wish my mind would stop

i wish i was able to speak up more

i wish i was able to not have a heart attack every time i have to speak. i wish that my voice didn’t die down every time i did actually speak. i wish my mind didn’t tell me things that i know aren’t true. i wish i could accept that people are trying to help me but my mind is pushing them away. i wish my heart would stop pushing people away. i wish i could be truly open with myself and others. i wish that i could smile normally. i wish i could stop having a million thoughts racing in my head. i wish i wasn’t so scared of everything. 


Well…since my anxiety has crept back without warning, I figured I just draw some of my thoughts down…Personally I understand that some people truly do not mind reassuring a friend who has self doubt on the brain, but I can’t help having it circle my mind as often as it does. Wish it would stop honestly. It just feels like empty space that I try too hard to fill.

Like god, I know it’s not that deep, no one really cares about what I like and such, but god that thought always goes through my mind when I post anything and I just wish it would stop LOL

As soon as I’m alone, I get bad. My mind just goes on one big massive mission to remember all the things I want to forget and un-see.

I just really wish my mind would stop wondering back into the past.

I just really wish I had someone who was there to hold me through these bad days and nightmares.

But at the end of the day, who really cares? Right.

and sometimes I wish my heart would stop beating for you, so my mind can stop thinking, so my pillows can be tear-free, so my soul can be free.


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