wish this was my real job

Just some fic recs...

I’ve read a lot of really good fic this year and I just thought the best of the best deserved some recognition.  I tried to weed out the super popular fics, but some still show up because I love them that much.  Also, the ships are numerous and varied.

Running on Air–eleventy7; Drarry
Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.
*I would murder people to protect this fic.  It’s beautifully written, well-plotted, original, and it reuses certain sentences, making them more poignant the later in the story they’re used.  Like, fuck me up*

the ghost of you–kissmesexybatman; Klance
When Keith goes missing without a trace, all his family and friends are able to do is move on with their lives. When he shows back up after a year, they have to convince him they still want him back.
*I may be slightly biased because the coolest person in the world wrote this, but let me tell you, it’s emotionally heartwrenching, wonderfully written, and gives you a happy ending without sacrificing the needs of the characters*

My soul is an empty carousel at sunset.–dawnstruck; Otayuri
Yuri grows up and grows older and grows into himself. Otabek helps. It just takes a while to get there.
*I’m demi and this fic described exactly what that experience has been like for me, as it features a demi!Yuri.  Beyond that, it was sweet and genuine and I adored it*

Keep reading

There’s a real bitter-sweetness in having a friend leave an online social space because they’re focusing on sorting out their real life. that thing when they admit to using the internet as a distraction from real problems and decide to take time away to actually attend to them. friends, school, job applications, ambitions swept to the wayside because existing as an icon, and a username, and an array of text was always easier. some part of you hopes for the best, hopes they succeed, hopes they never return. some part of you wishes they’d never even considered it, so you’d never see them go. so you’d never have to pause and wonder for yourself if you ought to be doing the same.

Sharkboy and Lavagirl script

Sharkboy was not always
half shark, half boy.
He was a marine biologist -
or, at least, in training.
His father studied
great white sharks
and called his son “Sharkboy” because of
how much he loved to care for the sharks.
He made them sushi
and had given them all names:
Goodmilk, Peggy, Eggbat…
and Crackett.
But one day an incredible,
mysterious storm appeared.
It swept away the entire laboratory.
Sharkboy!
Thanks to their life rafts,
Sharkboy and his father survived.
But they survived
on different sides of the wreckage,
each floating off in a
different direction.
Sharkboy!
Sharkboy was completely alone.
Almost completely.
But one of the sharks
recognized him.
Hey, it’s Sharkboy.
Don’t take a bite outta him, boys -
he’s a friend.
They took Sharkboy to their cave home
, where he’d be safe and dry.
His new family were sharks.
Hundreds of sharks.
The sharks raised him
as one of their own,
training him in the
ways of the shark.
You must keep moving to survive.
Always go forward, never back.
To live by instinct
and instinct alone.
Eventually he grew gills,
and sharp talons for claws.
His teeth sharpened themselves
to a point.
He grew fins - all sorts of fins.
But that was years ago.
I first met Sharkboy while
fishing on the dock this summer.
He seemed lost.
- You have to get a job!
- No, I have a job!
So I snuck him home…
Then maybe you should just leave.
when my parents
were too busy to notice.
I kept him fed and in water.
He had been traveling the universe
in search of his father.
He told me of his latest adventures
on a planet so cool it makes you drool.
He said I too
could go to Planet Drool someday.
Then one night
I was visited by a glowing light.
An amazing girl with purple flames for hair
and skin of molten lava rock appeared.
I called her…
Lavagirl.
She smiled at me,
for that seemed to be her name.
She told me she needed Sharkboy
to return to Planet Drool with her,
for a great crisis was developing.
She asked if I could go with them.
I told her, “I have school tomorrow. ”
She gave me a sad look
and flamed away,
taking Sharkboy with her.
I haven’t seen Sharkboy
or Lavagirl since then.
And that’s what I did this summer.
Enough!
Someone is picking that up.
And it’s not gonna be me!
We were supposed to tell true stories.
That is a true story.
- Does Lavagirl have special powers?
- There’s no such thing as Lavagirl.
She can…
She can shoot lava out of her hands.
Cool.
How many people think
Max’s story is true?
- Not true.
- Made up.
- Not true.
- It’s just a made-up story.
If it’s true, why don’t you bring
Sharkboy and Lavagirl to class tomorrow?
They went away.
I don’t know where they went.
Have a seat, Max.
Linus, you’re next.
This summer, I met a new friend…
who was half dork, half boy.
I called him Dorkboy.
But his real name was Max.
We had him for dinner, but he stunk
so bad that we all blew chunks.
That’s enough, Linus.
Linus, Max, stay.
Come on, Mr. E!
Class, what’s my name?
Mr. Electricidad.
Mr. Electricidad, exactly.
Not Mr. Electric,
not Mr. Electrici-tha-tha-tha-tha.
Linus, you just earned a minus
for your behavior today.
This is a new year.
Do you think you can be friends?
No.
Then it’s been decided:
You’ll be the best of friends.
Which means
no more picking on Max, Linus.
Max.
You’re in the fourth grade.
There are some good kids in this class.
Find them. Make friends with them.
Dreaming keeps you from seeing
what’s right here in front of you.
This isn’t a dream.
This is the real world.
Lost my train of thought.
No dreaming. Got it.
I’ll try harder.
What do you have there?
It’s my dream journal.
It has all of my most
precious dreams in it.
I’ll never part with it
for as long as I live.
You’re a good kid, Max.
Max!
Let’s be imaginary friends.
You can try and hang with us…
and we’ll pretend you don’t exist!
Check it out.
Sharkboy gets shocked by electric eels,
and then they feed on his cooked flesh.
Wow, Linus.
Your skills are… weak.
Ohh…
I’m gonna burst your bubble, Dream Boy.
You’re dead!
Get the book!
Give me the book.
Hand over the book,
or you’ll visit the dream world!
Ooh…
Agh-haa…
All right! Got it!
I’ll bring you a revised edition tomorrow.
- Max, wake up!
- Dream, Max.
- Open your eyes, Max. - Eyes
open, and dream. Stay dreaming.
Wake up!
Sharkboy!
And Lavagirl!
Hyah!
Max!
My cookies! My giant cookies!
What are you doing baking sweets? You
know what happens when he eats sugar.
I baked them for his class.
So you could make friends at school,
and now you’ve eaten all of them.
No, it was Sharkboy and Lavagirl!
Look - this one has shark bites,
and this one is singed.
There’s no such thing
as Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Well, I believe him.
Your mother’s right. When you go to sleep
and close your eyes, they may come back.
But when you open ‘em again, Sharkgirl
and Lavaboy’ll be… outta here.
- But…
- Shh. Mouth closed, eyes closed.
- Now?
- Yes, now.
You can wait till you’re in bed
to close your eyes, Max.
Kids need their dreams.
Kids… need to grow up!
He’s not making any friends
with these cookies!
There’s no such thing
as Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
There’s no such thing
as Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Yes, there is.
Stupid plugs!
Please don’t let me have to go to school.
They’ll make fun of me, I know it!
I wish I could just escape this loser world
and go to Planet Drool.
Games and toys and laughs and fun…
May there be terrible storms,
rain, sleet, snow, tornadoes…
so I can lay here all day tomorrow
and dream of Drool.
Guess I didn’t dream hard enough.
There are plenty of good opportunities.
You just need to look.
Ooh, traffic engineer!
Hey.
I was cleaning out my closet
and look what I found.
Remember Tobor?
The robot you tried to build?
Why were you cleaning out your closet?
I had to find one of these.
- Is Mom making you get a real job again?
- Writing is a real job.
- When it pays.
- Max, I’m walking you to school today.
So what do you say?
Wanna finish making Tobor?
It won’t work.
- Well, how do you know?
- 'Cause you told me it wouldn’t.
I did?
I’m sorry.
I should’ve never said that.
It’s OK. You were right.
Dumb idea.
How did these happen?
The grass was dead anyway.
Why are you so morbid?
I just wish anything could happen
so I wouldn’t have to go to school today.
That’s not realistic, Max.
It’s bad enough your father’s head
is in the clouds, but not you too, OK?
Just push that dream aside and move on.
Like with your dream?
The one about you and Dad and me?
Well, I do have a dream about us,
but, as I’m sure you’ve been noticing
lately, your father and I are just…
Well, we’re… not compatible.
Sorry. I don’t mean to dump all this on you
right before you have to go to school, but…
school’s waiting.
Did we have to move so close to school?
Your father thought
we’d save money on gas.
Come right home after school today, 'cause
there’s some things we need to talk about.
I love you.
I wish anything could happen
so I wouldn’t have to come home today.
Hey, look, it’s Dream Boy!
Who knows where tornadoes come from?
Well, when cold air mixes with hot air,
it can form a tornado,
as the hot and cold chase each other
around and around and around.
I dreamt of a story kind of like Sharkboy
and Lavagirl - Ice Girl and Dream Boy.
Her powers come from her crystal heart.
No more fairy tales.
Piranha Girl and Beluga Boy.
Plastic Boy and Metal Girl.
Barf Boy and Vomit Girl.
Does everyone hear me?
I’m a teacher, right?
Wrong. I’m an awakener.
Only I’m finding it more and more difficult
to keep my class… awake.
No recess again for you, Marissa -
too many allergies.
There are more boogers on your work
than there is work.
I’m just cold.
I’ll be happy to change places with you.
It’s a lot warmer back there in my spot.
But I… have to sit up front.
It’s just that you’re sitting
right under the vent.
- It’s August and you’re sneezing.
- You’re gonna get me in trouble.
Max.
Are you… trying to make real friends?
Trying, like you told me to.
That’s good.
Just not with my daughter, OK?
No! It wasn’t like that. It’s just…
Sit down, Max.
- Give me back my journal!
- Class has begun. Everyone in your seats.
- Linus took my journal!
- I did not!
Minus! I mean, Linus.
You get a minus for misconduct.
Give Max back his journal.
One more time, Linus, and we’ll have to
change your name to Minus.
He ruined my dream journal!
I did not! Mr. Electric,
send him to the principal’s office
and have him expelled!
You’re in my class,
not the other way around!
I know everything
and you know nothing!
At the end of class, both of you
report to the principal’s office!
With your parents!
Everybody down!
It’s them!
I’m looking for Max.
She’s hot!
Whoa!
We need your help, Max.
Come with us.
What do I have to do?
Go with us to Planet Drool.
We’ll explain on the way.
We’re going to Planet Drool?
It’s my home planet.
Just outside our solar system.
You should know, Max - you made it up.
- I can’t go with you.
- Why not?
Because you’re not real.
Both of you are just a dream.
And when I open my eyes, you’ll be gone.
We’re still here, Max.
If you wanna stop the darkness
from destroying our worlds, come with us.
You better go with them.
OK… I’ll go.
Everyone follow me
and we’ll find shelter.
I can’t believe I’m finally getting
to ditch this place and go to Planet Drool!
How are we getting there?
Put these on, everybody.
Blue goggles for the boys,
pink for the girls.
Do you have another pair of boy goggles?
Uh-uh.
So, how do you fly it?
- You don’t know?
- Duh!
That’s sort of been the whole problem!
You press go.
- Now, how do you fly it?
- It’s got an autopilot.
You just thought of everything,
didn’t you, Max?
Not exactly.
- How do we land it?
- That’s the part I never thought of!
Jupiter… Saturn… Neptune…
You might wanna hold on to something.
Recognize your dream world, Max?
Not really.
I feel like I should,
but I just don’t.
It’s affecting him too.
I thought he would just remember.
- Remember what?
- Your dreams. This planet?
Us.
Your powers.
- I have powers?
- More than any of us.
Don’t you know that?
Everything that is or was,
began with a dream.
And you dreamt us, Max.
Us and this whole place.
I did?
Every dream you ever had
landed right here on Planet Drool.
Why is it so dark?
The planet is dying.
It began yesterday.
What’s the calculation, Sharkboy?
45 minutes till the darkness
destroys Planet Drool.
We didn’t go to Earth to save you, Max.
We need you to save Planet Drool.
But how?
The Dream Lair
is on the other side of the planet.
That’s where your dreams are going bad.
We have to go there and reverse it.
We have to travel through the Passage
of Time, catch the Train of Thought,
swim down the Stream of Consciousness
and skate across the Sea of Confusion -
now covered in ice.
Why’d you do that, Max?
Why’d you freeze the ocean?
I…
Ouch!
Max didn’t mean to do it.
Did you, Max?
Max is a good boy, otherwise you and
I would be evil, and we’re not evil.
I’m not evil, am I, Max?
I don’t think so.
That’s why we brought you here -
to put things back in order.
We just have to stay positive.
It’s not the end of the world.
Not yet, it’s not.
The darkness! Run!
This is like a bad dream!
Oh, yeah? Just wait till you meet Mr.
Electric! He’s the worst bad dream yet!
Where is everyone?
- Mostly trapped on Mount Neverrest.
- By Mr. Electric.
But Planet Drool’s a place for kids
to dream and have endless fun!
It’s endless fun, all right.
Once you get on…
you can’t get off.
Kids aren’t allowed to rest,
'cause if they rest, they sleep,
and if they sleep, they dream.
- And if they dream…
- It takes power away from Mr. Electric.
But we’re gonna stop him
with our secret weapon.
Shouldn’t we save those kids first?
Why can’t I do that?
Lavagirl! Hooray!
Who knows where Mr. Electric is hiding?
Everyone?
They’re not raising their hands.
You’re all upside down.
Ah.
Who is stopping
my unstoppable coasters?
- Back in your seats!
- Go! Run! Hide!
- Let’s get outta here!
- Everyone back in your seats!
Who’s Mr. Electric?
He’s supposed to provide light to the
planet, but all he brings now is darkness.
Fun has begun!
He’s taking us up!
My home! At half its normal power.
He’s taking us down.
Show time!
Keep playing! Never stop!
Games and toys and laughs…
hey-hey-hey… and fun!
Well, well, well.
If it isn’t Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
What are you doing halting my endless-fun
coaster and infiltrating my lair?
We don’t need permission from you.
Fiery!
I don’t believe we’ve met.
I’m Mr. Electric!
Why are you bringing misery to our planet?
You’re supposed to be running it.
You’re supposed to be running it.
I am running it - right into the ground.
- Those are my orders.
- Who ordered that?
No school, no discipline, no rules.
And, most important, no dreams.
Dreams can destroy you, can’t they?
- My instincts tell me that is so.
- Really?
- That’s why we have to stop you.
- You and what army?
- Now?
- Now.
Ha-ha-ha-haa! Pee-pee-pee-pee…
Feel the burn!
Agh…
Not for real. Aaah!
Ha-ha!
Internal radar, shark-like reflexes…
You’re amazing!
But is it enough to defeat Mr. Electric?
We have our secret weapon, remember?
Did you really believe you could stop me?
Oh… Ah…
I know we can’t. But he can.
Take it away, Max.
- Show him what you’re made of, Max.
- What am I supposed to do?
- I told you this would happen.
- I thought he would just remember.
Remember what?!
The dream. Remember the dream.
I don’t remember half my dreams.
That’s why I write them
in my dream journal.
What half of your dreams
do you remember?
This one I remember.
Where are you taking us?
Where all useless dreams go -
to the Dream Graveyard!
Whoa!
Ploop!
Cuckoo!
Well, at least we’re on
the Passage of Time.
Maybe it’ll take us to the Dream Lair.
It’s going in the wrong
direction. The Dream Lair’s that way.
What’s in the Dream Lair?
It’s where all the dreams
that fuel Planet Drool are stored.
But they’re being destroyed.
- How?
- That’s what we have to find out.
Soon even Sharkboy and I
will cease to exist.
Duck!
Max, where is your dream journal?
Great thinking, Sharkie!
We can read his dreams out loud
and turn everything back to the way it was.
I may even realize my true identity.
I threw it away.
My journal’s back on Earth.
We really thought
you were the answer, Max.
Don’t listen to him. He’s just upset
because you didn’t show up
and make him king of the ocean,
with a giant fish army to back him up.
Look who’s talking!
You thought you’d find a great use
for your powers and heal the planet.
Max thought his dream world would be
a happy place. We’ve all been duped.
Ohh!
I think you broke my fin.
Sorry.
Hey, you! I see you hiding!
Come back here!
I was awakened!
I’m sorry.
Did all the children
from Mount Neverrest escape?
It was Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
But I took care of it - see?
Someone was with them?
Just another child afraid of
his own shadow. No threat to us.
I banished him to the Dream Graveyard.
Where old dreams lie?
He could find an ally!
I told you, every dream must be smashed,
every child captured!
You want him back, we’ll simply
track him when he falls asleep.
Fool! He’s the Daydreamer.
And the moment he realizes it
will be the moment of our doom!
Now what do you want me to do?
Bring me the boy
before he discovers his true powers
and tears my new kingdom apart!
Plugs, redirect the darkness.
And…
bring me the Plughounds!
We’ll never find our way
out of this graveyard.
Darkness! Headed this way!
Sit down, Max.
- What for?
- Close your eyes and dream.
If Max can’t remember his dreams,
maybe he can redream them.
He could dream us out of here.
Dream, Max.
Now, what do you see?
I see a… giant…
chocolate-chunk marshmallow cookie…
with lots of warm milk.
- Sorry. I’m starving.
- Here’s some food.
- You’re not gonna like that.
- I’m so hungry I could eat lava rocks.
What is that?!
Lava rocks.
Here, have some real food.
Fresh sushi.
- It’ll knock you right out.
- That’s not fresh.
I’m not even sure that’s sushi anymore.
- It’s just a few weeks old.
- I’ll cook it for you.
Oops.
It’s OK. I’m not that hungry anymore.
Let me just rest a moment.
Maybe I can sleep.
It’s getting closer.
Get outta here!
Max, I know you’ve got a lot to figure out,
but if you happen to dream about who I am
and how I fit into this world,
it would really be helpful for me…
No distractions. You steer him off course,
we could be lost in a sea of dreams.
- I’m sorry. I’m desperate.
- Focus on the problem at hand.
Max needs to dream us out of here,
so how about I put him to sleep?
- No, Sharkboy.
- Just one punch. He’ll be out like a light.
I’ve seen this before.
It’s on the tip of my… finger.
It’s a hand!
It is a hand.
A hand?
Another hand.
Yep?
- It’s Tobor!
- Who?
Tobor! I dreamt him up when I was a kid…
a robot that could help me
with my homework.
I tried to build him once. Everyone
kept telling me he would never work.
So here he is - a forgotten dream
in the Dream Graveyard.
Maybe he can help us.
He’s supposed to be very smart.
Tobor, awake!
Yes?
He works!
- We can ask him anything now.
- Let me, let me!
Tell me something about me.
I’m clueless.
Actually, you are extremely bright.
Am I king of the ocean, or what?
No. Sorry.
How do I save Planet Drool?
The answer is in your dreams.
You mean if I put him to sleep,
he’ll dream us out of this mess?
No. At least, not here.
Darkness is falling. Any dream of his
would become a nightmare…
and you don’t want those
becoming a reality.
But if you go
to the Land of Milk and Cookies…
Of course!
that’s where the good dreams are.
Where the answers are.
It’s perfect, Max.
The Land of Milk and Cookies
is a safe, sweet place.
You’ll be able to dream easily there.
Can you take us?
I have no body. I can’t move.
You can move your eyes and your mouth.
Why didn’t you work back on Earth, Tobor?
Some dreams are so powerful they
become real - like Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
I, on the other hand,
am still only a dream.
Oh…
- What’s wrong?
- Train of Thought… I’m losing it.
You were taking us to the Land
of Milk and Cookies, remember?
I mean I’m literally losing
the Train of Thought. It’s down there.
That’s the Train of Thought?
How do I keep it on track?
With your mind. The Train of Thought
gets easily distracted.
Stay focused, and it’ll speed you directly
to the Land of Milk and Cookies.
The rest is up to you.
Sorry I forgot about you, Tobor.
Are you kidding? You just saved me.
I’m free!
Max, get down here!
- What’s wrong?
- We can’t control it.
All you have to do is keep it on track.
How can you keep it on track
if there is no track?
Looks like another dream gone bad!
What do we do?
Yell? Scream?
Jump. It’ll be all right.
What does it mean
when your Train of Thought… wrecks?
Well… It can’t be good, buddy.
How much time do we have, Sharkboy?
20 minutes.
Eww!
Stick to rotten fish, please!
Chocolate! I stepped in chocolate!
We’re here.
The Land of Milk and Cookies!
Oh, yeah!
The milk is warm.
He’ll be out in no time.
Lay down.
Here’s a marshmallow pillow.
How about dreaming us
into the Dream Lair?
The ground is thumping too much.
My highly trained ears hear it too.
Boom, boom, boom.
- Let me hear it.
- I wouldn’t.
Hothead.
When you dreamt up these giant cookies,
who did you expect to be able to eat them?
I really didn’t think about it.
'Cause if you dream giant cookies,
something has to be created
to consume giant cookies.
Cookie giants!
Ohh…
Frosting.
Those giants almost look like my parents.
They seem happy together.
Is that your dream?
We had a dream we’re family.
It hasn’t been coming true lately.
Most dreams don’t come true on their own.
You have to make them true.
It takes a lot of work. Not easy.
But not impossible either.
Stinking fresh air!
Blinding sunlight!
Oh, how I long for a sky
of fluorescent lights!
Ahh…
Better stand back.
All right, that was me.
- Still empty-handed, I see.
- If you’re so powerful, you find him.
That’s your job!
Do it, or I’ll have you discharged!
Shh…
Someone is dreaming in here.
All right, Max, you’ve had
your cookies and milk. Now go to sleep.
I’ll try.
Go to sleep!
Not like that. Sing him a lullaby.
Your turn.
It’s working! Keep it up, Sharkboy.
Dream about me next, Max.
I need to know who I am.
Not just destruction or a simple flame.
Dream of me as something good.
He’s having a nightmare!
Wake up, Max! Wake up!
Stop that racket, Sharkboy -
you’re giving him nightmares!
Sorry, Max.
Argh!
Ow! Ohh…
What was that for?
Your nightmare was about me, wasn’t it?
I don’t remember.
But I did dream about one thing…
Plughounds!
This may come as a shock to you.
Feel the power!
It’s empty!
Fudge.
I forgot to dream of gas.
Max!
My powers are weakening.
Watch the power lines - very dangerous.
Yaaarrhh!
Yaaarrhh!
Sharkboy, get me down from here!
Can’t you see I’m busy?
Hot lava… Hot lava…
I don’t got much fight left in me, Max.
Where’s Lavagirl?
It’s up to you now, Max.
Dream us out of here.
We believe in you, Max.
Shark boat with turbo boosters!
Shark boat with turbo boosters!
A banana split?!
Still hungry, Max?
How about a knuckle sandwich?
No, look!
It’s a banana-split boat!
Then let’s split!
Ow!
Huh?
Catch you later.
All dreamers must dream.
This is great, Max.
You’re starting to daydream.
Keep that up, and they’ll never get us.
Why not?
Learn to dream with your eyes open,
and you won’t have to be asleep to dream.
You’ll be able to make anything happen
at any time.
Sugar will give you nightmares.
- How much time do we have?
- Don’t ask.
The Dream Lair’s across the Ocean of Ice.
We’ll have to travel there by foot.
What was it you saw in your dream, Max?
I saw an object shaped like…
Give me something to draw with.
The Crystal Heart!
That’s the treasure of the Land of Ice!
In the Ice Castle.
It can freeze anything - even time.
I’ve always dreamt
of freezing a moment in time.
And the Ice Castle’s
ruled by the Ice Princess.
I hear she’s the most beautiful girl
on the planet.
Ouch!
She is not! She’s cold and cruel
and cares for nobody but herself.
She’s just saying that, Max.
- Have you met her?
- No. But I know we don’t get along.
- How do you know that?
- I’m fire. She’s ice.
We must be enemies.
We need that Crystal Heart.
But I need you both to get it.
I just hope this isn’t a trap.
Whoa!
If we freeze time with the Crystal Heart,
we’ll be able to make it to the Dream Lair
and save the planet.
That’s the plan.
Behold the Ice Castle!
Home to the Princess of the Land of Ice.
- The Crystal Heart’s inside the castle?
- So they say.
Let’s go.
It’s no use! I’ll melt the bridge.
This place inflames me.
Can you cool down enough to get across?
I’d have to be asleep to do that.
Can you try sleepwalking?
My dream is to live on Earth -
but someplace warm…
and that Earth will accept me,
even… if I… destroy…
everything I… touch!
No, Lavagirl! Don’t sneeze!
Aaa-tchoo!
Aarghh…
Look.
She’s sleeping.
- They’ve found us again! Lavagirl!
- Shh!
If you wake her up, she’ll reheat.
She can make it.
Lavagirl, they’re behind you!
- Let’s go. Hurry!
- Argh!
It’s a trap!
You can almost feel
the electricity in the air, can’t you?
This is all wrong.
Someone else’s dreams are in here.
Lights out!
Welcome to the Dream Lair!
I am the ruler of Planet Drool.
No, you’re not! Max is!
Max may have dreamed it originally…
but I am much… cooler.
I… am Minus.
How’d you get so powerful?
I do a lot of reading.
My book of dreams!
That’s why everything’s so messed up -
he’s changing it!
Electric eels.
Shocking, isn’t it, Sharkboy?
Reminds me of the time that electrical
storm blew apart your father’s laboratory.
- Where is my father?
- Hm.
Let’s see.
Check the bottom of the ocean.
And Lavagirl…
Once I figure out
how to freeze this planet’s core,
all of your powers will disappear.
Powers? What powers?
And last but least, Max.
You thought you could escape fear
by running away to dreamland.
But fear exists
in the one place you can never escape!
Your mind!
I will show you the true meaning of fear.
When darkness falls,
the rest of your dreams will be destroyed
and I will rule Planet Drool.
Blah-blah-blah, threat-threat-threat…
You must all leave now.
I have some dreaming to do.
Whoa!
If I could just get my dream journal,
I could turn everything
back to the way it was.
My fire’s dimming.
I can’t melt the bars.
My strength is failing me as well.
How much time do we have, Sharkboy?
Who cares?
We’re never getting out of here.
La La’s.
They like you.
- I don’t feel distracted right now.
- I do!
This song is driving me crazy!
Don’t worry about him.
He’s a cold fish.
I’m serious!
They’re singing at a frequency…
my highly trained ears find…
disturbing!
Sing louder. Sing higher.
You don’t wanna be too close to him
when he explodes.
Aaargghh!
Shark frenzy!
Nice job channeling your anger, Sharkie.
Huh.
First things first.
Transportation out of here.
My dreams.
Lavagirl, you have a lava bike!
I do?
I do!
This is so exciting!
Cool it, Lavagirl.
Everything we need
is right here in this book.
Sharkboy… your father really is
at the bottom of the ocean.
He’s in a submarine.
Looking for you!
He’s over the hydrothermal vents,
Mid-Atlantic Ridge,
42 degrees west by 14 north.
Depth: 1800 meters.
Near a snake pit!
I need to get back to Earth.
- What’s it say about me?
- I’m not sure what this is.
I can figure it out. Maybe there’s
a section on my true identity.
Lavagirl, no!
Oh, no. What have I done?
That’s terrific, LG!
It’s OK, Lavagirl.
It was an accident.
Why did you make me out of lava?!
Why, Max?
Just let her cool down.
She’s just blowing off steam.
I know I can be good.
I can feel it.
But everything I touch, I destroy.
Why did you make me like that?
I have more potential.
I’m sure you do.
And why’d you make us a team?
We’re nothing alike.
When I’m near water, I fizzle out.
When he’s near heat, he shrivels.
We’re not compatible.
Your… hair’s on fire.
Yeah, it does that.
Thanks, Sharkie.
Maybe I really am evil.
So far everything else you’ve dreamed
has been correct.
Maybe I just need to learn to accept it.
That’s it! Everything I’ve dreamt so far
has been correct.
The Crystal Heart!
Yeah, we were captured, but that’s
'cause Minus doesn’t want me to get it.
We have to get back to the Ice Castle.
10 minutes left. We’ll never make it!
- We can do it!
- How?
You’re Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
You can do anything.
Wake up!
What?
He escaped.
And he’s getting the Crystal Heart.
Shut it down. Shut it all down now!
I did. It’s on a grid system.
It takes time for the darkness to travel.
- How soon?
- Not soon enough.
- Then destroy him.
- How?
By smashing his most precious dream:
Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Is that what you saw, Max?
Yes.
You’ll have to climb the
ice pillar and get it.
It’s as delicate as a snowflake,
so don’t drop it.
And don’t touch it with your hands either -
you’ll freeze.
Use your claws.
Aaarrhh…
Lava, can you…?
Never mind.
Chew on some ice. It’ll keep you cool.
Hm.
Great job, Max.
I got it!
She’s frozen solid!
Kneel before the Ice Princess.
You tried to steal the Crystal Heart.
Why?
We believe it can freeze time.
Long enough for us to defeat Minus.
My Crystal Heart cannot help you.
Only I have the power to use it.
- Then come with us.
- She can never leave this castle.
The crystal is the only thing
that protects our kingdom.
Please, Princess.
We’re running out of time.
Perhaps I could give it to you.
- Not without my blessing.
- Father, you’re smothering me again.
But are you worthy to wield it?
Yes.
The crystal you stole was a decoy.
The true Crystal Heart
is somewhere in this room.
Choose the correct one,
and you may carry it before you.
Pick that one.
It’s around your neck.
- How’d you know?
- I saw it in my dream.
Usually, if you snooze, you lose.
With Max, you snooze, you win.
But be warned, Max,
if anything happens to my Crystal Heart,
my entire kingdom will be destroyed.
Do you, Max, take this Crystal Heart
to have and to hold,
in sickness and in health,
till death do you part?
I do.
- Do you trust him with your heart?
- I do.
Do you mean what you say?
Yes.
I mean, I do.
The crystal will now work -
but my daughter must stay here.
Off with you, then!
Good luck.
We’re almost at the Dream Lair!
If we’re gonna do this, we gotta do it now!
- How much time?
- We’re out of time!
10 seconds!
What?
I can’t hear you.
- Five seconds.
- Here it goes.
Three, two, one…
We’re out of time.
- What happened?
- It didn’t work.
How could it not work?
I was trying to tell you! Whoa…
Only the Ice Princess can use it.
It’s not her fault
her father won’t let her leave her castle.
Boo-hoo.
No underwater readings.
No anything!
I’ll rip your sockets to shreds!
Calm down, Sharkboy.
Mr. Electric’s baiting you.
I can’t… fight…
my instincts!
No, Sharkboy!
Hey!
Watts… up?
You know - watts.
As in a measure of electrical power.
The 60-watt bulb?
Watts up?
What?
Electric eels. That’s what’s up.
Swim away, Sharkboy! Swim away!
Can he survive down there?
He can hold his breath, but not forever.
- He’ll drown if I don’t go get him.
- I can’t let you go.
You’ll die too.
He’s my best friend.
Come on, Sharkboy.
Come on, Sharkboy!
Sharkboy! Wake up, Sharkboy!
Lavagirl!
Lavagirl! Lavagirl, please!
Lavagirl…
What am I gonna do now?
What do you think you should do?
Dream a better dream.
Interesting. Explain.
I wanted all my dreams to come true,
but I only dreamt for myself.
I wanted to escape my real world,
when the world needed my help
to make it a better place.
Selfish dreams shouldn’t come true.
You’re becoming
a very good dreamer, Max.
A very good dreamer indeed.
What do you do
when your dreams have been destroyed?
Dream a better dream.
An unselfish dream.
She knew this would happen
if she saved you.
But I couldn’t stop her.
Look!
Lava.
We have to get her to that volcano.
I’ll go. I’m stronger and faster.
You’ll burn up.
- Sure this will save her?
- It’ll do more than save her.
I know who you are, Lavagirl.
You are not fire, or a simple flame.
You are greater than that.
Something more important,
and so necessary.
It is why you must live.
You are not destruction.
You are not evil.
Stand back.
You are… light.
Who turned on the lights?! Oh!
Power, everywhere!
Whoa! How’d you get here so fast?
Hold off Mr. Electric
while I deal with Minus.
I’ll need my fish army.
I’ll unfreeze the ocean.
Good luck.
I’ve become what you feared most…
Minus.
How did you get in here?
I’m the Daydreamer,
able to dream with my eyes open.
Hate to burst your bubble, Dream Boy,
but I read your book.
There’s not one dream you’ve got
that I haven’t already seen.
So what do you say?
Let’s blow the roof off this place.
May the best dream win!
Wait!
Brainstorm!
Eugh!
Brain… freeze!
Brain…
fart!
Oh…
Get ready for the ultimate power outage.
And who are you to believe
that you can defeat me now?
No one special.
Just… king of the ocean.
Ooh…
Shark frenzy.
Aaarhh… Aaarhh… Aaarhh…
A- ha!
You’re afraid of me, aren’t you?
I used to be.
Someone smashed your dreams once…
now all you can do
is smash everyone else’s.
We can create a better dream than this.
A better world.
Don’t you see?
What do you say…
Linus?
Hurry!
No!
Don’t let me fall!
Wouldn’t dream of it.
Don’t smash people’s dreams, Linus,
because you’ll smash your own as well.
And you too will stop believing.
Max!
I am light.
Thank you.
You were always that.
It had nothing to do with me.
But now I know. So thank you.
OK, so she’s a light. Big deal.
The real news is… what I am.
Annoying?
King of the ocean.
Thanks for saving me.
Ouch.
Everything will return
to being the way it was.
You will be able to travel to Earth
and back again as you wish.
You can search for your father.
You can rule Earth’s lava world.
And what am I to do,
now that you’re all buddy-buddy?
Mr. Electric can go back to being
the good electrician of the planet.
Oh, really?
Plugging in power cords?
Keeping this loud, obnoxious world
a happy place?
You’re dreaming!
I dreamt you up,
and I can undream you.
You think you can just snap your eyes
open and make me vanish? Not so easy.
I am the danger of dreaming.
For every person
who dreams up the electric light bulb,
there’s the one
who dreams up the atom bomb.
This is one dream
you won’t be waking up from.
I’m gonna put an end
to this ridiculous tangent at its source!
Where did he go?
He’s headed to Earth.
He’s going to try and destroy you
in your sleep.
In my sleep?
You mean I’m asleep?
All this time I’ve been asleep?
No. You’re dreaming, Max.
With your eyes open.
Make the dream real.
You can live out your dreams on Earth.
Just like you made us real.
Make it real.
Blink your eyes three times.
One…
Wait. What happens when…?
Two…
Will I ever see you again?
Three.
Everyone follow me, I said!
We’ve got to find shelter!
Max, get up!
There’s a tornado heading our way!
It’s not a tornado.
It’s much worse than that.
Linus, wake up!
Look!
Charge!
It’s Mr. Electric from Planet Drool!
The one from my dreams!
You mean… this is real?
Your dream is real?
Some dreams are so powerful
they become real.
I don’t believe it.
- It’s right there in front of you!
- I can see that!
What I can’t believe is you dreamt me
as a big round bad guy! I’m not bad!
Sorry. Kinda took on a life of its own.
- Max is in Building C.
- No, he’s not. He’s in Building W.
That was the other school!
Aaarhh!
Help!
Find Max! Tell him I love him!
- Don’t leave me!
- I thought you wanted me to leave.
No, I don’t. You’re my best friend.
I love you.
I love you too.
Aaargh!
Come back!
Please, come back.
I’m not going anywhere.
Neither am I.
Aah… Aargh!
Uh-oh.
Aaargghh!
OK, class. I’m just a teacher, and
I’m here to inspire the answers from you.
And I think that’s some
pretty good inspiration outside.
So this is now a pop quiz.
We need to defeat that guy. Any ideas?
Wow, Linus. You get a plus
for being the first hand in the air.
I can take him.
Linus, watch out!
- Poop.
- Aaargh!
Ohh…
Nice try.
Sorry, Max. Your journal.
It’s OK. It was an accident.
Plenty more dreams
where those came from.
OK, kids, who’s next?
Remember, there are no dumb ideas.
- Maybe we can freeze his circuits.
- That’s the dumbest idea I ever heard.
We’re in the middle of Texas in August!
Next idea? Anyone but Linus.
Wait - that’s a great idea!
Thanks, Linus.
Come here, Marissa.
Is this yours?
How’d you find it?
So you’ve seen this?
Yes, but… only in a dream.
- It can freeze anything.
- Even time.
What are you doing?
You’re not sending my daughter out there.
Let her out.
Electrical storm headed your way!
- Do you know what to do?
- I believe so.
Stand back.
Oh, who do we have here?
Get ready for the mega-hurts!
Get it? Hertz?
As in the unit of electrical frequency?
You’re just not paying attention in class,
are you?
Ooh!
Whoa! Awesome!
He’s unplugged.
Yeah!
- You made me a great teacher today.
- How did I do that?
A great teacher learns as much
from his students as they do from him.
You have… awakened me.
Thank you, Max.
Max.
Your report, please.
The following story is true.
It might have started as a dream,
but, as we saw yesterday,
when we make our dreams a reality…
reality becomes a dream.
Sharkboy lives his dream
as king of the ocean,
where he cares for
all its creatures.
He searches for his father’s submarine
where there is no light…
except in one place, where light shines
almost as bright as the sun.
It’s where Lavagirl lives her dream,
as queen of Earth’s volcanoes
that boil at the bottom of the sea,
a force of life for
all living things.
Sharkboy and Lavagirl
don’t visit me anymore.
But I can visit them - in my dreams.
So dream a better dream…
then work to make it real.
Yes?

anonymous asked:

Hi!! Any "we've been talking online but don't know each other" sterek fics? Or "I'm in love with this online dude but it's actually my friend the whole time/or he's been in front of me the whole time" sterek fics? Or anything close to this sort of trope?

Got a bit of both for you!  -Emmy

Originally posted by nitratediva

When You’re Ready by Julibean19 

(3,008 I Mature I Complete)  *veteran!derek, disabled!derek, librarian!stiles, online dating

He wasn’t going to do it again.  He wasn’t going to let another date look at him in horror.  Derek refused to be seen as a freak.  He was just going to find a new job, move out of his parent’s house, and die alone.  

“Just one more date Derek, please!” Laura begged, following him down the stairs and waving her phone at his back.  

“I said no!  You don’t know what it’s like,” Derek muttered, suddenly defeated.

“I know babe,” Laura told him, coming up to wrap an arm around her little brother, standing up on her tippy toes until she could lay her head on his shoulder.  “But look at this guy.  He’s gorgeous.”

Derek couldn’t resist a quick glance at the dating app.  Damnit.  Laura was right, as always.  The guy was gorgeous.  A mole dotted face with an adorably upturned nose smirked at him from behind a pair of square framed glasses, and he could feel his resolve crumbling.

(500) Days of Sitting in Front of the Computer by orphan_account

(4,115 I Teen I Complete)  *gamer!stiles, gamer!derek

The boy, Stiles Stilinski, had always been into MMORPGs. The other boy, Ithuriel, had always been into MMORPGs as well, albeit secretly. The Alpha, Derek Hale, was possibly the object of Stiles’s affections. One day, Stiles met Ithuriel.

But be warned, this is not a tragedy in which Derek Hale saves Stiles’s virtue from Ithuriel. That would be ridiculous.

This is a love story.

Catfish by ericaismeg 

(9,165 I General I Complete)  *online dating, alive!hale family

“You make it difficult for a guy to get a date in this town, Danny,” Stiles says.

Danny snorts. “You do not have to follow the Guy Code for people I’ve only gone on one shitty date with, you know.”


OR: the one where Stiles gets Erica to sign him up on OK Cupid and tries some online dating. Also, maybe circumstances lead him to hanging out with his crush more than he expected?

Do You Wanna Date my Avatar?  by Renmackree 

(18,399 I Teen I Complete)   *gamers, online dating, online relationship

Scott frowned, grabbing the game case and reading it out loud.

“Become the Hero you’ve always wanted to be. Battle monsters, witches, dragons, and all the mythical beasts of the World of Fantasy. Play as a Human, Elf, Dwarf and other special races included in the basic game. Stiles this so stupid. Who the hell would want to play as a Werewolf?” Scott threw the game back on the bed and leaned back in the chair.

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon by secondstar 

(21,317 I Explicit I Complete)   *online friendship, highschool au

Being a teenager sucks. Being a werewolf teenager sucks even more. With a life full of holding back who he really is, not having any privacy whatsoever, and the seemingly sudden appearance of one Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale’s life just got a whole lot harder.

I Should Meet You Because I Love You by derekstilinski 

(22,573 I Mature I Complete)

Derek and Stiles meet online, and then in real life.

For Science by grimm, Tsuminoaru 

(35,959 I Explicit I Complete)  *college au, craigslist, werewolves known, minor Deucalion/Stiles

From his textbooks, Stiles had gotten the impression that vampires had a weird, stretched out look to them — slightly too-long limbs and pale skin. This guy, though, he looked human, broad-shouldered and clearly muscular even under a loose sweatshirt. He wasn’t pale at all, his skin lightly tanned, hair dark, eyes pale. They narrowed at Stiles and Stiles froze as the man looked him up and down, clearly judging him. He must have passed the test, though, because the man kind of shrugged and said, “Take off your clothes.”

On Building a Family from the Ground Up by itschristaleigh (lizleminem) 

(38,455 I Explicit I Complete)  *online dating, kid fic

Erica signs Derek up for an online dating site as a joke. At first, he’s just pissed about it, but then her and Boyd announce they’re getting married and suddenly he really does need a date. Meanwhile, Laura becomes a foster mom, and Derek worries about growing way too attached to kids who are eventually going to be given a new home anyway.

Or, how, five years after the fire, Derek learns to open back up and create his own family from the people who occupy his life now.

Alpha and Omega by XX0Jessie0XX 

(58,579 I Explicit I Complete)  *high school au, omega!stiles, werewolves known, online relationships

High School AU: Derek is the head Lacrosse player at Beacon Hills High School and Stiles is an Omega that no one really knows. Stiles had been talking to someone online and wished they would meet up in real life but he knows it won’t ever happen. He could only wish.

My Heart’s Been Offline by thepsychicclam 

(58,893 I Explicit I Complete)  *famous!hales, online relationships

31/M/New York. Rich, lays in bed all day, likes to read (aka Derek Hale, son of an Oscar winning actress, brother of one obnoxious reality star and one rebellious fashion designer, hates the paparazzi so much he’s a recluse)

26/M/California. Boring office job, likes to read (aka Stiles Stilinski, co-owner of a 100 acre organic farm with his dad and two best friends, writer of obits for a newspaper, has absolutely no life)

Or, where Derek and Stiles meet online, and Stiles has no clue Derek’s part of a famous family.

The Silence Between by GoforthAndConquer 

(66,492 I Explicit I Complete)

When Stiles began volunteering at the Beacon Hills Crisis Center, all he hoped for was to help out kids (like him) that needed somewhere to turn. He didn’t expect to find something that he needed in a stranger’s voice on the other end of the line.

Prior to season one. Mostly canon-compliant.

Chapter 93 Thoughts.

Le writer is happy because this was such a good chapter.

I will be using Mangastream since it is on the point and Crunchyroll translation is not out yet. I will make corrections after I read Cruncyroll translation.

Ah, I am really living for chapters like this! Many things I learn, many things I crave. New info. Yay! To sum it up cursory, in this chapter we saw:

  • Isayama really did reversed the map, call it a brand new world and gave half of it Marley. Really, Marley is putting British, Mongols and Romans to shame while Alexander the Great is crying at background.
  • Marley is relying too much on Titan power, that is why they don’t have an advanced army and navy.
  • Mads Mikkelsen is their marshal.
  • Mid-East Union is now Fab-Kebab Union who lost the war but also got all the praises and that made Marley jealous.
  • Zeke can get even more interesting every month. He also has a Zekeret.
  • Marley is not aware that Zeke is royal blood. Bruh.
  • We found out how Zeke is able to control titans. With injecting his own spine fluid. Reasonable.
  • Cartman is actually a cartwoman and she stole my heart. Unlike roast master Galliard.
  • Reiner “I must protect the smol ones” Braun. Enough said.
  • The smol ones are also winning my heart more every chapter. Gabi, Falco, Udo and Zophia are 14 year old cutie pies.
  • Paradis is doing well, Paradis is doing great.
  • Ackermans are actually lab rats.
  • Ymir. Beautiful. Willful. Dead.
  • Le writer is wishing next month to be a Warrior chapter as well to get a Warrior volume and her chapter thoughts are under the cut.

Keep reading

Pynch fic rec

for my lightshooks @blushyalec @s0ftmalec ❤️❤️

Same Old Constellation by intertwiningsouls 

Tad Carruthers will not leave Adam Parrish alone, so Adam enlists the help of the guy he wishes he was dating. Of course

Time isn’t real (but you’re a constant) by SpiritsFlame

Adam wakes up in the future, learns a few things about himself, about time, and about his priorities. But mostly he just wishes that Time was doing it’s job better.

Body Gold by poetic_leopard

“I’d have to give due props to Michelangelo as well,” Death Metal Boy mumbled, on his way out. “You know, for The Creation of Adam?” he winked as he slithered out of the store.{tattoo/florist AU because apparently i’m a sucker for the cliche, but here, please indulge me}.

Adagio (slowly, at east) - cherishadamparrish

Adam and Ronan stumble between the lines of the overused Fake Relationship/Pretend Dating trope.

Call to the sky - cherishadamparrish

Single dad!Ronan finally meets the teacher, Mr. Parrish, that Opal has been blabbering about for weeks.

Turns out Mr. Parrish is a lot younger than first imagined. And a lot prettier too.

A movie script ending - adamganseys

Ronan didn’t know how he ended up with a cute boy sleeping on his shoulder during a particularly awful movie, and he wasn’t sure if he should be thankful or curse whoever was responsible for this.

(Pynch Week Day One: Alternative Meetings; Based on the prompt “I fell asleep on you and drooled all over your shoulder in a theater during a really bad movie and you were too nice to shove me off” AU)

The breach of all thy laws - asael

Ronan ending up in prison doesn’t surprise him all that much. His cellmate, on the other hand, is not what he expected at all.

Puppy Love - LydiaStJames 

AU. When Adam decided to volunteer at the local animal shelter, he figured it would be a breeze. He did not, however, anticipate getting on the bad side of the temperamental owner, nor his favorite shelter dog.

There ya go darlings ❤️

Celebrations - Stuart Twombly [Smut] {Part Two}

Author: @writing-obrien

Character(S): Stuart Twombly/Reader, Neha

Word Count: 4258

Notes: Talk of vomit, fairly public sex, fingering. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Thank you to @dumbass-stilinski​ for proofreading this for me! Also, my girl Nia is the reason I even finished this, I had no idea where to take it so thank her because it wouldn’t be here without her. Seriously, get up in her asks and thank her. @stilinski-jpeg


Originally posted by shipping-the-bromance


Keep reading

Christine Sydelko Sentence Starters

I’ve been bingeing Christine’s vines and vlogs, and everything she says is perfect for crack-tastic hijinks. 

  • “Don’t ask questions, just drive!”
  • “Too bad you can’t hot glue gun your marriage back together!”
  • What happens if I put hot dogs in the garbage disposal?”
  • “One time when I was twelve I made my sim woo-hoo with a ghost and my mom walked in and saw, and she took my computer away for a month.”
  • “And so I say onto you, Adam and Eve are my OTP, and the only thing I vape is the Holy Ghost. Amen.”
  • “Oh god why did I do this, why did I do this, why did I do this?!”
  • “I hate it when guys only offer five goats and ten chickens for my hand in marriage. Hello! Clearly I’m worth five goats, twelve chickens, and a rabbit pelt.”
  • “The macarena was an inside job!”
  • “Yeah, I–I bet he’s got a penis.”
  • “Eyy girl, so when we gonna churn butter and chill?”
  • “Hi, welcome to to bible study!”
  • “Hi, Horror Club is doing a human centipede on the quad tomorrow. BYSK, bring your own sewing kit.”
  • “I’m like, it’s not my fault you got lice.”
  • “This is why dad left you.”
  • “I’m wearing a jean dress and I feel good!”
  • “Oh my god, my mom was right! Peer pressure is real!”
  • “It says here that you wish to have your ashes brewed in a Keurig?”
  •  “Celine Dion put a curse on my family and now our crops won’t grow.”
  • “What’s better than this, guys being dudes?”
  • “His favorite fruit is a mango, but will she be ready to tango?”
  • “Kumbaya my lord!”
  • “Drive, bitch! To the…pussy store.”
  • “My mom says I can’t play with you anymore.”
  • “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the good kush!”
  • “He was a dolphin in a whale suit!”
  • “If you don’t call your boyfriend papi, is he really your boyfriend?”
  • “Yeah, uh, tip of the penis to you too, ____ !”
  • “Yeah, I know where that is. You’re going to the left, to the right, take it back now y’all, two hops this time, and then cha-cha real smooth.”
  • “Money over love!”
  • “It’s like, yeah, like, I do skin cats for fun, but I’m not a psychopath. Don’t label me, you know?”
  • “Oh, I was just making sure you weren’t two kids trying to sneak into an R-rated movie.”
  • “Run, it’s almost midnight! I turn into a fuckboy!”
  • “You think this is a game? This is fucking science! I don’t play that shit!”
  • “Ew girl! What the fuck are you doing burping in my mouth and shit?!”
  • “ ___ get your credit card. Hurry up, get your fucking credit card!”
  • “It says you wish to be mummified in fruit roll-ups?”
  • “LMAO, he just gave her the D!”
  • “Do they have a snapchat geo-tag?”
  • “I want ____ to rip out my large intestine and use it as a jump rope.”
  • “I’d like to thank all three of you for coming. Now, she wasn’t very pretty, and she wasn’t very smart…”
  • “I believe in equality. I believe your dick is equal to the size of a tic tac, how about that?”
  • “My dick is stuck in a Pringles can.”
  • “I just saw your google search history and I think we need to talk. Now, what are ‘sexy minions’?”
  • “Oh girl, you’re going to get with the penis real soon!”
  • “Only get on your knees for two things: beer bongs and blow jobs.”
  • “I think I swallowed a nickel.”
  • Nice scrapbook, or should I say CRAPbook?”
  • “Tom and Jerry were lovers! The government is lying to us!”
  • “Well looks like this body…is a dead one.”
  • “So ____ starts choking me and saying ‘Bitch, you bought the wrong lunchables!’“
  • “The rain is just God’s tears. He’s crying because we’re sinners.”
  • “Give me my tupperware, ___ !”
  • “ ___, the flower crown you got me is too big! I can’t show my face at Coachella like this!”
  • “No one cuts off my banjo solo!”
  • “You stayed up all night playing the sims again, didn’t you?”
  • “Heeeeeey, Mister Big Cock!”
  • “Do I need this? No. Do I want it? Also no.”
  • “If you spit in my mouth I will murder your family.”
  • “I only twerk on Priuses. Eco-friendly!”
  • “I am shooketh.”
  • “Why does the lady at Taco Bell know my name?”
  • “They’re bueno.”
  • “Can you tell me why I stole a pool ball from that bar?”
  • “I’m not even on my period!”

anonymous asked:

Phoenix, what kind of sex do you think H&L enjoy? This maybe sounds weird, but the thing is that the other day my brother told me he and his bf don't usually have anal sex... Like only if they're very, very excited, but they prefer blow jobs and touching... And my brother isn't a teenager anymore. This was weird for me, because I do a lot of things with my bf, but we always (or almost always) have penetration. For H&L I've thought they evolved since "teen sex" to anal sex, but now I'm confused.

Hi! thanks so much for this ask! It gives me the opportunity to talk about something that really bothers me about fanfiction/fandom in general: the emphasis on and perceived value of penetrative/anal sex. 

There’s a huge discrepancy between the frequency/importance of anal sex in fan fiction relationships and that in my real life experience (i.e., the gay couples I know/my own relationships, etc.) Of course, every couple is different and everyone has their preferences, but from what I’ve observed, MANY mlm couples have anal/penetrative sex far less frequently than they engage in other sex acts, and some don’t have it all! Then there are couples like you and your boyfriend (I’m assuming you’re a gay man but correct me if I’m wrong) who always have it. There’s a lot of diversity in how queer couples have sex, and penetration varies dramatically in importance, from every time to not at all. 

However, in fan fiction there’s often this unspoken or assumed importance placed on penetration: it’s considered a goal in fan fiction, something the characters are working up to, or will inevitably have at some point. Furthermore, anal sex/penetration is viewed as a more intimate/important/REAL and therefore VALUABLE sex act than other sex acts…it’s RANKED above them in terms of it’s intensity and intimacy. Which is just….wrong. No sex act is better, more intense, more extreme, more intimate, or more important than another. It’s a common misconception that’s rooted in the heteropatriarchy: real sex=/=penetrative sex. 

What’s even more bizarre is that I see this trend in fic where characters refer to themselves as “virgins” when they’re regularly practicing oral sex/manual stimulation? All because they haven’t had penetrative/anal sex. As if Oral/manual/anything else is NOT real sex. 

This is really harmful thinking. First off, it forces heterosexual sex norms onto queer relationships. Secondly, those norms are fundamentally sexist because the REASON why penetrative sex is valued above other sex acts is because it’s a representation of patriarchal power/potency. The fact that mlm fics get infused with this is so fucked up, and it’s SO normalized in fanfiction many writers feel pressured to include penetrative sex, or subconsciously view it as more “real” or “adult” because their readers are expecting it. There’s this whole fandom CULTURE built around “topping” and “bottoming” and it’s really, really different from ACTUAL topping/bottoming culture/queer culture/gay sex dynamics. It really only exists the way it does in fan fiction IN FANFICTION, largely because fan fiction norms and tropes are dictated by straight women who don’t know how this stuff works. 

My issue with it is that it hurts REAL QUEER PEOPLE who encounter queer sex dynamics for the first time in a fan fiction setting. This is how you get real queer people with internalized homophobia or shame concerning their preferences! Because they don’t fit the bullshit model straight fan fiction writers have created. 

I wish fan fiction writers would really interrogate how they choose to portray queer sex, and do what they can to move away from the kissing leads to hand jobs which leaves to blow jobs which leads to penetration and each one of those things is slightly more REAL and BIG than the last! model. There is no inherent importance assigned to sex acts, and there are MORE than just three sex acts in gay sex!!! This is why I like to write stuff that sort of falls in between…rimming, anal fingering, frottage, grinding, intercrural, kink, etc. Queer people simply DO NOT fuck like straight people, we don’t even conceptualize of fucking like straight people, which makes it extra obvious when straight people are writing queer sex. The seams show. 

ANYWAY to answer your question about Harry and Louis headcanons!

I absolutely think they have penetrative sex, only because they make routine innuendo about it. On our hands and knees for three days straight, every single time Louis jokes about Harry riding him, riding horses, favorite ride at universal, etc. That being said, I doubt they have it every time, or as frequently as they do in fic. Anal sex often takes more work than straight people think. The anus is not self lubricating, gay dudes don’t always carry sample sized lube in their pockets lmao, the anus often needs prep/stretching, there’s the messiness factor, (shit on a dick is a real thing, come on guys), it often requires a condom that isn’t conveniently around, etc, etc. I bet they go through periods of time where there’s a lot of penetration, and periods of time where there’s not, like any gay couple. 

2

hey, everyone! i’ve been away for so long, but i’m back and hopefully this year I’ll be more active in the community. here you have a sneak peek at what i’ve been studying and my newest and favorite supplies.

this month i’m taking a break from working on my thesis because i’m applying for a Real Job as a teacher. i have two big upcoming exams as part of the selection, hence the legislation studies. wish me luck! 🌿

Today’s been a day of REAL LIFE. You know, where you open all your post, make boring calls, handle all the jobs you hate. I’m glad I’ve ticked a lot off but I wish I was just having play dates with my partner in crime Esther whilst our tiny people play and enjoy the summer hols! What have you done today? http://ift.tt/2vOHySL

External image

The Unofficial Boneheads Family Portrait

As they would say in Monty Python, “and now for something completely different”…

Welp. After a few months, lots of hard work, and a few challenges, the Boneheads Family Portrait (or rather potraits) is finally here.

I am so sorry this took so long, with me being busy in my life and also trying to get it just right to my satisfaction. But, at least it’s finally here!

Honestly, I had a lot of fun making this. Sure, there were multiple challenges, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve accomplished so much.

Really wish I could see your reaction, Atomi. Hope you like this! This won’t be the last piece I submit.

((And yes, Brook is kneeling down in both pics.))

—Jack Anon

(Resend because I had to fix a few errors)


Real quick, it looks like there’s a 2nd image attached to your submission, but it’s not showing up. ^^;

Anyways, holy smokes this is amazing!! ^^ I think you did a really good job with this. At least form my own experience, group images aren’t easy to pull off, but I think you did a really nice job here. I love how Brook has to basically be on his knees in order to make sure he appears in the photo. Poor guy is too tall for his own good. XD By the way, I love how it’s called a family portrait, even though they’re all a group of friends. Stuff like friends considering each other family is an idea I can never get enough of. Anyways, thank you so much for all your hard work with this. I think this came out great!

COMPANY || four.

◦ pairing: reader x hyungsik

◦ rating: m

◦ word count: 3.1k

◦ a/n: I’m so glad that you guys are enjoying this series! Here’s Company IV ;)

table of contentsone | two | three | four | five | six

m a s t e r l i s t


“I hate you,” I huffed, pulling away from his hand on my arm. Did he even think of me? Of what I wanted, or needed? I turned away from him, arms crossed over my chest in frustration. The thought of selling myself to him like this made me want to hurl. Hyungsik didn’t even know that I needed the money at this point. It was so cheap, but I was out of a choice. I jabbed the top most button and stood there silently.

Hyungsik laughed, entirely too amused at my current state. “Are you sure that’s not just the alcohol talking?” He chuckled, snaking his hands around my waist. I attempted to break out of his hold, but he only pulled me closer, letting his tall frame wrap around me. The light, rhythmic beeps of the elevator rang out as we climbed swiftly up the floors of the building. The overwhelming silence made me want to scream and cry and let myself fall apart, but now, more than ever, I couldn’t. His thumb brushed idly across my side as he always did when his hands were on me so innocently. The gentle hum of alcohol stirred my body, making my stomach drop as his warm, soft lips brushed over the nape of my neck. We remained still like that for some time, watching the reddish digits push past floor after floor while settling in each other’s hold. It was eerily too affectionate and impossibly too comfortable.

Keep reading

2

Dear Alex,

I’m glad to hear you’re doing great. We’ve both settled in our new home as well. Maybe a little too well because I feel like we don’t go out as much as we used to. We did throw a housewarming party a while ago and it was really fun. We invited our new neighbors too, they just moved in next door and they’re super cool. Darling wanted to know if you’ve been practicing your basketball skills ;)

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| Undercover couple |

Imagine getting ready to go to the charity ball with Jake as an undercover couple. (oneshot
Character: Jake Peralta (Brooklyn 99)
Warnings: none

Originally posted by kissesfrom--paris

Originally posted by mjwatson

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7

Oh my, I didn’t write anything since June!🌷
Exams is okay~
Now I’m look for cozy apartment, because I have last week in dormitory and should move during this week (a little bit nervous) it’s quite expensive for me, so, after moving I will search for job! Now I have one freelance, but it so low-cost work… (~80$/month) and it connect to social media. Maybe I will try to grow in this sphere, but in company 🙏🏻 I wish everything will be okay.

Also now I will start preparing for TOPIK (test of proficiency in Korean language), because exam day will be in my city this autumn😼💪🏻 I need a real high result in this test! And I will get it!

These photos from 11/06/17 ~ on rooftop☀️

Musical!Matsu Profiles: Jyushimatsu Matsuno

Name: Jyushimatsu Matsuno

Age: 15

Grade Average: Does this kid even have grades?

Future Senior Quote:I wish the best to my big brothers!! I love them and I hope they succeed in life! Muscle Muscle! Hustle Hustle!!”

Teacher Comments: 

“Is this kid even human??” - Anonymous

“Such a sweetie! So enthusiastic in class! Not sure if he’ll entirely make it into the real world but he’s very good!” - Ms Smith

“Gym class is never normal with Jyushimatsu..” - Anonymous

Peer comments:

“So cheerful and the biggest sweetie! He’s not just your normal highschool boy; He’s a life saver.” - Homura (EHH WHAT WAS HER LAST NAME AGAIN?? ;A;)

“You’re probably the only brother I like, good job Jyushimatsu!” - Todomatsu Matsuno