wintery weather

It may not be summer yet but this 80 degree bs can fuck right off, my heat intolerant ass can’t handle it.

One sided friendships

“How are you?”
I asked,
With a cold heart
And a fake smile.
“Horrible,”
She said,
And went on in detail
For a while.
And then she stopped
And said
“Thank you,
I feel so much better.”
Hugged me
And walked off
Into the cold wintery weather.
No
“Thank you, so how are you?”
No
“Thank you, are you doing alright?”
No, it was
“Thank you,
And have a good night!”
And for all she knows,
That night
Could be
The last night
Of my life.
-g.c

anonymous asked:

Any guidelines/rules or tips you could give me for making an OC with DID? I don't want to be stereotypical or offensive, and I want to be as accurate as possible!

I (and we) totally appreciate that! Doing thorough research, especially by reading the many accounts of people who publicly share their stories, will be of great help. Some YouTubers (Autumn Asphodel, Multiplicity and Me) and some blogs (like The We in Me) could be great places to start. You’re also welcome to check out the #DIDchat tag on twitter to read experiences of real people living with DID. It’s a weekly chat, but the hashtag can be viewed at any time! 

Also, if you want a good feeling of what it’s like to live with DID, I’d recommend watching the show Sense8. It’s not actually about DID, but it’s basically exactly what living with DID is like lol. 

But, let’s see, if I were to help you write this disorder into “a” character, here’s what I’d suggest:

  1. Understand why DID forms: Simply (and subjectively) put, DID forms when a child under the age of nine experiences repeated trauma that they cannot handle. They detach from it (dissociation) and when this dissociation isn’t enough, their brain literally creates a family–more than one person–to handle the trauma. Think of your character not as an individual, but a family or team that was built to handle circumstances an individual couldn’t handle alone. DID is an adaptive and creative disorder.

  2. When writing a character with DID, you’re not just writing one character. People with DID aren’t a person with alters–many of us consider ourselves and our alters to all be equal. One may appear most often, but that doesn’t mean we’re more of a person. 

  3. Create complex backstories, worldviews, and motivations for each alter. Alters are full identities, meaning each one sees and experiences the world in a unique way. Essentially, create each alter into a whole individual person (with their innate “role” having to do with the trauma their whole system faced). Just like how a character’s experiences inform their personality, an alter’s experiences do the same. Keep in mind that alters can have different physical abilities and experiences too (i.e. different strengths, one having a mobility condition, one being blind, etc).

  4. Understand when each other will take over. Since they are multiple people, but all share one body, it’s common to fight for time out in the world. For self-expression, to be ourselves, and so on. Think about which characters are comfortable not revealing themselves, and if some feel the need to. Think about when they will take turns being up front (both accidentally and intentionally). 

  5. Don’t focus solely on alters. Because people with DID are trauma survivors, we basically all have PTSD (most often Complex PTSD). Look into those symptoms and figure out what each individual alter will have as their most prominent symptoms, which ones distress them the most, and which can they handle well. Also, describe the complexities of dissociation, amnesia, and other symptoms with DID. 

  6. Understand the alter’s role, but don’t stereotype them. (And gosh, please no murderous alters! Or if you have a violent one, have them be sympathetic and violent because they needed to in order to survive, since that’s the real story behind violent alters.) I’ll give an example of a stereotype versus reality below. 

  7. Don’t make DID too obvious to the people who know the character (presuming they’re not “out”). Although sometimes it’s obvious that a person has more than one identity, it’s often a very subtle disorder. It more often appears as mood swings (like alters who tend to feel different moods more often–though remember that each alter can feel every emotion, they don’t represent single emotions unless they are fragments, but that’s more rare and probably too hard to get into in writing). As well as appearing as memory loss. 

  8. Capture the issues people with DID face. Acceptance, stereotypes, stigma, being presumed to be dangerous, not being believed by mental health professionals, not having physical disorders taken seriously, and so on. 

  9. Pay attention to the internal relationship dynamics. Communication is key for those of us with DID, we have to get to know each other, understand each other, and support each other if we want to live harmoniously. A good exercise might be to imagine (after writing all the alters’ basic character traits) them all stuck in a room together. How would they treat each other? What relationships would they have? 

  10. Don’t forget the embarrassment of suddenly having someone comment on a private thought of yours. Alters, since we all share the same head, will sometimes chime in at really awkward moments. Even though we’re not all present at the same time, we are sometimes present at inopportune times. 

And here are some personal examples corresponding to these above points that might help get your creative juices flowing! (All what I’m willing to share, so some might be vague, and heads up for abuse mentions.)

  1. For three of us, here’s how we all sort of formed. I think I, Arien, was around first. I’m generally compassionate, trusting, and try to heal others (even those that hurt me). When I was abused too painfully, more than I could handle, Bael came into being. He’s more sexual (basically adapted to get off on being abused) and he’s masochistic. When we were then asked to do morally questionable things by our abuser, Sion stepped in. He was colder and more detached, and didn’t have the same issues with morality as the rest of us. See how some of us formed to step into a situation the others couldn’t handle, or didn’t have the skills to? (Sense8 btw, gives a really good subjective portrayal of what this feels like.)

  2. Don’t really have anything to add to this point. Though, you might want to write one alter that’s hesitant to realize they are a we. I was initially scared I’d lose my sense of self when I was admitting I wasn’t alone in this body.

  3. Some examples of our differences: Bael is very good at drawing anatomy and understanding lines and angles when drawing. I’m a softer, more curvy, artist. I’m better at coloring. Sion likes overcast, rain, and wintery weather, whereas I get depressed and moody in the winter. Bael doesn’t like Indian food (besides chicken curry) but I LOVE Indian food. I have a mild mobility disability, Bael is very rarely disabled at all (he’s pretty strong, except for when our body as a whole gets sick). Ava is afraid of water, the rest of us love it.

  4. An example of intentionally taking over: Bael wants to talk during therapy, so on our walk there, he turns on his playlist and the music helps him come forward and feel grounded. 

    An example of accidentally taking over: During past abuse, I’d be abused and it would be intensely painful, then I’d just black out (not pass out, but no longer remember anything). Bael was taking over during that time. Sometimes we accidentally switch without amnesia. Like in therapy I was once talking about Bael and then Bael was like “wait…I think I’m here now” to our therapist. 

  5. For context, I remember about 10% or less of my life. And I miss casual things too. Like my apartment is cleaned or messier and I don’t remember doing it. I’m half way to a destination and then realize that I’m halfway there (like not remembering how I got to the half way point). Recently, a friend texted to confirm we were meeting in an hour, and I had no recollection of us ever setting up a time to meet at all (despite it being in texts when I looked back and such). PTSD and other symptoms are things you can look up, I think they’d be easier to write. Also, sometimes we jump when we look in the mirror. Like we don’t recognize ourself (depending on who’s fronting) and it startles us. 

  6. Okay! Stereotype versus reality. Sion (tentatively) said I can use him. He’s what’s sometimes called a “persecutor alter,” alters who tend to take after their abuser and sometimes will hurt the system or others. If you were to write a persecutor as a typically abusive, one-dimensional person, it would be stereotyping them. But, if I were to write someone, based on Sion, I’d describe how much he struggled to accept himself because of the immoral things he was forced to do and chose to do to save himself and us. How he felt that was all he was good at. I’d describe how he thought Bael needed to be hurt when he was stressed, because that’s what Bael described wanting. I’d talk about Sion’s complex desire to protect us, yet also being afraid he’d hurt us. There’s a lot more, but that’s all he’s comfortable with me sharing. 

  7. In my own experience, I had one friend who had met a few of us alters and she kept a journal about it. But she thought maybe it was something spiritual. More commonly, I would just have confused friends (before my dx, when I didn’t have an explanation) be angry that I didn’t remember promising or telling something, accuse me of manipulating them. Whereas I literally just wasn’t the identity that had promised something or given a different opinion earlier. A friend also described me changing opinions mid-dialogue. Like “ah, I’ll totally commit to this lease, I feel great about it!” and then “there’s no way I’m going to commit. It’s a bad choice for all these reasons.” It wasn’t me doubting myself (it was multiple selves), but that’s how it looked like to others. 

  8. There is SO much stigma around DID (one reason I’m happy to type all this out! To help dismantle that). Look into movies that bug those of us living with it, slurs and microaggressions (”yeah, it was like she had multiple personalities, she was so emotional!!”). How we’re treated as monsters rather than survivors. The fear we face whenever we see a new doctor or go to the hospital and have to decide if we want to say we have DID or not. How we’re left out of conversations about mental illness, abuse, and childhood trauma.

  9. This point’s more on your character development! But, I can say, us alters argue, support each other, comment on each other’s actions, I narrate what we’re doing sometimes (lol). Also, sometimes we’ll get tired of the others being in pain. It takes a lot of energy to always, in the back of your mind, know someone is hurting. (Like our Little will sometimes cry for a day or two and we can all hear it.)

  10. Oh gosh, point ten happens so much! Like I’ll be fantasizing about something then someone will comment on the thought and I’ll be like “auhhlsiudhfliushd” *blushes* xD. It’s even worse if one us fantasizes about another alter LOL. This can also happen with other private thoughts (not so funny ones) like suicide ideation, shame, watching one alter act on an addiction, etc. Also, us alters do feel some of each other’s emotions (like we’re affected by it), although it doesn’t feel like our emotions. 

I really hope this helps you and many others write and understand DID! More questions are totally fine, and this post is okay to reblog

(Also hey if you want to pitch into my service dog fundraiser that would be awesome?? :D)

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9 seconds of Calgary weather October 2nd, 2017. Make sure your volume is up. 😨 💛💛💛 🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🌬️🌬️🌬️🌬️🌬️🌨️🌨️🌨️🌨️🌨️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️💛💛💛💛💛#autumn #fall #wintery #winteriscoming #snowymorning #weatherchange #weather #seasons #chilly #snow #earlymorning #0 #morning #blowingsnow #video #calgary #alberta #canada

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Bounded to you- 01

Now I break the wait of you guys! Here goes the first part of the series. Hope you all will enjoy and give me the feedbacks.
—-
Y/n’s Pov

‘So yeah I still have a soft corner for him.
xx y/n’
I closed my diary as a sigh left my lips. I ran my fingers on the Worn out leather covering the hard cover of diary. My journal was my best friend. No doubt I had friends as in person too but none of them were close to me as my journal. Wherever I go, whatever I do, my journal never left me. Someone said right anyways. ‘Books are our best friends with no demands and no complaints.’

I set my glasses down on the side table. I rubbed the bridge of my nose which ached due to the plastic of the glasses. Rubbing my eye with the back of my hand i glanced at the clock which showed 10:30 pm. Late enough. Yawning I turned the lights off before drifting to sleep.

“Love!!!!! Cmon!” Harry chirped as he perched upon me shaking my shoulders. We were having a descent walk in the wintery weather of London when, Harry decided to start a play fight of snow out of nowhere. He rolled some snow and threw it at me with such a force that it ended up aiming for my eye. I laid there with my hands covering my face.

“Baby please lemme see it?” Harry asked softly lifting my hand up. He gasped when instead of crying I smushed a ball of snow directly on his face. Shrieking and giggling I stood up and started running with Harry chasing behind me. I was so in love with Harry that it physical hurt me sometimes.

After a few minutes of running i stopped, I turned around to look for Harry but he was no were in sight. I waddled further searching for him. Sighing, I walked back home but suddenly heard kissing noises coming from a tree a bit further left to me. I scrunched my eyebrows and walked slowly to the tree. My heart paced loudly as I saw Harry Sucking off a girl’s face.

I cried out and ran as far as my leg took me. This isn’t happening. How could this be true?!!

I woke up panting as sweat beads covered my forehead. I read the time. 5:45 am. Taking a deep breath I step out of the nice warm comfort of my bed. I shuddered as my bare feet hit the cold tiles of my bathroom.

I turned the knob of shower and felt the warm water hit my shoulder blades. These dreams have been haunting me since I and Harry broke up three years ago. They don’t come everyday. But time to time they happen. I never thought that my life would turn out to be like this. My life wasn’t very fair in the past. Thinking what happened just causes pain so i prefer to rather not think about it.

After finishing my shower, I got dressed in some sweatpants and a comfy baggy t-shirt. It’s never satisfying weather in the States during winters. Everything’s a mixture of greys and blues. To me it’s very depressing. Decided to hit up my day with some warm waffles and hot chocolate, I took a seat on the couch and turned the T.V on.

I didn’t realised when I fell asleep. I woke up like an hour or so, greeted by sunlight flashing on my face. I took a breath of relief when saw the sun. I missed it. At least now we’d have some colours. I sat up from my laying positing and stretched out my arms a bit. I padded to my kitchen and filled myself a glass of water. I peeked out of window. It was a lovely day.


I wrapped my coat more tightly around me as the cold wind hit my face. I decided to take chip for a walk. Oh, chip is my husky. He indeed needed a stroll down the park too.

After a few minutes of walking I decided to stop by and rest on the green bench. The coldness of the metal made me shiver. Though the sun shone at top of my head, winters were winters. Bitchy & cold. I smiled as few kids in front of me swayed on the swing. Their giggles reminded me of my childhood, how my dad used to push me on the swing. ‘High’ ‘high’ I sang. Last year only my dad left my hand. It was an accident.

My dad was my life. He was with me at every moment just like my journal. But, he had to leave I suppose.

I sniffled remembering the moments I had with him. I felt a little tap on my knee as I kept my gaze on the kids in front of me. I tilted my head down and saw a little cutie staring at me with big green eyes. I smiled as she lifted her arms and mumbled 'up’ 'up.’
I lifted her off the ground and settled on my lap.

“Hey there gorgeous.” I cooed holding her little hands in mine.

“Oh. You’re cold” I said with an 'O’ face making her giggle. I rubbed her hands in mine blowing on them. Gladly I’d chip tied up to the arm rest of the bench. I kissed her cheek taking in her baby scent. She was so chubby and cute that I couldn’t help but give her raspberry kisses. Her giggles were like the medicine to my aching life. I felt spiritually attracted to her.

“Snow!!!!! Snow!!!! Where yeh poppet?” A sound echoed making baby’s head turn in the direction from where the voice was coming.

A lady, who aged around 50 came rushing and took baby, who’s name I suppose was snow, from me.

“Oh Jesus. Where were yeh sweet?” She Asked snow in her thigh British accent who wasn’t answered back by snow because she didn’t know how speak till, I guess.

“Uh. She crawled to me.” I smiled to the lady who returned it politely.

“I-I’m y/n” I said reaching for her hand which she shook.

“I’m Beth and this is snow.” She said waving snow’s hand at me. I giggled when she flashed me her teething smile.

“Nice to meet you and snow too” I said leaning forward to peck snow’s cheek.

“Nice to meet you too” Beth replied before turning around to walk away.

“Stop!” I blurred out and walked to her.

“I-I live nearby. Please visit at your leisure. I’d like to spend some more time with snow.” I said hopefully. The lady smiled and nodded and looked at snow who was smiling at me.

“That’d be lovely! I’m sure snow would like it too” she cooed as I gave her my address before returning home.


Harry’s POV

“Beth….?” I asked as I closed the door behind me. I had to sneakily visit my daughter month to month because I didn’t wanted anyone to find out that i had a baby. It wasn’t very easy but I had to keep the baby away from the media for her sake.

“Hey Harry!” The Old lady chirped as she appeared from the kitchen wiping her hands. She was Snow’s nanny and the only person whom I had trust on.

“You came early.” She said hanging my coat on beside some other coats.

“had days off. How’s she doing?” I asked plopping down on couch.

“All good. Made a friend today.” She giggled as she went back in kitchen.

“Friend? Baby’s growing up fast huh?” I chuckled removing my watch from my wrist.

“Yeah. Her name is y/n. She happened to be our neighbour.” Beth said. The rattling of utensils filled the house as my heart stopped. Y/n. She was here. But then I thought that there could be more y/n in the world too. So I shrugged it off. Though the feelings for her never lessened. Though her name still made me shiver. Though I still loved her.

anonymous asked:

If you're still taking prompts how about a bittersweet Chuuaku friendship one, maybe talking about future plans after the fall of Port Mafia following Dostoevsky's second wave of attack. (Bonus: Either Gin or Kouyou are dead)

SOMEONE REALLY LIKES ANGST OMG 

A light snow started to fall over the city. Even before everything went to shit, Chuuya used to walk across the bridge often. Today it was empty. Lately, people had taken to staying inside. 

The skyline of Yokohama could barely be seen because of the wintery weather. The cold felt like a slap in the face, but Chuuya wasn’t going inside anytime soon. He didn’t really know where to go. 

He felt like he could walk forever, and he wouldn’t mind just disappearing. He couldn’t feel a thing. This was probably how Dazai had felt, before he’d left. 

He’d always been tied to the city because of the Port Mafia, but they had been destroyed. Chuuya had something he’d never dared to think about: freedom. He should have been happy. 

So many people were dead. 

He didn’t know if freedom could really be freedom when he’d never made plans for a life outside the Mafia. There was no fallback. He had no idea what he wanted to do. He thought he would live the rest of his life alone, without a purpose. 

“Chuuya-san.” 

Chuuya turned. Akutagawa leaned heavily against the railing, bowing his head. He’d disappeared shortly after the war ended. 

“Did you find her?” Chuuya asked. 

“Yes.” Short, clipped. It told Chuuya all he needed to know. “What about-” 

“Kouyou is dead,” Chuuya answered. 

“Most people are,” Akutagawa said, “on our side.” 

Chuuya stared into the steely waters below. The snow falling from the sky almost looked like static. 

“What are you going to do?” Akutagawa asked. 

“I don’t know,” Chuuya said. He couldn’t look away from the water and the snow. It looked exactly like static. “You?” 

“I’ll stay,” Akutagawa said. 

“Oh.” 

They were both silent for a moment. 

Akutagawa shifted towards him. “You…should also stay,” he said. 

Chuuya glanced up at Akutagawa. Snow flecked in his hair. He looked young and lost. They were both young and lost. 

They’d fought for this city. Chuuya wondered if it would be an insult to leave. 

Akutagawa watched him. He was one of the few survivors, and Chuuya wouldn’t mind trying to figure this out with someone else. He nodded, slowly. 

“Sure. I’ll stay.” 

Angeles

Part Eight: The One That Got Away
Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader
Word Count: 2620
Warnings: Control issues. Tension – a lot of it.

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6

They call him the Winter Soldier for a reason.

Like there was even a small chance I will be able to stop myself from drawing precious baby nerd Bucky and his backpack X3 It took me way too long since I can’t find much energy lately but on the bright side it’s just in time for more wintery weather here (guess it was in my drafts long enough, srsly dear weather, you suck).

10

Some pictures from our day with my sister.  We had a ton of fun!

The drive up to the cities was a little sloppy this morning.  A little fresh snow made the roads pretty slippery, and we saw a bunch of fresh accidents.  Luckily we were on no real schedule so we kept it slow and got up to my sister’s place just fine.  From there we headed over to the Como Zoo & Conservatory.  It was a little too cold to take in too much of the zoo, but we did spend plenty of time in the conservatory.  Going from cold wintery weather outside, to the humid, warm, plant-filled (and fragrant) environment of the conservatory was delightful.  There is a reason this is a favorite destination for many Minnesotans in the middle of winter.

From the conservatory we made our way over to the new Surly location in Minneapolis.  The food was all really good, and so was the beer.  While up to this point Surly has been a Minnesota only beer (and well worth drinking if you are in the state), with their new facility I have a feeling they are going to start expanding a little more.  I tried the Cacao Bender & the Devil’s Work both of which were delicious.  Minky had a ton of fun playing with the barrel-o-monkeys at the table, coloring, and stuffing his face with french fries.

After that we went back over to my sister’s place and attempted to get Minky to nap.  He was not really having it, so we all hung out and snuggled on the couch and played some N64 and watched Fantasia 2000.  Little duder got a little wild from his lack of nap, but actually hung in there pretty well.  We rounded out the night with an early sushi dinner, and then headed back down.

My sister is going to spend a couple days down here before making the drive out to Salt Lake City next week, so we will get some more quality time with her before she is gone for who knows how long (her job lasts through September, but she could easily get something after that somewhere else).  But it was great to have the trip out with the family, and we all had a great time!

Stalking the Dark | Steph & Jareth |

The street was dusky and lit dimly by the moonlight and unreliable flickering streetlights. It was quiet for a Saturday, usually it’d be swarming with the locals out for a drink, it was still quite early but with the wintery weather most obviously stayed warm at home instead. 

Jareth wasn’t much a lurker, but he’d heard someone’s call from the alley, it was alarming but he found no evidence, staying around the mouth of the alley and peering out at the shadow of a woman growing closer, pouting and frowning, he just stood still leaning his shoulder against the dusty brick wall, sighing to himself and thinking about the situation.

over-at-the-frankenstein-place