From Your One and Only - Bucky Barnes
request: Hey doll! Since valentines Day is coming up could you do a love letter from Bucky to the reader??? Thanks ❤️❤️❤️ - @winters–doll
summary: The heart can only hold so much emotion before it breaks. Bucky decides he can’t hold his emotions in any longer and writes to you while he’s away on a mission. (really crappy summary, sorry!)
characters: bucky barnes / reader
To the one who holds my heart, I owe you this.
I’m in Albania right now, and I’m sorry that’s all I can tell you. I know you understand that I can’t say more, so I’ll just say that the snow is falling like it does at home. The windows are covered and the heater is jammed (just like at home haha). It’s freezing but don’t worry; we have other heat sources. I will not be cold, doll, I promise. We are all in tack, no one is injured or sick. I’ll be home in seven days, I can promise you that much right now. I wish I could say how much I miss you but we have a limited amount of paper supply and I’m already using up the last of Wanda’s journal paper to write to you.
This letter will reach you on the 14th if all goes right. I will be home in seven days. I love you girl, I love you with all the fiber of my being. It’s been awhile, doll, and I can’t make up for those weeks you opened your mailbox to just be met with a black hole of nothingness. I hope, beg, pray, that you will forgive me. It just wasn’t safe… and to put you in peril, would destroy me more than being stabbed in the chest. You are my heart, my love. You are the drum that beats in my chest. My drum beats faster than the clock’s movements in seconds. It’s so hard to breathe normally when I watch you fall asleep on the couch or see you walk in the house after a day out in the city. It’s like the relief of seeing your eyes all shining and bright finally returns to my body, and I can relax. But the wind in my chest has caught itself in my throat. You make my breath disappear in my lungs when I can smell your shampoo right after your showers. The way you dance in the kitchen to different bands you’ve introduced me to as our years together have gone by. I love the way you have no worries on your face, but they lay right behind your eyes, so tightly sealed, darling. I can see the fear you try to hide when I have to leave for missions that sound probably sound like death sentences to you.
I can’t let my past define me, and you can’t let your fears define you. My past is my fear.
One day it comes back and I do something so regrettable and so unforgivable. It would kill me to see you leave in fear. In fear of me. Please know that these missions and these tests I have to do with Steve at Stark Tower; they are all for you.
Because I want you, I want you forever. Because you are it. You are the one thing I ask for in this life I’ve been given a second chance at.
You tell me in the mornings before you leave for work, in the middle of the day when I get to hear your voice through the phone, and then when you get home, how much you love me. And I can’t count a number of times we whisper it in each other’s ear, while we lay together in our bed. I can only ask you to love me for what I am. I can’t change the past, and I can not predict the future for myself. I can only hope.
You can never do anything that would make me love you any less. Because my love is finite for you, doll. It always has been, but like you’ve always said, men take longer to realize the truths about love and life. It took me only 70 years to finally realize that you will always be right. Because you always speak from your heart. It’s the one honest thing that the earth has ever created.
The heart tells you what you believe in, what you want, what you love.
And I love you.
I’m scared, doll. I’m sorry to end on such a bad note, but I know you’ll want to know what I’m feeling. I’m scared right now, I’m terrified that I’ll be taken again, even though I fully aware that I have more strength than twenty of HYDRA’s men combined. It’s okay to be scared, though. Right? Even a super soldier can be scared. I may be scared but the knowledge that you are waiting in Brooklyn, with a cup of tea for me and cookies that I know you are making nonstop right now because the little fighter in your belly is kicking like mad.
You’re so brave, sweetheart. So brave to let me love you. So brave to let your husband go off and fight the evil of the world, while you carry around the most precious thing in the world. I will be home. I’ll be home to be with you two after this. This is the last mission. I swear to you, when I come home, I will not leave our apartment. Just with the exception of getting food for us and diapers for the baby.
We’ll live as one family. No craziness, no fighting, just peaceful love.
I wish I could write more but it’s time to go and finish what we’ve started here.
With all my heart, I love you.
- Your James
a/n: I hope this was good for you, @winters–doll ! Remember, you can always message me if this wasn’t what you wished for and I can rearrange it or write another one :). I love you all so much, thank you for reading my stories! <3 - R .x