I’m glad that we were able to rekindle something between us in these last months. I’m not sure what it was, or where it was truly headed, but none the less, I am grateful. We went so long with out speaking, it was incredible. But not in a good way.
You are too young to be gone.
We didn’t have enough time together in this life.
I wish I had called you to come over the nights I had thought about it.